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you'd figure it woulda been all the burning things and people that would've gotten openfly shamed outa work, but no, it was the dick thing
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Feb 16, 2022 01:58
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 04:24 |
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So I was helpin' my kid wit' geography. Did youse know dat there's a whole West Coast? I've never heard of a crime-fighter from Oregon is all I'm sayin'.
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Feb 16, 2022 02:05
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Nah, I dropped outta that scene months ago. Now I just bring in heroin from overseas, no costumes or bullshit. It's actually easier than you think, just label the shipments as "clown gas". There's so much of the stuff around that no one bothers looking at yet another shipment.
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Feb 16, 2022 02:11
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last week i was stealing some microchips from the expensive microchip factory, and i walk out the side door JUST as batman flies up to the roof. i'm talking i had just enough time to see him see me and PCHEW he goes straight up and flips onto the roof like he does! now i'm standing on the ground looking up like an rear end in a top hat with my mouth open when the bat looks over the ledge right at me! so i take a breath expecting him to jump on me but...nothing. he just walks away! so i unclench thinking maybe he's got better things to do, right? i take a single step off the curb CRASH: i hear that giant loving skylight they have in the lobby EXPLODE! i'm still standin' there like an rear end in a top hat when those smoke grenades he throws all start going off! had to be a half dozen of them and now i'm ducking into the nearest alley to avoid the metal things he's throwing though the windows. i get right about to the end of the alley when the bat lands right in front of me! just WHOOMP! i don't even have time to stop, just face first into his chest! get this: he doesn't loving MOVE! it's like hitting a brick loving wall! so here's me, on my rear end with a box of stolen microchips, and there's batman just staring at me and a least one of us was about to poo poo themselves. i don't know how he got to me so fast: i can still hear glass falling! anyway you know what i try? i offered batman half. i says "look, there's a lot of expensive microchips here, just let me go and you can have half." you know what that prick says to me? "crime doesn't pay" and he lays me clean out with one hit. not even a closed fist. i wake up a half hour later tied to a loving light pole. he may be right though. maybe i'll stop being a hench. maybe i'll get me a job with wayne skylight and glass, those guys were on the job before i even woke up, can you imagine the overtime on a 3am job that size? i wonder if they have background checks?
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Feb 16, 2022 03:09
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Heya new guy, welcome to da Riddler's crew! Ya picked a great time to join up, great time. See, boss came into a buncha money recently, and he's investin' it all in big heists just ta screw wit' da Bat, and that means big paychecks for guys like you and me. He says he got it stealin' apes with a computer or somethin'. I don't know da particulars, but I guess don't let Grodd find out. So what name did da boss give ya anyway? I'm called Wordle, over there's Rebus and Sudoku, then those two guys are both just called Ken. I don't really get it. So you're Matches, huh, I guess like those matchstick puzzles? Boss gave me one of those to do on my job interview. I couldn't really figure it out and I just got frustrated, and matches bein' what they are, I just set fire to da whole thing. A pile of ash equals a pile of ash, amirite? I thought I was done then, but da boss seemed to like it, laterial thinkin' he calls it. Now I got a cushy job callin' up da paper ta put clues in da classified ads and no haulin' no clown gas. Our next job? Yeah, dat's gonna be great. Boss is gonna leave a bunch a clues around town for da Bat ta find, but it's all a trick, see? The answers are a buncha numbers dat da boss says are some kinda fibber nacho sequence? They lead to da adress of da place we're hittin', but da first letter of each clue spells out REVERSE, so da Bat's gotta figure out da numbers go backwards, geddit? But boss thinks da Bat's not gonna figure dat part out and we'll be able to stick up da jewelry store in peace while he'll be clear across town, haw haw haw! Da address? Yeah it's 8532 11th Street. Boss is gonna go in da front wit' four guys, make a lotta noise and generally confuse people wit' riddles while we got a safecracker go in da back wit' two guards for him stationed under da gargoyle statues outside. Hey, thanks for takin' an interest and payin' attention, Matches. Wit' guys like you in our organization, we'll have it made.
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Feb 16, 2022 05:38
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they say bane's had a hard life, growing up in prison and gettin' experimented on. I call bullshit on that. free room and board at taxpayer's expense, a first class education and free megasteroids. nah, bane had it easy. who I really feel bad for is the corporations, tryin' so hard to make ends meet during this fake covid thing and the closures and no one wanting to work
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Feb 16, 2022 06:27
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With the labor shortage right now it's pretty nice to be able to just say "no" on occasion. Swear to God this Olympic athlete turned himself into a werewolf somehow and I left him high and dry against the bat because he refused to pay $15 an hour.
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Feb 16, 2022 06:46
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Grammarchist posted:With the labor shortage right now it's pretty nice to be able to just say "no" on occasion. Swear to God this Olympic athlete turned himself into a werewolf somehow and I left him high and dry against the bat because he refused to pay $15 an hour. Right on. Never, ever accept any henching position that don't offer competitive compensation along with medical and dental. S'like they say, “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” Don't matter what mask you're wearin' or what the big goal is, you gonna get punched in the mouth in this business. So you gotta plan for it. All the more established outfits do it. Anyone serious 'bout startin' a new outfit should too. I ain' got no delusions of startin' my own spinoff brand, so I ain' workin' for no "exposure". The Voice of Labor posted:they say bane's had a hard life, growing up in prison and gettin' experimented on. Evenin', Mister Luthor. Good seein' ya back in Gotham.
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Feb 16, 2022 08:04
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Guys guys guys I hosed up I was doing overtime at the docks and I mixed up the clown gas and the fear gas and what am I gonna do
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May 31, 2022 19:24
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Mix them together, claim everyone is afraid of clowns. That works every time with scarecrow, and about 50/50 with the other guy
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May 31, 2022 19:26
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You didn't hear this from me, but there's a big score goin' down at the docks tomorrow night. Rumor is, The Riddler's lookin' for a few good men to help him unload some kinda Riddle Gas from a boat. Or maybe it's a buncha plastic question marks, hell I don't know, but I know the money's good.
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May 31, 2022 19:26
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Say Jimmy, how do these banks keep repairing these vaults so fast. We literally blow holes in them with explosives on a near daily basis.
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May 31, 2022 22:14
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Whatever you do, don't sign on to help Catwoman with any Cat Gas shipments. God, I had to burn my whole outfit, the piss stench was so bad.
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May 31, 2022 22:30
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Couldn't we just do insider trading or something? The SEC is worthless.
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Jun 1, 2022 00:06
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I'm not sure whats in these crates were packing into this truck but I sure hope the Batman doesn't come to break every bone in my body for it.
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Jun 1, 2022 00:08
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Yvershek posted:Couldn't we just do insider trading or something? The SEC is worthless. Nah, Elon pays his henches in twitter exposure
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Jun 1, 2022 00:08
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CozyFella posted:I'm not sure whats in these crates were packing into this truck but I sure hope the Batman doesn't come to break every bone in my body for it. Oh this shipment? This is our legit, legal stuff. .... The Bat still broken the arm of every guy loading the last one.
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Jun 1, 2022 00:12
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I got an idea. Do lawful shipments for a week and sue the city when we get beat up. The city condones Batman, so it should be easy to set up in court.
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Jun 1, 2022 00:21
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Splicer posted:Guys guys guys I hosed up I was doing overtime at the docks and I mixed up the clown gas and the fear gas and what am I gonna do lol, take a hit of the clown gas to cancel out exposure to the fear gas for starters
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Jun 1, 2022 00:40
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FoolyCharged posted:Oh this shipment? This is our legit, legal stuff. This Batman.. I'm starting to think that he's the REAL villain. Jeff is still paying off the medical bills from his shattered rib cage the bats gave him.
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Jun 1, 2022 00:52
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Eyyyu, uh; it’s kind of awkward asking since I’ve been here for three years, but uh….. *whispers* So is his name “Batman,” or “THE Batman”??
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Jun 1, 2022 00:59
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It's a simpsons joke that The Batman, The didn't get and now is too embarrassed to correct
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Jun 1, 2022 01:09
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So there's this like, caveman dude who is apparently immortal and Bats seems to tangle with sometimes for reasons. I'm counting down the days until we're unloading some sort of Cave Gas...
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Jun 1, 2022 18:50
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I know Gotham's pretty bad, but a buddy of mine moved to Central City and said it's way worse. They got a talking gorilla, my buddy saw him tear some guy's arms off. Then you got this other guy who literally lives in mirrors, I poo poo you not, and he'll pop up in your house and stuff. I know the Joker's scary, but at least he can't live in mirrors or nothin' like that.
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Jun 1, 2022 18:53
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Hey anyone wanna get in on a quick smash and grab? We gotta deliver an experimental waynetech photon accelerator and a bunch of clown gas to the old amusement park and drop it off in the house of mirrors. Pay's pretty good, but the accelerator is unstable so make sure nobody drops it or falls onto it or whatever
Tunicate fucked around with this message at 00:06 on Jun 2, 2022 |
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Jun 1, 2022 18:57
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A Fancy Hat posted:You didn't hear this from me, but there's a big score goin' down at the docks tomorrow night. Rumor is, The Riddler's lookin' for a few good men to help him unload some kinda Riddle Gas from a boat. Or maybe it's a buncha plastic question marks, hell I don't know, but I know the money's good.
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Jun 1, 2022 23:45
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Calendar Man never lets me have any days off.
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Jun 2, 2022 00:55
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Honestly, I wish he would have just killed me. Having my spine and limbs broken was horrible, I still have nightmares and wake up screaming. Every. loving. Night. Debra left me, and I don't blame her, she didn't sign up to have to wipe my rear end. Bruiser... You've always been a bro man. Will you do me one last solid? It's time for me to leave. This isn't living.
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Jun 2, 2022 01:18
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Fer a guy named Calendah Man he shure nevah pays us ons time
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Jun 2, 2022 01:54
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according to this karl max fellah, it's the invariable tendency of criminal gangs to consolidate into ever larger criminal gangs. I hear he's going around trying to buy thugs off to be part of his gang and running smaller outfits down to buy them out. what a sucker, we thralls work because we're addicted to poison ivy's pheromones, you can't put a price on that
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Jun 2, 2022 03:51
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The Voice of Labor posted:work because we're addicted to poison ivy's pheromones, you can't put a price on that Funny you say that cos I know a girl. Turns out you can and it's $350 an ounce. It's legit stuff trust me. She's been working on her crew for years, collects drops from Ivy's empty bottles of it which ya know aren't quite empty. You got the money I can get some for ya by Tuesday. Strong stuff. ounce will last ya a month easy.
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Jun 3, 2022 09:44
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dr_rat posted:Funny you say that cos I know a girl. Turns out you can and it's $350 an ounce. It's legit stuff trust me. She's been working on her crew for years, collects drops from Ivy's empty bottles of it which ya know aren't quite empty. Anyway I've got like 200 cannisters of uh, let's call them "misc gasses" if anyone's interested.
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Jun 3, 2022 09:53
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Splicer posted:Yeah I know her from the trade shows, great girl. How dare you sell the cans of my Gang Queen, Miss Gasses! They're such sweet cans... If you can get passed the deadly Gas
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Jun 3, 2022 10:00
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You all hear about the time penguin got jealous about being the only one who didn't have his own gas. He get's this really old scientist dude to make him up some "penguin" gas. Scientist dude was just about the sketchy gently caress you ever saw. Anyway he comes back with some canisters and penguin puts his label on em makes em look all Penguiny. Anyway he's with his crew on a late night bank job. Just going to gas the guard then crack the vault in piece. anyway just as were letting the gas one of the goons notices on the bottom of the gas canister it says Zyklon B. He mentions it to Penguin asking what it is. Penguin, who some how goes even whiter then his normal full white, says jobs off and storms off. Crew apparently never even got paid a dime for that one. Anyway after that penguin never mentioned nothin bout "penguin gas" again. No one ever saw that old scientist dude again either. good fuckin riddance. Now penguin got himself some young 20 something science dude who's apparently way over his head in student loans repayments. Doesn't really talk to anyone, but seems nice enough. I hear catwomen's gas just makes people who are allergic to cat's have an allergic reaction. Like why even? You know Gothem city makes up 1/6th of all private gas mask sales in the US. Crazy huh.
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Jun 3, 2022 10:46
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Don't take a job hauling gas for Jenkem Man, that's all I'm saying.
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Jun 3, 2022 15:40
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Yvershek posted:I got an idea. Do lawful shipments for a week and sue the city when we get beat up. Yeah, sure, you can trust da justice system, just like when they try a cop for shootin' a black guy. Yous a moron, dats why yous only a henchman not a supervillain.
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Jun 3, 2022 23:08
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Well, boys, who needs a job? Come and work for me, the newest villain in Gotham! I give full shares after expenses and we stick to precisely-timed, non-violent robberies to avoid drawing too much of you-know-who's attention. The future's bright with THE TIMEKEEPER! The Clock King? Who the hell is that? Well, no matter, time flies! My savant-like planning skills will allow us to pull off impossible scores thanks to impeccably scheduled efforts! You gotta be making GBS threads me! I specifically came up with this shtick because I thought it was too cerebral for Gotham's scene and now you're telling me that some loser's doing a stretch in Blackgate for exactly the same sort of gigs? OK, adapt and overcome...um...ok...got it!...Batman may have a grappling hook, but let me ask you...can he fly? Well, GLIDER-MAN can! "Kite Man"? Now I know you're loving with me, rear end in a top hat.
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Jun 4, 2022 00:55
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hey uh you guys wanna go buy the bitcoin miner's gear and give it to one of them children's video game charity things? he's selling it all real cheap. guessin' bats is on him to skip town and he needs some quick liquidity, dunno why else he'd be givin' up on easy profits
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Jun 4, 2022 02:30
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So we was there on a catwalk holding our own against the bat. In a fist fight. The adrenaline was rushing, but I was giving as good as I was getting. And he wasn't taking any of us. I don't know how I was keeping up, but if the boss took a shot with that big gun of his he'd probably be able to pop the bat. You know that the fucker did? He blew up bombs holding the catwalk up, me and the boys drop two stories straight into the fracture ward and the last thing I see is the bat uses his grapple hook thingy to swing to the other catwalk.
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Jun 4, 2022 02:42
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 04:24 |
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Lucky Guy posted:Don't take a job hauling gas for Jenkem Man, that's all I'm saying. Oh yeah, Like Penguin normally he's stable and on top of stuff usually... when ya know he feels he's not getting, you know respect, he gets a bit.. yeah whatever. At least he tries to get top gear stuff. You goon'ing from like an unknown, oh god that poo poo. Like they are just buying whatever from the cheapest seller off the net. Like what ever may, may not work. ya know when there just struggling a name, nomrally don't exactly have spare enough dimes layin' round to care. So cheap poo poo. You get a wiff of that poo poo, that's cancer. like maybe ten years maybe twenty, but yeah cancer. And hell the none of that stuff works. Meant be "ticklish gas" or whatever, nah it makes you a bit light headed and maybe gives you headache gas, and then ten years later givin' ya cancer gas. Good luck suing to afford treatments bout that. 
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Jun 4, 2022 07:35
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