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Dads Dip Cup



okay folks, we've tried turning our browser into a payday loan institution and negging our userbase when they try to leave but we're still bleeding users here. Stanley suggested we just start threatening to murder people and though we're open to the idea we'd like to try a few more slightly less heavy-handed options first so I am opening this meeting to suggestions

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Dads Dip Cup



perhaps we could turn it into a mobile game style gacha or lootbox system where you collect websites to visit using virtual currency purchased with real money

obviously the most common ones will be stuff like your cousin's Facebook page or websites for businesses that went defunct in 2004 but you can still use them to level up your other sites and unlock cool features such as the ability to click on links or input text into text fields

goatse.cx would be "ultra rare" tier, naturally

cruft



Have we considered bundling Bonzi Buddy?

Dads Dip Cup



*goes to click the "Install Firefox" button but it keeps moving to the other side of the screen every time I try to click it*

Clippy (visibly trying not to laugh): "It looks like you're having trouble. Would you like some help?"

Buttchocks

No, I like my hat, thanks.


How about spending millions of dollars on an ad campaign with the slogan "Once you're over the Edge, you can never come back, just like dogs going to heaven."

biosterous




how about we put all users browsing history on the blockchain, forever immutable, and tell them we'll let people look if they ever switch browsers :twisted:

is that how blockchain works idk


https://gfycat.com/lastpersonalchimneyswift.webm
thank you manifisto for this sig!!!
gallery of sigs


he/him or they/them, either works

Nosfereefer



microsoft straight edge, which beats the poo poo out of you if youre using 3rd party browsers

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Dads Dip Cup



"you're here because your parents care about you, kid. they saw that you were about to make a mistake. the same mistake I made. I used to be like you, kid. I thought Google Chrome was the hottest, fastest, most secure browser out there, everyone in my neighborhood was using it. you know what I ended up with? 25 years in federal prison. you think this is a fuckin' game, kid? they'll chew your rear end up and spit you out on the sidewalk, they'll put you on the lowest rung of the social ladder for the rest of your life"

cruft



This might seem crazy but hear me out.

What if we just made a sold browser, kept it updated, tried not to gently caress it up, and then just waited for everyone to sour on Google?

biosterous




cruft posted:

This might seem crazy but hear me out.

What if we just made a sold browser, kept it updated, tried not to gently caress it up, and then just waited for everyone to sour on Google?

thats firefox we cant do that


https://gfycat.com/lastpersonalchimneyswift.webm
thank you manifisto for this sig!!!
gallery of sigs


he/him or they/them, either works

NyaNyaMeister

Bruh-nyuu~

I am from this
stupid country :eurovision:


Introduce a virtual currency called "EdgeBux" that pays you everytime you refer Edge to someone. Partner up with like 2 stores in New York that are both 1 dollar pizza places where the Bux can be exchanged for a discount on a single pizza slice.

google THIS



cruft posted:

This might seem crazy but hear me out.

What if we just made a sold browser, kept it updated, tried not to gently caress it up, and then just waited for everyone to sour on Google?

:mods:

google THIS



Ok remember that alarm clock that donates to a nonprofit/political party you hate if you hit snooze? Pretty much that if they switch away from Edge, and the evil company we give the money to? Alphabet Inc.

Buttchocks

No, I like my hat, thanks.


We hire Russians to make posts on Facebook saying that Edge won the election.

your friend sk

(ヤイケス!)




ok folks, we're rewriting the windows 11 start menu to use edge. no, i don't know what that means either

https://gfycat.com/delightfuluglydegu.webm

thank you fisto and psp!!


thanks to lord ddfg for making me mayor for life of quincyville!


Add to your sig if you're a proud supporter of Local 69!
Check out my Retired Sig Parade!

Dads Dip Cup



"how about if they try to leave we show them a picture of a kitten in a hammock and then tell them we're going to take the kitten's hammock away if they switch browsers"

*horrified gasps from everyone in the conference room, including Satan who is also in attendance*

Robot Made of Meat



OK, since we're just spitballing here . . . and I know this might sound crazy -- what if we made Edge not suck? What if we didn't force it on everyone using misleading tricks?

Sorry, sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't know what I was thinking.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

Buttchocks

No, I like my hat, thanks.


wrong thread

Buttchocks fucked around with this message at 03:19 on Dec 5, 2021

google THIS



An Edge/DS9 crossover! That's it!

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped.


Robot Made of Meat posted:

OK, since we're just spitballing here . . . and I know this might sound crazy -- what if we made Edge not suck? What if we didn't force it on everyone using misleading tricks?

Sorry, sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't know what I was thinking.

I know you apologized but still...

Straight out the window.

Fredrik1

Gopherslayer
:rock:


Ok, ok, how about, a pachinko machine, but for websites.

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google THIS



Bright Bart posted:

Straight out the Windows.

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