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Poo In An Alleyway
Feb 12, 2016
Not Orange?




At some point in your life some relative or friend has given you a birthday or Christmas gift that was very transparently bought for themselves and not you, just so you could say you didn't want it and they could take it back as their own and leave you with nothing. It sucks rear end.

My mother has a history of giving me gifts she very obviously wants for herself (fur coats, cameo necklaces, expensive brooches, a whole loving piano etc.) But recently my best friend had his 45th birthday, and his fiance, who is a huge Dave Grohl fan, gave him Dave Grohl's autobiography as a birthday present, and it got me thinking about just how often this happens to people.

So tell me your 'Homer Bowling Ball' experiences.

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Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

The human face is, after all, nothing more nor less than a mask.


A man named Homer gave me his bowling ball and also sang me songs of some long ago war for what felt like days

When I woke up my wallet was gone

Eat poo poo Homer

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.




My mom bought me one of those bad dragon 15" chimera shaped dildos

Jokes on her I use it every day

:evilbuddy:

Stealth Tiger
Nov 14, 2009



one time I bought my dad a DVD set of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, and he does like those films, but I am the current holder of the set and have been for about a decade now

galagazombie
Oct 31, 2011

A silly little mouse!


This has literally never happened to me or anyone I know so that episode completely bounced off me. Like thatís such an utterly vile a wretched thing to do that itís a straight up relationship ender. I would legit stop associating with someone who tried to pull that without some massive act of contrition. The fact that the episode treated it like he left the toilet seat up and it was just ďOh you wacky Homer!Ē just left me flabbergasted.

Tip
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.





galagazombie posted:

This has literally never happened to me or anyone I know so that episode completely bounced off me. Like that’s such an utterly vile a wretched thing to do that it’s a straight up relationship ender. I would legit stop associating with someone who tried to pull that without some massive act of contrition. The fact that the episode treated it like he left the toilet seat up and it was just “Oh you wacky Homer!” just left me flabbergasted.

I have to admit, it was handled a bit cartoonishly

Navaash
Aug 15, 2001

FEED ME




Our dad did this to us for Christmas in 20001997. We had a 75 MHz Compaq Pentium computer in the house from 1995. For the aforementioned Christmas in there was a gigantic box under the tree and we all wondered what it was.

When opened, it was revealed to be a brand new Compaq 233 MHz. We were all thrilled. But right after unveiling it he was very clear that he had bought it for himself, was never intended for us, and that he was giving us the 75 MHz machine as if it were some magnanimous gesture.

My siblings, not being huge computer people, were just disappointed or meh. I was livid.

Navaash fucked around with this message at 01:33 on Nov 29, 2021

Poo In An Alleyway
Feb 12, 2016
Not Orange?




Navaash posted:

Our dad did this to us for Christmas in 2000. We had a 75 MHz Compaq Pentium computer in the house from 1995. For Christmas in 1997 there was a gigantic box under the tree and we all wondered what it was.

When opened, it was revealed to be a brand new Compaq 233 MHz. We were all thrilled. But right after unveiling it he was very clear that he had bought it for himself, was never intended for us, and that he was giving us the 75 MHz machine as if it were some magnanimous gesture.

My siblings, not being huge computer people, were just disappointed or meh. I was livid.

This just reminded me of one birthday in my late teens when my eldest brother gave me his old PS2 secondhand as a gift. Then a month later he took it back because he needed a DVD player for his new apartment.

Tip
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.





Poo In An Alleyway posted:

This just reminded me of one birthday in my late teens when my eldest brother gave me his old PS2 secondhand as a gift. Then a month later he took it back because he needed a DVD player for his new apartment.

my sister stole something from my bedroom, wrapped it up, and gave it to me for Christmas

and our parents had given us money to buy each other gifts, so really she stole from me twice

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here. It's gone now.




A friend have my sister a plastic Halloween bucket of Dollar Store poo poo. I remember police tape, a fuzzy pen that didn't work and some disposable chopsticks. She then said, "Oh, I bought those for myself." and took back the chopsticks.

My sister thought it was so low effort it became hysterical.

Junk
Dec 20, 2003

Listen to reason, man. Why make your job difficult?

galagazombie posted:

This has literally never happened to me or anyone I know so that episode completely bounced off me. Like thatís such an utterly vile a wretched thing to do that itís a straight up relationship ender. I would legit stop associating with someone who tried to pull that without some massive act of contrition. The fact that the episode treated it like he left the toilet seat up and it was just ďOh you wacky Homer!Ē just left me flabbergasted.

the episode where marge spitefully took up bowling in response to the thoughtless gift and then came within inches of cheating on homer with her bowling instructor?

Slugworth
Feb 18, 2001

If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!


Every once in awhile I almost do it to my girlfriend, but unintentionally. Like, I'll think about getting her something for us to do together, which feels like a nice thought, but then I'll realize it's something I would probably enjoy more than her, so instead I get her a candle.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007



my parents took me to red lobster for lunch on my birthday knowing full well i hate fish but my dad likes cheap fish so i went because i love my dad and it was a free lunch

well thats my story bye.

Big K of Justice
Nov 27, 2005

Anyone seen my ball joints?


Sorta related.

Mid 1980's. Short story, parents arranged for a pizza party at a mini-golf/bowling alley arcade. They set a low gift limit of $5 that wasn't' mandatory, only had 4 invites go out, parents footed transportation, food and games, but any arcade games was on each kid to bring extra money.

Kid #4 was my uncles neighbors kid who I'd play with every time I'd stay at my uncles. He got given cash, and my uncle brought him along and took him to the toy store to get a gift for me.

Well, he wasn't interested in the party, he brought himself the toy and was going to get a bus ride home with his change.

My uncle was embarrassed and pissed, he basically lied to him saying the toy was for me. After that came out, he was dropped off home and he got in poo poo with his folks. He missed out on a great time, with the ticket prizes we cashed in we all wound up with with battery powered realistic uzi water guns we hosed around with for the rest of the summer.

Looking back, there's usually issues with giving children full autonomy on buying other kids/siblings gifts for this exact reason.

Anyways all of that drama over a dumb GI Joe SNAKE Battle suit, the kid didn't even own a GI Joe figure you could put into it.

Yeesh.


Big K of Justice fucked around with this message at 01:23 on Nov 29, 2021

Valko
Sep 17, 2015



One Christmas I bought my sister the first season of Archer on DVD. I figured she would like it because she was a huge fan of Bob's Burgers. I have no idea where it is now but I think I had it for a week or two after that Christmas.

Yeah, I bought the bowling ball.

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004




A handmade thing that was very thoughtful but goddamn terrible so it created an extremely awkward set of social circumstances


I still think decades later that it may have been a test

EVERY TIME GOING
Mar 17, 2006

cant stop wont stop


I purchased a birthday card together with an Apple gift card for a friend. The entire time I was addressing and packing the card I was secretly premeditating to use the gift card with my own Itunes account to legally purchase a bunch of music I like

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009



My spouse wanted to get into shooting as a hobby. So I got him a nice range headset and a gun cleaning kit because he already had the gun.

I am currently wearing the range headset so I can work and hear absolutely nothing while I do it. He never got into shooting.

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here. It's gone now.




The Bloop posted:

A handmade thing that was very thoughtful but goddamn terrible so it created an extremely awkward set of social circumstances


I still think decades later that it may have been a test

I respectfully request elaboration.

You Are A Elf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!


Christmas 1987, my affluent aunt stopped at a Walgreens before heading to the family Christmas get together and bought me a $2.99 plain trucker cap, a deck of playing cards, and a cheap plastic water bottle (or regifted a used one because it looked it). She didnít buy a nice bag or box to put it all in, so she tossed it all in a brown paper bag, rolled it up, and badly scrawled my name in sharpie on the side.

She actually expected 8 year old me to be enthusiastic over such an inconsiderate gift, but she was my aunt so I just thanked her quietly and opened my other gifts. Pretty sure that poo poo went to thrift on December 26, 1987.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



Das Boo posted:

I respectfully request elaboration.

Yeah dish it girlfrayn

Malcolm Excellent
May 20, 2007




Buglord

I had an aunt and uncle that gave me a scale model of a classic car. They didn't include any of the tools, glue or paint.

I was 10 and had never shown interest in models, or cars from 40 years before I was born.

I won't say I was ungrateful, but when I opened it, asked how I was supposed to assemble it, I was told I should just keep it in the box. I think I just left it at my grandparents and it got yard sale'd that summer.

its all nice on rice
Nov 12, 2006

Sweet, Salty Goodness.




Buglord

This has never happened to me, but my mother keeps tabs on the gifts she gives me as though they were for her.

SweetMercifulCrap!
Jan 28, 2012


Lipstick Apathy

The "worst" instance for me was when my mom and step dad "got me" a foosball table. Now, I know that foosball is kinda fun and all and a nice thing to have in the basement for when people come over, but I had never expressed any interest whatsoever in wanting one. To have that be my only big gift that year after looking at the giant box for weeks, when it was clearly just something they wanted for the basement, was a bit of a bummer. I realize this one isn't that bad.

But my friend, however... I witnessed a situation so comical it would be right at home on The Simpsons and I still remember it 23 years later. It's his birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's in 1998. He had opened up all of the gifts from friends, which are usually nothing too exciting. His mom then brought out her gift for him. She made a spectacle out of it indicating it was a big deal and everyone had her attention. My friend opened it and... it was the Princess Diana Beanie Baby...which she immediately swiped from him and placed it in a protective case. She was a Beanie Baby collector and had the entire set in display cases at their house which would one day "pay for his college'". At this point it was a rare Beanie Baby and she paid at least $100 for it.

A few years ago we were going through a bunch of boxes his mom had dumped in his house, and discovered her entire Beanie Baby collection... including the Princess Diana bear, forgotten at the bottom of a few plastic bins.

runnypoops
Mar 26, 2016

been there. done that. prove yourself to me.

The gift of life, still pissed at my parents for that.

chainchompz
Jul 15, 2021

bark bark

I gave my mom a book I'd read in college. Then the next year she gave it back to me wrapped up as a present.

jsoh
Mar 24, 2007

O Muhammad, I seek your intercession with my Lord for the return of my eyesight


i got titanic on vhs for my eighth birthday

CaptainSarcastic
Jul 6, 2013

HAIL SATAN



I don't remember a "Homer Bowling Ball" gift ever, but do remember having to learn that my in-laws reused boxes from things so what the box looked like had no bearing on what might be inside it, so I had to train myself to not react to what the box showed until I had opened it to see what was inside.

They also did this amazingly annoying thing at Christmas where only one person opened a gift at a time so everyone was watching you open your gifts. It was nerve-wracking.

Saxon
Jan 21, 2006
NEEDS MORE CRIT

I refuse all gifts unless they are something I specifically ask for because I am particular and hate waste. That being said, I received a 94-piece wrench set when I was in my younger teens. Thanks rear end in a top hat dad (I never let him use them).

RC and Moon Pie
May 5, 2011



It didn't end up as a Homer Bowling Ball situation, but I think it was kinda intended to be.

When I was about 6 or 7, my dad asked me if I wanted a Nintendo. Because this lined up with being the early days of an NES and because we didn't have Atari or knew anyone who did, I didn't know what video games were and I certainly had never heard of Nintendo. He may have explained it to me. I don't remember that part, but that dad was excited about this thing and, thus, I was excited and wanted this thing too. Soon after, said Nintendo was purchased.

Dad was really into it for a couple of years. I'm positive he was the first in the family to defeat Super Mario Bros. and got all the way to Mike Tyson in that game. That faded soon after and all the game purchases were for me. He bought a Genesis later, but I can't remember him even attempting any of the games.

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"

Buglord

Nice humblebrag about both having friends and knowing people who actually give you gifts.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



Mike Tyson is one of the best bosses ever. The game gets pretty hard before that, but it's not unfair, then you get to Iron Mike and he just rocks your fuckin rear end.

Chemtrailologist
Jul 8, 2007


I think I was 13 or 14 and my grandmother got me a hummingbird feeder for my birthday.

Atlas Hugged
Mar 12, 2007


Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all


I have one that's similar to a story above.

My dad and I don't have the most affectionate relationship and I don't know if there's a sentimental bone in his body, but one thing I remember distinctly from my childhood was watching Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan on Saturday or Sunday afternoons. If it was on TV, we'd watch it. I think we must have had a VHS tape we recorded off of TV once and we played that to death. I am certain this happened. I knew this movie front and back before middle school.

After I got my first job in high school, I went and bought everyone gifts and I tried really hard to get them something they would like even if it wasn't that expensive. For instance, I got my mom a random cat Beanie Baby because she has a whole bathroom that's cat themed. She was very happy with it! The cat has been watching people from a basket on the wall for years. For my dad, since he had just gotten us our first DVD player, I bought a copy of Wrath of Khan and thought we could watch it together like when I was little. I was actually really excited for it.

My dad opened it up and I don't think he had any reaction to it at all. I think he was puzzled more than anything. I reminded him that we used to watch it all the time and he replied, "Did we?" and I don't think he ever even opened the cellophane. I took it to college when I left and my roommates and I would watch it at 2am after the bars closed.

Benny Harvey
Nov 24, 2012



Guys buying their wives/girlfriends lingerie goes here right?

Collateral
Feb 17, 2010


At the age 10, while in hospital recovering from an operation my dad brought me a vhs of Ghostbusters. Not in cellophane as the mf had already watched it.

THE BAR
Oct 20, 2011

You know what might look better on your nose?



CaptainSarcastic posted:

They also did this amazingly annoying thing at Christmas where only one person opened a gift at a time so everyone was watching you open your gifts. It was nerve-wracking.

We still do this! Our Christmas dinner (European) is slammed down in barely an hour, then we have ~4 hours of opening presents. One. at. a. time.

You'll go through a lot of coffee during this. It's great!

Smeef
Aug 15, 2003

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!





Pillbug

Not a Homer bowling ball gift nor my story, but here goes my favorite bad gift story.

A friend of mine, brutally hungover, remembered on his way to work that they were having a Secret Santa event that morning. He ran into a Safeway or CVS or something like that and bought some sort of cheap dental gift kit with an electric tooth brush, water pick, floss, those pipe cleaner things, tooth paste, mouthwash, etc. He hastily wraps it with plain paper in the printing/stationery room at the office.

So they do the raffle or whatever to determine who gets which gift, and his gets matched with a woman who suffered from some sort of severe dental health condition and basically made Shane MacGowan look like Julia Roberts.

She opens it and starts and immediately breaks down bawling uncontrollably. I can't remember if they were supposed to know who each gift was from or not, but in any case, everyone knew it was my friend's gift. So the whole office turns on him and one person even says out loud "You loving rear end in a top hat." He desperately tries to defend himself with the argument of "How could I know it would end up with her?! It's Secret Santa!" but no one buys it and before lunch he's a total pariah and never recovers until he quits a few weeks later.

Gentle Autist
Jun 4, 2003



Smeef posted:

Not a Homer bowling ball gift nor my story, but here goes my favorite bad gift story.

A friend of mine, brutally hungover, remembered on his way to work that they were having a Secret Santa event that morning. He ran into a Safeway or CVS or something like that and bought some sort of cheap dental gift kit with an electric tooth brush, water pick, floss, those pipe cleaner things, tooth paste, mouthwash, etc. He hastily wraps it with plain paper in the printing/stationery room at the office.

So they do the raffle or whatever to determine who gets which gift, and his gets matched with a woman who suffered from some sort of severe dental health condition and basically made Shane MacGowan look like Julia Roberts.

She opens it and starts and immediately breaks down bawling uncontrollably. I can't remember if they were supposed to know who each gift was from or not, but in any case, everyone knew it was my friend's gift. So the whole office turns on him and one person even says out loud "You loving rear end in a top hat." He desperately tries to defend himself with the argument of "How could I know it would end up with her?! It's Secret Santa!" but no one buys it and before lunch he's a total pariah and never recovers until he quits a few weeks later.

this owns lol

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PinheadSlim
Apr 2, 2015

FRIENDS for EVER

Smeef posted:

Not a Homer bowling ball gift nor my story, but here goes my favorite bad gift story.

A friend of mine, brutally hungover, remembered on his way to work that they were having a Secret Santa event that morning. He ran into a Safeway or CVS or something like that and bought some sort of cheap dental gift kit with an electric tooth brush, water pick, floss, those pipe cleaner things, tooth paste, mouthwash, etc. He hastily wraps it with plain paper in the printing/stationery room at the office.

So they do the raffle or whatever to determine who gets which gift, and his gets matched with a woman who suffered from some sort of severe dental health condition and basically made Shane MacGowan look like Julia Roberts.

She opens it and starts and immediately breaks down bawling uncontrollably. I can't remember if they were supposed to know who each gift was from or not, but in any case, everyone knew it was my friend's gift. So the whole office turns on him and one person even says out loud "You loving rear end in a top hat." He desperately tries to defend himself with the argument of "How could I know it would end up with her?! It's Secret Santa!" but no one buys it and before lunch he's a total pariah and never recovers until he quits a few weeks later.

jfc lmao

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