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bagmonkey
May 13, 2003





Grimey Drawer

Hi everyone I feel like it's time we had a thread just for posting crazy rear end reviews you found online. What prompted this was a coworker sharing the below business with me.

PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THE POOP! DO NOT INTERACT WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!

https://www.google.com/search?q=new...46b73fcdcda4b,1

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AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993




reposting this one from the dispensary I went to the other day

mkvltra
Nov 1, 2020



IDK about now but ten years ago the city jail in Richmond, Virginia had a Yelp page

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993




mkvltra posted:

IDK about now but ten years ago the city jail in Richmond, Virginia had a Yelp page

Lol

Every prison, high school, and community college has Google reviews if anyone needs Ideas. Here's one community college campus in Tennessee for example:



Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

JUST THINKING ABOUT THEM MAKES ME WANT TO FUCKING RELEASE SPORES OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS ASEXUALS DO


I really want to know what it takes to get a one star review out of this guy.




Encouraged me to kill myself, threatened me with violence, attempted to entrap me. Totally corrupt department and let my abuser go free. 3/5 stars.

DONKEY SALAMI
Jun 28, 2008

donkey? donkey?



This is exactly what Something Awful front page should be.


Members leaving reviews and Jeffrey/admin/mod responses (all in caps of course)

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

😈Satanically👹 Summoned 𖤐 Citrus🍋





If this is too dark for the thread, I will delete it.



https://www.kvue.com/article/news/i...17-7f6e9d8efe30

Ratjaculation
Aug 3, 2007

:parrot::parrot::parrot:
:sexarse:




This recipe



This review

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



Zil posted:

If this is too dark for the thread, I will delete it.



https://www.kvue.com/article/news/i...17-7f6e9d8efe30

holy poo poo

Play
Apr 25, 2006

So I roll with the rolling thunder
And I howl with the howling wind
And I drift downstream
For as long as it takes
To get up and around the bend


Meme Poker Party posted:

I really want to know what it takes to get a one star review out of this guy.




Encouraged me to kill myself, threatened me with violence, attempted to entrap me. Totally corrupt department and let my abuser go free. 3/5 stars.

Well if there were four people who were nice to them and just one who threatened violence, encouraged suicide, attempted entrapment, and let abusive stepdads go then REALLY it should be 4 out of 5 stars. It's simple math.

Quite uncharitable :colbert:

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002




the yelp page for my psychotic ex landlord is pretty good

this one sums it up. She was basically a truly truly sociopathic control freak. finding this yelp page gave me such relief that no, it wasn't just us, she makes EVERYONE's life miserable.

This person summed it up:

quote:

Do not move to any of these properties. The land lady is unprofessional, neglectful, threatening, and will attempt to swindle money from you.

The place itself is disgraceful. It's falling apart. Don't expect the land lady to be receptive to any complaints.

Violations of privacy, aggressive emails, and unsubstantiated threats of evictions are common tools for the landlady to attempt to control you."


lots of very negative reviews (most of which she's had removed somehow) and then the most hilariously blatant fake reviews you've ever seen.





strong hello fellow kids energy:

quote:

"I strongly felt I needed to write a review, as living at this place was amazing. This is a beautiful environment with great facilities. The people are lovely here, a very friendly place to be and so convenient for everything you need. There are rules here, but, there are rules wherever you choose to live and they are there for everyone's safety. I give it a thumbs up."

sounds vaguely like ad copy but ok:

quote:

"Perfect building location, just 2 minutes from subway. I have loved all about this exceptional property."
and then my favourite:

quote:

This is a response from the Property Management to all reviews for Syrmium Holdings: it came from a single tenant, whom he is calling one time "George M", another time Ray B, "Catherine V", "Wallace J", and "Jeremy D". Except one name, other names are not known to us, they, if they are real persons, never were our tenants. The author is these reviews is one single person. Contents of reviews are false, fabricated, defamatory in nature, and posted with the intention to cause damages"
followed by a review FROM THE SAME USER 4 months later, god this lady is dumb as gently caress:

quote:

"Lovely place, well maintained, clean, beatifull landscaping, safe and quiet!"

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003





Grimey Drawer

Ratjaculation posted:

This recipe



This review



holy poo poo lmao

funeral home DJ
Apr 21, 2003




Pillbug

Sid Vicious posted:

holy poo poo

lmao imagine paying three-quarters of a million bucks to some dude under the guise of a security company to kill your ex and her ex boyfriend, and you leave a positive google review.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.







Ratjaculation posted:

This recipe



This review



Lmao, classic recipe review

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003





Grimey Drawer

Dispensary reviews are loving ACE, thanx Aardvark

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



funeral home DJ posted:

lmao imagine paying three-quarters of a million bucks to some dude under the guise of a security company to kill your ex and her ex boyfriend, and you leave a positive google review.

i am legitimately flummoxed lmao

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019



Lol do not go to the trap

ChunTheUnavoidable
Sep 27, 2021



Lawrence Gilchrist
Mar 31, 2010



Aardvark! posted:

reposting this one from the dispensary I went to the other day



I looked it up and this is not the sex doll guy from My Strange Addiction

Lawrence Gilchrist fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Jan 19, 2022

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993




Campbell's corporate office


Some fishing/outdoors store

Play
Apr 25, 2006

So I roll with the rolling thunder
And I howl with the howling wind
And I drift downstream
For as long as it takes
To get up and around the bend


Poohs Packin posted:

Lol do not go to the trap

what this guy calls the trap is probably the part of the suburbs closer to the freeway

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003





Grimey Drawer

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003





Grimey Drawer

Play posted:

what this guy calls the trap is probably the part of the suburbs closer to the freeway

No, that's from just outside Detroit. My dude means the trap house

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


Don't forget the rest stop reviews!

Only registered members can see post attachments!

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993




Here's a guy I found in San Bernardino for the Americana thread











BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.







Not really a crazy review but the picture made me lol. Itís from a place near me that locals either love or hate so I thought it might be a good source.

Play
Apr 25, 2006

So I roll with the rolling thunder
And I howl with the howling wind
And I drift downstream
For as long as it takes
To get up and around the bend


bagmonkey posted:

No, that's from just outside Detroit. My dude means the trap house

i thought it was Ferndale, CA lol

but yeah.. don't go to the trap house unless you're friends with the people there

TIP
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.





a review of a hand mirror on walmart.com

mkvltra
Nov 1, 2020



LOL what does that mean?? Doughnut girl?

Play
Apr 25, 2006

So I roll with the rolling thunder
And I howl with the howling wind
And I drift downstream
For as long as it takes
To get up and around the bend


mkvltra posted:

LOL what does that mean?? Doughnut girl?

you're about to find out because you're my dougnut girl now

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003





Grimey Drawer

Don't forget adult bookstores and adult health spas and such!

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003





Grimey Drawer

TIP
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.





I decided against going to this pizza place

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

😈Satanically👹 Summoned 𖤐 Citrus🍋






They mean glory hole don't they?

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003





Grimey Drawer

Zil posted:

They mean glory hole don't they?

Oh yeah, definitely. Nearly every adult bookstore has a review stating they need a g.h.

Ratjaculation
Aug 3, 2007

:parrot::parrot::parrot:
:sexarse:




Good handdryers*

Not the ones that just blow the water up your arm

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019



Play posted:

what this guy calls the trap is probably the part of the suburbs closer to the freeway

"Steves couch where there are perpetually 6 guys playing CoD and filling mason jars with Newport butts in Madison Heights" = The Trap.

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019



Sometimes 7 guys when Mark gets off early from cooking at Tel-way and thats WHEN IT GO DOWN

bagmonkey
May 13, 2003





Grimey Drawer

Poohs Packin posted:

Sometimes 7 guys when Mark gets off early from cooking at Tel-way and thats WHEN IT GO DOWN

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Malcolm Excellent
May 20, 2007




Buglord

Trucker Enoch can gently caress off. Telway is a hangover killa

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