Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020

Cubone posted:

he never said that

Yes he did you son of a bitch.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020

Thank goodness someone itt remembered that meme. I was wondering if I was going to have to write up an explanation and/or an apology to John Cena.

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.
re: hhh

he's an unscrupulous politicker and a big doofy chode, but he loved wrestling and took it very seriously

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4DWg8OHSo0&t=27s

is it a good thing to take your profession so seriously that you think it doesn't count unless you're annihilating your own body? 🤔
probably not
but you could never say that he didn't put everything he had into it. (like... how was this guy friends with kevin nash?)

it's easy to forget because he's wanted so badly to be that guy for so long that he habitually fought to put himself above where he should be, and he succeeded way too often, and frankly it's hilarious that he never got that "thank you hunter" chant
but circa 2001, he really was among the best in the world. if you go back and watch the three stages of hell match with austin (warning: it's an hour), he was about or almost as good as he said he was, and that's a pretty high bar

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Anime Deviant
drat, what a fuckin trip.

Honest deal with the devil poo poo.

A Real Horse
Oct 26, 2013


Jamesman posted:

This has nothing to do with anything but I just want to remind everyone that wrestling can be good sometimes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xIYVw3ZPJk

This is incredible. Every time someone links it I end up watching the whole thing again.

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

A Real Horse posted:

This is incredible. Every time someone links it I end up watching the whole thing again.

Let's follow that up with another height of wrestling, shall we?

So, I talked about the Montreal Screwjob and how I feel it should be called the Michaels Screwjob. So now let’s talk about another screwjob that Shawn Michaels was involved in that was considerably more amusing.



THE SUMMERSLAM SELLJOB: SHAWN MICHAELS VS HULK HOGAN

In 2002, Hulk Hogan returned to the WWE at Wrestlemania 18 to one of the hottest crowds in all of wrestling history. With how drat intense the building was, it was no surprise that Hogan ended up getting one more brief title run, and ended up being the focus of the NEXT year’s Wrestlemania, with a match with Vince McMahon basically being promoted as the main event instead of the actual world title match that main evented the show. Things soured with Vince afterwards, though, and Hogan would be gone a few months after Wrestlemania…only to return to the WWE in 2005 when it was announced he would be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. This led to another small comeback, where Hogan, feuding with Carly “Carlito” Colon and Kurt Angle, was assisted by Shawn Michaels…for a brief period. Because after besting the two in a tag match in mid July, Shawn Michaels abruptly kicked Hogan’s head off.



So, why did Shawn do this, turning heel out of nowhere after being a defacto face since his mid 2002 return? Well, it was never fully explained.

There was a reason for that. As originally envisioned, Shawn wanted a face vs face match, and to make it a trilogy. Hulk would win the first match, Shawn the second, and then Hulk would win the rubber match in a steel cage. Sounds good, doesn’t it? If anyone could make the 50+ worn down by decades of ring work Hogan look good for one last match trilogy, it was Shawn Michaels. And if anyone could match Hogan’s master politicking, it was also Shawn Michaels.

Unfortunately, as much as Shawn knew in the art of politicking, it seemed like Hogan knew more. Because even before it started, Hogan argued, and got the angle altered so that instead of being face vs face, Michaels turned heel. Michaels went with it, using the ‘heel freedom’ to mock Hogan incredibly viciously…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZ-Sayfnhvg

And pull one of the best trolling moments of all time by a heel wrestler in Montreal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgW2G5QoHFY

But in forcing the change, there was now no real reason for Michaels to turn on Hogan and turn heel beyond a vague “I believe I can beat this legend and I will prove it.” Unfortunately, the mucking around wasn’t going to stop there.

Both sides have their own version of why what happened happened. Considering both wrestler’s reputations, who knows who’s lying, who’s telling half truths, and who one should believe. Such is the curse of crying wolf. However it happened, the three match series got changed to two, Shawn winning the first and Hogan the second. And then it became just one single match, with Hogan going over. Or that’s what Shawn thought and reacted accordingly, per Hogan’s viewpoint. Of course, said viewpoint makes him look rather naive if he didn’t notice several very obvious things. But who knows?

But whatever the case, Michaels had been out-politicked by the OG master of it. He’d be doing the job, because Hogan had to look strong, brother.

And so, Michaels decided, be careful what you wish for, old man. And hence, when their main event Summerslam 2005 match happened, Michaels took what was likely to have just been an average match…and proceeded to do exactly what Hogan wanted.



Hogan wanted to look strong? Then Michaels would make him look strong.



Stronger than any foe Hogan had ever faced!





So yes, Michaels proceeded to oversell every single one of Hogan’s moves to the nth degree. Every single time, he acted like Hogan was akin to a wrecking ball.



What’s even better, if you believe Hogan, Hogan DIDN’T REALIZE SHAWN WAS OVERSELLING TO MOCK HIM. He just thought that this was Shawn’s usual ‘flippy poo poo’.



You see what I mean about being naive if you take him at his word?

But all that was just a warmup. Shawn did get his own offense, and Hogan did a bladejob that gave him a classic crimson mask. Hogan promptly no sold a Shawn superkick by Hulking up, and going into his classic routine.

Now, it was limited, even by Shawn Michaels, how much he could oversell Hogan’s famous legdrop. You can only do so much lying on the ground.

So Michaels put his exclamation point on the move to set him up for the legdrop.



So yeah. It had come to that. Michaels had gone all the way down the overselling bar that he’d entered Looney Tunes ‘don’t fall off a cliff until you realize there’s nothing under you’ levels of reaction. You can even see Hogan’s surprise when he turns around and sees that Michaels isn’t flat on his back, and the confusion that follows. There’s some great selljobs in wrestling, like Austin hitting Scott Hall with a Stunner and RVD taking a Tommy Dreamer piledriver, but perhaps the best, and worst, is Shawn Michaels knocked down for the deadly legdrop.

So Hogan got the pin, and then went home assuming that he and Shawn would soon start setting up the second match that he claims he believed was still happening. Instead, Shawn came out the next night and proceeded to mock the whole match, Hogan’s politicking, and essentially buried Hogan far worse than Hogan buried him, basically turning back to face by default, which he’d remain until his retirement five years later. And Hogan, who if he hadn’t clued in before THEN, probably knew afterwards.





Thus was the one time Legend vs Icon match of Hulk Hogan vs Shawn Michaels. In the end, Shawn got screwed, but he screwed right back.

Ain’t that a kick to the head?

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?




WRESTLEMANIA 19 (2003)

Undertaker’s opponents at WrestleMania 19 were Big Show and A-Train. A-Train, otherwise known as Albert, Giant Bernard, and Lord Tensai, was a regular fixture in the WWE midcard and one of the most underrated big men in wrestling. Big Show is well known enough that I probably don’t have to talk about him. Either way, these two guys are not what’s important.

What’s important is the Undertaker’s non-existent partner, Nathan Jones. You might remember him as the gigantic War Boy from Mad Max: Fury Road who didn’t have any albino defects.

Jones signed with WWE and they did a hell of a job building him up with vignettes that played up his real life history as a convict. “The Colossus of Boggo Road” was gigantic, in awesome shape, and had some serious charisma that made him look like a psychotic killer. Then, for some reason, WWE decided to introduce him as a face and treat his criminal career as something he was moving away from.

The Undertaker took Jones under his wing and started training him in storyline. As Undertaker made enemies with Big Show and A-Train, a tag match was put together for WrestleMania.

The problem was, Jones was just too awful in the ring. He was a liability. They could not, in good conscience, let him compete that night. Instead, they did a storyline about A-Train and Big Show jumping him backstage and making him too injured to wrestle. Undertaker had to compete by himself in a handicap match.

Undertaker going over A-Train? Absolutely. Undertaker going over Big Show? Sure. Undertaker going over both of them at once? Eh... that’s a little too overpowered. But whatever. At the end, Nathan Jones returned on the ramp and did a roundhouse kick to one opponent while Undertaker pinned the other.

Nothing became of Nathan Jones in WWE. He bided his time until they toured Australia and then ran off into the night, leaving WWE in the dust.



WRESTLEMANIA 20 (2004)

Hold onto your hat, because we’re going to get into some loving crazy Vince McMahon territory.

Undertaker was still in his biker phase and had issues with Vince. He was put in a match where if he won, he’d be able to have any match of his choosing. Vince figured he would just challenge for the title, but Undertaker instead laughingly said that he wanted Vince in a Buried Alive match.

Vince freaked out about this. And not in the way you’d expect. On the next episode of SmackDown, he made some demands to his underling Paul Heyman. He wanted to – and I’m not making this up – 1) have the Undertaker’s children kidnapped, 2) have terrorists blow up the Undertaker’s house, and 3) have bikers rape the Undertaker’s wife while the Undertaker is forced to watch. Heyman simply went, “Yeah, what the gently caress is wrong with you? You defeated Ted Turner and the US government and look at this poo poo. You've changed, man.”

When the Buried Alive match happened, Undertaker was attacked by Kane. Kane had gone through his own transformation around that time, having finally gotten rid of his mask. Turns out he wasn’t horribly burned after all! He was just an ugly dude who sort of looked like Bull from Night Court was on steroids. It was a new lease on his career and he was once again being treated as an unbeatable monster.

Kane helped Vince win the match and buried his brother, claiming that he took offense to how human Undertaker had become. Undertaker was gone for months, but started to haunt Kane. Kane would freak out more and more, screaming that he killed the Undertaker. The match was signed for WrestleMania.

Undertaker appeared as kind of a hybrid of both versions of his gimmick. He was still a magical zombie man, but with a grounded MMA style to him. He returned with druids and Paul Bearer at his side. The whole battle was rather quick, with Kane refusing to believe it was real and Undertaker just whooping his rear end.

The two would go back and forth between being allies and enemies for many years. But hey, this was probably the best match they had against each other, minor as it was.



WRESTLEMANIA 21 (2005)

Once upon a time, Triple H started his own Four Horsemen knockoff called Evolution. There, he was joined by his mentor Ric Flair and his proteges Randy Orton and Batista. Things worked out great for them for a long while until SummerSlam 2004. See, Triple H had lost the World Heavyweight Championship to one Chris Benoit and he could not seal the deal when it came to rematches. Orton earned a shot against Benoit and beat him cleanly, ending SummerSlam with the two shaking hands.

Triple H was furious that Orton was champion and had him violently kicked out of Evolution. Unfortunately, Randy Orton’s title reign and run as a top face were doomed. He quickly lost the title back to Triple H and lost the feud. Then they changed the focus to having Batista take on Triple H, which overshadowed anything Orton had going on. Instead, Orton decided to challenge the Undertaker.

For the first time, they started really pointing out that the Streak was a thing. Undertaker was 12-0 and as WrestleMania 21 was an exercise in giving John Cena and Batista their breakout moments as world champions, Orton planned to be the first guy to give the Undertaker a loss at WrestleMania. This obsession soon turned him heel as he started dropping allies with RKO’s, including his on-air girlfriend Stacy Kiebler.

It was a pretty good match where Orton just couldn’t get the win. He and Undertaker kept feuding for a few more months. One of their matches was a Hell in a Cell match, which got Orton’s father Bob Orton Jr. in trouble. Bob was involved in the match and everyone in there was busted open. Bob forgot to mention until after the fact that he has hepatitis. Whoops!

Another thing of note here is that this WrestleMania played up its LA location by doing a series of videos of wrestlers reenacting famous movie scenes. Triple H doing Braveheart, Booker T and Eddie Guerrero doing Pulp Fiction, Eugene as Forrest Gump, John Cena and JBL in A Few Good Men, etc. Undertaker did his own version of Dirty Harry, which didn’t have much parody in it. He was just being Dirty Harry.



WRESTLEMANIA 22 (2006)

After the Streak was recognized, every opponent had an air to them that they could very well be the person who beat the Undertaker. Every opponent, that is, except Mark Henry.

Mark Henry was the definition of buyer’s remorse for Vince McMahon. Competing as a power lifter in the 1996 Olympics, he was offered a ten-year contract with the promotion that was worth millions of dollars. Not only did he not place in the Olympics, but he just wasn’t very good in the ring either. Vince tried to run him out of the company by putting him in all sorts of embarrassing storylines, including stuff like Henry admitting to sleeping with his sister, Henry being in a relationship with an elderly woman, and who can forget the trans panic incident that aged like fine wine?

Henry would not budge and by the time his contract was over, he had figured himself enough that he was given another (albeit less lucrative) contract. Henry was a few years away from hitting his peak with the Hall of Pain gimmick, but he was doing okay as a threatening heel near the top of the card.

After Henry failed to beat Kurt Angle for the World Heavyweight Championship, he decided that the Undertaker would share his fate. He interfered in a match between Angle and Undertaker, ambushing the latter and causing it to end in a disqualification.

Undertaker and Mark Henry would then face off in a Casket Match. It was decent, but nothing to write home about. Undertaker would seal Henry into the casket and keep the Streak going.



WRESTLEMANIA 23 (2007)

Finally, the Undertaker won the Royal Rumble. He also became the first to ever win at the #30 spot. Despite his late entry, the Rumble ended with Undertaker and Shawn Michaels battling it out for a long, long stretch of time. Seeds were planted for the future with that pairing.

Undertaker had his choice between the WWE Champion Cena, World Heavyweight Champion Batista, and ECW Champion Bobby Lashley. He chose Batista and chokeslammed him. Batista dusted himself off and was like, “Hey, cool. I respect the Undertaker.” Then Undertaker kept attacked him more like a dick and Batista had finally had enough. They did a tag match where Batista and Undertaker had to face Cena and his WrestleMania challenger Shawn Michaels. Batista hit Undertaker with a spinebuster and abandoned him to get thrashed.

The WrestleMania match was off the charts. In my opinion, it was both Batista’s best match and the best Streak match. The two just had amazing chemistry and there was something neat about their dynamic. Batista was on Undertaker’s level, but being a powerful face, he didn’t crumble to fear like others would. He saw through the otherworldly dramatics and took on Undertaker man-to-man.

Undertaker won, but the two continued to have matches in the months that followed. It was good poo poo, ultimately ruined by Undertaker’s next WrestleMania opponent.

Up next: DX hits him with everything they got.

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

Gavok posted:

For the first time, they started really pointing out that the Streak was a thing. Undertaker was 12-0 and as WrestleMania 21 was an exercise in giving John Cena and Batista their breakout moments as world champions, Orton planned to be the first guy to give the Undertaker a loss at WrestleMania.

And if he hadn't injured his shoulder shortly before Wrestlemania, that would have happened. That injury saved the Streak, because I think Orton was the last one where it seemed legitimately in danger for an opponent that could 'benefit' from it. Everyone from Orton onward was either "There's no way that they'll give them the Streak" (Henry, Edge, CM Punk) or "God drat it, they better drat well not give them the Streak!" (Batista, Shawn Michaels, Triple H).

No idea what actual Streak breaker Brock Lesner would have fallen under had history turned out different.

Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 06:49 on Mar 26, 2022

Trollologist
Mar 3, 2010

by Fluffdaddy
ATTENTION WRESTLE DORKS!!! REALLY GOOD INTERGENDER WRESTLING EXISTS AND IT'S IN A F LIST INDY FED AND ALSO THE LADY IS A SPOOPY WRESTLER AND ALSO it's not a bad match, surprisingly good anyway

Click that link to watch a man wrestle a woman and it doesn't seem weird or creepy or awkward.

Cornwind Evil posted:

And if he hadn't injured his shoulder shortly before Wrestlemania, that would have happened. That injury saved the Streak, because I think Orton was the last one where it seemed legitimately in danger for an opponent that could 'benefit' from it. Everyone from Orton onward was either "There's no way that they'll give them the Streak" (Henry, Edge, CM Punk) or "God drat it, they better drat well not give them the Streak!" (Batista, Shawn Michaels, Triple H).

No idea what actual Streak breaker Brock Lesner would have fallen under had history turned out different.

So, FWIW, here's Paul Heyman laying down a conspiracy theory about Lesnar Shooting to get the streak: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUCybO2H4xQ

I don't choose to believe it....or should I?????????:tinfoil:

Trollologist fucked around with this message at 06:51 on Mar 26, 2022

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003
:smug: Good morning, you're all just pretending to need this "medicine" because you're drug addicts.

:angel: Good evening, directed pharmaceutical use of amphetamines obviously enriches the lives of many itt and I just woul

Jonny Nox
Apr 26, 2008




best intergender match:


https://www.metatube.com/en/videos/69082/Nine-Year-Old-Girl-Vs-Professional-Wrestler/


bester "intergender" match (1/6 women)
notes:
1) Ivelisse turned out to be a pretty lovely person who is now persona non grata in American Wrestling
2) That said she worked this match on a broken ankle, and is a total warrior
3) The moment at 14:10 made Angelico's career (The tall bloke in green)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_G1INQGhHE


and intergender match SO EXTREME it had to be held in international waters.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eoBkr7HvEI&t=1872s

edit: found the right link for the AEW match.

Jonny Nox fucked around with this message at 08:06 on Mar 26, 2022

gbs but from 2004
Oct 24, 2004

wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"
sorry to interrupt the thread and mods delete this if it isn’t the right place but i got gifted an ECW cap that I already have so if any UK goons want it for £20 then pm me, none of my friends like wrestling so here’s a good a place as any



alright sorry continue

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020

So last night I saw my friends who like wrestling, and they insisted I watch an AEW show from a few weeks ago. It is the second time that I have watched wrestling in like 25 years, so here are my observations as an uniformed spectator, in no particular order:
  • CM Punk and MJF wrestled while connected at the neck by a long chain. I don't know who either of these guys are, and I was clearly missing some context, but the match itself was really really entertaining. At times it felt like a UFC fight between between two guys who hate each other, and at times it felt like a movie fight scene. MJF was a little much sometimes, with his eyes bugging out and whatnot, but I got sucked into the match and really enjoyed watching it.
  • Jim Ross is still calling wrestling matches, but he's a shadow of his former self. Honestly, the announce team was kind of worthless in general. I think we could have safely muted the show.
  • There are two women's champions. One of them is named Jade and looks like the Soviet scientists from Rocky 4 used their machines to design the perfect woman wrestler. The other one is a cartoonishly bitchy dentist, and she is loving wonderful. Both champions seemed to be worse at wrestling than the face-painted Latinas that they were fighting, but not egregiously so.
  • Chris Jericho is still wrestling. The first move of his match looked brutal and for a second I honestly thought Jericho seriously landed on his neck wrong and seriously got hurt. The rest of the match was clumsy and boring.
  • Notable theme songs included the Where Is My Mind, Cult Of Personality, and Tarzan Boy. I like those songs, but it removed any doubts I had about the demographics of pro wrestling.
  • The referees were a lot more assertive and involved than I remember from the old days. This is kind of a cool touch, although it doesn't seem to ever impact the matches.
  • There were a lot of matches with six dudes in the ring, and I didn't enjoy any of them. It was a bunch of random people doing a bunch of random things. People were constantly almost getting pinned or constantly getting hit with furniture or constantly being interfered with. But none of that seemed to matter, and ultimately the matches just kind of ended when they ended.
  • Sting is still (kind of) wrestling? I think someone itt mentioned that, but I guess I just assumed he was a manager or just randomly showed up and hit people with baseball bats. He's looking rough. Maybe he needs the money?
  • Is this twat wearing half a Halo costume as he walks to the ring?
  • For the most part, the female wrestlers were more interesting than the male wrestlers. That might be because both women's matches were championship matches, and it might be because I'd prefer to watch scantily clad women than scantily clad men, but I think there's more to it than that. The women had better costumes and more well-defined personalities. Most of the guys were just schlubs in black tights, and their personalities were either 'wildly gesticulating goof' or 'grumpy uncle.' Sometimes the guys would just stare blankly at each other as if they had forgotten what they were supposed to do, and the announcers would have to tell us how important the moment was.
  • William Regal has trouble standing and walking, but can still get in and out of the ring effortlessly. That's pretty damned cool.

Hefty Leftist
Jun 26, 2011

"You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."


Prof. Crocodile posted:

So last night I saw my friends who like wrestling, and they insisted I watch an AEW show from a few weeks ago. It is the second time that I have watched wrestling in like 25 years, so here are my observations as an uniformed spectator, in no particular order:
  • CM Punk and MJF wrestled while connected at the neck by a long chain. I don't know who either of these guys are, and I was clearly missing some context, but the match itself was really really entertaining. At times it felt like a UFC fight between between two guys who hate each other, and at times it felt like a movie fight scene. MJF was a little much sometimes, with his eyes bugging out and whatnot, but I got sucked into the match and really enjoyed watching it.

good news: CM Punk is currently attempting to recreate every Bret Hart match he can on his current run - you might like him vs Dax Harwood on the last Dynamite where they both attempted to out-tribute eachother to the Hitman

Hefty Leftist fucked around with this message at 15:33 on Mar 26, 2022

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Prof. Crocodile posted:

So last night I saw my friends who like wrestling, and they insisted I watch an AEW show from a few weeks ago. It is the second time that I have watched wrestling in like 25 years, so here are my observations as an uniformed spectator, in no particular order:
[*]CM Punk and MJF wrestled while connected at the neck by a long chain. I don't know who either of these guys are, and I was clearly missing some context, but the match itself was really really entertaining. At times it felt like a UFC fight between between two guys who hate each other, and at times it felt like a movie fight scene. MJF was a little much sometimes, with his eyes bugging out and whatnot, but I got sucked into the match and really enjoyed watching it.

CM Punk was a popular wrestler from the indies who went to WWE, became a huge name as kind of a counter-culture kind of guy, but the whole experience broke him down physically and mentally to the point that he just quit wrestling for seven years. He came out of retirement to sign with AEW, which was seen as the biggest deal.

MJF is considered the future of the company and also one of the most hated heels. The two had been messing with each other for months and a couple weeks prior to the match, MJF said what amounted to, "I went through some bad poo poo as a teen, then my favorite wrestler upped and quit when I needed him the most, so now I'm an rear end in a top hat. I don't quit so I'm better than you."

Punk was all, "Oh, that's... huh. Sorry?" and MJF kicked him in the balls and brutalized him.

Also, MJF has a bodyguard named Wardlow who he regularly pushes around and abuses. Wardlow is done with MJF's poo poo.

quote:

[*]Jim Ross is still calling wrestling matches, but he's a shadow of his former self. Honestly, the announce team was kind of worthless in general. I think we could have safely muted the show.

Jim Ross is definitely over the hill at this point, but the rest of the announce team is considered to be top of the line. Well, except when Chris Jericho does commentary sometimes.

quote:

[*]There are two women's champions. One of them is named Jade and looks like the Soviet scientists from Rocky 4 used their machines to design the perfect woman wrestler. The other one is a cartoonishly bitchy dentist, and she is loving wonderful. Both champions seemed to be worse at wrestling than the face-painted Latinas that they were fighting, but not egregiously so.

Fun fact: Britt Baker is legitimately a dentist. One of the reasons why she didn't sign with WWE is because they wouldn't let her keep that job. Similarly, she's dating Adam Cole, the guy with the Halo costume, who didn't re-sign with WWE partially because they wouldn't let him stream on Twitch.

But yeah, Jade is something special. She's only been wrestling for just over a year, but they understand her star power. Recently they've been having Bryan Danielson (arguably the best performer in the business) personally training her and it's been paying off.

quote:

[*]Sting is still (kind of) wrestling? I think someone itt mentioned that, but I guess I just assumed he was a manager or just randomly showed up and hit people with baseball bats. He's looking rough. Maybe he needs the money?

Sting more wants to end his career on his terms. He was a mess during WCW and while TNA treated him fairly well, the place was a dumpster fire. WWE wasn't much better. He was signed to AEW to do a match here and there, but people have been digging it and he's been loving it, so they let the 63 year old do his wacky tag matches.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Anime Deviant
Sting probably would have retired as an In Ring personality had WWE given him the drat Sting v Taker match.

Jonny Nox
Apr 26, 2008




Prof. Crocodile posted:

a cartoonishly bitchy dentist, and she is loving wonderful.

Yessss!



Prof. Crocodile posted:

Is this twat wearing half a Halo costume as he walks to the ring?

YESSSSS!!

also don't blame Sting, he's come under the influence of fun and cool person Darby Allin.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Anime Deviant
I need some kind of hijinks where Sting gets possessed by his past self and goes back to the neon facepaint and platinum crop, only for his Crow version to exist as an exercised Dark Sting causing supernatural mayhem, with the cap being Sting/NotSting fighting fir the fate of WCW and becoming something mew in the process.

rndmnmbr
Jul 3, 2012

Prof. Crocodile posted:

Jim Ross is still calling wrestling matches, but he's a shadow of his former self. Honestly, the announce team was kind of worthless in general. I think we could have safely muted the show.

Go watch an episode of AEW Dark on Youtube. Excalibur and Taz on commentary is loving magical.

Hollismason
Jun 30, 2007

Witchfinder General

I'm honestly surprised to learn that Jim Ross had left WWE , I figured he'd be with them for life.

16-bit Butt-Head
Dec 25, 2014

Hollismason posted:

I'm honestly surprised to learn that Jim Ross had left WWE , I figured he'd be with them for life.

lol

16-bit Butt-Head
Dec 25, 2014
i think JR's most recent WWE firing was for getting drunk at a panel promoting one of the WWE games because they couldnt fire the even more drunk ric flair and needed to make an example of someone

Germansimp
May 28, 2013



16-bit Butt-Head posted:

i think JR's most recent WWE firing was for getting drunk at a panel promoting one of the WWE games because they couldnt fire the even more drunk ric flair and needed to make an example of someone

Yes, back in 2013, though at the same time it was just a convenient excuse for WWE to cut him because "he's old and talks funny". He then took a break for about 3 years before starting to do commentary for New Japan between 2016 and 2018, plus a few shows for WWE, mostly specials like the Mae Young Classic, and since 2019 he's been with AEW.

runnypoops
Mar 26, 2016

been there. done that. prove yourself to me.
Oz woulda been so much better if they replaces tim mcmanus woth vince

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020

rndmnmbr posted:

Go watch an episode of AEW Dark on Youtube. Excalibur and Taz on commentary is loving magical.

Ahhhhh actually I do remember when taz showed up to do commentary for one match, and I really did enjoy him a lot. He reminded me of Bobby Heenan and the other old time commentators who would talk trash about the wrestlers in the ring.

Stealth Tiger
Nov 14, 2009

Yeah, they bring Tazz in to do commentary for matches that have dudes in his stable wrestling, so he always gets into it and has plenty to say.

And trust me, having Excalibur and Tony Schiavone just kind of mostly describing what is going on and straightforwardly giving the story beats is way better than a hell of a lot of commentary in the world of wrestling lol.

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003
:smug: Good morning, you're all just pretending to need this "medicine" because you're drug addicts.

:angel: Good evening, directed pharmaceutical use of amphetamines obviously enriches the lives of many itt and I just woul

Stealth Tiger posted:

Yeah, they bring Tazz in to do commentary for matches that have dudes in his stable wrestling, so he always gets into it and has plenty to say.

And trust me, having Excalibur and Tony Schiavone just kind of mostly describing what is going on and straightforwardly giving the story beats is way better than a hell of a lot of commentary in the world of wrestling lol.

Matt Striker and Vamprio

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.

FilthyImp posted:

I need some kind of hijinks where Sting gets possessed by his past self and goes back to the neon facepaint and platinum crop, only for his Crow version to exist as an exercised Dark Sting causing supernatural mayhem, with the cap being Sting/NotSting fighting fir the fate of WCW and becoming something mew in the process.

I'm pretty sure this is a Dragon Ball plot or two. Though I have said a few times that shonen anime and wrestling are drat near the same thing but for the limitations of the medium. Also pretty sure there's shitloads of fandom overlap.

Trollologist
Mar 3, 2010

by Fluffdaddy
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!



It's so hard to effort post about the XFL, because every american and most wrestle nerds and most Pop Culture dorks have learned everything you need to know about the XFL through cultural Osmosis. If you're even moderately interested in sports or Wrestling or Football (US), you know. Hell, even a cursory search for "XFL retrospective" yields better results by more talented people with more complete information that I can get my hands on or care to effort post in this thread. With that in mind, I'm not about to repeat what you already know. Let's take the road less traveled shall we?

Our journey starts not with Vince Mcmahon (GASP!) but with someone more interesting in the XFL story: Dick Ebersol


Dick, pictured above (not trying to compare this poor, penis-headed man to a penis), was the sports director for NBC. And until 2001, he proudly had the exclusive broadcast rights for the NFL. But then, the NFL, left. For CBS. We've all said Vince Mcmahon is a crazy, control freak psychopath. And I'd wager a bit that Dick probably falls into a similar camp (albeit it seems unlikely that he poo poo his pants and then chased around a subordinate with this lovely pants on a stick). So, what did NBC do when the NFL left?

Well, Dick called his bestest friend in the world:



They both Ponied up about $35,000,000 and birthed the XFL. The dumbest, most spiteful, fine I'll make my own! but with blackjack, and Hookers! Move in sports history. Before we move any further (and there's not a lot more to the story), I want to make something crystal clear:

THE XFL was not JUST Vince trying to get into the football game. It was ALSO a Spite-fueled gently caress you to the NFL for leaving NBC.

The XFL added a lot of "entertainment" aspects that made it more watchable, played in the off season, and tried to use players that most fans weren't as aware of along with some rule changes to make the games "better". But, ultimately, you don't compete with the NFL. They're the only game in town, and unless you have a radical change to the format it's just not going to compete. No matter how fun the game is to watch. Primarily, the XFL needed to position itself against the NFL and explain, simply, to football fans, why the XFL is different from the NFL, and how that difference makes it better. Or at least worth trying. I don't watch enough football to be able to tell you if they did a good job of it. But I do know they loving crashed and burned catastrophically, so, it doesn't seem likely. Fun Fact: NFL stands for National Football League. XFL Stands for __________ Football League. It literally doesn't stand for anything. Which I feel is emblematic of the venture as a whole.

There's a lot in the previous paragraph about basics on how to compete as a business. Those questions need to be answered before you go to market, and nearly every major company on earth can tell you how and why they deserve to compete. But the XFL, like a million now-defunct indy wrestling promotions, doesn't have a solid idea of what it is, or why it's competing. It just exists because NBC felt slighted and Vince has been trying to break into a "legitimate" Sport for years but can't leave the Wrestling honk at the door so it always stinks of carny scams and then fails (oh, hey, is that the WBF? Wonder what they're doing over here?).

In the End, sure, Vince lit $35,000,000 on fire trying to prove that the one thing legitimate sports needs is to smell like a fixed game and a scam. But you know who else spent $35,000,000 trying to get back at a scored ex?

Szyznyk
Mar 4, 2008

XFL: He Hate Me and no fair catch so punt returners get blown the gently caress up.

Hefty Leftist
Jun 26, 2011

"You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."


OP updated with a link to stories - will make better later. again, if you link all your stories in a post, i'll put it in the OP

Jamesman
Nov 19, 2004

"First off, let me start by saying curly light blond hair does not suit Hyomin at all. Furthermore,"
Fun Shoe
Buff Bagwell is trending on Twitter for being a sweet guy. :3:

He's apparently in charge of his own Twitter account now and he's talking about supporting trans people and learning was a bussy is.

Jamesman
Nov 19, 2004

"First off, let me start by saying curly light blond hair does not suit Hyomin at all. Furthermore,"
Fun Shoe

Hefty Leftist posted:

OP updated with a link to stories - will make better later. again, if you link all your stories in a post, i'll put it in the OP

Let Me Tell You About Muhammad Hassan
The Kane Trilogy: Part 1 - Katie Vick
The Kane Trilogy: Part 2 - Lita's Loss
The Kane Trilogy: Part 3 - May 19th
The Time Vince Almost Ended Kurt Angle's Career
I Really Loved The Spirit Squad
Vince's OTHER Son: Part One - Dr. F & the Women
Vince's OTHER Son: Part Two - The Little Bastard
Vinces OTHER Son: Part Three - MISTEEEEEEEER KENNEDYYYYYYY!
A Brief Look at WWE's ECW Relaunch


That's all the things I've done, so I hope this helps. I have maybe one or two other things I might cover down the line if people want me to scrape the bottom of my mind barrel for more weird things WWE did during my time as a viewer.

16-bit Butt-Head
Dec 25, 2014

Stealth Tiger posted:

Yeah, they bring Tazz in to do commentary for matches that have dudes in his stable wrestling, so he always gets into it and has plenty to say.

And trust me, having Excalibur and Tony Schiavone just kind of mostly describing what is going on and straightforwardly giving the story beats is way better than a hell of a lot of commentary in the world of wrestling lol.

watching AEW commentary is surreal after years of WWE because the commentators are actually allowed to talk about the match like a normal commentator is supposed to lol

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

everybody relax, i'm here
Nap Ghost

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I'm pretty sure this is a Dragon Ball plot or two. Though I have said a few times that shonen anime and wrestling are drat near the same thing but for the limitations of the medium. Also pretty sure there's shitloads of fandom overlap.

I thought it was Superman 2

Hefty Leftist
Jun 26, 2011

"You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."



added, thank you. keep the content coming!!

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?




WRESTLEMANIA 24 (2008)

There were some complications in 2007 due to some injuries. Ken Kennedy won the Money in the Bank briefcase at WrestleMania 23 and announced ahead of time that he planned to cash it in for a WrestleMania title match. Then Kennedy had an injury that at the time seemed severe and he dropped the briefcase in a match against Edge. Soon after, the Undertaker needed some time off, so they had Edge cash in on the briefcase when Undertaker was vulnerable and he won the World Heavyweight Championship.

Shortly after, it was discovered that Kennedy’s injury wasn’t all that bad to begin with. Whoops!

Edge had become more of a cartoonish and entertaining take on Triple H’s "Cerebral Assassin" persona. He gained a major advantage by courting SmackDown GM Vickie Guerrero and abusing her power. When repeatedly faced with the likes of Batista and Undertaker, he would constantly outthink them, like using decoys. He had a stable called La Familia made up of himself, Vickie, the Edgeheads (Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins as his fanboys/decoys), and Chavo Guerrero.

The Undertaker won a really kickass Elimination Chamber match to become #1 contender, last defeating his rival Batista. Going into WrestleMania, Edge played up how they were both undefeated at WrestleMania (well, in singles competition, as Edge had lost a Money in the Bank match) and how he was going to make Undertaker 15-1.

Edge would admit years later that he was asked to be the one to end the Streak, but refused, not feeling it was right for him to be the one.

WrestleMania 24 is one of the better WrestleManias and this was a drat good main event. Undertaker fought off La Familia and took out Edge with his new MMA submission move, the Hell’s Gate. Then his celebratory pyro went haywire and accidentally burned some fans.

The feud between Undertaker and Edge would continue for months, including a stretch where Vince McMahon had gotten around to seeing Dark Knight and decided to have Edge behave like a hybrid of the Joker and Two-Face. This all culminated at SummerSlam, where Undertaker defeated Edge in Hell in a Cell and afterwards chokeslammed him through the ring and into Hell itself.



WRESTLEMANIA 25 (2009)

I mentioned that the 2007 Royal Rumble ended with Undertaker and Shawn Michaels battling it out for a long stretch until Undertaker won. The 2008 Rumble began with Undertaker and Michaels as the first two and they continued the rivalry until Michaels was able to eliminate the Undertaker. By 2009, Michaels wasn’t allowed to enter the Rumble due to storyline reasons.

Michaels had fallen on hard times. He had mentioned that he made some bad investments and he was doing horrible money-wise, while too proud to ask Triple H for help. Meanwhile, John Bradshaw Layfield was having his own issues. Despite being a former champion, JBL felt himself slinking into obscurity and parody and wanted to fight against that. WrestleMania 25 was going to be in his home state of Texas and he wanted to be a big deal at that show.

JBL ended up buying Michaels’ services and made him his personal henchman. He kept trying to use him to help him procure world titles, but for one reason or another, it never worked out. Michaels hated himself for being part of this and Undertaker briefly appeared before him, explaining that sometimes you need to go through Hell to reach Heaven.

JBL’s failures led to an all-or-nothing match with Michaels where if JBL won, he would practically own Michaels. If Michaels won, JBL would cut him loose and pay off all his debt. Michaels ended up winning. JBL still saw opportunity going into WrestleMania and made a public challenge to the Undertaker. Michaels popped up and said that he wanted to end the Undertaker’s Streak. The two had a match over it and Michaels won.

Then Vladimir Kozlov, a bland Russian brute who had once beaten Undertaker clean, showed up and said he wanted to fight the Undertaker. Michaels beat him too.

Even though he didn’t have a perfect win-loss record, Michaels was regularly considered to be “Mr. WrestleMania” due to his lengthy career of memorable matches. With the Undertaker’s Streak being a thing, that meant that this was the ultimate battle of who best represented the show itself.

Some would call this the greatest match in WrestleMania history, marred only by Undertaker taking a nasty dive on the outside due to a cameraman failing to catch him correctly. Otherwise, it was a great stuff from start to finish, ending with Michaels doing a backflip off the top rope and getting caught into a Tombstone.

They made a dumb decision not to make this the main event as Triple H vs. Randy Orton followed it and put on a less-than-stellar bout as the fans were just too tired to care.

As for JBL? He won the Intercontinental Championship going into WrestleMania and figured that would give him the big dick energy needed to thrive. Instead, he lost the belt to Rey Mysterio in mere seconds. Afterwards, dumbfounded and embarrassed, he angrily yelled that he quit.



WRESTLEMANIA 26 (2010)

Shawn Michaels vs. the Undertaker won the Slammy Award for Best Match of 2009, and deservedly so. During the award ceremony episode of Raw, Michaels accepted the award and started talking up the match. He trailed off for a second before angrily ranting that, drat it, he was not done. He wanted his loving rematch. He KNEW he could beat the Undertaker at WrestleMania!

Undertaker was World Heavyweight Champion at the time and told him that he had moved on. He didn’t want to run it back.

Michaels figured, okay, fine. He was going to do this the old fashioned way. If Undertaker was a world champion, then Michaels would just win the Royal Rumble and get his title shot. He lost near the end of the match and had a total breakdown over it. He later tried to get over it by suggesting that he and Triple H could do some fun D-Generation X stuff at WrestleMania 26. Triple H shot him down, as he wanted to do his own thing and maybe get his own title shot (he didn’t).

At the PPV prior to WrestleMania, the Undertaker defended his title in an Elimination Chamber match. This was rather infamous, as there was a pyrotechnic accident and Undertaker was literally set on fire on his way to the ring. He went into his pod, removed his leather coat, and repeatedly poured bottled water on his chest whenever the camera wasn’t pointed on him.

Anyway, the desperate and frustrated Michaels had somehow snuck into the Chamber and sabotaged the Undertaker's chances at retaining. Chris Jericho ended up World Heavyweight Champion and Undertaker was pissed.

Undertaker decided that he would grant Michaels a rematch, but only if Michaels put his career on the line. Michaels agreed to his terms, claiming that he had no reason to continue his career if he couldn’t pull this off.

This time the match was the main event. The two put on another classic, this time without count-outs or disqualification. In the end, Michaels weakly kneeled before Undertaker, knowing that he was done, but refusing to give up. He slapped the poo poo out of him, which caused Undertaker to angrily deliver a jumping Tombstone. That was it for Michaels, who afterwards stumbled up the ramp while remarking that his family was going to be so sick of him in a few weeks.

Shawn Michaels would stay retired...except for that time the prince of Saudi Arabia gave him a shitload of money.



WRESTLEMANIA 27 (2011)

Undertaker had yet another feud with Kane, which not only wrote him off TV for months, but also ended his status as a regular part of the roster. While he would return, he would only compete part-time and sometimes only once a year for the rest of his career.

In the beginning of 2011, vignettes would start airing of a man in a black trenchcoat dramatically walking through the rain, following with a specific date. At first, fans were pretty psyched because this looked to be an announcement that Sting had signed with WWE. But no, it was just the Undertaker. They were making a big deal about a guy who was already on the roster showing up on TV. Funny enough, TNA did a remake of one of these videos to announce that Sting was coming back.

Undertaker came to the ring, said nothing, and suddenly Triple H’s music started playing. Triple H stepped up to Undertaker, pointed at the WrestleMania sign, did the “SUCK IT!” gesture, and left. Yes, Triple H basically signed, “At WrestleMania, you will suck my dick!” and Michael Cole literally followed this up with, “Is this the Undertaker’s fate at WrestleMania?!”

Also, WWE made sure to not make any mention of their previous WrestleMania match 10 years prior.

Triple H proceeded to verbally bury the locker room by claiming that he and Undertaker were on a higher level than anyone else back there and none of the full-timers measured up. When Sheamus – a guy who had a win over Triple H and even put him on the shelf, storywise – stepped out to comment, Triple H just thrashed him like he was nothing, completely negating their whole rivalry.

While this was Triple H trying to avenge Michaels’ retirement, Michaels himself was pretty adamant that this was not a match that Triple H could win.

And he was right! After one of Triple H’s usual plodding epics, Undertaker put him in the Hell’s Gate. Triple H tried to get his hands on a nearby sledgehammer, but in the end had to tap out. Undertaker was too hurt to stand and celebrate while Triple H was able to walk away.

Fun fact: for this match, Undertaker’s theme was Johnny Cash’s “Ain’t No Grave.” NBC did a special where they replayed parts of the show and they changed Undertaker’s theme to Katy Perry.



WRESTLEMANIA 28 (2012)

Triple H’s take away from WrestleMania 27 was, “I walked away and Undertaker didn’t, so in a roundabout way, I actually won!” Undertaker hated this and kept bugging him for a rematch. After being called a coward over it, Triple H accepted a rematch, but it was going to be Hell in a Cell and Michaels would be the referee.

Said match did give us the closest nearfall of Undertaker’s WrestleMania career when Michaels hit a superkick, followed immediately by a Triple H Pedigree. Undertaker still kicked out and eventually took Triple H out with a Tombstone. Afterwards, Undertaker and Michaels helped Triple H to the back and the commentators made a big deal out of this being “The End of an Era.”

I mean, it really wasn’t, but this is the same WrestleMania where they did a Cena vs. Rock rematch and the first one was called “Once in a Lifetime.”

Up next: Paul Heyman guys.

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

Gavok posted:

Even though he didn’t have a perfect win-loss record, Michaels was regularly considered to be “Mr. WrestleMania” due to his lengthy career of memorable matches. With the Undertaker’s Streak being a thing, that meant that this was the ultimate battle of who best represented the show itself.

Yeah, speaking of that…



As I keep saying, Michael Shawn Hickenbottom, for double irony a born again Christian, is yet another argument that God is, at best, wholly arbitrary, being a man with ludicrous talent and an attitude for a large chunk of his life that makes that fact rankle incredibly hard.. I don’t know what’s worse: someone who causes tons of poo poo but gets away with it because of nepotism or connections, or someone who does it but is so drat good at what they do that their poo poo causing is ignored.

But, in terms of having the title of “Mr. Wrestlemania”, no one else deserves it more then maybe the Undertaker, who could be called “Mr. WWF”. Fittingly, his career would end in matches against that man. But every glorious accomplishment starts somewhere, often at very humble beginnings.

So. Let’s have a look at Shawn Michaels, Mr. Wrestlemania.


PART 1: THE SHOWSTOPPER



WRESTLEMANIA V: THE ROCKERS VS THE TWIN TOWERS


It’s pretty amazing that it’s FORGETTABLE that Shawn spent the first quarter of his career in a famous tag team, but then again, he broke out of it so strongly that his tag team partner’s name became shorthand for the concept of a tag team dissolving and one going up and the other, not so much. But, even in these first days, you can see the shine that will become brilliance.

This match is kind of odd in a modern viewpoint. As Gavok pointed out, getting on Wrestlemania is a great payday, and Vince and co do try and make sure as many people get on the card as possible. As a result the first batch of Wrestlemanias just have these random matches that are happening ‘just because’ alongside all the ones that have been built up for title shots and storyline reasons. For his first Wrestlemania match, Michaels would end up in one of these: the Twin Towers had spent the last several months feuding with Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage, essentially main eventing the last few PPVs and big shows and contributing to the famous “Mega Powers Explode” angle. But with their feud opponents now fighting each other, you’d think the Twin Towers would get a title shot or something, but alas, champions Demolition were feuding with another tag team in a ‘personal’ grudge match (their manager, the legendary Mr. Fuji, had turned on Demolition to side with the Powers of Pain, said other tag team), and so the Twin Towers ended up fighting Michaels and tag partner Marty Jannetty instead. In the second match on the card. Bit of a downshift, especially since matches like the Bushwackers vs the Rogeaus and Dino Bravo vs Ronnie Garvin happened later into the show. One suspects that this was Vince’s ‘big great, small bad’ mindset, never mind that the Rockers could run circles around virtually all of the roster, something that would be proven repeatedly.

So, besides this being Michaels’ first Wrestlemania match, which his team lost, and he ate the pinfall (no Streak for Michaels…), what makes it stand out? Well, Akeem did some dancing, so Michaels did a moonwalk in response.



Apparently, the crowd booed this. I don’t get it either. There was also a double team spot where Michaels either botched, or adjusted at the last second, because if he and Jannetty HAD hit the move, Bossman’s head might have been dangerously smashed between their two sets of feet.



But the most impressive thing was that, in actions that would repeat themselves, Shawn and Marty would supposedly party all night before the actual PPV, and hence likely showed up to the match hungover and residually stoned (or maybe freshly stoned, for all I know). And they still had a pretty good match with a tag team who had one participant who was not a good worker. As said, you can see the shine, before it vanishes beneath Akeem’s big fat ‘Air Africa’ splash.



WRESTLEMANIA VI: THE ROCKERS VS THE ORIENT EXPRESS

One step forward, two steps back. This time, the Rockers would actually get to wrestle deep into the PPV, with another tag team that was much better suited for their type of work…except as said, the two had likely over-partied and looked it. It was so notable, that even commentator Gorilla Monsoon said that the Rockers looked ‘lethargic’; when the commentary team is outright calling attention to your altered state, you know you’ve gone too far.



And once again, the Rockers showed that even strung out from overuse of alcohol and drugs, they could work better than 96 percent of the roster.

This is more Jannetty’s match then Shawn’s, more or less, though if you pay attention, Shawn was getting the larger reactions from the crowd. To finish off ‘his’ match, Jannetty would lose it, albeit in a gently caress finish where he would go for a double team move with Shawn, get ‘attacked’ (re: Time for our spot, I’m gonna tap you on the ankle with my cane!) by their manager Mr. Fuji, and go after Fuji only for one of the Express to throw the classic ‘salt’ into Marty’s eyes, causing Marty to oversell stagger right over the railing into the crowd where he was swiftly counted out. Never mind that I think Shawn was technically the legal man. Or maybe not, it was confusing. It was a very fast count though.

Also, while it seems like the Rockers had to wear the exact same tights that they wore for Wrestlemania V here, I assure you they came out in different shirts, so it’s not the same. Plus they have armbands. Totally not the same,



WRESTLEMANIA VII: THE ROCKERS VS HAKU AND THE BARBARIAN

And thus, we come to the last of the trilogy of Rocker matches at Wrestlemania. Once again opening the show, but at least this time, they got to win their match, with Shawn getting the pin. And they also clearly had different outfits this time. Beyond that, nothing super special. It was an okay match, I do not know if the Rockers had super partied hard this time, because that fact was about to start biting Marty Jannetty on the rear end so hard that it would basically define (and cripple) his career.

In one of life’s sad ironies, while Shawn would go on to have another 14 Wrestlemania matches, Jannetty would never appear on a Wrestlemania ever again, even on the pre-show, almost always because of his addictions causing him to get fired. It’s a shame that Jannetty’s demons ended up so strong; in the earlier days of the Rockers, Jannetty had been assessed to have the stronger potential as a single’s star. If he could have controlled them, he might well be called Mr. Wrestlemania alongside Shawn. But que sera, sera.



WRESTLEMANIA VIII: SHAWN MICHAELS VS “EL MATADOR” TITO SANTANA

With the Rockers having officially broken up a few months prior, and Jannetty’s selling of said breakup being compounded by him being fired for being arrested for drug possession, Michaels would end up again opening the show in his new gimmick of “The Heartbreak Kid”, with new manager Sherri Martell following him around like a moonstruck schoolgirl, holding his mirror, singing his theme song, and generally acting in ways that might get you a little side eye nowadays, like Michaels (semi gently, but still) shoving her to the ground so he could do his classic ‘lean to the side, flex’ pose behind her while she looked on in approval behind her.

However, despite Tito’s well established chops (he, outside of Hulk Hogan, had been the only wrestler at the time to compete in every single Wrestlemania up until this one, a streak he and Hogan could continue for one more Wrestlemania before the 10th one broke it), he and Shawn didn’t quite gel, possibly because Shawn was much more used to tag team wrestling and was trying to work out the kinks of being a singles wrestler. Still, you can again see the shine, as Michaels’ talent for bumping was fully coming into its own. On a side note, I feel like Tito’s finisher at the time, a downward diving fist drop to the back of his opponent’s head, dubbed “El Paso De La Muerte”, or “The Passage of Death” (and dubbed by more smarky and mocking types as “The Donkey Punch”) is underused and should make a comeback; I think it looks good. What didn’t look good was the finish; Tito landed said Passage, but Shawn rolled out of the ring, and when Tito tried to pull him back in, Shawn fell on him in a sloppy spot that generally worked better when it was clear the carried person outweighed the carrier, and got the three count. Still, as said, he was freshly a singles star and still working out the kinks. Yeah, he could have had a better match with Marty, but…yeah.

And speaking of Marty…



WRESTLEMANIA IX: SHAWN MICHAELS VS MARTY JANNETTY TATANKA

Shawn opens the show for the third time in a row (he’d never do THAT again after this show) in what should have been a grudge match against his tag team partner, who had returned/been rehired with a vengeance in late 1992, tried to smash Shawn’s ego-mirror over his head, and gotten Sherri instead when Shawn, the cowardly bastard that he was, pulled Sherri in front of him. They’d already had a match at the Royal Rumble, where Sherri, present at ringside in a “Who’s side is she on” angle that was so blatantly obvious it would be insulting if it wasn’t pro wrestling we were talking about, tried to hit Shawn with her shoe, blew it, and hit Marty instead, causing him to eat a superkick and lose; the plans had probably been for Sherri to officially manage Marty and have a rematch at Wrestlemania…except Marty showed up at the Rumble obviously drunk and got fired again shortly thereafter. So Sherri ended up siding with the Native American wrestler Tatanka instead, while Shawn inexplicably was accompanied to the ring by the newly debuted Gertrude ”Luna” Vachon, an aide that made no sense and was made worse by the fact that while Shawn hadn’t exactly LIKED Sherri at first, he’d figured out how best to work with her after a month or so. He felt nothing for Luna, so he would proceed to basically ignore her in this match and until the WWF realized it was getting nowhere with the duo and split Luna off to team with Bam Bam Bigelow instead.

Also, by now Shawn was singing his own theme song, which he'd keep for the rest of his whole career if he wasn't using the DX theme.

(Strangely, the second volume of WWE Music contained a remix of the song, which as far as I know was never used on air.)

Unfortunately, like Santana, Michaels didn’t really mesh super well with Tatanka, though that was more on the Buffalo’s end than Michaels. Indeed, the match is forgettable enough that I remembered Shawn’s ‘string vest’ outfit over how it ended.



How did it end? Shawn and Tatanka tumbled outside the ring, Shawn grabbed the ref and yanked him out of it, Shawn and Tatanka made their way back inside the ring, followed by the ref, Tatanka hit Shawn with his Samoan drop finisher and covered, and the ref went down next to them…to inform Tatanka he had disqualified Shawn for yanking him out of the ring, hence making it an extra fucky finish by making it look like Tatanka was going to win, when the ref could have and really should have called for the DQ as soon as he was pulled out. Considering that Marty would get rehired two months later and have a pair of REALLY GREAT matches with Shawn where he won the IC Title off of him, then dropped it back, it’s a shame that Marty never got a chance to perform on the WWE’s biggest stage. But, in the end, that’s all on him.

Shawn nearly followed in his footsteps, as he got suspended in September for steroid use (though he denies the accusation to this day, so maybe something weird happened) and was stripped of the IC Title. Shawn entertained going to WCW, but ultimately returned to the WWF, claiming (and really, rightfully so, as the in storyline reason was that “Shawn felt disrespected and took a vacation and so was stripped of his title for not defending it”) that he’d never lost the title and was still the champion. However, in the time Michaels had been suspended, the WWF had crowned a new IC Champion; Michaels’ friend, Scott Hall, nee Razor Ramon. It was clear that someone would need to be determined to be the true champion.

And anyone who knows anything about wrestling or read this thread knows what’s coming next.

Hefty Leftist posted:

OP updated with a link to stories - will make better later. again, if you link all your stories in a post, i'll put it in the OP

One request HL: you might wanna rework that the 'Owen Hart Post 1' and 'Its the Big Show' are tied into Big Bossman being a super villain rather than just standalone things.

Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 09:53 on Mar 29, 2022

Hefty Leftist
Jun 26, 2011

"You know how vodka or whiskey are distilled multiple times to taste good? It's the same with shit. After being digested for the third time shit starts to taste reeeeeeaaaally yummy."


Cornwind Evil posted:

One request HL: you might wanna rework that the 'Owen Hart Post 1' and 'Its the Big Show' are tied into Big Bossman being a super villain rather than just standalone things.

fixed that, added in mr. wrestlemania too

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

everybody relax, i'm here
Nap Ghost
that Taker pyro incident has its own little saga, fan video of accident (starts at about .25) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wARqMv5d5pQ

Chris Jerichos perspective from the ring and backstage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gANwwv2NoW0

Theres more backstory like the pyro guy was previously talked to about his lovely timing and placement, and he still almost killed him

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply