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CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003



Reheat your November thread leftovers here.


Welcome to the punchsports holiday cheer zone. See off the end of another hell-year with all your favorite punchfolks and friends. This month's thread title courtesy of kensei.

If this is your first time here you should stop and say hi so we know it's not just the same couple dozen of us cussing each other out all the time, but you may want to start with The General Q&A Thread for the basic gist of mixed martial arts.

WHAT'S HAPPENING THIS MONTH?
BUT WHAT OF RAGIN' AL IAQUINTA?

After his third straight loss, this one a one-sided drubbing at the hands of Bobby Green, Al Iaquinta randomly announced his retirement on a radio interview citing his lack of ability or desire to train like he used to. We wish him the best in his future endeavors of trying to sell all the real estate in Long Island.

ET TU, KEVIN LEE?

After going 1 for his last 5 and failing to reach terms on a new contract, Kevin Lee has been released from the UFC. Safe bet Bellator or PFL will make a play for him so he can go talk about Michael Chiesa's mom some more.

IS THERE NO GOOD NEWS?

Henry Cejudo is in negotiations to return in the hopes of an instant title shot at 145. So...no. No, there is not.

WHERE ELSE CAN I TALK TO LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE ABOUT VIOLENCE?
Any of the following hangouts:
  • B-League MMA: The catch-all thread for MMA outside of the UFC, from Bellator to Rizin to Wild Bill's Fight Night.
  • Sumo: Sumo loving rules and has been enjoying an internet popularity renaissance and you should 100% go watch giant naked men throw other giant naked men.
  • Boxing: The place to discuss the sweet science of Youtube stars outearning 99% of actual professional fighters.
  • Kickboxing: This is theoretically a thread for discussing the entire sport of kickboxing, but it's mostly about how every single kickboxer is in the mafia.
  • Grappling: This thread is for both discussing grappling as a sport and grappling as a thing a ton of us do for fun. Go learn about choking people. For fun.

DO WE HAVE OTHER COMMUNAL THREADS?
So many.
  • Drew McIntyre's Official General Thread 2: Every forum needs a random community bullshit thread. This is the best one. Go make friends with some wrestling posters.
  • MMA's Best & Worst of 2021: LobsterMobster is running the annual year in review. Go here to nominate and discuss the best, worst and funniest things that happened in 2021.
  • Bet On MMA: Do you have too much money? Do you want to fix that? Go here for MMA gambling discussion.
  • Goonweight GP: This season of goonweight is over, but another will be coming soon and I'll edit it in here. Unless it's the same thread.
  • Let's Remember Some Guys: A thread for fond or simply random reminiscing about anything that has ever happened to anyone in punchsports.
  • Dumb Combat People On Social Media: Almost everyone in combat sports is an idiot and almost everyone on twitter is an idiot. Talk about it here.

WHAT IF I HATE FORUM SOFTWARE?
Through the magic of instant messaging and 40 year-old technology, you have, at a minimum, two exciting options!
  • The Fight Island Discord: Chat live, with people, about things, in a box!
  • The #MMA IRC Channel That Will Never, Ever Die: Point your client of choice to irc.synirc.net and go to #mma!
:burger:Disclaimer: these places are not here and somethingawful's rules and liability do not extend to them and complaining about discord stuff is still offsite drama posting:burger:

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CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003



WHAT HAPPENED IN NOVEMBER
Catharsis and exhaustion.

The UFC got the stuff that mattered out of the way up front with UFC 268: Usman vs Covington 2, one of the biggest and most ultimately satisfying cards of the year. The MMA planets aligned and produced one of the most memorable nights of fights in a long while, to the point that recapping it is naming basically everything that happened--Chris Barnett's spinning wheel kick knockout despite being a squat heavyweight, Nassourdine Imavov destroying Ronda Rousey protege Edmen Shahbazyan, Bobby Green retiring Al Iaquinta in about two minutes, the flying knee debut of Adesanya-slayer Alex Pereira, the continuing demise of Frankie Edgar at the hands of Chito Vera--but it was mostly remembered for three things: The impossibly brutal, three-round murderfest that was Justin Gaethje's destruction of Michael Chandler, Rose Namajunas taking a razor-close decision in her successful defense against Weili Zhang, and Kamaru Usman dropping Colby Covington on his rear end twice and still getting the fight of his life en route to retaining his title. The whole card is worth watching.

That violence managed to maintain its momentum through Fight Night: Holloway vs Rodríguez, which did a decent job of overdelivering on minimal promise. All but two of its eleven fights ended in some form of stoppage, many of which were the unfortunate stories of former exciting prospects having doors officially slammed in their faces: Rafael Alves' ninety-second guillotine of once-prospect Marc Diakiese who's suddenly 2 for his last 7, Andrea Lee scoring an all-too-rare corner stoppage over Cynthia Calvillo who went from having beaten everyone but a world champion to dropping three straight, former rising contender Thiago Moises getting elbowed to death by an overweight Joel Alvarez and Miguel Baeza, undefeated just one year prior, losing two in a row and suffering the first stoppage loss of his career at the hands of Khaos Williams. The co-main event saw the return of the once-promising Ben Rothwell, who was punched out in thirty seconds by Marcos Rogerio de "submitted by a forearm choke in 2020" Lima, and the main event saw Max Holloway defeat Yair Rodriguez in what was ultimately a much more competitive fight than most people expected--which is to say almost everyone agrees Max won, but Yair came close as opposed to getting smoked for 25 minutes.

Aaaand the good vibes end there. The short month concluded with Fight Night: Vieira vs Tate, one of the most lamentable cards in UFC history. This time only one of eleven fights escaped a decision, and most of those decisions were decidedly viewer-unfriendly. Cody Durden got less attention from outwrestling Qileng Aori than from his weirdly racist post-fight promo about sending him back to China (and his response to criticism being that criticism is only valid from anyone who can beat him up), "Loopy" Lupita Godinez continued her quest to fill the UFC's Cowboy Cerrone slot by fighting for the third time in two months and winning a slow but admirable decision, Adrian Yanez and Davey Grant had the best fight of the night and Yanez took the win and likely a ranked opponent for his next bout on the back of a four-win streak, Rani Yahya is somehow still outgrappling people in 2021, Sean Brady outwrestled Michael Chiesa to become maybe the most successful, undefeated, 5-0 at welterweight in the UFC fighter you've still never heard of, and in the main event the UFC's marketing plans re: the Miesha Tate comeback tour went up in smoke as Ketlen Vieira jabbed her in the face for half an hour to an inexcusably close decision.

WHAT'S COMING IN DECEMBER
We're ringing out 2021 with the final three UFC cards of the year, and for once, they're all pretty promising.

We kick off the month this coming weekend with UFC on ESPN: Font vs Aldo on December 4. Perennial rising contender Jake Matthews returns from his most recent derailment, Louis Smolka and Vince Morales will have what should be a real fun fight, grappling ace Leonardo Santos meets Clay Guida for what should just be a wonderfully stupid thing one way or another, Alex Morono is somehow going from main eventing and a two-fight win streak to battling the inexplicably still present Mickey Gall, Jimmy Crute and Jamahal Hill will fight to see who stays at the outskirts of the top 15 at light-heavyweight, Brad Riddell and Rafael Fiziev will have a striking battle for the ages, and in our main event, Rob Font and Jose Aldo will meet for what could, hilariously, wind up being a title eliminator.

The big swing for the month comes the following week: UFC 269: Oliveira vs Poirier on December 11. The UFC has traditionally tried to end the calendar year on a blowout card, and despite the unfortunate loss of Edwards/Masvidal this still more than qualifies. Ryan Hall is back from his trouncing, Eryk Anders will continue to try to justify his paycheck, Miranda "The Maverick" Maverick tries to stop Erin Blanchfield's rise, Augusto Sakai and Tai Tuivasa will have what should be a fun brawl, Dominick Cruz is back and is getting beat for the prelim headliner by Josh Emmett and Dan Ige, which is hilarious. The main card sees Sean O'Malley get another attempt at bolstering his marketing against former flyweight Raulian Paiva, Cody Garbrandt making his flyweight debut against Kai Kara-France, Geoff Neal and Santiago Ponzinibbio battling for renewed contender status, and a championship double-header as Julianna Peña becomes the next contestant on the Amanda Nunes murder tour and, after two years of waiting, we finally get to the Dustin Poirier fireworks factory as he meets Charles Oliveira to finally determine the undisputed lightweight champion.

...and then we're ending the year on the less neat but still probably fun Fight Night: Lewis vs Daukaus on December 18th. 3/4 of the fights on this card aren't even officially confirmed yet, but you can expect the return of Raphael Assunção against the rebuilding Ricky Simón, Raquel Pennington's attempt to justify another championship beating by defeating Julia Avila, Sijara Eubanks fighting to keep her record above 50:50, the return of the ultra-promising Raoni Barcelos, Belal Muhammad rebounding from his eye injury against Stephen Thompson, Cub fuckin' Swanson trying to defeat the undying machine Darren Elkins, and the UFC's Christmas present to everyone is the gift of main event Black Beast Derrick Lewis against the quickly-rising Chris "I Am A Cop, Root Against Me" Daukaus. The winner of this fight could be next in line for a championship match, because heavyweight is the dirt worst.

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003



CURRENT CHAMPIONS
Heavyweight Champion, 265+ lbs

Francis Ngannou - 16-3, 0 Defenses
Francis "The Predator" Ngannou is the current standard of the world's time-tested favorite kind of heavyweight: A giant, 6'6" block of terrifying muscle who almost never wants to grapple and is content to throw punches that tend to look technically awkward but are so unimaginably powerful that it does not goddamn matter. Every one of his 16 wins have come by stoppage, with his most recent being a terrifying knockout over the statistically best UFC heavyweight champion in history, Stipe Miocic. One would think, in theory, that having just crowned a marketable, terrifying knockout machine as their heavyweight champion the UFC would gleefully do everything in their power to boost and promote him. Unfortunately, after the biggest fight of his life, Dana White wanted him to defend the title for the first time just four months later. When Ngannou's camp asked for a date three weeks later, the UFC promptly went to the press, announced that Ngannou Doesn't Want To Fight, and made quite possibly the most bullshit interim title fight they've ever done.

Interim Heavyweight Champion

Ciryl Gane - 10-0, 0 Defenses
Ciryl Gane is, objectively, an amazing fighter. A 31 year-old, 6'4" kickboxer who went 13-0 in his sport, retired as the champion of France's biggest Muay Thai organization, switched to MMA, entered the UFC after just three fights and soundly dominated every single person he's fought. Gane is the stylistic other side of the Ngannou coin; measured, multifaceted and technical, content to use his kickboxing skills to poke, counter and chip people down to nothing, as evidenced best in the way he broke Derrick Lewis down over three extremely one-sided rounds. Unfortunately, that fight was for an interim heavyweight championship no one wanted. Lewis and Gane were both worthy contenders, and it's absolutely not Gane's fault that he has the title, but an interim championship being made as a negotiation-pressure strategy just four months after a new champion was crowned when the champion was prepared to fight less than a month later is one of the most ridiculous moves the UFC has ever made. Ngannou and Gane are booked to unify the titles at UFC 270 on January 22.

Light-Heavyweight Champion, 205 lbs

Glover Teixeira - 33-7, 0 Defenses
Most folks did not see this one coming, and I was definitively one of them. Glover Teixeira is MMA's new old-man punching champion, a fighter with 20 years banked in the sport who won his first world championship just two days after his 42nd birthday. Teixeira was actually first scouted by the UFC back in 2008, but illegal residency meant having to return to Brazil for three years while awaiting a work visa. He made his UFC debut in 2012, immediately rattled off five dominant wins thanks to heavy hands and a terrifying top game, and promptly got his poo poo hosed all the way up by Jon Jones. He settled into a role as a reliable, aging gatekeeper--a win over OSP here, a mauling by Alex Gustafsson there--but in the smoking crater that is the post-Jones, post-Cormier light-heavyweight division he put together a five-fight winning streak that included breaking former title challenger Anthony Smith's teeth and choking out Thiago Santos, and despite being a +300 underdog, he shocked the world by dominating and submitting standing champion Jan Błachowicz in just two rounds. He's expected to face genuine madman Jiří Procházka sometime in mid-2022.

Middleweight Champion, 185 lbs

Israel Adesanya - 21-1, 3 Defenses
Israel "The Last Stylebender" Adesanya is both MMA's biggest new star and a cautionary tale about becoming a big new star. A multiple-time, multiple-weight kickboxing tournament champion with something like a 75-5 record, Adesanya's transition to MMA was seamless and his rise meteoric: He entered the UFC in 2018 at 11-0, and within a year he was 17-0 and an interim champion, followed by an undisputed champion, followed by a defending champion. His striking skills, his charisma, his implacable nerdery and his occasionally being kind of a shithead were all the right catalysts to make him a star, and the UFC pushed him to the moon. After two defenses, they decided to capitalize on Izzymania by pushing him straight to a champion vs champion match against the just-crowned 205-pound kingpin Jan Błachowicz, wholly intent on throwing even more promotional weight behind their most marketable new fighter--and Błachowicz beat him in a competitive but clear decision that forced the Adesanya marketing back down to Earth. He recorded another victory against Marvin Vettori, and is now expected to meet former champion Robert Whittaker again at UFC 271 on February 12.

Welterweight Champion, 170 lbs

Kamaru Usman - 19-1, 4 Defenses
"The Nigerian Nightmare" had to work harder than anticipated in November. Usman/Covington 2, a rematch very few people outside of the UFC's top brass wanted, seemed at first like the one-sided beating most people had hoped for, but Colby Covington's shitheadedness is matched only by his toughness and he was able to give Usman serious trouble in the back half of the fight. Usman won a hard-fought but clear decision, and now stands as unquestionably the UFC's greatest male champion, an incredibly tough, well-rounded and cerebral fighter who now holds the second-longest reign in welterweight history, but what comes next is unclear. The 19-3 Leon Edwards is a seemingly clear contender, but the UFC's palpable distaste for him has been a continual thorn in the side of his title aspirations and the loss of the Edwards/Masvidal fight this month puts his contendership hopes in jeopardy. Vicente Luque has been building a case, but lacks a top-tier win to cement it. The UFC would, of course, love to catapult Khamzat Chimaev into contendership, but arranging top-class fights for him has proven difficult. Usman is most likely to enjoy a vacation while the UFC figures out what the gently caress it's doing next.

Lightweight Champion, 155 lbs

Charles Oliveira - 31-8 (1), 0 Defenses
loving Do Bronx. Charles Oliveira won a world goddamn championship after eleven years of being in the UFC, and that's not a thing that happens. A BJJ specialist with an extremely tricky, aggressive style, Oliveira was seen by many as a future champion at the start of his UFC tenure and was securing top-card PPV berths after just two fights--and then the inconsistence and lack of focus that would define his career for most of a decade set in. He'd pull off incredible victories, vault back toward contendership, and get hosed up by gatekeepers like Cowboy Cerrone or Cub Swanson. He'd take down incredible grapplers like Hatsu Hioki one minute, then get guillotined by Ricardo Lamas the next. Around 2018, as Oliveira entered his tenth year of fighting at the wizened old age of 28, he apparently figured out his poo poo: He's won his last nine straight fights, culminating in violently knocking out Michael Chandler to win the Khabib-vacated lightweight championship. As of now, he has the most submissions in UFC history, the most FINISHES in UFC history, the highest finishing ratio in UFC history, and his name in the books as the best in the world. The asterisk to that is Dustin Poirier, the man who would almost certainly be the champion right now had the UFC not instead pushed him into two back to back Conor McGregor fights in the desperate hope of getting their money plane to fly again. The two are booked for a showdown at UFC 269 on December 11.

Featherweight Champion, 145 lbs

Alexander Volkanovski - 23-1, 2 Defenses
Featherweight, in its decade of existence, has been one of the biggest divisions for the UFC. Out of four champions in total, three were almost mythical figures in the sport: Jose Aldo, the poor kid from the slums who slept in his gym and became the best fighter on the planet, begat Conor McGregor, the biggest star in the history of the sport, whose poo poo-talking was second only to his ability to back it up (until the cocaine years), begat Max Holloway, a force of nature so prolific in his violence that it broke the UFC's striking differentials. Alexander Volkanovski, by contrast, isn't an insanely talented kickboxer, or a swaggering racist counterpuncher, or the best volume striker in the sport's history. He's just really, really loving good at mixed martial arts. He's rock-solid in every aspect of his game, so much so that the only loss in his career came four fights in--at welterweight. He broke down Aldo, he turned away Max Holloway twice--though some disagree with the second time--and just last week he had an absolute war with Brian Ortega that showcased maybe the scariest aspect of his game: The way that, when put in bad positions like chokes that would finish almost anyone in the sport, he finds his way out of trouble, adjusts his tactics, and gets bloody, painful revenge. Holloway and Yair Rodriguez are expected to fight in a title eliminator in November; Volkanovski is almost certainly going to be taking some richly deserved vacation time until the winner is ready.

Bantamweight Champion, 135 lbs

Aljamain Sterling - 20-3, 0 Defenses
Alright, this one's gonna be kind of a Thing.

Aljamain Sterling is an exceptional fighter. After rifling off five straight wins at bantamweight he earned a shot at Petr "No Mercy" Yan, the undisputed king of the weight class. Sterling made a good accounting for himself, and was actually up on one judge's scorecard heading into the fourth round, but he was also visibly fatigued and getting the poo poo kicked out of him. Unfortunately, Petr Yan is an enormous jackass, and threw a grounded knee at Sterling's face that was as illegal as it was hilariously intentional. Having been cracked in the head by one of the best fighters in the world Sterling was deemed unable to continue, and in doing so earned the ignominious honor of becoming the first person to ever win a UFC championship by disqualification. The entire internet very quickly decided the problem wasn't the trained world champion throwing illegal strikes, but the 20-3, decade-tenured fighter who was actually a huge coward who should be ashamed of himself, because the internet makes you stupid.

Interim Bantamweight Champion


Petr Yan - 16-2, 0 Defenses

Yan and Sterling were supposed to have their rematch at UFC 267 this past month, but when Sterling pulled out over medical issues, Cory Sandhagen stepped in for an interim championship bout. After a grueling fight of the year contender, thanks to his riduclous toughness and even more ridiculous boxing, Yan emerged victorious. UFC ring announcer Joe Martinez pointedly left out the "interim" when pronouncing him the two-time bantamweight champion. Yan and Sterling immediately resumed jawing on twitter, and the rematch is presumably inevitable.

Flyweight Champion, 125 lbs

Brandon Moreno - 19-5-2, 0 Defenses
"The Assassin Baby" is a really, really good nickname. Brandon Moreno is another star the UFC almost missed out on; an extremely well-rounded fighter out of Mexico who made a name for himself on the regional circuits in Tijuana, California and Arizona, he was picked up by the UFC for the last good season of The Ultimate Fighter, Tournament of Champions, lost in the first round, but was brought up to the UFC proper for a shot at the big leagues--and was then abruptly released after going 3-2. He'd be back in the UFC a year later after just one fight outside the organization and continued to go without a lot of attention until an exciting win over Brandon Royval got him a shot at the recently-crowned Deiveson Figueiredo. Deiveson was an absolute monster, a 20-1 champion who had finished all but two of his fights despite being a flyweight and was pegged to hold the belt for years, and Moreno unexpectedly took him to a draw. Had that not already been enough, Figueiredo had lost a point for a groin stroke and would likely have won without it, so a rematch was ordered as soon as possible. This time, Moreno shocked the world by not just beating Figueiredo, but definitively choking him out. The UFC attempted to book a third match between the two for December, but it has since been shoved off to UFC 270 on January 22.

Women's Featherweight, 145 lbs

Amanda Nunes - 21-4, 2 Defenses

Women's Bantamweight, 135 lbs

Amanda Nunes - 21-4, 5 Defenses
Amanda "The Lioness" Nunes is, unquestionably, the best champion in the UFC. She holds belts in two divisions simultaneously, has shifted back and forth between defending them seamlessly for the last half-decade, and most often does so in almost comically one-sided fashion. She is aided, of course, by the fact that the women's featherweight division isn't exactly real, and lest you think I am being unfair, this is the UFC's official rankings page for women's featherweight as of the time of this writing, placed next to the bantamweight rankings for emphasis:



Featherweight is basically a superfight division, in that there aren't enough fighters to actually handle rankings, so fights and contenders are just sort of arbitrarily picked. This in no way makes Amanda Nunes or her UFC run any less insane. The question of how you measure divisional dominance has always been a difficult one in mixed martial arts, but Nunes has the easiest possible case: She's beaten the absolute poo poo out of every other 135+ women's champion. Every woman who ever touched gold at women's bantamweight or featherweight in the UFC has been not just beaten but stopped by Amanda Nunes. She choked out Miesha Tate, headkicked Holly Holm and punched Ronda Rousey out in under a minute. Half the reason women's featherweight is seen as such a joke is the way Nunes dismantles every 145-pound fighter they put in front of her: Only one has lasted to a decision, and multiple 10-8 rounds were involved. Her combined 7 title defenses is the fifth-most in UFC history, which puts her at pace with Jose Aldo. She was supposed to earn bantamweight defense number six this past July against Julianna Peña, but COVID-19 delayed the fight to mid-December. Most people are already looking well past the fight, under the feeling that, despite their having already mixed it up twice, there's only one fight left for Nunes at the moment that makes sense.

Women's Flyweight, 125 lbs

Valentina Shevchenko - 22-3, 5 Defenses
Valentina "Bullet" Shevchenko has multiple news articles and interviews about denying that she is a spy. She has multiple black belts, holds national titles in boxing, kickboxing, muay thai and judo, speaks four languages, has been personally recognized by the President of Kyrgyzstan, and is an excellent dancer, motorcycle enthusiast and trained pistol marksman who was knocking out adults at 12. But she is definitely not a spy.

She is, however, a problem for the UFC. Valentina Shevchenko is an exceptionally good fighter. She has always been an exceptionally good fighter, and she has only gotten better. The UFC established women's flyweight as a marketing engine for The Ultimate Fighter, ultimately stripped its inaugural champion after she refused multiple fights and was physically incapable of cutting weight, and Valentina immediately won the vacant belt, and that was 1,025 days ago and she has shown no sign whatsoever of letting it go. Her game is so well-rounded and her technique so well-executed that she has opened a gulf so wide between herself and her challengers that they've entered sacrificial lamb territory. She's already successfully defended the title against half of the top ten of the division, and the other half have been beaten by the people she smashed. With no contenders on the horizon, most of the internet is calling for an extremely rare thing: A trilogy fight where one fighter already won twice. Shevchenko has only lost twice in the UFC, and both losses were against Amanda Nunes, but the second had scorecards from judges, media and fans alike split down the middle. On one hand, it'd be crazy to tie up two and a half divisions with just one fight; on the other, the gently caress else are you going to do, at this point?

Women's Strawweight, 115 lbs

Rose Namajunas - 10-4, 0 Defenses
"Thug" Rose Namajunas is still on top of the world. Her UFC 268 rematch with Weili Zhang was controversial both in conception and execution, and Zhang's strength and wrestling consistently gave the champion trouble, but Rose's versatility and adaptability ultimately won her a split decision victory and the first successful defense of her new reign. Her next defense seems like it should be obvious, as Carla Esparza is #2 in the UFC's rankings, on a five-fight winnning streak, knocked out previous top contender Yan Xiaonan in her last fight and holds a 1-0 record against the champion, but unfortunately for her, Dana White personally hates her for daring to do things like 'wrestle' and 'not look like a supermodel' and 'talk about how the UFC doesn't pay its fighters enough.' The UFC was very much hoping for Mackenzie Dern to be on deck as a contender, but she was dominated by Marina Rodriguez in October, who herself is 12-1-2, with that loss being a controversial decision against Esparza. Dana White has vowed Esparza isn't getting the shot and they have another option they're choosing not to disclose; the general assumption is they're negotiating with former champion Joanna Jędrzejczyk to return to 115 for what would almost certainly be another instant title shot despite being 2 for her last 6 and 0-2 against Rose herself.

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

He is I, and I am him



CarlCX posted:

Interim Bantamweight Champion


Russians would look so much cooler if they didn't stick to the Slavs of 1980 haircut book.

mewse
May 2, 2006



LobsterMobster posted:

you can just tell diego he is the father of any child, he will 100% believe you

Isn't Stephan Bonnar diego's dad?

Kragger99
Mar 21, 2004



Pillbug

Thank you OP for the xmas themed pics! Many of those put a smile on my face, which is badly needed right now.

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

He is I, and I am him



mewse posted:

Isn't Stephan Bonnar diego's dad?

Perhaps Diego is a fatherless bastard.

mewse
May 2, 2006



kimbo305 posted:

Perhaps Diego is a fatherless bastard.

OOF

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






Kragger99 posted:

Thank you OP for the xmas themed pics! Many of those put a smile on my face, which is badly needed right now.

Same!

Tempted to steal that Adesanya one for gift tags this year.

BlindSite
Feb 8, 2009



Stephan Bonnar looking at Diego in the TUF 1 house like he couldn't believe a human being was that dumb was just amazing. Bonnar's slide into an alcoholic pill popper was even more interesting to watch but hey, I digress.

mewse
May 2, 2006



BlindSite posted:

Stephan Bonnar looking at Diego in the TUF 1 house like he couldn't believe a human being was that dumb was just amazing. Bonnar's slide into an alcoholic pill popper was even more interesting to watch but hey, I digress.

How could you forget the steroids

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003



https://twitter.com/MMAjunkie/status/1466182251960487939

I'm mostly posting this for this section of the article:

quote:

“We got back on Saturday. On Sunday, I cold plunge and steam every day,” White said. “So I get out of the cold plunge and steam, and I spray the eucalyptus and I was like, ‘What the hell?’ I couldn’t smell anything. So I opened the bottle and start sniffing the bottle of eucalyptus, and I couldn’t smell and I was like, ‘I know what this means.’ I literally got out of the steam and got on my phone and called Joe Rogan.

“I get up, 9 o’clock Monday morning, and I get tested. He said get monoclonal antibodies in you as soon as possible, so I did. By noon, I had the monoclonal antibodies in me. Then he told me to do a NAD drip. I did that right after. The next day – so Sunday at 8 o’clock at night I have no taste or smell. I get up Tuesday getting ready to shave. Cleaning my razor, I could smell the alcohol. My taste and smell were back by the next day by 11 o’clock. Then I took a dose of ivermectin. Then yesterday I did a vitamin drip, and today I’m doing another NAD drip.

“Never felt better. I’m feeling like a million bucks. I’m doing two-a-day workouts for the next 10 days while I have COVID and I’m in quarantine. I got my smell and taste back in less than 24 hours.”

dana white ate the horse paste

beep by grandpa
May 5, 2004



I love that for every single rich person who is 100% "its just a cold" to everyone else, they sure go to defcon-1 the exact nanosecond they experience The Symptoms

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

He is I, and I am him



Where do you even get the monoclonal treatments? You have to get a doctor to prescribe it and then find a hospital that carries it, right? I'm just mad that rich people have access to that resources normal people don't.

side_burned
Nov 3, 2004

My mother is a fish.


CarlCX posted:

https://twitter.com/MMAjunkie/status/1466182251960487939

I'm mostly posting this for this section of the article:

dana white ate the horse paste

I hear it takes like apples

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?



Lipstick Apathy

my god, if the ufc could book a venue in belmont park ny, i'd eat my ivermecrin

Hollandia
Jul 27, 2007

rattus rattus




Grimey Drawer

Kragger99 posted:

Thank you OP for the xmas themed pics! Many of those put a smile on my face, which is badly needed right now.
:yeah:

crepeface
Nov 5, 2004

r*p*f*c*

CarlCX posted:

https://twitter.com/MMAjunkie/status/1466182251960487939

I'm mostly posting this for this section of the article:

dana white ate the horse paste

quote:

“We got back on Saturday. On Sunday, I cold plunge and steam every day,” White said. “So I get out of the cold plunge and steam, and I spray the eucalyptus and I was like, ‘What the hell?’ I couldn’t smell anything. So I opened the bottle and start sniffing the bottle of eucalyptus, and I couldn’t smell and I was like, ‘I know what this means.’ I literally got out of the steam and got on my phone and called Joe Rogan.

imagine getting a deadly virus and your first move is to call joe rogan lmao

crepeface
Nov 5, 2004

r*p*f*c*

crap, i just got into a car accident! now, where's carrot top's number...

Fozzy The Bear
Sep 27, 2009


Eat This Glob posted:

my god, if the ufc could book a venue in belmont park ny, i'd eat my ivermecrin

BlindSite
Feb 8, 2009



Joe Rogan used his gazillions of Spotify dollars to have a team of doctors and medical professionals on stand by with access to the best treatment available - just in case he had a cough and then literally flew them to where he needed with all the treatments. Turns out when a fairly mild disease is caught by a healthy individual you can recover fairly quickly when there's an established protocol for treatment and when you have millions and millions of dollars to put it into action. I am shocked by this development.

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

He is I, and I am him



BlindSite posted:

when there's an established protocol for treatment

What does that have to do with Joe Rogan?

chaleski
Apr 25, 2014



Jon Jones attacks Winklejohn and is still a miserable whiny prick who hates being held accountable for his actions

The "convicted rapist" comment sure is a lot though, wonder who he's talking about?

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

He is I, and I am him



If it’s true, a journo should be able to figure it out pretty quick.

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


My brain first jumped to Mike Whitehead, but Im pretty sure he was a Miletich guy

I had to double check Cody East's rap sheet, which is a lot of domestic violence and child abuse

Mr Gorgon Holmes
Aug 1, 2007
Ask me about being possesed by the spirit of John Holmes

I thought Brian Stann but that wasn’t a conviction I don’t think? It was a military thing

BlindSite
Feb 8, 2009



I wouldn't believe anything Jon Jones says about anything, or anyone, for any reason, at any time. Ever

Freudian slippers
Jun 23, 2009
US Goon shocked and appalled to find that world is a dirty, unjust place



crepeface posted:

crap, i just got into a car accident! now, where's carrot top Jon Jones' number...


Mr Gorgon Holmes posted:

I thought Brian Stann but that wasn’t a conviction I don’t think? It was a military thing

I don't think that was about him per se, I think he was accused of covering something up?

Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.



kimbo305 posted:

Where do you even get the monoclonal treatments? You have to get a doctor to prescribe it and then find a hospital that carries it, right? I'm just mad that rich people have access to that resources normal people don't.

Oh don't worry about that, good states like Florida wrote a check to the governor's friend's pharma company and now places like The Villages have all the monoclonal antibodies they need (at $2000 a pop)

Josuke Higashikata
Mar 7, 2013




Can someone help me figure out why I'm recovering from Covid?

Cold and flu tablet - £2.50
Monoclonal antibodies - £2,000 each
Access to the best medical treatment on earth at any time - £whatever it costs
Cat flea treatment - £5.00

I'm thinking #4

ilmucche
Mar 16, 2016



Clay Guida still around, heck yeah lol

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003



Felicia Spencer has also apparently decided to retire for mental health reasons, which means the UFC's women's featherweight roster now consists of four people not named Amanda Nunes, and only two of them have winning records, and one of them already beat the other.

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


time to bring back the legend, rin nakai

and also the legend, cindy dandois

Unperson_47
Oct 14, 2007





LobsterMobster posted:

time to bring back the legend, rin nakai


I'd be for this

CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man




Font vs Aldo Fight Night Breakdown

:frogsiren: It’s Jose Aldo Fight Night!!! :frogsiren:



Prelims 6 central main card 9 central

Main Card
:siren: Bantamweight Rob Font vs Jose Aldo
Aldowns. He’s on the short list for best fighter ever in the sport. He has been in wars and was dominant for a decade at 145. Anderson Silva, at his peak, said that he would retire if Jose Aldo were a middleweight. He’s an anti-wrestler muay thai striker who rarely shows his bjj but looks like a goddamn wizard whenever he does. He has scored some sweet body shot KOs in his last few fights. His only losses in the last while are to McGregor, Holloway, Moraes (disputed), Volkanovski, and Yan, so like, he’s still beating good dudes. He steamrolled Pedro Munhoz to a decision in his last fight.

Font is from the Boston fight camps that produced Calvin Kattar, who is a reasonable analogue. He’s a tight punch-focused striker who stays active and puts pressure on his opponent. He’s on a 4-fight streak, most recently outclassing Cody Garbrandt over 5 rounds.

Jack Slack observed that Font is the kind of fighter who might be a tough style matchup for Aldo, because Font keeps the fight moving with combos and pressure, and Aldo likes to sit back and do nothing for long stretches. Aldo though is a wizard who has new looks and strategies in every fight, even this far into his career. This is an awesome fight.

:hmmyes: Lightweight Brad Riddell vs Rafael Fiziev
Shall we just take two of the most exciting kickboxers in the division, put them in a mayonnaise jar, and shake it up? Riddell is a city kickboxing Kiwi who is now 4-0 in the UFC. He goes to war. Fiziev is a Kazakhistani-Kyrgyzstani kickboxer who is 4-1 in the UFC. He does cool poo poo. Both of them are extremely technical kickboxers, but both of them are also extremely aggressive kickboxers, which means that this should satisfy both the “Just bleed” and “refined taste” mma viewers.

Lightweight Clay Guida vs Leonardo Santos
Old man fight. Guida is a wrestler who tends to put a lot of forward pressure on dudes, sometimes in the most literal sense by pressuring his face into his opponent’s balls against the fence. Many bouts; some good; many bad. Santos is a TUF Brazil winner who was on a zillion fight winning streak and then he got old and got KOed before he got a chance to shine. He’s 41 now and was 7-0-1 in the UFC with several bonus winning finishes before Grant Dawson KOed him in March. This is why these young prospects need to fight more than once per year on average, because they turn into old men and “what-if” stories. Ah well, still might be good.

Light Heavyweight Jimmy Crute vs Jamahal Hill
Crute is that Aussie kid with the fascist-looking but actually video game tattoo. He’s a big white guy who kimuras people. I think he’s primarily a grappler? He got pretty TKOed by Anthony Smith in April. Jamahal Hill is that guy who got his shoulder wrecked by Paul Craig in that really weird tko stoppage in June. He’s 2-1-1 UFC.

Middleweight Brendan Allen vs Chris Curtis
Allen was coming in as a solid prospect from LFA and DWCS but he ran into Sean Strickland a year ago. He’s 2-0 since then. Chris Curtis is a long veteran of the b-leagues. He was brought in as a late replacement to lose to Phil Hawes but then he scored a sweet KO – that was just this past November, and this is another late replacement.

Welterweight Brian Barbarena vs Darian Weeks
This was supposed to be a Matt Brown fight but he’s a loving covidiot so we get Barbarena – who is a caveman who just brawls dudes and has good fights – vs Weeks, a 5-0 LFA dude. Not much else to say.

Prelims
Middleweight Maki Pitolo vs Dusko Todorovic
Pitolo is a very Hawaiian fighter. His fights are good. Todorovic is a Serbian who is 1-2 UFC, most recently losing to Gregory Robocop in June. He’s alright. This should be a good action fight anyway.

Flyweight Manel Kape vs Zhalgas Zhumagulov
Kape is a JMMA darling who finally realized that he’s a good striker in his 3rd UFC fight and knocked a dude out after suffering two losses due to embarrassing inactivity. Zhumagulov is a Kazakhstani who lost his first two UFC bouts by UD but then won by a gnarly standing guillotine in his last fight. Stylistically he’s a pretty generic central Asian fighter.

Welterweight Jake Matthews vs Jeremiah Wells
Jake “The Celtic Kid” Matthews was supposed to be Robert Whittaker but then Robert Whittaker took that job instead – Australian, formerly hot prospect. He’s a grappler, and he’s decent. He got eyepoked really bad by The Leech. His last fight he got subbed by Sean Brady. Wells is 1-0 UFC, but his 1 is a KO of (by me) highly regarded Warlley Alves This has promise.

Strawweight Cheyanne Buys vs Mallory Martin
Buys is the girl who was there for the scarf hold / follow you home thing – she’s the one who lost. She won her last fight by a decent KO, being a kickboxer and all. She’s listed now as “Cheyanne Vlismas” on Tapology so maybe she got divorced or something idk. Mallory Martin is 1-2, all stoppages.

Light Heavyweight Alonso Menifield vs William Knight
Menifield is a blacksplosive prospect who turned out not to have a gas tank. He has 3 first round stoppages, two losses, and one UD (vs Ed Herman). Knight is a scary looking dude who also came in off of DWCS with a 2-1 record, his last one being a big KO.

Lightweight Claudio Puelles vs Chris Gruetzemacher
Puelles is a 3-1 Peruvian, but I don’t remember his fights or know much about his opponents. He beat Jordan Leavitt in June but ???. Gritz is a TUF veteran who took a decision over Joe Lauzon and Rafa Garcia (seen recently) but has 3 stoppage losses otherwise.

Heavyweight Jared Vanderaa vs Azamat Murzakanov
Doing these breakdowns I start to remember names. I definitely remember “Jared Vanderaa” but not him or his fights. Looking at his record, he’s an anonymous heavyweight: win over Tafa, losses to Spivak and Romanov. Murzakanov is a 10-0 Russian from DWCS who has b-league wins over (bad) UFC veterans.

Welterweight Alex Morono vs Mickey Gall
Morono is a powder-lookin’ Texan with a gracie BJJ tattoo but who has taken a few wins by KO, including one of Cerrone. He’s a middling fighter, but fun. I’m not going to look up his record for his recent activity, but it’s probably 2-2 over his last 4. Gall was brought in to embarrass CM Punk and he has stuck around. He has no signature wins, but he has been in the UFC since he was a 2-0 fighter. He’s primarily a grappler.

Bantamweight Louis Smolka vs Vince Morales
Smolka is another middling fighter, a former flyweight, but he does cool poo poo when he wins. He’s a win big – by superkick KO or flipparroonie submission – or lose big type of fighter. Vince Morales is 2-3 UFC with a 2019 decision over Aiemann Zahabi as his only notable point on his record.

CommonShore fucked around with this message at 04:40 on Dec 3, 2021

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003



https://twitter.com/MMAjunkie/status/1466542968983023617

geoff neal absorbed mike perry's spirit through his fists

FishBowlRobot
Mar 21, 2006





CarlCX posted:

https://twitter.com/MMAjunkie/status/1466542968983023617

geoff neal absorbed mike perry's spirit through his fists

It Follows but it’s Mike Perry passing along Floridaman behavior.

It’s insane that a diminished Aldo is still able to hang in divisions like 135 and 145. Fuckin legend.

Snowman_McK
Jan 31, 2010


FishBowlRobot posted:

It Follows but it’s Mike Perry passing along Floridaman behavior.

It’s insane that a diminished Aldo is still able to hang in divisions like 135 and 145. Fuckin legend.

Aldo is why i finally grasped how good Max is. Usually, the up and comer catches the old legend on the downslope, but Aldo looked loving incredible in both fights. It's just that Max was even better.

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






Thanks for the writeup!

CommonShore posted:

Fiziev is a Kazakhistani kickboxer who is 4-1 in the UFC.

Fizy's Kyrgyz.

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mewse
May 2, 2006



Apparently Conor has been cultivating mass

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