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mysterious frankie posted:GOON: Alright, so, it’s your second night on the job. Heard you had a rough first night. Ur sayin Bruce Wayne...... is The Bat? R U fuckin' kiddin' me??
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Jan 14, 2024 15:56
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redshirt posted:Ur sayin Bruce Wayne...... is The Bat? Oh you stupid putzes are on this bit again, are you? Look, I've SEEN Bruce Wayne. Heard him talk. Guy's nothing. Empty suit. His parents getting killed didn't make him The Bat, it made him some hollow gently caress who just does nothing but screw around. He ain't some brilliant supergenius, he's a loving failson who's still too big dicked to go tell someone he misses mommy and daddy. One day it will come out he died choking himself while jerking off like that David Carrid guy, and Batman will still be running around that night, and then what story are you going to tell? (Out of thread gimmick aside, that long post from Frankie reminded me of a friend who once posited something similar for G.I Joe and Cobra, that G.I Joe wasn't an elite strike force with all sorts of special 'toys' (ie specialized tanks and planes and fancy future vehicles and so on), but actually all of the richest people's failsons and whatnot who wanted to play hero but would just gently caress everything up, so they basically made up Cobra and G.I Joe as a literal gigantic war game to keep them entertained and out of the world's hair, hence why no one ever died and the fight 'never ended' no matter how many times Cobra's schemes were thwarted)
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Jan 14, 2024 17:54
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what kinda 401k match does dis cobra offah are youse vested like or do ya gotta put some years in
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Jan 14, 2024 22:52
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I'm from Boston and I've got to tell you something, Gotham... Keep your loving pets out of our yards! About 10 times a year the Batman or one of his villains rolls into city and makes trouble. We don't want that. We got a nice little town here run by the mob. We don't need the Batman running in here and taking down the mob, leaving all the crazies and cults to pick up the 'secret rulers of the city' baton from them! Seriously, stay the gently caress out of Boston.
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Jan 15, 2024 01:38
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Is there hr in this gang? One of the other guys was screaming rape threats at bat girl, and I don't think I want to encourage that kind of hostile work environment with my silence.
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Jan 15, 2024 01:58
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JediTalentAgent posted:I'm from Boston and I've got to tell you something, Gotham... Ah come on that's like a holiday for us. The villains rarely bring their goons (do they hire local?) so if your full time gooning it just a relaxing paid for break. If your gooning for a villain who makes you do paper work fantastic time to catch up on that.
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Jan 15, 2024 02:04
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ikanreed posted:Is there hr in this gang? One of the other guys was screaming rape threats at bat girl, and I don't think I want to encourage that kind of hostile work environment with my silence. no no it’s in the contract, it’s all scripted. in fact our last HR complaint was from the first guy we asked to yell the threats, made him feel SUPER uncomfortable. Poor guy claims he got PTSD
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Jan 15, 2024 02:41
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Who the gently caress supplies all the vintage tommyguns anyways?
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Jan 15, 2024 03:05
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Tommyguns? All dey gave me wuz dis baseball bat. First day I walk in and everyone starts cryin' out "it's da bat!" Made me feel real good. Felt like a real dummy when I woke up in da hospital da next morning.
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Jan 15, 2024 03:29
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duh gee bwoss how many deez barrels we gotta move?
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Jan 15, 2024 03:58
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Since I been drivin my Cherry Pickah around I been noticin' all the inefficiencies in da system. Like I see Riddler thugs hanging from a building but I ain't suppose to pick em up, we ain't got a deal. But there I am just idlin, watching that guy dangle, when I could be helpin. Same for medic calls. Sure Joker's got a good medic staff, but I saw one of his thugs bleed out cuz he was on the wrong side of town, in Bane territory, and the Joker medics couldn't make it in time, alls da while Bane medics are playing pinball in da lair, 3 minutes away. We henchmen should form a collective response team that could respond just to our needs, regardless of Boss.
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Jan 15, 2024 05:36
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redshirt posted:Ur sayin Bruce Wayne...... is The Bat? It’s the truth, man. And the boss? He’s this day trader whose dad owns Newton Advanced Analytics. He was in over his head with his career and didn’t want to go crawling back to daddy to admit he couldn't hack it in the real world, so one night he broke into the NAA R&D lab and tried plugging into the neural interface of this shelved experimental stock analysis AI. Drove him nuts, now he’s the Black Market Maker. He has no clue his dad’s sunk a mint into WayneTech’s little scheme and is basically bankrolling this whole operation. None of them ever wonder why we work for scale. It’s like… do they not think about it now because they’re crazy, or were they always like this?
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Jan 15, 2024 17:13
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Not to bring up a difficult topic or nothin, but do youse guys thinks the Joker is like... into Batman? I gots no problem with it but I'd like to know if we's is part of some weird romance thing. I usedta work for Catwoman, see, and this one time she got the Bat all tied up and was whipping him and, I dunno, seemed like the Bat was maybe into it. Made me pretty uncomfortable.
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Jan 15, 2024 17:23
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A Fancy Hat posted:Not to bring up a difficult topic or nothin, but do youse guys thinks the Joker is like... into Batman? I gots no problem with it but I'd like to know if we's is part of some weird romance thing. What, are you just figuring it out now? It's all a weird rich person sex thing, they're ALL into it, it's one of them S&M things I heard about. All our bosses like dressin' up in showy fetish getups and committing big elaborate exhibitionist crimes so that the buff guy in a black rubber codpiece can beat them to a pulp and tell them they've been a bad boy. It's an Eyes Wide Shut deal. Back when I was workin' for Riddler, there was a time that da Bat really laid into him after he tried knocking over Gotham First National, like really worked him over, he even spat on him when he was done, you could see the boss had the biggest hard-on under the green spandex. And after Bats left, but before the cops arrived to pick him up, I swear to God Riddler just started jerkin' off, like right then and there. I was lying in a crumpled heap a few yards away after gettin' hit with a Batarang, and it was the weirdest fuckin' thing hearing him just whisper to himself "riddle me this, riddle me this," over and over, eugh. After that joined up with Mr Freeze's crew. Sure I had to learn how to ice skate, but at least he ain't no pervert, guy lives in a perpetual cold shower.
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Jan 15, 2024 18:11
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naem posted:what kinda 401k match does dis cobra offah Speaking of body suits I used to work for the foot clan. International union, good benefits, pretty sweet. Then we show up one day and we've all been replaced with robots. Literal robots in purple pyjamas. Bastards. Jokes on them though, I'd signed out half the dimensional coils for degaussing the night before. Oh no my swipe doesn't work, better turn around and head home with my truck full of severance packages lol. ikanreed posted:Who the gently caress supplies all the vintage tommyguns anyways? Splicer fucked around with this message at 18:47 on Jan 15, 2024 |
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Jan 15, 2024 18:32
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A Fancy Hat posted:Not to bring up a difficult topic or nothin, but do youse guys thinks the Joker is like... into Batman? I gots no problem with it but I'd like to know if we's is part of some weird romance thing. hey cant blame em you knows cuz they say cats got 9 lives but she's a 10 outta 10 you know what im saying she scratched my face once. Kinda liked it Anyway the Jokes got real mad cuz the papers printed he made a boner. I said everyone makes mistakes and The Jokes said "whose talking about mistakes". I offered to beat up the newspaper man whose wrote it to change the subject but he waved me off 
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Jan 15, 2024 18:47
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Hey, guys, this is embarrassing but I’ve been getting more and more worried lately. I think the last Bat knockout blow to my head might have really messed something up in my brain or something… but… What YEAR is it? I can’t figure out when we live? We all gots Tommy guns and drive Packard Station Wagons, but then some of us got jet packs and lasers and ice beams? And nobody knows what a cell phone is, but then, they says Batman has some kind of supercomputer that he can talk to and solve crimes with? I feel like I’m losing my mind here.
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Jan 15, 2024 19:05
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poisonpill posted:Hey, guys, this is embarrassing but I’ve been getting more and more worried lately. I think the last Bat knockout blow to my head might have really messed something up in my brain or something… but… Oh man, this is gonna sound weird, but…do you have memories of us sometimes… stopping a fight to dance with Batman? I can’t recall a time when I’ve actually done it, and it makes no sense, but I dunno… I feel like it’s happened. A lot. Can’t say when though. It’s the weirdest thing, and my brain refuses to let it drop. My wife shook me awake a couple months ago because I kept screaming “Batusi”. You’re not the only one who feels like they’re losing it.
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Jan 15, 2024 19:35
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poisonpill posted:Hey, guys, this is embarrassing but I’ve been getting more and more worried lately. I think the last Bat knockout blow to my head might have really messed something up in my brain or something… but… Course we got a cell phone, one of the riddler henches rigged it up with some wire offa costume last time we wuz in lockup. Just keep it down when yuze calling out, dont wanna have the pigs find it
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Jan 15, 2024 19:51
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poisonpill posted:Hey, guys, this is embarrassing but I’ve been getting more and more worried lately. I think the last Bat knockout blow to my head might have really messed something up in my brain or something… but… its da 19’40’70’90’s everyone knows dat
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Jan 15, 2024 20:00
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hey uh, im filling out the customs forms so we's can get our new outfits at the docks and are we's wearin' uniforms or disguises or costumes, cuz theyre all different codes
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Jan 15, 2024 23:39
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depends on the outfit. if you gotta wear a mask then it's a disguise. if you're dressed as something you're not, like a baker or a bird or something, it's a costume. if you're dressed as a thug and all the other thugs are dressed the same, it's a uniform. if you're dressed as a thug and all the other thugs are dressed as thugs but they're dressed differently, it's casual wear if it's a uniform or a costume and it has a mask, you gotta check both boxes. covid got a lot of cbp heat put on the bosses The Voice of Labor fucked around with this message at 00:19 on Jan 16, 2024 |
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Jan 16, 2024 00:16
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The Joker went nuts (more than usual) when reading a Fox News article online about how horrible and violent Gotham City is. It wasn't the article, per se, but the comments section full of people going, "Well, I've lived in Gotham for years, and this article is just fear mongering. We've never been held hostage by a costumed criminal," and "No one is leaving Gotham because of crime," and "Batman is a terrorist." Joker was pissed. He felt like he was doing all this 'great work' in the city, and people didn't actually fear and respect his craft and were giving Batman all the credit. That night the Joker killed like 20 cops and blew up an office building. You know what happened when he read the comments section? "Dead cops AND I get to work remotely for the next year? The Joker is a hero in my books!" Joker was just wondering if someone was playing a joke on him.
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Jan 16, 2024 14:48
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*record scratch* Yeah, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got myself into this situation. And how you can get into this situation too, amiright?
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Jan 17, 2024 22:10
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Dere's a lady Bats now?
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Jan 17, 2024 22:20
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All I's sayin', for too long da struggle for gender equality has been polarizin', as unnecessary divisions an' fears, an' p'raps most damagingly, been viewed as solely da responsibility of da unda'class to react in opposition to their circumstances. Now le's quit yappin' an' start movin' dis clown gas! I don' wanna be out here all night!
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Jan 17, 2024 22:51
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Guys, I've been thinkin' about this too long, and I dunno if the Bat broke something in my head or I just saw somethin' I woulda been better off not seeing... Okay, the Joker, you know his bit right? The one bad day thing. Life has no meaning because nothing matters and all it takes is one bad day to turn a man into a nutcase, so you have to laugh and treat all life as a joke, blah blah, and you hear bits and pieces that Joker says that because it happened to him, he was just some schmo and then he had one bad day and he became Mr. Clowngas. But, see, there was a time when he got a bunch of make clowngas stuff chemicals, but he decided to then gently caress off with Harley or his daughter or someone and told us, okay boys, YOU make the clown gas! Now we're all making GBS threads ourselves, because this is the boss' thing, he got the chemicals, we don't have a loving clue how to make loving clown gas or ANYTHING. But we basically decide we're probably better if we try and fail rather than run away or don't try, so we do. Didn't work. We made a bunch of mess, Hooper burned the poo poo outta his lungs and still wheezes, and the best we got was some punk named Popper made something that smelled real bad, like, farts on steroids bad. And like after ten hours of trying Joker shows back up. What's he do? He asks what we're doing. We tell him. Joker looks sour, then he complains about the smell, then someone said it was Popper's fault, and Joker decided that was completely hilarious and laughed for like two minutes. I think he said something like it should have been Pooper instead of Popper. Maybe that saved us, I dunno, but he told us to go get some trucks and stuff and he'd handle the clown gas. So we clear out and go get some trucks ASAP to make up for all our fuckups, get back in less than an hour... Boss has a fresh new supply of clown gas. He took all our mistakes and waste and he MIXED IT UP INTO CLOWN GAS ANYWAY. Like, I dunno if he had some second secret stash of stuff that he pulled out while we were gone to trick us but even if he did he mixed up the stuff he needed in like, an hour, and it sure as hell LOOKED like he'd used all our fuckups. But that is not the scary part. Because the night after that was that time five months ago when Supes was in Gotham with Bats. They do teamups sometimes, you know, world's fine guys or what? I mean, the Bat is bad enough, but the cape? You just stand there and give up, because you could MAYBE escape Bats or get in a lucky shot, but you sure as gently caress ain't doing poo poo to Superman. Boss though? He just goes and hucks a container of clown gas at big blue and... IT WORKED. Oh, it didn't make him laugh to death like normal people. He basically started coughing and laughing a bit, eyes went a little watery, he actually got the Bat distracted for a little bit. Oh it was a waste, boss just got a truck and drove it into the guy, and he was still stronger than a train and boss went flying out and fell into a dumpster, and we all got arrested, but since Supes was there Bats just threw ropes and some of those Batrangs instead of putting us all in the hospital, and even as the cops took us away Superman was still giving off a giggle every now and then. So yeah, like, the gas barely worked and didn't help us at all, but... Joker took a bunch of us fuckups' mess and made stuff that could AFFECT loving SUPERMAN. The guy who punches people who break mountains and has mountains dropped on him and he just gets annoyed! That's not some guy who had one bad day! That's a guy who's a supergenius chemical guy, even if it's just how to make clown gas! One bad day does not produce that sort of stuff! You have to have things before it, right? Because if he didn't, and his 'one bad day' somehow opened his brain in some ways that... ...gently caress, the clown gas is leaking again. No wonder my brain's so dummy.
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Jan 18, 2024 05:45
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Moon Slayer posted:*record scratch* Does uh... Nightwing do this?
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Jan 18, 2024 08:31
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Sourdough Sam posted:Does uh... Nightwing do this? I've never seen it but follow your dreams, bub. I'll be honest though, when the bat girl swoops down on a crew there's always three or four guys who "accidentally" "trip" and wind up on their knees facing away from her. Now I'm not too proud to say I haven't pulled this trick a few times myself (no point in denying it since there's a picture, heh) since getting choked out is a heck of a lot better than the TBI or fractures the bat man will give ya, but at least I'm not one of them mooks who call 'er "mommy" while she's doin' it.
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Jan 18, 2024 18:23
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Guess someone traveled here after that Joker recruitment table at Gathering of the Juggalos. I'm tasked with em and am scared about anything setting the boss completely off. Would Juggalos be violating some kinda First Commandment type thing regarding other clowns?
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Jan 18, 2024 20:31
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Yvershek posted:Guess someone traveled here after that Joker recruitment table at Gathering of the Juggalos. I'm tasked with em and am scared about anything setting the boss completely off.
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Jan 18, 2024 21:44
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Any of youse guys got a porkpie hat I can borrow?
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Jan 18, 2024 21:48
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Cornwind Evil posted:Guys, I've been thinkin' about this too long, and I dunno if the Bat broke something in my head or I just saw somethin' I woulda been better off not seeing... E: that was uncalled for and I'm sorry. I had a rough week last week and all this clown gas everywhere isn't helping. I'm going to step away from the screen for a bit, maybe take a walk by the water plant or something. You have a good one. Splicer fucked around with this message at 22:27 on Jan 18, 2024 |
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Jan 18, 2024 22:17
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Rich Uncle Chet posted:Any of youse guys got a porkpie hat I can borrow? Yeah, here yas go. Just as a tip since yer new around here. Just put all this crap in your trunk and leave it here. As you start henching more and more for different bosses, you’ll have more costume crap than you know what to do with, and it really pays off down the line when you branch out into some of the weirder new bosses who ain’t got the budget to outfit their crew. “Oh, you all need to come in tomorrow with snorkels, flippers, and chefs aprons,” and you know what? I had two full costumes right there, ready to go. Won me the job over some bigger, tougher goons, and I didn’t have to spend a dime.
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Jan 18, 2024 22:23
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Rich Uncle Chet posted:Any of youse guys got a porkpie hat I can borrow? E: n/m it looks like I went on a bender yesterday and converted all my costume stock into YET MORE loving CLOWN GAS YAAAY
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Jan 18, 2024 22:41
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Splicer posted:I have very reasonable costume rental rates and I'm actually looking to sell off floor stock right now to free up some storage for all this clown gas. Ya know the clown gas poo poo has an expire date right? I dunno what they put the joker puts in it that expires, but yeah it does. you don't want to use old clown gas. If ya think you got a batch that's just about to go, what I do, I add in a bit of laughing gas, then at least they all get the giggles. With the expired stuff all that happens is everones eyes start twitching super fast, and they look real sad. It's really weird. I don't like. If they're laughing at least you don't notice the eye twitch thing.
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Jan 19, 2024 00:21
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I always knows da Clown Gas huffahs who are danglin' before I even get da Cherry Pickah up dere. All wigglin' and convulsin'. It aint a pretty sight. I was thinkin' of namin' da Cherry Pickah somethin' cool, paint it on da side, but I aint sure if it'll draw too much attention from da wrong people.
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Jan 19, 2024 02:27
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Takes my advice and DON’T do what I did and stencil “PROP OF GOTHAM” on the side to avoid the capes. Dat t’ing got robbed ten minutes after I painted it. Saw it again about three months later when I temp henched over with Penguin. Their team nabbed it so that he could reach guns on the top shelf of his warehouse. Well, after having a good laugh, I couldn’t be mad about it.
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Jan 19, 2024 02:31
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Its da freakin bat!
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Jan 19, 2024 02:38
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God drat IT! I ain’t even DOIN’ anything! We’re swapping stories in our own- *gets skull fractured by flying metal bat-shaped projectile*
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Jan 19, 2024 02:51
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