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when we got sucked into 2d land while fighting bats dave crime called him flatman. he got real mad then he smirked and called us doodle-ums. it was a good time, only time I can think fighting with bats when no one ended up with a life altering concussion or a broken bone. still can't get over how none of us could actually talk because producing speech requires all sorts of body apparatus that can't really function as a plane figure. instead there were these talk signs over our heads, like bubble looking things with the words we would've been saying IN ALL CAPS. someone should capitalize on our experience, maybe make a book that's mostly pictures and talk signs drawn in when the people are talking. it would be good for the kids, encourage them to read. they'd have to pick better subject matter than bats beating us up though. what kinda weirdo would want to read about that?
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Jan 6, 2024 02:42
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 13:25 |
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I goon'ed for Library man once or twice. Maybe you should talk to him. Knows a lot of author types. Nice guy. Man, if only Gotham city hadn't of cut the libraries budget so much maybe he wouldn't of gone and killed all them people like that. 
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Jan 6, 2024 14:09
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Wait, your gimmick is eggs? Actually eggs, eggs from birds like chickens? Your villain name means to be intelligent, smart. But still you only care about eggs. gently caress this, not fighting Batman for a share of loving eggs.
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Jan 6, 2024 14:39
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happyhippy posted:Wait, your gimmick is eggs? don't listed to this schmuck boss, I'll help you heist those Fabergé eggs
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Jan 6, 2024 16:19
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Killer croc ate my arm. Just picked me up and bit my arm off to intimidate Nightwing. Yeah, not even the bat. Nightwing. Insurance won't cover a prosthetic.
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Jan 6, 2024 16:26
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ikanreed posted:Killer croc ate my arm. Just picked me up and bit my arm off to intimidate Nightwing. Lefty or righty? If you're a lefty now you're good, Two face is looking for this gimmick he wants to do he calls "bookends" and he already got a righty lined up. Like gonna each have an opposite robot arm or something Another righty i know (called him Jimmy longnose before the accident) decided to go independent, nicknamed himself the one arm bandit, throw quarters at people, standard stuff, problem is the casino aesthetic wuz too close to Joker and the Royal Flush boys and they got pissed, and then bats busted in on two face becuz he heard about an asymmetric guy doin' coin crimes and that pissed him and two face off for wasting their time and jimmy had ta skip town Think hes down in atlantic city now trying to make it as a variety act but havent heard from him in a bit, he couldnt scratch it in vegas i know that
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Jan 6, 2024 23:26
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Tunicate posted:Think hes down in atlantic city now trying to make it as a variety act but havent heard from him in a bit, he couldnt scratch it in vegas i know that Yeah heard a few goons try vegas, just cos yeah we're already used to the costumes, and poo poo sometimes even the choreography if you end up gooning for a really lame boss, but yeah, apparently even knowing how to hack it in Gotham won't treat you for how poo poo it is working vegas. Most end up trying to find somewhere else within a month. Heard actually, if you can watch your language and not drink smoke on the job, kids shows entertain of all things can be a thing. Heard several goons managed to get into that. Pays garbage but you get beat up a hell of a lot less, so ya know pros and cons all that.
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Jan 7, 2024 04:03
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The Voice of Labor posted:did you ever notice how there's a lot of parity between heroes and villains? Posting from centuries in the past, but this is an amazing point. e: or is Lex Luthor actually Clark Kent's arch nemesis?
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Jan 7, 2024 05:04
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Clark Kent? Who’s dat? We’s talkin bout supaman oh heya
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Jan 7, 2024 05:18
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I tell you what, someone needs to do something about that Kent guy, though! He's just a cheerleader for the liberal corporate media press and pushing their agenda. How the hell is a NEWSPAPER still functioning in 2024? Soros money, deep state money, that's how. I was talking to the Joker about it a few days ago, I said someone really ought to poison gas the entire Daily Planet building or maybe even try to blow up Metropolis or something to get that filthy lying rag off the newsstands once and for all.
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Jan 7, 2024 05:40
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JediTalentAgent posted:I tell you what, someone needs to do something about that Kent guy, though! He's just a cheerleader for the liberal corporate media press and pushing their agenda. Let me guess, he just got bored halfway through the conversation and dosed half his lair with fake joker toxin again (just regular laughing gas mixed with something to make it look green)? Guy's weird about politics. Can't figure out where he stands on Iran, he flips on that one every other minute.
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Jan 7, 2024 06:16
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Do not ask The Riddler what he thinks of the whole Israel/Palestine thing. I’ve never been so uncomfortable in my life
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Jan 7, 2024 06:33
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poisonpill posted:Do not ask The Riddler what he thinks of the whole Israel/Palestine thing. I’ve never been so uncomfortable in my life The most uncomfortable part of it was when he had to give a press conference about it. Did you see that, yet? He had to explain his statement was actually a riddle. Then he can't help himself and just keeps coming up with more riddles to answer the questions and him getting madder and madder that none of them could actually figure out what he was saying. At some point, I think it stopped being political and he was just trolling them. The only reason I say that was because Matches Malone started laughing his rear end off about 3/4th of the way through and Riddler goes, "See, this guy gets what I'm saying!"
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Jan 7, 2024 07:27
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poisonpill posted:Do not ask The Riddler what he thinks of the whole Israel/Palestine thing. I’ve never been so uncomfortable in my life Yeesh. At least you didn't talk to him about the Ukraine war thing. Hours and hours of armchair general nonsense from him. Guy pays a bunch of guys to go play green knick knacks across a city a few times, and suddenly he thinks he's a master of military strategy.
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Jan 7, 2024 07:29
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I constantly have to apologize for Riddler whenever my sister comes to pick me up from the hideout. He's the Riddler, not the RIZZ-ler. He has no idea how to talk to girls. "No, he wasn't flirting with you, but he was complementing your purse. Just, please, the next time you see him, thank him for the compliment and tell him you think his shoes or jacket or whatever he's wearing that day is "quite questionable" though, if it has question marks on it. Trust me. He eats that poo poo up." (He'd better not be flirting with my sister, though. I've gotten fired from jobs for beating up my boss before.)
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Jan 7, 2024 07:47
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Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about him flirting with your sister, if you catch my drift
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Jan 7, 2024 07:49
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poisonpill posted:Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about him flirting with your sister, if you catch my drift Well, the only other woman coming to pick me up from the hideout is my mom and I sure as poo poo don't want him as my dad, either. I need to get a car, again. I'd take mass transit, but this is a bad neighborhood and I don't work for Joker or Two-Face, I work for the Riddler. There ain't no way I'm going to be safe sitting at a bus stop for a hour. edit: Clock King. THAT was a guy you could work for and who would make out a schedule and have a hideout in a middle-class area with well-lit bus stop for efficiency and safety! 11:23 rolled around, you clocked out, walked to the corner, and the moment you got the curb the 11:29 bus was just about to pull up. JediTalentAgent fucked around with this message at 07:56 on Jan 7, 2024 |
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Jan 7, 2024 07:52
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heard bats had a temper tantrum at the last JLI meeting. got into it with jack o'lantern because jack wouldn't denounce hamas. bats charged at jack and ol' jack just teleported bats into the seine while quipping "from the river to the sea fashman"
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Jan 7, 2024 07:58
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poisonpill posted:Do not ask The Riddler what he thinks of the whole Israel/Palestine thing. I’ve never been so uncomfortable in my life
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Jan 7, 2024 12:47
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Meanwhiles...... Still just drivin around Gotham in da wee hours of da mornin in my Cherry Truck, pickin up danglin henchman. I call her Da Picker. So far no hassles from da Bats yet.
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Jan 7, 2024 14:49
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Don't sign up with brainiac. Turns out he's not actually intelligent, more like an advanced version of auto complete for world conquest schemes.
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Jan 7, 2024 17:14
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“Brainiac” thinks he’s a genius because he was a legacy admission to Gotham U. Buddy, my old boss had an MBA from GU, and he was the dumbest guy I’ve ever met. He started a chain of jewelry stores in downtown Metropolis. I kept telling him it was a bad idea, but he just kept telling me there weren’t any, it was “green field”. Well, two weeks after he opens, he learns why. A gang of crooks blow the door off the hinges to get inside. Supes shows up and bursts through the back wall, picks up the display case, and throws it at them. As if that’s not bad enough, he literally rips rebar out of the broken wall, and uses it to “tie up” the crooks. Then this moron of steel has the balls to say “No need to thank me” when he flies off. The store was completely ruined, and of course insurance wouldn’t cover any of it. Lost his shirt on that one.
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Jan 7, 2024 17:28
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Is “cowl” a real word? All this time I thought the Mad Hatter wanted Batman’s ballsack but he was just after the dude’s hoodie?
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Jan 9, 2024 05:42
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Remulak posted:Is “cowl” a real word? All this time I thought the Mad Hatter wanted Batman’s ballsack but he was just after the dude’s hoodie? Hoodie? Nah, dems da things da yokels tip over.
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Jan 9, 2024 05:55
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Remulak posted:Is “cowl” a real word? All this time I thought the Mad Hatter wanted Batman’s ballsack but he was just after the dude’s hoodie? It’s a purdy outdated word, but batman and all these villains, they cans be’s purdy outdated. It ain’t even goonin’ we doing no more. Them modern words, I tells ya, it changes so much what with all the euphemism treadmills and all that other baloney alls they’s be tellin’ me about. first we was goonin’, then henchin’, and now its thuggin’. Just wait’ll you hear what the kids think goonin’ is these days, you aint gonna believe it. I guess you gotta take some solaces in what its is, and you hears the words cowls, you just gotta tell yourself it was a simpler time
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Jan 9, 2024 06:03
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"Google"? Since you mentioned it, I just decided to go look it up at the library computer. So you can just type a bunch of stuff in there and it tells you whatever you need to know. So, just on a whim, I was like "top joker heists" and BOOM! There's a picture of me! That was back when I got stomped by the Bat and Booster Gold during our robbery of the Gotham Central Bank. That was a great haul. Really good stuff. Joker, I know he's got a bad rap, and I ain't defending all the stuff he says when he's huffin' on clown gas, but he held onto my share of the loot until I made it out of the hospital and then prison, and he even gave me an extra share for keepin' my mouth shut and Booster smashing my fibula. You know what? Maybe this Google-thing can help me, it seems to know everything. Let me see if I can find out who the Bat is. Ok, so rich, obviously, to buy all them gizmos. And he don't do nothin' but be a Batman around Gotham, so someone who has lots of free time. And, look, just bein' honest here, I seen his chin close up, and he's a white guy. In great shape, too, those punches really hit hard. So let me just see if there are any famous, rich, in-shape white guys who live in Gotham, and if any of them infamously shirk responsibility and keep irregular hours. I wonder if anybody has ever tried this yet...
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Jan 9, 2024 06:34
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It's laundry day here at Two Face's. I tell yiz it's hard to separate our brights from our darks when they're the same clothes. Boss was sitting in his big chair with nothing but his bathrobe on and I caught a glimpse of his blue ball.
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Jan 9, 2024 06:37
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poisonpill posted:"Google"? Since you mentioned it, I just decided to go look it up at the library computer. So you can just type a bunch of stuff in there and it tells you whatever you need to know. So, just on a whim, I was like "top joker heists" and BOOM! There's a picture of me! That was back when I got stomped by the Bat and Booster Gold during our robbery of the Gotham Central Bank. That was a great haul. Really good stuff. Joker, I know he's got a bad rap, and I ain't defending all the stuff he says when he's huffin' on clown gas, but he held onto my share of the loot until I made it out of the hospital and then prison, and he even gave me an extra share for keepin' my mouth shut and Booster smashing my fibula. yeah we all know, bats is lex luthor, he tries his poo poo out on us before going after supes
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Jan 9, 2024 09:06
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Tunicate posted:yeah we all know, bats is lex luthor, he tries his poo poo out on us before going after supes Then he'd he get for robin? Just some poor smuck intern? You'd think if he needed more muscle he could of just come to one of us?
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Jan 9, 2024 09:15
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The “media” has been coving up Lex Luther’s “unusual” bodyguard for years now. All I wanna know is, who let an illegal alien like Kal-El into Kansas? Throw him out! Oh no, I think some of Joker’s new Q-Gas is leaking outa that container.
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Jan 9, 2024 16:58
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poisonpill posted:The “media” has been coving up Lex Luther’s “unusual” bodyguard for years now. All I wanna know is, who let an illegal alien like Kal-El into Kansas? Throw him out! Wait, I thought da Riddler wuz Q, ya know, all the numerological whatchamacallit seems right up his alley Or is it like a team-up thing and da Joker is in on it too, like a big joke dat's also a riddle?
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Jan 9, 2024 17:35
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Don't asks me, I just drive da Cherry Pickah
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Jan 9, 2024 17:36
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*spends the entire drive with the cherry picker turning the radio to right wing shows on the am dial* “-no, no, the Riddler is against W, because he’s part of the Council of Owls. Now the Council of Owls are part of the conspiracy to keep Gotham poor, but that’s not connected with Ras al Ghuul. So this only came out because the plastic surgery killings-“
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Jan 9, 2024 18:09
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poisonpill posted:*spends the entire drive with the cherry picker turning the radio to right wing shows on the am dial* Isn't it a bit more likely dat there's something in da water driving alla Gotham nuts? I mean, look at all da crazies and mutants we got here. Da rich people seem ta go bonkers just as often as us poor.
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Jan 10, 2024 00:39
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after bats fought the weedler he made everyone start callin' him bat-lion. now he drives around bumpin' reggae and dancehall all night. at least batty dreadlock's kinda catchy, a big step up from the kid rock
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Jan 10, 2024 00:49
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poisonpill posted:Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about him flirting with your sister, if you catch my drift I do not catch your drift, please explain. I am not pretending so that I sound cool or funny; I genuinely do not understand your implication.
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Jan 10, 2024 02:17
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FoolyCharged posted:Isn't it a bit more likely dat there's something in da water driving alla Gotham nuts? I mean, look at all da crazies and mutants we got here. Da rich people seem ta go bonkers just as often as us poor. *Accidentally knocks another barrel of clown-gas concentrate into the Gotham harbor while unloading the boat* 
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Jan 11, 2024 16:42
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GOON: Alright, so, it’s your second night on the job. Heard you had a rough first night. TRAINEE: Oof, yeah. Boss sent me out on a job without any training whatsoever. Batman showed up while we were robbing the bank. He foiled the crime and beat the poo poo out of everyone. I’m lucky I saw him slipping through the skylight ahead of time. I hauled rear end out of there before he could catch me. G: oof… T: What? G: Listen, you know how you saw The Batman coming? T: Yeah? G: No, you didn’t. T: Huh? G: From now on, no you didn’t. T: I still don’t get it. G: You said you got rushed right out into a job and you were the only one who made it out? T: Riiight? G: So your confusion makes sense. None of the other goons had time to tell you. So I’m telling you now. From now on, act like Batman isn’t there when he’s sneaking up on you. T: That… makes no sense. G: It does. Trust me. Here. *hands trainee a packet* Fill that out and mail it. It’s SASE, so you don’t need a stamp. T: *squints and reads* Wait… this is a WayneTech application? G: Yeah, try to get that in asap. You don’t want to be working too much before your benefits kick in. T: So… the boss works for WayneTech? Is he… Bruce Wayne? G: No, we do. And Batman is Bruce Wayne. T: …bull! G: It’s true, man *waves to passing goon* Hey, tell the new guy who Batman is! GOON2: Bruce Wayne! Wild, right? G: Yeah, thanks Barry! *resumes speaking to the trainee* See? I told ya. T: …and everybody knows? G: The villains don’t, but every goon working in the city does. Well, except the real screwed up ones. Dollotrons are NOT on the payroll, for example. But most underlings who can speak in complete sentences probably are. How’d you come to find out we were looking to bring new guys on? T: Somebody down at the bar mentioned it. G: You and them go way back? T: No. He just started coming in a few weeks ago. G: Did he say he worked with our outfit? Have you seen him around the hideout? T: No… G: That was a representative for WayneTech. You were headhunted. This whole thing… think of it like a job service for- no offense- scumbags and losers. T: … G: You’re sort of like a babysitter who gets a lot of hazard pay because you’re babysitting a lion. T: You mean the boss? G: Yeah. Them and Batman. T: Batman? G: Yeah, you know. Bruce Wayne? The guy who owns WayneTech? See, it turns out Wayne is a real nut. Likes to go out and personally fight crime. Something about how his parents died drives him to do it; you’d think a guy that rich could afford therapy, but maybe when you’re wealthy enough to dress in bat-themed body armor and fly a stealth jet through Gotham airspace without fearing repercussions you’re sort of beyond the realm of people who have to deal with their problems in a healthy fashion. WayneTech top brass and a few investors know about it, know they can’t shift him from his place without hurting stock value. Also, guy’s got a tank and is crazy. You ever try mustering up the courage to tell a guy with a tank and a proven track record of using it bad news? T: N-no? G: Well, you will: the boss has one with a giant replica of his face on the front. The eyes spray mustard gas. It’s friggin terrifying. Anyway, they start researching options and come across a startling fact. Not only is Batman secretly a rich twerp; most of the crime bosses in the city are rich twerps, or they were driven insane and/or mutated while working for rich twerps. Almost all Creative Criminality in this city turns out to start mainly at the economic top and sprinkle down like so much loose crap from a leaky private airplane toilet to the bottom. Go figure. WayneTech starts reaching out to the companies and families these rich twerps are from, find out they all have a shared interest; keeping the twerps busy and satisfied so that the money keeps flowing smooth and easy, same as ever. The come up with a scheme. That’s where we come in. T: We do? G: We do. Everyone agreed they can’t stop their rich twerp scions, geniuses, figureheads, and failed science experiments from playing cops and robbers without risking exposure. Easier to let them play, but with us backing them. Employees paid to “work” for the crime bosses, but not do too good a job actually committing crimes, and take a sacrificial beating whenever King Rich Twerp shows up. WayneTech runs the whole thing like a clandestine division of the company, sending plainclothes guys out to the various crapholes of this city to find- again, no offense- suitable dirtbag replacements whenever another yuppie goes rogue, or one of the current ones starts running low on goons. T: Run low? Because they di… G: What? No. Nah. Well, I mean, sometimes. Usually when they do it’s down to incompetence on the goons’ part. Please don’t die, by the way, because I hate having to watch that workplace safety video. Usually they start looking to hire because a goon gets another job, or they decide they can’t keep getting beaten up night after night. The pay and benefits are actually pretty good. No surprise here, the healthcare is maybe the best in the state. This is actually a cherry gig if you can stand working for homicidal fruitcakes. T: …huh G: Lot to take in, right? T: …yeah. G: Yeah. Anyway, just get the packet filled out and mailed to WayneTech and try not to think about it for now. Their HR will go over all of this and more once they’ve processed it, and they do a better job than my prattlin’ rear end. Just concentrate of getting those asteroid themed guns filled with, ugh, Meteor Missiles for tonight’s heist. T: ok. Alright. G: Super, and tonight remember; if you see Batman? T: …n-no I didn’t? G: attaboy, you’re gonna do great!
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Jan 11, 2024 23:57
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What's a "hench"?
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Jan 12, 2024 00:14
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<lurks thread League of Shadowsishly>
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Jan 14, 2024 15:55
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