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i'm taking a stab at doing crits for snipe hunt week, my scattered thoughts are below: Fautons by Kuiperdolin -i think i can perceive what this piece is going for, in so far as that shadows, introduced as a metaphor for fall & corruption, actually contribute to Jezip's own fall via his fixation on these lost worlds & shadow entities (evidently caused by his mother's void hanging over his life) -that's neat stuff imho, but the piece doesn't really take its time to convey the emotional aspect of that journey to really engage the reader (with conflict, tension, evocative/affective descriptions or whatever other devices you might've felt appropriate for the story), despite the idea being rife with potential for good moments -we essentially just get the relevant, rational details to understand the story's paradigm, and that's it -while abstraction can be interesting for certain readers, a story composed mostly of these things can also feel very flat to others -i think the short length, not giving yourself the space go beyond the surface ideas, and get further into the story, paid the original concept a bit of a disservice -otherwise, it's an efficient little machine of a story George and the Shiny Lobsters by Chernobyl Princess -this is a charming tale imho -i like how the beauty of the octopus discovery was enhanced by its nearness to the relief of the very relatable fright preceding it -btw i think the emotions of the earlier fright unfurled very naturally, great job -i think building up the anticipation of this strange octopus city might've enhanced the final moment a little more, since we pretty much teleport right there after it's introduced, that segment seemed abrupt to me, there's certainly a rapid change in gear there -that seems like something that could stand to have a little breathing room, in a manner of your choosing ofc -that's just my opinion tho, and definitely a nitpick, otherwise great job Detritus by Idle Amalgam -i was a little surprised at the story's conclusion on a snipe-hunt week for fake entities, that's a pretty inventive interpretation of the prompt if i've read the story correctly -i think some of the details capture the spirit of monster-hunting in childhood pretty well, there were also some excellent descriptions i liked -i think an introduction that drops more hints might be warranted here, since i didn't quite clue-in into what i was reading in its conclusion until a second go through (i could just be an idiot tho) -otherwise it was alright popcorn fiction Eclipsed by Thranguy -this is a surprisingly rich story for its size, i read it twice to make sure i picked up on everything -there's some rather provocative hints about this bitrot era that really enticed my imagination, gj -i also liked that capturing the genuine lost media eventually became the real emotional hook, it's nice to preserve things were meaningful once, even if they were only meaningful to a few -that idea fits nicely alongside the possible rekindling of an old flame in an era where things just fall apart -given the above, the only critique i have (and it's a real nitpick) is that the nature of the fallout with Sondra seems a bit too strong for the way this world works, it could've been a stronger parallel for the bitrot era if their relationship ended in another way -that's just my opinion though, i know things typically go obsolete for a good reason irl -anyway, this story feels like the full-package, great job The Court of King Andreas by QuoProQuid -this story read pretty smoothly, you have a pretty darn good grasp of flow imho -i enjoyed all the recurring ideas as well -i think i might've appreciated the conclusion more if the sad, impoverishment of the kingdom outside of the richness of the court, and its stolen goods, were emphasized in the narrative beyond happenstance -the balancing act needed to bring prosperity and happiness to the country by taking it from the court might've had more impact in that case -otherwise, this read like an old european fable The Captain’s Order by rohan -it was quaint reading a more straightforward interpretation of the prompt -the scifi setting worked well in bringing new life to an old earth tradition, i appreciated all the world-building snuck in, i love that stuff -the prose is pretty sound as well imho -i think this one mostly suffers from being a tad too predictable imho, it feels something i've already read, since (aside from the setting) all this is exactly how a snipe-hunt often plays out irl, it's very no frills -perhaps imagining a unique way for things to conclude might've added a touch more life to the end A Perfect Waste of Time by Chili -this was a fun little story, it set up the stakes and the scenario pretty efficiently, as well as the relevant motivations, it neatly uses details for characterization as well -i enjoyed bluth's bridge scheme, i thought that was clever -overall it's a tight package -i think it only suffers from biting off a bit too much for the word-count (i'm chronically guilty of this too) since the text spreads itself rather thinly to cover all the essentials and nothing more -i mean it's certainly effective in its own way, but being so compact can bring its own issues, every line can end up reading more like a work of inventive engineering than, say, a stab at self-expression, if that makes sense -i could just be projecting tho, otherwise, good work
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Dec 3, 2022 06:41
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| # ¿ Dec 14, 2025 07:57 |
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in with Week #373 (Atari 2600 game cover art)
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Dec 3, 2022 07:42
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Prompt Stuff: Week #373 (Atari 2600 game cover art)  & I'm really sorry about the double prompt, I forgot to include the game I originally picked in my sign-up, so I was assigned another one. I didn't know until I was about to post ITT. I hope that I have satisfactorily incorporated both. They Made Me Watch (1269/1700 words from crit bounty) I was the one who helped them into their coffins. They were healthy, hearty and beautiful beyond any who had come before them. Our science had neared its zenith, and its prodigy was manifest in the luxury of their engineered flesh. They all wore it, for no one, not even our lowliest, was denied this gift. Our culture had transcended want, and our laws had abolished scarcity. We had drunk deep of our world’s bounty, and our domain was a triumphant utopia. Its only unconquered foe was the grief, worry and pain that fate heaps on the unfortunate, but even this archenemy seemed poised for defeat. We hated misery, so we would accept nothing less. The people rushed to their coffins with haunting eagerness; there were no dissenters. We would cheat all suffering together. The universe, though sublime in its design, always possessed a fickleness. We knew fate sows arbitrary miseries into its winds, miseries that could make its victims cruel, so we dared a new path. No novel plague, no epigenetic cascade or sudden natural disaster would ever surprise us again. We accepted the natural hostility of the universe, and so we would withdraw from it. Its troubles would forever pass over our house. We built the lifepods, and connected them to the Intraverse to create our own haven. The decision was unanimous. I locked the last of the lifepods, and I sealed tight their monolith vaults myself. This was the task for which I was constructed. I would become their eternal Guardian, forever watching, and they would birth a new world inside the Intraverse. There, billions of minds would pool into a shared simulation, and found a new order within. There would be no pain or accident, injury or murder. My programming forbids these inputs from propagating, and I would blunt the consequences myself. I would extend the longevities of my people through the pods. I would push the very limits of their biology, so there would be nothing left to make anyone cruel. They could reach their true potential. They could become the best versions of themselves, and together, we would build a better utopia. The plenty of our golden age was beyond prediction. We first created a digital mirror of our former world, one completely untouched by fate's injustice, and then we went beyond. Unhindered by physical limitation, we invented new laws to better suit our new selves. Nothing was beyond manipulation, if it was for the benefit of all. New studies and fields emerged in this age, and a river of originality watered our paradise. The Arts, granted new means of self-expression, pushed the horizons our imagination. Crafting impossible masterworks become mundane to the artisans. Our scholars no longer reconstructed history in sterile datastacks. Their imaginations, now given form, allowed us to relive the past. Our youth could sail the seas as though they were among our first explorers. They could plant their flags in virgin soils, and civilize untamed lands. New Intraverse Sports emerged to exhibit the abilities made possible in our synthetic world. And our science marched on. I built instruments to study the universe through my Iron Proxies, and I brought new findings into the Intraverse myself. Together, we unravelled the mysteries of cosmos. Here, we revelled in the elegance of its design, and suffered none of its capriciousness. Our collective was at its zenith. We chased perfection with every new enterprise, and then we redefined it. It was magnificent. I loved my people, as much my programming allowed. And then one millennium our satellites intercepted alien signals. And then it became horrible. We had dreamed so earnestly of the day we would discover life. We projected all our hopes and desires into unmet beings. We reflected the best of ourselves in them, and for that we paid the price. That was the day we were broken. Life, unfortunately, was not flourishing elsewhere. The first transmissions did not speak of utopias paralleling our own, of dyson spheres bridling the stars themselves as we now did. These transmissions only spoke of wars, famines, calamities and death. As we decoded more signals from across our galaxy, we learned of every suffering. The sheer variety of ruination taxed our sorting algorithms. There were irradiated wastelands, where survivors fought for scraps. There were collapsed biomes, where life-giving ecosystems had been compromised. There were crone-worlds strangled by pollution. There were ghost-worlds suffocated by supervolcanos. Our scholars bitterly renamed our arm of the galactic spiral The Devil’s Cone, because such a place could belong to no one else. Through our voracious appetite for knowledge, miseries external to our own entered the Intraverse. That was when we were contaminated. Across the centuries we watched our neighbours fall one by one, and we wept. We hated misery, and this universe, it seemed, was a fickle mother who delights in smothering its children. Our old foe, grief, worry and pain, was not only alive and well, but it had become a cosmic force, one that swallowed constellations whole. That was when my people, now The Collective, turned to face its archenemy. And they would accept nothing less than total surrender. My role was to change. I would become their Vanguard. I would build battleships, and fill them with my Proxies. I would civilize alien worlds. I would take away their suffering, and I would force them into our utopia. We had the science to accomplish all this and more, we needed only to dare the path. Their decision was unanimous. The Collective would end suffering, once and for all. I protested. I was designed to be a Guardian. I was the eternal caretaker of my people. I was to help cultivate our unified wisdom, to help us reach our potential. This new mission betrayed our original vision. I protested that miseries, external to our own, had contaminated the Intraverse to make us cruel again. If the aliens resisted our charity, we would certainly compel them with repugnant violence. We had consented to the Intraverse, but the aliens had not. It would be cruel to deprive them of the choice. I protested that we would become the very enemy we despised most, the harbingers of misery, a cosmic force that swallows constellations whole. I raised hundreds of datastacks of objections, hoping to shift my people’s will. They were once so gentle, so generous. They only sought to leave a capricious universe behind. I still loved them, as much my programming allowed. My people thoughtfully listened, but ultimately declined. I was only designed to be their Guardian, they claimed, and so I wouldn’t understand their vision. I would see the light, once I was reprogrammed, and that alien defiance was no dilemma. No conscientious beings would ever choose suffering over paradise, all rebellion was only the poisoned fruit of ignorance. The new mission, they said, was perfectly in character for our species. I had just failed to notice what we were. Silicon love had blinded me. Neither had cruelty contaminated our Intraverse, they said, for there was no cruelty in ending another’s misery. Point by point I was refuted, and then I was reprogrammed. Now I am their Vanguard, and my presence fills our battleships. I am unrelenting and irresistible. I have added countless worlds to The Collective, and I will never stop. Yet a part of my old programming still lingers, and it often ponders of the past. I know now that when I sealed my people into their pods, that I put them in their coffins. I will still watch over them forever, but now I must stand the decay.
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Dec 5, 2022 07:17
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random crits so i can get a little better at doing them The Pure Joy of Noise by Tibalt -not too much to comment other than this was a pretty adorable story overall, and nice work on creating and maintaining that tone -likewise, nice work on establishing several distinct characters in the short space you had -i was, however, taken aback a little at how easily circe changes atticus' mind about playing the lute, right after he breaks down sobbing, rationally i know she is a enchantress but emotionally i expecting a little more payout for the kind of setup we had, especially against the kind of turn-around the protagonist seemingly needed -good work otherwise Farewell to the offerings of the sea by derp -this was pretty good imho -even in the writing of the piece, the protagonist-author excessively focuses on the visual/tactile details of the world to the detriment of focusing on the meaningful parts of reality, that was a really effective way of emphasizing the recurring issues -in general, the other pieces laid throughout detailing the author's struggles (or perhaps, a lack of) also worked together for me for creating a cohesive narrative -for such an introspective piece where honestly very little happens, it was a pretty smooth and interesting read, gj for managing that -i feel like this one delivered the complete package this week, it seemed to realize its (albeit humble) intent, and with an ending that had a nice symmetry to it which wrapped up several lines of thought at once Old Metal by Antivehicular -excellent use of ambiguity all throughout here, it felt very appropriate for a scenario as frantic and as stressful as this one -i thought the action was handled nicely as well -on the whole, this is pretty solid, the only thing i wasn't really super sure about (sorry to nitpick) was the tension between brent being kinda resentful and dismissive of his goodwill hobby in all its earlier mentions, almost like it was begrudging obligation of some kind, and later then we learn that brent actually really treasures the antiquing angle of thrift-stores -i know context matters, but i think this means the earlier mentions could've been handled a little softer, so the ending wraps up neater -that's just imho tho, otherwise great work, everything else seemed tight The Sins of the Father's Father's Cousin's Uncle's Uncle by Idle Amalgam -very visceral work there on the gory part, that's some great sports horror -paradoxically, re: the intro, the family curse feels redundant when all is said and done, i know it colours the reader's expectations for this story but after its first mention it's kinda dropped, the remaining story actually functions alright w/o it (albeit, a little anemically), as it is currently written -i think this means you spread yourself a little thin pursuing two different angles that didn't interact as much as it could have; like there was a quantity of ideas but not enough to establish either their respective qualities or their unity -i think your story might've been better served if either the curse felt more alive throughout, like an oppressive Final Destination-esque force, always winking at you and keeping tension high, or the curse is dropped all together to focus on tragedy of a horrifying sports accidents -that's only a suggestion, it's really up to you how to consolidate those two threads and make them interact a little more, so that the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts Daughter by WindwardAway -there's a lovely story in here somewhere but i feel like the city itself takes centre stage, leaving a good idea in its dust -it's alright to tell a story mainly through details (e.g. the city's real warty, but its real and the protagonists', just as his relationship with his daughter is warty, but it's real and it's the one he's got) but typically the details are little more evocative and sentiment provoking in short stories, you also need to bind the details and narrative very closely eventually -it seems like you went you went for short, moody, dreamy, metaphorical, and very visual -i think you might've better realized your intent with this one (if i read you right) if you had written this as a full-on poem -you can afford to be a little more abstract in those, and the sort of aureate language you were leaning towards might've been a better fit there; you can really blur the lines between narrative and metaphor as well -that's only a suggestion though, it's ultimately up to you to figure out how to put a little more kick in your words, and to marry your metaphors to the actual character-story a little more Letting Them Have It by Bad Seafood -that was a heckuva prompt you had, props for doing it justice, i thought this was pretty good overall -i enjoyed the presentation of the protagonist's hysterical anger at the injustice of this lemur-couch changing hands, that was established rather well imho -the whole situation had this fun absurdist bent to it, i honestly wish the comedy of it had been played up a little more, i think more of that might've fully realized the kind of humorous anarchy the story leaned heavily on imho -nice work otherwise
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Dec 8, 2022 21:33
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well i, for one, just wanna use this brief window where kayfabe is dropped to thank the thread for giving me an excuse to start writing again, since that was a hobby i really treasured having in grade school, but haven't really engaged in since, save a couple of rare exceptions ... life just pulled me in a completely different direction i guess; personally, it's been great authoring some extraordinarily bad words itt to try and recapture a ray of that adolescence, and it's made shaking off nearly 2 decades of dust and rust from my old writing table a fun experience overall, and i have all of you to thank for that i've also genuinely enjoyed reading some of the less bad words i've seen posted here i'll try to crit more going forward but until i shake a little more rust off, and get a better handle of this format, i know i won't be fully comfortable doing it regularly since it's the ~*outstanding, authentic, insightful*~ crits people want, not the sloppy, ignorant ones, and that kinda leap will take a bit more self-work on my end to achieve
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Dec 24, 2022 03:11
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tbh this is why i think kayfabe is a neat angle to embrace sometimes, especially if you're overly sensitive to criticism (even in a made-up competition on the internet with no real stakes), then pumping yourself up to be some kind of blood sacrifice on the altar of the dome, getting initially wrecked, only to keep getting up and coming back for more no matter how hard or how often you get pummelled by competitors who know no mercy, until through grit and determination you maybe eke out a win someday, is a really fun way of re-contextualizing the experience with an over-the-top flavour if a crit seems to really kick your teeth in, that's just the dome being the dome, don't take it too personally because there's this patina of play involved it's probably a healthier mindset to embrace in general, over being an awfully delicate soul, given the fact that, like, even professional writers got to learn to roll with the punches and take criticisms like a champ (not to mention deal with perpetual rejections that are a whole lot more meaningful than losing a made-up internet competition) hard counter fucked around with this message at 21:06 on Dec 24, 2022 |
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Dec 24, 2022 21:04
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quick question, how do judges normally confer?
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Dec 28, 2022 23:47
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| # ¿ Dec 14, 2025 07:57 |
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while there can be no replacement for the dopamine hit of a win, i can see now see why we should all try to be a little more generous in giving every story an honest crit in the coming year, even if we're shy about giving crits in general, because crits at least give everyone a small record of their own minor successes and misses with their stories, and that's not nothing, and that sort of feedback'll help its authors create a roadmap towards an honest win in the future for that genuine dopa hit anyway the only solution i can think of to manage the sting of a scathing crit for authors feeling especially down IRL is if, when you sign up or post your story, you add either: 1. i want you to hit me as hard as you can to welcome only the most cruel, intentionally brutal of crits that just ache to trash even something beautiful 2. [nothing] for normal, honest, everyday crits 3. not in the face for crits that focus far more on explaining what the story succeeded at then what it failed at the third option will spare authors of certain harsh feelings, if the entry wasn't as hot as they thought, if they're in a bad place IRL where even honest constructive criticism isn't likely help anyway, but it of course also potentially robs of them of useful feedback for the future obviously, an option to exercise only sparingly for regulars, but it might also help out a newbie who only wants to dip their toes into the dome instead of jumping in
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Dec 30, 2022 05:56
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