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Desert Bus
May 9, 2004

Take 1 tablet by mouth daily.

My abusive father who loves football never taught me how the gently caress the game works but got mad when I didn't understand it. Then got more mad when I thought it was a nonsense game rooted in racism once I asked? Please Goons help me understand this game. I'm a long term Mt:G/HS player this should not be so loving opaque. I would love to know how it works and how to interpret the rules beyond "black men destroy their bodies in the service of their white overlords."

I am sure it has rules and regulations and I am sure I should be able to understand what poo poo like "first down and 10" means but this is all nonsense, right?

They may as well be playing racist Quidditch for all I can tell?

Help I want to understand please.

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zaepg
Dec 25, 2008

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS


sports are racist.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Bigger Beef Corporation


Desert Bus posted:

My abusive father who loves football never taught me how the gently caress the game works but got mad when I didn't understand it. Then got more mad when I thought it was a nonsense game rooted in racism once I asked? Please Goons help me understand this game. I'm a long term Mt:G/HS player this should not be so loving opaque. I would love to know how it works and how to interpret the rules beyond "black men destroy their bodies in the service of their white overlords."

I am sure it has rules and regulations and I am sure I should be able to understand what poo poo like "first down and 10" means but this is all nonsense, right?

They may as well be playing racist Quidditch for all I can tell?

Help I want to understand please.

no

ChunTheUnavoidable
Sep 27, 2021



football as a whole is not racist but I believe the football robot “cleatus” holds racist views

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



brain damage ever since the day i was born sports what they used to say i was on

Doctor Butts
May 21, 2002



first and ten is a metaphor how for no matter how much you achieve, capitalism will work against you and reset you to your previous state as if you've accomplished nothing at all.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.




The fat men hug other fat men, sometimes they hug a buff man. Hth

Guze
Oct 10, 2007

Regular Human Bartender



The cowboys ran a QB draw with 14 seconds left and no time outs.

sofokles
Feb 7, 2004

Fuck this

apparantly crossing the line is a good thing

Doctor Butts
May 21, 2002



a field goal is a way for capitalists to exert power over their employees, by purposefully not giving their employees the tools they need to achieve and give them absurd targets to meet.

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



quarter back is what happen if you hang up the payphone before it connects

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019





the only good thing about football is all the tight ends

EorayMel
May 29, 2015



AND DON'T FORGET THE COMMERCIALS!!!!!

ChunTheUnavoidable
Sep 27, 2021



#TimesUpCleatus

Desert Bus
May 9, 2004

Take 1 tablet by mouth daily.

Doctor Butts posted:

first and ten is a metaphor how for no matter how much you achieve, capitalism will work against you and reset you to your previous state as if you've accomplished nothing at all.

Oh thanks I thought I was going for real insane, thanks.

Doctor Butts
May 21, 2002



a 'touchdown' is another term getting a sale

in this way, we see that no matter how many people of the team worked to get to the end, only one is credited with the win

Gasmask
Apr 27, 2003

And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee


haha they should call it hand egg if you ask me!!

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



Gasmask posted:

haha they should call it hand egg if you ask me!!

explai n to me

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004



has anyone said handegg yet? or sportsball?

no? good. don't or you get whacked

edit gently caress

no more of that

7lip
Mar 25, 2009

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.


Go Riders!

Zeluth
May 12, 2001



Hut Hut Penetrate that Open!
See your formation!
Got got your back
No mistaking that pass

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004



seriously though I'm surprised more nerds don't like football

It's a turn based RPG with stats and different classes and special moves and poo poo.

ChunTheUnavoidable
Sep 27, 2021



The Bloop posted:

seriously though I'm surprised more nerds don't like football

It's a turn based RPG with stats and different classes and special moves and poo poo.

American football is truly the Nethack of sports

Doctor Butts
May 21, 2002



The Bloop posted:

seriously though I'm surprised more nerds don't like football

It's a turn based RPG with stats and different classes and special moves and poo poo.

Montana casts screen pass for a gain of 5 yards.

Butkis plays BLITZ, and Montana fails on the saving throw.

Doctor Butts
May 21, 2002



the people in the stadium you ask? well, they're wall street.

they quite literally bought a seat there, and cheer on as two corporations fight it out all for their sick entertainment.

they really have no investment on who wins or loses, you see, because they win either way

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Bigger Beef Corporation


The Bloop posted:

seriously though I'm surprised more nerds don't like football

It's a turn based RPG with stats and different classes and special moves and poo poo.

Not only that but it's a weekly episodic with story lines, rivalries and things that culminate in season finales which can't be spoilered and happen in real time.

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



someone explain hand egg please

sofokles
Feb 7, 2004

Fuck this

Big Beef City posted:

Not only that but it's a weekly episodic with story lines, rivalries and things that culminate in season finales which can't be spoilered and happen in real time.

Downside: can't be binged

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



sofokles posted:

Downside: can't be binged

i use google

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004
remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr


Here you go OP i hope this is helpful

BASIC RULES OF FOOTBALL

Football is played between two teams each made up of eleven players. (Sometime in junior competitions you will find 8 player teams).

Games comprise of at least one innings where each team will take turns in batting and fielding/bowling.

The fielding team will have a bowler bowl the ball to the batsman who tries to hit the ball with their bat.

The fielding team tries to get the batsmen out by…
-Hitting the wickets with the ball when bowling
-Catching a batsman’s shot on the full
-Hitting the batsman’s leg in front of the wicket (LBW)
-Or hitting the wickets before the batsmen can run to the other end of the pitch

The batmen try to score as many runs as possible before getting out by…
-Hitting the ball and running between the wickets and making it to the other end before the fielders can hit the wickets with the ball. Each time you run one full length of the pitch it equals 1 run.
-Hitting the ball to the boundary along the ground is 4 runs.
-Hitting the ball over the boundary on the full equals 6 runs.
-The fielding team must get 10 batsmen out before they can change over and start batting.
-The aim of the game is to score as many runs as possible before the fielding team takes 10 wickets. The team with the most runs wins.

Nice Guy Patron
Jun 29, 2015


It's when I put my foot in your balls at high speed.

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020




There are these guys in striped shirts, and they loving suck. They are just the worst. If they ever start talking into their little microphones, just yell at your TV until they go away.

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.







You think football is racist, yet you play Hearthstone? lol

The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.





ChunTheUnavoidable posted:

football as a whole is not racist but I believe the football robot “cleatus” holds racist views

That's the fox robot right? I would belive it.

The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.





Sophy Wackles posted:

You think football is racist, yet you play Hearthstone? lol

Psh, HS racist? H'ok. H'okay smart guy, thrn tell me, exactly What race are the long/big nosed, money-loving goblins in the game supposed to be? I'd like to see you even try.

sporkstand
Jun 15, 2021


ChunTheUnavoidable posted:

football as a whole is not racist but I believe the football robot “cleatus” holds racist views

This right here

Sex Farm
Nov 17, 2017

What the fuck?


sports ball ahahaha

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



please i dont understand hand egg

Sex Farm
Nov 17, 2017

What the fuck?


Try playing madden fantasy team, you can spend lots of money on pictures of things to be better than other people. Plus it's a video game. Might make you understand it more better(er)

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Desert Bus
May 9, 2004

Take 1 tablet by mouth daily.

Thank you all for helping me understand this.

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