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Frank Frank
Jun 13, 2001

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of "meh"



This is 100% a serious post so please hear me out. So I have a senior dachshund whose name is Frank (in my avatar there to the left there). He’s housebroken and typically a good dog until he finds something to rummage through that he shouldn’t. I have a fiancee. Frank loves her to pieces. We have been together for 5 years and are getting married next year. Frank has recently decided to start peeing on her.

Now I know what you’re going to say:
* “Maybe it’s his age”
- Nope. He can hold it just fine when he wants to. He seeks her out to pee on, sometimes even right after going outside. He literally saves pee for her.

* “Is it a medical problem?”
- Nope, sure isn’t. We had him tested for Addisons and other urinary tract/kidney issues and the vet says he’s 100% fine and as healthy an 11 year-old dachshund can be.

* “Does he have accidents elsewhere?”
- Nope. He’s housebroken and will ask to go out if he needs to. He has never peed on me, just her. He HAS peed on other girlfriends in the past but only once or twice. This behavior has only started up again recently and seems to be ramping up. He only pees on adult human women. I feel weird typing this.

* “Is he fixed?”
-Yep. Has been since he reached maturity. He’s 11 now.

He purposefully seeks her out and will either pee on her leg or crawl up on her lap and let loose. My fiancée is patient but is y’know, kinda tired of being pissed on. In between my attempts to not to laugh at the situation, I’m actively looking for a solution. Any advice? Anyone run up against this weirdness before?

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Frank Frank
Jun 13, 2001

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of "meh"



I love that this has 400+ views and not a single reply because no one knows how to stop my monstrous firehose of a dog.
Anyway, we're taking him back to the vet tomorrow.

Wish us luck.

Sextro
Aug 23, 2014



I never come to this forum, but I did for some reason today, and I am glad because I can scratch my head and have no idea what's up your dog. It is funny though.

Frank Frank
Jun 13, 2001

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of "meh"



Did anyone have "the dog is just a jerk"?

Per our vet, the verdict appears to be "Frank is just a jerk and/or has separation anxiety". My fiancee has recently started going back to work after being home for a year because of COVID and it appears Frank doesn't approve so he's decided the best way to deal with that is to pee on her.

tl;dr; my dog is mentally disturbed and possibly has a piss fetish. At least he's healthy I guess.

cailleask
May 6, 2007







I wish I had advice. I had a dog who was also A Jerk. Her method of choice though was pooping directly in the Offending One’s shoes. We couldn’t figure out how to stop it or what to do about it. She eventually passed of old age. Congratulations on your smart but jerky dog I guess?

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Frank Frank
Jun 13, 2001

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of "meh"



I wasn't planning on posting in this thread again but Frank's 2nd blood panel came back and it turns out he's in early stage kidney failure and there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm devastated (he doesn't seem to care - he just wants dinner).

The good news is we caught it super early but the bad news is there's no cure and it'll definitely kill him in a year or two. There's no such thing as dog dialysis so I guess I have to get ready to say goodbye. Don't get me wrong, I love all my pets but Frank stood by me during the darkest, most horrible period(s) in my life and I can't thank him adequately. I'm a 45 year-old guy and I know how long dogs live. I knew this was coming but man, I wasn't prepared for it and I'm just heartbroken.

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