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Oh Don Piano
Nov 4, 2009




They don't taste good enough to warrant that much moutheffort, and honestly I'm sick of them making GBS threads up my Mixed Nuts :tizzy:

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cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


Try the bitter ones, much softer.

Nice Guy Patron
Jun 29, 2015


The huge amount of water they use is their biggest problem.

Oh Don Piano
Nov 4, 2009




cult_hero posted:

Try the bitter ones, much softer.

They already have low taste, not willing to sacrifice it for ease of chew


my dog died im sad posted:

The huge amount of water they use is their biggest problem.

It just keeps getting worse for this poo poo nut

Bismuth
Jun 10, 2010

SORRY!
Oh my gosh, that was a big one!

Hell Gem

Almonds are not hard, strengthen your jaw muscles

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

Wait til OP finds out about Brazil nuts.

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


Oh Don Piano posted:

They already have low taste, not willing to sacrifice it for ease of chew


Considering they form the basis for so many things, like nougat, marzipan, bear claws, etc, your perception is incorrect. It sounds like a COVID test might be in order.

quote:


Almonds are not hard, strengthen your jaw muscles


Also this. I found rocks to be useful for an early training regimen before moving up to ball bearings and other teeth.

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


gleebster posted:

Wait til OP finds out about Brazil nuts.

You're taking them out of the shell first right?

Right?!

Snowy
Oct 6, 2010

A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense




gleebster posted:

Wait til OP finds out about deez nuts.

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019





Bismuth posted:

Almonds are not hard, strengthen your jaw muscles

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

An A+ Poster (:

OP is a soyboi almond milk upsets his tumtum

1000 Sweaty Rikers
Oct 13, 2005



I ate too many almonds at once and now I don't care for them anymore

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



my teeth are absolute garbage from years of homelessness and drug addiction Nd i can eat almonds fine are your teeth made of porcelain

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Problematic Poster*~

Fun Shoe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9O94UTDAJQ

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008

i like cats


My elderly mother with upper and lower dentures can't eat almonds easily either, so she picks them out of her mixed nuts and gives them to me. You just need to get a buddy to give your almonds to.

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

cult_hero posted:

You're taking them out of the shell first right?

Right?!

I ain't shelling your Brazil nuts. You want them, you gotta work for that.

Flowers for QAnon
May 20, 2019





Soft-toothed bitch!

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


gleebster posted:

I ain't shelling your Brazil nuts. You want them, you gotta work for that.

But every year your mom gives me a new nutcracker. I keep telling her that they're too small for my weiner, but she just keeps throwing nuts at me saying "You're a shell of the man I knew."

Sad thing is, your dad knows and he seems to be taking it real hard. All his nuts going unshelled.... Gotta feel for the guy.

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993




gently caress almonds

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Problematic Poster*~

Fun Shoe

cashews ftw

oh and piscaccios

and walnuts for sure

Tarkus
Aug 27, 2000



You have to remove the shell OP, much softer afterwards.

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993




Tarkus posted:

You have to remove the shell OP, much softer afterwards.

Almonds is all shell all the way down, they is.

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

cult_hero posted:

But every year your mom gives me a new nutcracker. I keep telling her that they're too small for my weiner, but she just keeps throwing nuts at me saying "You're a shell of the man I knew."

Sad thing is, your dad knows and he seems to be taking it real hard. All his nuts going unshelled.... Gotta feel for the guy.

I highly doubt this. My old man has been dead for over 30 years and my mother would make you crack your own nuts, even if you were sleeping with her.

Bismuth
Jun 10, 2010

SORRY!
Oh my gosh, that was a big one!

Hell Gem

I know a much softer kind of nut you can try

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


Oh, but have you tried Marconi almonds? They're flatter and don't have the brown bran layer.

Also, you can get almond extract, which has all the flavor our almonds and none of the chewing!

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993




cult_hero posted:

Oh, but have you tried Marconi almonds? They're flatter and don't have the brown bran layer.

Also, you can get almond extract, which has all the flavor our almonds and none of the chewing!

I want even less chewing than that

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"

Buglord

Op is clearly an elder goon and almonds make problematic eating with his false teeth :smuggo:

1000 Sweaty Rikers
Oct 13, 2005



OP is asking for someone to chew up almonds and spit the mush-paste into his mouth

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


gleebster posted:

I highly doubt this. My old man has been dead for over 30 years and my mother would make you crack your own nuts, even if you were sleeping with her.

Sorry, I meant your real dad.... And obviously I crack my own nuts, that's what the nutcracker is for. Last year it was a creepy Joe Biden bear wearing lingerie. Your mom's a real character that one.

And we're not sleeping together, it's a much more complicated arrangement. You would know that if you visited once in a while.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


Deez nuts are soft and creamy OP.

Kirk Vikernes
Apr 26, 2004

Count Goatnackh



gleebster posted:

Brazil nuts

Now, there is one of the few foodstuffs that serves as a litmus test for racists. Offer one to a little old lady and see if she simply eats it or goes full 1488.

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


Aardvark! posted:

I want even less chewing than that

Boofing maybe?

Also, eating raw almonds may allow you to live longer.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nati...fd98_story.html

Public disclaimer: These are paid statements from the California Almond Growers Association.

Bismuth
Jun 10, 2010

SORRY!
Oh my gosh, that was a big one!

Hell Gem

cult_hero posted:

Boofing maybe?


I'm spitting chewed up almonds into OP's rear end in a top hat right now

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

cult_hero posted:

Sorry, I meant your real dad.... And obviously I crack my own nuts, that's what the nutcracker is for. Last year it was a creepy Joe Biden bear wearing lingerie. Your mom's a real character that one.

And we're not sleeping together, it's a much more complicated arrangement. You would know that if you visited once in a while.

Now I know you have never seen my mom.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


gleebster posted:

Now I know you have never seen my mom.

That's the entire point to keeping her in the gloryhole.

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod



Op how do you feel about cashews? This is important.

1000 Sweaty Rikers
Oct 13, 2005



the best nuts are pistachios, cashews and macadamia nuts

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.



Boof the almonds if you find it too hard to eat them.

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

That's the entire point to keeping her in the gloryhole.

Nicely done. I did not see the opening I had given you.

Now, why can't you eat regular nut meats?

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Tarkus
Aug 27, 2000



I love taking some raw almonds, soaking them in brine for a bit, drying them off and then roasting them in a toaster oven. Nicely toasted almonds are god's gift to the human species and I'm sorry that your teeth are too gooey to appreciate that.

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