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Cloud Potato
Jan 8, 2011

"I'm... happy!"




It has been two years since you, Jingleterry the elf, took over responsibility of preparing the Sleigh and getting Santa Claus the Big Man ready for the big night where presents are distributed to well-behaved children across the planet. Two years ago, you tidied up your own mess, stole a book and poisoned the stew. Last year, you awoke previously dormant psychic powers, fired forty-eight anti-air missiles at nothing and prevented Jeffrey Bezos from stealing the sleigh. This year, you promise to yourself, will be different. Nothing will go wrong, nothing can go wrong.

Today, so far, has passed much like last year before all the unpleasantness. The sleigh is all polished wood and shining chrome, laden with an uncountable number of presents, awaiting merely its pilot and nine flying reindeer engines. On the stove in the kitchen bubbles away the Big Man's inflight meal of French Onion soup. From the bedroom you hear the Big Man snoring, deep in restful slumber, two hours until his wake-up time. In the stables, the only other elf currently in the Workshop Complex and working, your friend...ly-ish acquaintance, Rudelf is tending to his charges. And you, Jingleterry, are in the Complex's office, at your computer, refreshing the same five websites over and over again. Everything is under control. Nothing can go wrong, nothing will go wrong.

As the office clock behind you strikes the hour, you feel a shiver run down your spine. From a distant room you hear something go whumf.

There's four hours left to get everything ready for Christmas. Looks like you'll have to Do It YoursElf!

-----

Welcome back to Do It You Elf! A Christmassy CYOA about being an elf, getting the Sleigh and the Big Man (there's a superstition against saying the S**** C**** name before He's ready.) prepared for the Big Day. You have four hours, i.e. 24 10-minute increments.



For every post, please post what you'd like our character to spend the next 10 minutes doing, as well as your guess as to what's behind tomorrow's Advent Calendar door. The correct guess will have their choice of action happen. If there are no correct guesses, I'll pick an action at random, and something bad might happen. The current high score is year two, with thirteen correct guesses. If more than one person guesses the same calendar item, I go with the first person's chosen action. Guesses have to be reasonably specific, no more just saying "plant" or "animal". My decision is final. Have fun!

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AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

Investigate the Whumpf.
Guess: A bird with largely dark back plumage

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


Slap Santa right in the face
A bear!

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





We need to Call Rudelf to check on the sleigh and team

It'll be a tree ornament

Lux Animus
Apr 17, 2016



Dinosaur Gum

Google the top 5 most-wanted toys of the year

A present.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009



Chant Santa's name over and over in defiance of superstition

A festive pinecone

jng2058
Jul 17, 2010

We have the tools, we have the talent!







Have a "getting armed and ready" action movie montage. ("Guns. Lots of guns.")

A candy cane.

Jvie
Aug 10, 2012



quote:

And you, Jingleterry, are in the Complex's office, at your computer, refreshing the same five websites over and over again.

Misclick, and then watch in horror as this year's Naughty or Nice list gets deleted before your eyes.


A teddy bear

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

Guess: snowflake
Action: a scary noise, at this latitude, at this time of year, at this hour, localized entirely within the Big Man's base? Slam the big red alarm button.

Arcanuse
Mar 14, 2019



Guess: No guess this time, think might just enjoy the show this year :munch:
Action: Uhhhh roll for a different action? :shrug:

Cloud Potato
Jan 8, 2011

"I'm... happy!"



Image is of a deer! No correct guesses. Current score: 0-1.
Random action chosen: 1d9 1 AJ_Impy's Investigate the Whumf action chosen.


You get up from your computer and look around. Everything in the office looks fine. You leave and head down the corridor, in the direction of the noise, poking your head into various rooms. All seem as still as when you last checked on them. A frown appears on your face. You did hear something, right?

You head upstairs, looking in the empty bedrooms of other elves. Still nothing. Finally, you check your own room. It's exactly as you left it, unmade bed, half-drunk water bottle, phone charger, book. Wait, a book? That wasn't there last night. You pick it up: The Amourous Admiral, by Annabelle Southern.

Another whumf, much closer, just outside the room. You look down and see another book seeming dropping in the middle of the corridor: Winter Celebrations Of The European Nations, 1812-1914: A Study, ed. JA Harris.

Three hours, fifty minutes remain.

Lux Animus
Apr 17, 2016



Dinosaur Gum

A chipmunk or other tree rodent.

Grab phone and/or flashlight and investigate windows and maybe roof.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

At least two children

Scan the books with the present identification and location scanner

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





Mistletoe

Put out a yellow alert for potential intruders

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:

A sleigh

Mix a whole mess of methamphetamines into the reigndeer's feed.

Scribbleykins
Apr 29, 2010

Any scientist with the right background can brew his own booze.

...

What do you mean electrolytes aren't used for brewing booze? That's silly!

...

Well when all you have are chunks of TNE and an overly large water ration, all the world looks like a still!

Grimey Drawer

A Snowman

Take out your paranormal activity detection & response kit. There'd better not be some ghost messing about on the Big Night itself (they're supposed to be hanging out with rich dudes), but if there is you are so ready for it.

No, you still haven't watched Ghostbusters enough. No, this has nothing to do with That Night. (it totally has)

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


A Wreath

Switch all the names on the naughty and nice list

Cloud Potato
Jan 8, 2011

"I'm... happy!"



Image is of a squirrel! Lux Animus's tree rodent is close enough! Current score: 1-1.
Grab phone and/or flashlight and investigate windows and maybe roof.


You pick up the second book and then, holding both books next to your body with your left arm, somewhat awkwardly pull your mobile phone out of your right pocket and activate the torch. You retrace your steps, this time looking out the window with your beam of light. All the windows are closed; the snow surrounding this side of the complex is undisturbed.

Sighing, you clamber up the central stairwell, grab your keys, unlock the door and look out onto the bitterly cold roof, your searchlight scanning for any signs of activity. You see a thick layer of undisturbed snow, the brilliant shine of the stars over the North Pole, and some air-conditioner fans-in-boxes spinning their eternal dance. Nothing unusual.

Something below you goes w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-whumf!

You rush downstairs, back to your office. You kick your chair out of the doorway and look at your desk. Where your chair was mere moments ago is a stack of books, reaching from the floor almost all the way to the ceiling. A thought runs through your head: "Symmetrical stacking." Now that you think of it, the stack does resemble the one from that film you all watched at Hallowe'en.

Three hours, forty minutes remain.
The roof door is unlocked.

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


Dog Kisser posted:

A Wreath

Switch all the names on the naughty and nice list

Still saying this, got a good feeling this time

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

A Robin.

Read all the books.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





A bear

Call Rudelf and have him send out the anti magic defense toy patrol

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:

Candy Cane

Enlist a few other elves to booby trap the entire building, especially Santa's quarters. And not some home alone bullshit; crossbows and punji sticks and swinging logs filled with spikes. We're gonna get whoever this is.

Cloud Potato
Jan 8, 2011

"I'm... happy!"



Image is of a bird! No correct guesses. Current score: 1-2.
Random action chosen: 1d4 2 AJ_Impy's Read all the books action chosen.


Putting the two books you were already carrying down on someone else's desk, you clamber onto your desk and grab the topmost book from the pile. It's A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens. You settle back into your office chair and start to read...

Charles Dickens posted:

Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge’s name was good upon ’Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Mind! I don’t mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country’s done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Scrooge knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and he were partners for I don’t know how many years. Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend, and sole mourner. And even Scrooge was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event, but that he was an excellent man of business on the very day of the funeral, and solemnised it with an undoubted bargain.

The mention of Marley’s funeral brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that Marley was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. If we were not perfectly convinced that Hamlet’s Father died before the play began, there would be nothing more remarkable in his taking a stroll at night, in an easterly wind, upon his own ramparts, than there would be in any other middle-aged gentleman rashly turning out after dark in a breezy spot—say Saint Paul’s Churchyard for instance—literally to astonish his son’s weak mind.

Scrooge never painted out Old Marley’s name. There it stood, years afterwards, above the warehouse door: Scrooge and Marley. The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley. Sometimes people new to the business called Scrooge Scrooge, and sometimes Marley, but he answered to both names. It was all the same to him.

Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shrivelled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue; and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his own low temperature always about with him; he iced his office in the dog-days; and didn’t thaw it one degree at Christmas.
...

Three hours, thirty minutes remain.
The roof door remains unlocked.

Scribbleykins
Apr 29, 2010

Any scientist with the right background can brew his own booze.

...

What do you mean electrolytes aren't used for brewing booze? That's silly!

...

Well when all you have are chunks of TNE and an overly large water ration, all the world looks like a still!

Grimey Drawer

A rabbit

Resolve all to most of your pre-santa waking tasks in a highly optimized manner, using your experience from the previous two christmasses to speed you along.

That way you'll have more time to resolve whatever book-based shenanigans are going on.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





Bear

Call Rudelf to get reindeer CAP/CAS going

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


A snowman

Take a page from old Scrooge's book and steal all of Santa's coal

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

At least one child.

Check for a library stamp or sale sticker. Source these tomes.

Cloud Potato
Jan 8, 2011

"I'm... happy!"



Image is of a rabbit! Scribbleykins guesses correctly! Current score: 2-2.
Resolve pre-waking-Big Man tasks action chosen.


Enough, you think. You take a post-it note off your desk and use it as a bookmark, then set A Christmas Carol atop the other two books you've collected so far. Time to do some work.

Your first stop is the kitchen. The smell of French Onion soup pervades the air with a lovely scent, along with that of this morning's coffee.. You give the pot a quick stir, pop the lid back on and continue your rounds.

Next stop is the sleigh room. You've been avoiding this place as much as possible the past few months; the memory of it stretching and rising and devouring that snowmobile last year has haunted your nightmares. It's sat in its usual pre-flight position, all shining chrome and polished wood. Reins, whip, presents, coal, empty coffee bottles, empty pee bottles, all accounted for. The only thing it needs is the finished soup, fresh coffee, some reindeers and the Big Man himself. As you turn to leave you notice a couple of book-shaped presents scattered on the floor behind the sleigh. Must've fallen out when loading. You chuck them atop the rest of the gifts.

Finally, back to the office. You turn your monitor a bit to the right so you can work without disturbing the large stack of books in front of it. The Naughty and Nice lists have been updated with the latest reports from all the Elves upon Shelves throughout the globe. It all looks good to you; besides, the Big Man'll check it twice himself in a few hours.

Three hours, twenty minutes remain.
The roof door remains unlocked.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

A quadruped mammal with at least partly brown fur

Track the books to their source.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





Bear

So we can radio the SWAT elf team to prepare for a magical assault on the north pole

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:

A tree

Lace all the big man's food and drink with unreasonable amounts of LSD

malbogio
Jan 19, 2015



A candy cane

Inspect Santa’s time and space manipulating equipment for any damage or defect.

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

An owl.

Take a smoke break. You've earned it.

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


A mouse

Fix Santa's shoes because that's what elves do - stick with what you know

Scribbleykins
Apr 29, 2010

Any scientist with the right background can brew his own booze.

...

What do you mean electrolytes aren't used for brewing booze? That's silly!

...

Well when all you have are chunks of TNE and an overly large water ration, all the world looks like a still!

Grimey Drawer

A hedgehog.

Begin your investigation into why these book-based inclusion-intrusions somehow don't trigger every alarm known (and made) by elfkind.

Maybe one of the shelf elves based out of a library will know something about this whumphenomena. You should have their contact numbers for last-minute N-or-N clarification emergencies...

Cloud Potato
Jan 8, 2011

"I'm... happy!"



Image is of some animals chilling in a tree! Apologies to AJ_Impy but I have to give this one to Outrail. Current score: 3-2.
Lace all the big man's food and drink with unreasonable amounts of LSD action chosen. Aw, beans!


A thought - a compulsion - suddenly pops into your head. A wicked, unChristmassy grin spreads across your face. You head towards the small first aid station next to the kitchen, to the bottom-left cupboard with a keycode lock. Dr. Button's Private Reserve. You enter the access code 1-2-2-5 and giggle softly to yourself as the door swings open. It is not outside the realm of possibility that an older child has the three qualities of very good behaviour, a still-strong sincere belief in the Big Man, and a small bottle of lysergic acid diethylamide on their present list; and the Big Man believes in being prepared for almost all eventualities. Hence, the elves' medical expert has contingencies securely locked away.

You swipe the phial labeled "Aceeeed! :xd:!" and head to the kitchen. Two-thirds of it go into the French Onion soup on the stove; the rest into the coffee brewer. Stir, stir, stir. He's gonna trip balls tonight! Hee, hee, hee!

Behind you, something goes whumf. You turn around and see Delia Smith's How To Cook Volume 1 has fallen from its place on the kitchen bookshelves. As you bend down to pick it up, you don't see Volume 2 land straight on your head. WHUMF!

Three hours, ten minutes remain.
The roof door remains unlocked.
The soup and the coffee brewer are laced with LSD.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

A dog

Use the tainted food and drink to trap the book source.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





A bear

We need to break out the 451 degree flamethrower to start burning books

malbogio
Jan 19, 2015



A candy cane

Inspect Santa’s time and space manipulating equipment for any damage or defect.

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Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:

Noice

An ornament

Set the time space manipulator to 1939, Berghof.

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