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BigHead posted:You guys ever stop to think that maybe we're the bad guys? I mean, the boss has seven hundred identically dressed people in masks he pays to stand around his office building. All on the off chance that one singular guy in a city of forty million comes in. God damnit I wish I had listened to that guidance counselor instead of just loving around in my twenties. These uniforms stink and itch and we get drowned in a vat of acid if we even complain. I get paid $15 per hour and the contract says right there, "complain once, vat of acid!" I only took this job because I needed evening income after my landlord raised the rent! You know what, you're right. Im tired of working for Amazon.
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Jan 18, 2022 06:43
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Hey so.. Have you ever called 911 in this city? Why would I want to talk to the cops for? I ain't no stoolie! Nah that's not what I mean it's just. Well here listen. Hey what are you doin' put that thing away! Nah nah trust me just listen. *speaker phone* Hello 911 what is your emergency? Uh there's these couple of guys looks like maybe they're breakin' into the old clown gas factory. Transferring you now, one moment please. Yes hello, Wayne residence.
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Jan 18, 2022 07:03
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"you'd think harvey dent of all people would be against me smoking meth on my off hours. he doesnt even drug test. crazy world right? well, i gotta go now. we're strapping this bat lunatic to a giant penny or some weird poo poo. i think its a sex thing. i'll call you next week. i love you, mom"
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Jan 18, 2022 07:42
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Checkout this badass kryptonite i just picked up hell yeah going to gently caress up that bat bitch
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Jan 18, 2022 07:43
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Sure the hours are long and the pay sucks but sometimes I get tied up by a redhead dame in a latex suit so it ain’t all bad.
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Jan 18, 2022 07:48
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"yeah, no joke. i used to tame the lions at the circus before i became the penguins personal sushi chef. the dude ringleadin' really couldnt handle his blow. osha violations out the rear end. so one day this acrobat duo fuckin bites it right in front of everybody. dude in a suit from Barney's comes up to the ringleader and keeps yelling "HOW MUCH FOR THE BOY" over and over again until the paramedics drove away. dude had a huge erection. no two ways about it. we're talking circus tent in a circus tent. "
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Jan 18, 2022 07:49
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"when i first graduated from law school i landed an internship and eventually made my way to partner. i spend most of my days filing for the upcoming 'Isley v. Monsanto" case. Tort law is loving important."
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Jan 18, 2022 07:53
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henchman? yeah right buddy, i'm a goon
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Jan 18, 2022 07:57
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I hear all of kingpin's thugs get medical/dental and a profit sharing plan. buddy, I think I'm in the wrong continuity
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Jan 18, 2022 08:09
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No, really boss, I respect you. I just think that the take on the bank job would be a better yield if we weren't taking just two dollar bills. Yeah I know we do a whole thing but it doesn't make much sense. A few of us also wondered why we'd rob the Second National Bank at 2:00. I think Batman probably knows you're going to do that.
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Jan 18, 2022 08:38
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Yeah I had to quit working for Two Face. He took the whole gimmick way too seriously. The loving lunatic got shot in the leg by a cop and started yelling that it had to be both legs. He actually told me to shoot his other leg like it was my fault the cops knew he would be there EXACTLY at 2:00. I just quit there and then. What do you even say to a guy like that. Anyway I start working for the Riddler tomorrow.
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Jan 18, 2022 08:43
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So I wanna go big time villain but I gotta come up with some fixation like the big boys have. The only thing special about me is my ability to stow tons of valuables in my rear end. From now on call me The Stank Vault.
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Jan 18, 2022 08:59
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I want to be the main guy from this one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-q6pIZD4ljU
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Jan 18, 2022 11:34
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I hope I never have to be the guy that shouts, "IT'S DA BAT!" 
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Jan 18, 2022 12:48
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*dangling by a wire upside down off a bridge It's a living.
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Jan 18, 2022 12:54
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I worked for this guy out in Keystone for a while, went by the name "The Thinker". Anyway that guy was just a dang hologram floating under some kind of weird robot head. He paid me every Friday ON TIME and even had a friggin' 401(k). I got a month off when my son was born, cuz the Thinker said paternity leave was important to my "mental health" or whatever. So I'm gonna walk right up to Mr. Freeze, tell him I need tonight off for my anniversary. Ain't his wife frozen in a block of ice or something? He'll understand.
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Jan 18, 2022 14:25
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Eddie! Eddie, please man, my legs are frozen. Christ, you can't leave me like this! We were friends! I was at your kid's birthday party! Oh God, it's so cold, somebody please help! Wait! Wait! My phone, somebody just get my phone... I'm still on my insurance plan from The Thinker, I think this is covered.
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Jan 18, 2022 17:21
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Funky See Funky Do posted:*dangling by a wire upside down off a bridge The Warner Brothers crossover we need: Bat Jam
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Jan 18, 2022 17:27
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I've never seen anyone who saw my mental health record as a resume til I started working for the Joker. You in for Medication Roulette this evening?
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Jan 18, 2022 17:36
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Ghost Leviathan posted:I've never seen anyone who saw my mental health record as a resume til I started working for the Joker. You in for Medication Roulette this evening? *Joker, standing right next to you* "You betcha friend!" *Laughs hysterically*
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Jan 18, 2022 17:37
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Now, yous gottsta look out for da bat and da cat. Da boid? Well da boid usually means the bat ain't far behind, same with da girl bat or da lady bat - yeah, theys different- but some boids can be pretty mean. Harley Quinn, eh, she can go either way - If yous gets my drifts heh he... OH JEZZUS H CHRIST MY FRICKIN SPINE SOMEONE HIT MY SPINE WITH A HAMMER
Disco Pope fucked around with this message at 17:43 on Jan 18, 2022 |
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Jan 18, 2022 17:41
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Nah, see, statistically you wanna work for one of these lesser mooks. Killer Moth, Maxie Zeus, Crazy Quilt... those guys. Hell, half the time I think Batman feels bad for 'em, lets em get away with a few bucks here and there. My brother got through college working for the Ten-Eyed Man, now that was a guy who knew how to take care of his henchmen!
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Jan 18, 2022 17:42
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Say Gus, I'z been tinkin. Wit da Bat, he's always goin afta da joka, oh two face, or the jibberrer or whateva his name is. What if us mugs just did a ting? Like I dunno? Robbed da Quick and Go and split up like $1500 bucks or sumthin? I don even tink da cops got GUNS in dis city no mo' and you tink da bat gonna come after us for dat?! Heck da joka got a cruise ship wired to blow up into a big smilie face or somethin' It's easy money! Why we workin for deez guyz?
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Jan 18, 2022 17:51
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Big Beef City posted:Say Gus, I'z been tinkin. Okay but who's gonna be the guy with a crystal ball for a head or three eyeballs or a gun that shoots taffy?
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Jan 18, 2022 18:00
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I'm starting to think this city sucks
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Jan 18, 2022 18:01
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A Fancy Hat posted:Okay but who's gonna be the guy with a crystal ball for a head or three eyeballs or a gun that shoots taffy? No, no, seez dats da beauty of it, we don't need no crystal skull or da taffy blasta. We just go in dere wit our guns an say "Give us da loot!" and den we... uh... We put the da loot in da bag.... *scractches head* Alright alright just gimme some time here maybe we can get a board and draw dis up, Jimmy can draw real good he's always readin dem comics when we'z on da job aincha Jim! Haha. Hey Jim! Member dat time youz was readin Archibald and da Bat shot you wit a wrist dart an took ya eye clean out and ruined da job?! HAHAHA classic Jimmy.
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Jan 18, 2022 18:08
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My boss always has answers in these stupid little riddles I have to figure out  I ask him "Hey what's up boss?" and he doesn't respond like a normal person, he goes all "The eye of God doubles, and that is how I be. Four letters from three, and how I feel you'll see" and I have to decipher that he's feeling "good" today. Don't get me started if he's feeling like poo poo or just got the crap beat out of him by the Bat!
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Jan 18, 2022 18:09
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I mean, I bet the boys in Chicago don't have to deal with any of this poo poo like luchadore ninjas blowing up all the loving bridges. I should just move.
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Jan 18, 2022 18:10
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RBA Starblade posted:I'm starting to think this city sucks Could be worse. My brother used to work in Midway City for that Shadow Thief guy. Anyways, long story short, Hawkman bashes him in the skull with a mace while he's stealing a car. My brother don't think so good no more and can't have solid food. We tried suing but, you know, he's got that Justice League money behind him so it kinda fell apart. My poor Ma's always crying about it.
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Jan 18, 2022 18:12
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Hey, uh... Mrs. Ivy? I was just uh... you ever think about going up against Bat WOMAN instead? I dunno, just bouncing around my head a little bit. It's been raining and it's real muddy here, I think that'd give you an advantage if you kinda... you know... tackled her into the mud and wrestled her around a bit. Maybe tear off some of her armor and stuff, make sure she can't use those weapons on you. Plus these vines here, I mean... you could tie her up really good. Maybe let her tie you up a little too, y'know what I mean?? Haha just kidding, just kidding. But uh... I mean, are you into that idea? *is fed to a giant Venus Fly Trap*
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Jan 18, 2022 18:21
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i'm in the (my boss' name) Gang and i have a giant embroidered patch of (my boss' name)'s face on my letterman jacket to prove it
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Jan 18, 2022 18:29
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Doctor Dogballs posted:i'm in the (my boss' name) Gang and i have a giant embroidered patch of (my boss' name)'s face on my letterman jacket to prove it Alright Pete, let him into da secret meetin', he got da jacket on.
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Jan 18, 2022 18:32
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For you thugs it might be rough but let me tell you, for criminal defense attorneys Gotham is the best. The prosecutors can’t put a case together to save their lives. If you are defending the Penguin there is a about a 90% chance they gently caress up the case and he gets off on a technicality. Chain of evidence is a bit messed up when the suspect and all the evidence are dropped off outside the police station by some freak in a bat costume. And defending the Joker…..no sane jury wants to convict him for fear they will literally become insane. On the off chance someone does get convicted they are always declared insane and we get people routinely paroled after only a few months in Arkham because they were ‘cured’ and they never are. Even if you do get a one in a million long time conviction security at Arkham is so bad that your client will be out in a few weeks anyway. Oh yeah, but always demand payment up front. Except for the Joker. Don’t represent that guy at all. Ever. My brother Phil did once. Now he just stares vacantly all day with a stupid grin on his face. Messed up poo poo. Same with Scarecrow really. Frank at my firm tried that once. Now he just runs screaming in fear from everything. A wife and two kids. Very sad.
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Jan 18, 2022 18:32
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Hey youse guys! C’mere I just found Pete! He’s dead, he’s dead! Da bat got ‘im! He was like a brudda ta me and now he’s fuggin dead. We’re goners, we’re done for, it’s da end of da line! *returns to patrol route*
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Jan 18, 2022 18:37
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Xenocides posted:For you thugs it might be rough but let me tell you, for criminal defense attorneys Gotham is the best. The prosecutors can’t put a case together to save their lives. If you are defending the Penguin there is a about a 90% chance they gently caress up the case and he gets off on a technicality. Chain of evidence is a bit messed up when the suspect and all the evidence are dropped off outside the police station by some freak in a bat costume. And defending the Joker…..no sane jury wants to convict him for fear they will literally become insane. My uncle's a plumber. Well, USED to be a plumber. And one day he gets a call to get fix a toilet for this "Joe Kerr" guy. Yeah I know, but my uncle didn't figure it out until it was too late. Anyway he gets there and the toilet's been clogged full of rubber chickens and slinkies and stuff, so he starts yanking it out, all real professional like. Figures if he does the job the Joker will just let him go. Toilet's fixed and he says it's "Free of charge" so the Joker shoots him in the leg, says there's no punchline if the bill isn't "outrageous". So then my uncle says "Okay, fine, it's $5000" and the Joker acts all offended, then pays him double that anyway. Weird loving dude. My uncle's fine now but lemme tell ya, that was a hell of a way to end his plumbing career.
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Jan 18, 2022 18:38
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Bags Fly at Noon posted:Hey youse guys! C’mere I just found Pete! He’s dead, he’s dead! Da bat got ‘im! He was like a brudda ta me and now he’s fuggin dead. We’re goners, we’re done for, it’s da end of da line! This is good news. This means the Batman broke his moral rule. He is going to slip into a dark depression and question why he is doing this. Eventually we will find out Pete didn’t actually die and the Bat will start up again but in the meantime now is the TIME TO CRIME!
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Jan 18, 2022 18:54
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i'm this goon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMd4S-LkywI
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Jan 18, 2022 18:57
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I tell you these onboarding forms are like a loving riddle.
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Jan 18, 2022 19:04
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reignofevil posted:Any of you'se guys gettin paid like when do we start gettin' checks for this poo poo. they told me i was getting paid in exposure...
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Jan 18, 2022 19:07
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Bismuth posted:ive been huffing the clown gas and now I have mesothelioma
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Jan 18, 2022 19:08
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