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PHIZ KALIFA

#mood


hi everyone as you know my Denary Gooniversary approaches (dec 21) and I'm going to film myself looking at a camera and telling jokes. theier probably wont be an audience involved (friends mad i stopped doing poetry) but i'm gonna debut it here and the cuties reading this are probably going to be the bulk majority of the audience total so i'm soliciting inputs for topics or subjects you'd like to hear me cover with jokes.

it's going to be called ALIVE IS A FOUR LETTER WORD and it's going to be deeply sincere. the opening monologue is about acknowledging the deeply hosed up, traumatic situation we're in. then i have a bunch of jokes about COVID calling bullshit on suicidal ideation. afterwards? the saga of jesus's foreskin.

so yeah. gently caress my entire poo poo up i dare you. i could do a whole fuckin half hour on anime ladies i'd let beat me up. actually gently caress comedy it;s gonna be about that now instead. you had the opportunity but you took too long to respond and now i'm doing this other thing instead. the comedy special i didn't make is now going to be like Jodorovsky's Dune, just an unfathomably influential piece of art that doesn't exist and is too cool to ever. okay cool talk thanks byob.

....

but if i WAS gonna do it. what should i cover. hyoptheticaly.

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your friend sk

(ヤイケス!)




who has that foreskin anyway

https://gfycat.com/delightfuluglydegu.webm

thank you fisto and psp!!


thanks to lord ddfg for making me mayor for life of quincyville!


Add to your sig if you're a proud supporter of Local 69!
Check out my Retired Sig Parade!

nut



the shroud of tuggin


ty Prof Croc for a wonderful sig

The Voice of Labor



you should be eating a peanut butter sandwich throughout the thing so your talking mouth is always full of peanut butter

this is what I see

Escape From Noise

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?


your friend sk posted:

who has that foreskin anyway

With The J Man it was more like a fiveskin!

Buttchocks

No, I like my hat, thanks.


ISO standards that need to be revised.

fps_nug



family guy funny moments

Escape From Noise

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?


fps_nug posted:

family guy funny moments

Ah, a 4'33 of comedy!



Thank you Pot Smoke Pheonnix for this Kickin' Rad sig

teen witch

Hugs are better than drugs!


cancel culture but instead itís about people cancelling reservations or orders for things

Cardi BYOB

PHANTOM QUEEN




teen witch posted:

cancel culture but instead it’s about people cancelling reservations or orders for things

This 100% but also.

Please talk about being online, please. Tell us your stories of online, Malt.

free Trapt CD


You could do a solid 30 just on foreskins. Lots of foreskin material out there. Deep, untapped vein of comedy. You could be 'the foreskin guy'. The Gallagher of foreskin.

Escape From Noise

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?


Has it been long enough for people to find white people doing comedy raps funny again? Only one way to find out!

Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 04:39 on Dec 10, 2021

Finger Prince

"I think he's watching us..."

"No, it's just the Mountain Peeks."
(Source)



Metric vs imperial measurement systems.

PHIZ KALIFA

#mood


your friend sk posted:

who has that foreskin anyway

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. by the middle ages there were 18 copies of the relic circulating europe, but the last one vanished in 1986 when it was stolen from the priest's closet who ran the church where it was displayed. the town (i forget the name, it's like 30 miles from rome) very much believes that agents from The Vatican stole it. I suspect this was to prevent future scientists from isolating the DNA, in less than five years police would use DNA fingerprinting to arrest a murderer. anyone paying attention would be able to see where this technology was going, it would have only been a matter of time before someone got the idea to use the foreskin to Clone Jesus.

Finger Prince posted:

Metric vs imperial measurement systems.

how does anyone in england get anywhere when you can't find out how many rods to the hogshead of petrol you're getting

Escape From Noise posted:

Has it been long enough for people to find white people doing comedy Rao's funny again? Only one way to find out!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imHPpmdbR_w ?

free Trapt CD posted:

You could do a solid 30 just on foreskins. Lots of foreskin material out there. Deep, untapped vein of comedy. You could be 'the foreskin guy'. The Gallagher of foreskin.

i dated a woman who studied medievalism at oxford largely for the opportunity to hook up with a dude with a foreskin. she wanted to try taking a turkey baster filled with warm water and inflating the foreskin like a water balloon. never found out if that happened or not.

Cardi BYOB posted:

This 100% but also.
Please talk about being online, please. Tell us your stories of online, Malt.

i will try to think of some!

teen witch posted:

cancel culture but instead itís about people cancelling reservations or orders for things

oh i LOVE this

fps_nug posted:

family guy funny moments

have i done something to upset you

Buttchocks posted:

ISO standards that need to be revised.

yeah okay, yeah! yeah! i like a challenge!

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

your friend sk

(ヤイケス!)




PHIZ KALIFA posted:

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. by the middle ages there were 18 copies of the relic circulating europe, but the last one vanished in 1986 when it was stolen from the priest's closet who ran the church where it was displayed. the town (i forget the name, it's like 30 miles from rome) very much believes that agents from The Vatican stole it. I suspect this was to prevent future scientists from isolating the DNA, in less than five years police would use DNA fingerprinting to arrest a murderer. anyone paying attention would be able to see where this technology was going, it would have only been a matter of time before someone got the idea to use the foreskin to Clone Jesus.

lmao at a priest causally keeping christ's foreskin in his closet

https://gfycat.com/delightfuluglydegu.webm

thank you fisto and psp!!


thanks to lord ddfg for making me mayor for life of quincyville!


Add to your sig if you're a proud supporter of Local 69!
Check out my Retired Sig Parade!

PHIZ KALIFA

#mood


your friend sk posted:

lmao at a priest causally keeping christ's foreskin in his closet

if it was the version i think it was, it was stored in a giant gold cross too.

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.




free Trapt CD posted:

You could do a solid 30 just on foreskins. Lots of foreskin material out there. Deep, untapped vein of comedy. You could be 'the foreskin guy'. The Gallagher of foreskin.

Smashing foreskins with a hammer

Buttchocks

No, I like my hat, thanks.


Operas that no one bothers performing.

your friend sk

(ヤイケス!)




free Trapt CD posted:

You could do a solid 30 just on foreskins. Lots of foreskin material out there. Deep, untapped vein of comedy. You could be 'the foreskin guy'. The Gallagher of foreskin.

just listen REALLY carefully if anyone starts talking about cutting material

https://gfycat.com/delightfuluglydegu.webm

thank you fisto and psp!!


thanks to lord ddfg for making me mayor for life of quincyville!


Add to your sig if you're a proud supporter of Local 69!
Check out my Retired Sig Parade!

PHIZ KALIFA

#mood


Buttchocks posted:

Operas that no one bothers performing.

the closest i've got is a bit on das triadische ballet, will that suffice

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

frump truck

hello... again!



anime ladies that will beat you up

EDIT: wasps vs bees

aldantefax

ALWAYS BE MECHFISHIN'

iím here for the 30 minute special about anime ladies beating forums poster PHIZ KHALIFA up?

They Might Be



Just a lot of small bits about staring into fires of different sizes peppered and salted throughout. Instead of patter you bring up getting lost in the flickering flame of candlelight, or wanting to heap a spoonful of lava on top of an ice cream sundae.


    Thx Van Go Go Go
fps_nug



PHIZ KALIFA posted:

have i done something to upset you

no darling :love:

fps_nug



but I think you should consider

Zurtilik

:parrot::parrot::parrot::parrot:

Biggest Idiot in Birdom


Talk about a time you felt sincerely happy.


=)



GIF by Khanstant.

Trollipop

hippin and hoppin


airplane food

being poor

free Trapt CD


GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Smashing foreskins with a hammer

"Here's my card - I do birthdays, anniversaries, the occasional bris..."

free Trapt CD


PHIZ KALIFA posted:

i dated a woman who studied medievalism at oxford largely for the opportunity to hook up with a dude with a foreskin. she wanted to try taking a turkey baster filled with warm water and inflating the foreskin like a water balloon. never found out if that happened or not.
I'm so glad I have enough context here to know whose foreskin is getting inflated. Otherwise this story could be pretty easily misconstrued

pnac attack



aldantefax posted:

iím here for the 30 minute special about anime ladies beating forums poster PHIZ KHALIFA up?

https://giant.gfycat.com/EasygoingHeartfeltBigmouthbass.mp4ty mani <3

Prof. Crocodile




op you should go retro and wear and windbreaker while standing in front of a brick wall while talking about the little frustrations of air travel.


thank you kaiser schnitzel for this seasonal sig!

PHIZ KALIFA

#mood


They Might Be posted:

Just a lot of small bits about staring into fires of different sizes peppered and salted throughout. Instead of patter you bring up getting lost in the flickering flame of candlelight, or wanting to heap a spoonful of lava on top of an ice cream sundae.

i had considered filming it by a fire so that's very likely.

Trollipop posted:

airplane food
being poor

being poor absolutely

Zurtilik posted:

Talk about a time you felt sincerely happy.
=)

oh absolutely.

free Trapt CD posted:

I'm so glad I have enough context here to know whose foreskin is getting inflated. Otherwise this story could be pretty easily misconstrued

"she... she wanted to inflate jesus's foreskin with a turkey baster???"
"that's all i could derive from context, yeah"

frump truck posted:

anime ladies that will beat you up

EDIT: wasps vs bees

i got to see a japanese murder hornet in the flesh onetime, i might do a bit on both of em put together. anime waspwaifus who could beat me up.

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

PHIZ KALIFA

#mood


hey i wrote a play about solving the harem anime with queer polyamory and i'd like some feedback: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1y9CDzpYXdHijODJcQF62W4AREGoSoNeZ/view?usp=sharing

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

PHIZ KALIFA

#mood


this is goign down in the discord, 8:30 pm est. i thought i'd be able to record on a snowy day but one hasn't happened yet. :-/

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

Gramps





I for one would appreciate a tight five about the gooch/taint/perineum/devil's driveway.

aldantefax

ALWAYS BE MECHFISHIN'

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

this is goign down in the discord, 8:30 pm est. i thought i'd be able to record on a snowy day but one hasn't happened yet. :-/

Nice

PHIZ KALIFA

#mood


Gramps posted:

I for one would appreciate a tight five about the gooch/taint/perineum/devil's driveway.

i dont think i have anything on that but i DO have a criminally overworked bit on jesus's foreskin

mods only know two things: eat hot grape and lie

Cardi BYOB

PHANTOM QUEEN




PHIZ KALIFA posted:

i dont think i have anything on that but i DO have a criminally overworked bit on jesus's foreskin

Please Jesus do it

Escape From Noise

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?


Cardi BYOB posted:

Please Jesus do it

Alright, alright!

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Ass-penny



aldantefax posted:

i’m here for the 30 minute special about anime ladies beating forums poster PHIZ KHALIFA up?

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