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In.
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Jan 25, 2022 15:45
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| # ¿ Apr 26, 2024 04:37 |
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Also, was I supposed to self snitch on toxes? Because I'm sure I've broken one or possibly two at this point and while I enjoy saving the $10 I also feel like it's poor sportsmanship. So I'm gonna let you all decide if my lovely tox break is still grounds for a one way ticket to 
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Jan 25, 2022 15:47
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UHHH Sure I'll do some crits. To be sure do you mean as a judge for the coming week or just a separate set of crits for the week that just happened? I assume the former, but Idk.
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Jan 25, 2022 16:43
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Tyrannosaurus posted:I mean extra crits for the week that is happening right now for stories due Monday the 31st at 3am PST. To be courteous, wait until after official judgement has passed to post them. Got it! Extra homework, not even a real judge. 
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Jan 25, 2022 16:56
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But since this never got directly addressed. On future toxxes should I be doing something to sort of tell on myself or should I just be expecting the admins to do it and if they don't I just shrug and move on like I did last time?
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Jan 25, 2022 18:56
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Sitting Here posted:It helps me if you tell on yourself and others! But it's something I should be keeping track of better than I have been Glad I could be the kid telling the teacher they forgot to assign the homework.
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Jan 25, 2022 20:49
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To that end, I'm going to go back and make sure all recent toxxes have been fulfilled or enforced.
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In, flash me! 
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Feb 1, 2022 14:01
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Thick as Thieves by Staggy - Pretty fun. I enjoy the casualness of the conversation while doing a seemingly complex and focus intensive task. Though I suppose that also advertises how skilled and how rote they've made the whole affair over the years. Good characterization, you get a solid enough feeling that they've known each other without making a whole expositional aside. I have a small nitpick about stating "wires and the pressure pads and the god-knows-what-else" but I suppose it could be read as contributing to the comedy of it and I'm wrong. 600 Demons by Ceighk - Bit of an odd one. It seems too detached, like a 7th grader doing one of those'What I Did for Summer' essays. The wife seems like she's been living those Resident Evil movies and the husband seems like he wasn't all that impressed to see her or hear what she had done. Even them meeting each other sounds like just two dopey friends who hadn't seen each other for a week or two. I feel like the concept is workable, but with what got accomplished in the story it seems almost too extreme of a backdrop? I'd say we couldve spared some details about the towns defense set up for some more characterization, especially with the 1500 word budget. Inspirational Action by ChickenofTomorrow - A shorty. I like the first line a lot! I had a chuckle at: " "The sunlight flowed down the mountain slopes like a raw egg cracked over a bowl of rice." Jesus Christ." A novel concept, though a bit short. I guess it got the point across succinctly though and sometimes that's better then just extending the story for the sake of it. Fun enough for what it is. Comfort Food by Nae - A sweet simple narrative. Nothing too controversial or exciting, but nothing bad either. I suppose a couple points could've been communicated in a more engaging way then just simply stating them, but it wasn't egregious in exposition or anything so might just be a personal preference. Characters felt relatable enough for the 1500 word limit, so that was well done. Any talk of spaghetti sauce as gravy just makes me think of the Sorpanos episode where they go to Italy. Of Babes and Brahs by The Man Called M - As others have mentioned the tense is all over the place. At times the story makes the emotions and diction so simple it begins to feel like a story for children, which isn't forbidden here by any means but that doesn't seem like the audience or intent of the story. I hate the name Jimmy Greek it feels entirely too on the nose, is that supposed to be his actual name? That's a personal gripe though. Conflict in here seems short lived and there doesn't seem to be much of a reason for the protagonists to be convinced by Jimmy, it just sort of happens because the story demands it. Jelly by Yoruchi - Feels like you're giving me a lot to learn and follow for a 1,500 word story. I don't hate the idea of these weird jelly people but I feel like this is a lot of world building to do while also trying to get the kind of character building you want in a story focused on relationships. There's a lot of talk of mollusks and my brain just assumed everyone was the Heal Slime from Dragon Quest, even though they clearly have butts and legs. Also I'm not sure what "Jelly" means in this context is it the same slang we Earthlings used? Idk. Structure and grammar were all in line as best I can tell, so it's definitely passable. Just felt like a lot to give me. Cut Outs by T a s t e - I don't really know what I am reading. I had to reread the first few paragraphs and then it clicked he was in a barbershop. It made a lot more sense on the 2nd read though at first I thought he was in his car the whole time. Some of that is on me, but there seems to be a lot of stream of consciousness going on from the narrator. Sometimes when I talk to people mid thought I'll begin my own conversation as if they were there for the whole thought I was having and that feels like what the narrator is doing here. It feels like Im missing half of the narrators thought process. Shark vs Platypus by Chairchucker - I feel like Im watching this: https://youtu.be/gdwchohlMjI It's all alright enough, but it feels like it is moving too quick for all it is trying to do. I think picking two characters and mostly focusing on them then doing everything else you have going on would've been the better move. At this rate I'm almost more interested in whatever the hell a Wizard Loop is. The Gnawed by Noah - I like it a lot. I feel like it does a good job of introducing a new world without getting entirely bogged down in explaining it. I do not entirely understand everyone's motivations here. Is Vulac's violence ultimately inspired by a disdain for the wealthy, that he harmed Tailor, is it that Bray is sort of overriding some of Vulac's will? Sin Bin by Steeltoedsneakers - Everything here feels well written as far as diction and describing events. But the emotional weight feels a bit too light, it does a fine enough job of making me realize why they have been friends but not seems to be resolved or changed at all. More of a snapshot in time of why being friends in your 30s is a pain in the rear end. A relatable enough concept, but not sure if it totally fits my understanding of the prompts goal. Half by Thranguy - It all works. I don't think I'm quite as excited as the judges seem to be but it does very much accomplish the goal of the prompt with an impressive economy of words. Part of me wants to know more, but I also worry more might overdo it. I wish it was a bit more personal myself though, it seems very detached and more telling me rather than showing (as the ol Middle School teacher would tell me.) But my gripes feel more to personal taste, so… Good work overall. The Right Things by flerp - This would've probably been my winner. I can see someone maybe saying it's got a bit of cliche to it, but it works for me. The anxiety of wishing you could tell your pained love one the secret words to take their pain away and kind of getting caught in a guilt spiral. It feels very direct, it gets the job done, it's written well enough. It does have an almost poem like quality though and less typical of a prose short story. Shame you got this in so late! But doesn't stop me from critiquing. Zurtilik fucked around with this message at 21:39 on Feb 5, 2022 |
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Feb 4, 2022 20:25
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I'm so mad. I had half a tale written but I didn't give myself near enough time. Also this is like the 5th time I've missed maybe I do need a nice exile, idk.
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Feb 7, 2022 13:11
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| # ¿ Apr 26, 2024 04:37 |
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Okay! Good idea.
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Feb 7, 2022 13:51
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