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precision
May 7, 2006

Many different users state that they do not like or want me posting



- walk up to pilots and ask "where's your mother?"

- drink Vaseline

- teach a clown how to hawk

- fungible tokens

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Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

At the end of 2018, a study was published by London Metropolitan University showing that certain bacteria, normally present only in intestinal tracts or feces, were found on McDonald's self-service screens.




Give and receive sexual favors in the restrooms.

bunnyofdoom
Mar 29, 2008

This avatar brought to you by Mountain DewTM





Find the bar and drink

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


Talk staff into letting me through security/onto a plane without a ticket so I can propose to a passenger

precision
May 7, 2006

Many different users state that they do not like or want me posting



- keep sexy in a very small sauce. jam it sideways.

LuckyCat
Jul 26, 2007






Grimey Drawer

Leave bags unattended.

Fartington Butts
Jan 21, 2007




Straight-up disrespecting the toilets at ORD

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019



Get on an airplane and fly to a foreign land

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


Ambush strangers at the airport bar with my business card; trap them with stories about my business making costume jewelry for reborn dolls; show them many photos of reborn dolls and insist that the jewelry is not for babies--it is for reborn dolls.

NoEyedSquareGuy
Mar 16, 2009

Just because Liquor's dead, doesn't mean you can just roll this bitch all over town with "The Freedoms."


Smuggle weapons through security

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.




Get cavity searched by security in front of your loved one and then propose when they pull the ring out of your butt

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


Ask the person sitting next to me on the plane if they think "they" knew there was cadmium in that costume jewelry when they let their baby wear it

Full Metal Jackass
Jan 22, 2001

Rabid bats are welcome in my home


Run on the moving walkway and imagine you've got super human speed.

Full Metal Jackass
Jan 22, 2001

Rabid bats are welcome in my home


Walk against the direction of the moving walkway and get in people's way

Entorwellian
Jun 30, 2006

Northern Flicker
Anna's Hummingbird

Sorry, but the people have spoken.





The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002




i like to stand in lines and then make a big show of having forgotten something and run off

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


Carefully unzip my carry-on bag; inside is a plastic grocery bag filled with warm pasghetti and meatballs tied closed with a simple knot.. I return the carry-on bag to the overhead compartment and sit back down and proceed to eat the warm pasta and meat balls on my fold-out tray.

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002




'accidentally' drop a bouncy ball in security

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


"Do you think a person should go to jail for unwittingly poisoning babies with costume jewelry? No, right?"

Pug Rodeo
Feb 20, 2007

BRING IT ON BRING IT ON YEAH



Take a rapid antigen test in the waiting area shortly before people start boarding.

Look at the results in horror and start nervously looking around at the other passengers.

Occasionally wipe your brow with a towel.

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


I unsnap the latches on the Pelican case; the seal wheezes as it is broken. Inside: A 2.1 speaker system, 99.9 WHr battery & power adapter, and complete Nintendo Virtual Boy. I set up the Virtual Boy like an assassin assembles a rifle.

I pack my face into the eyeshade. The game? Waterworld. I scream and scream as I absolutely wreck Smokers in Waterworld from the window seat.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



miss your flight out of bangkok by 12 hours because you thought 01:20 meant 1:20 PM

thank the lord that you get put on the next flight for no extra charge, so take the train back to the party zone but this time make sure to catch your flight properly, and totally drunk at 1:20 AM

then go into a coma for 6 hours in the beijing airport on a layover because you just spent a month partying in thailand

:cool:

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Bigger Beef Corporation


Arrive dressed as an Amish person and constantly look around in a mixture of fear, doubt, and self-loathing for what you must endure.

ChunTheUnavoidable
Sep 27, 2021



buy one John grisham book, one newspaper, two granola bars and two bottles of water.

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


Have my passport deemed "invalid", forbidding me from entering the host country or even turning around to fly back home. Proceed to camp out at the airport's transit lounge, where I make enemies with the acting field commissioner who makes it his personal mission to kick me out of the airport and make me someone else's problem--he tries tricking me into invoking asylum, he sets up traps to capture me, he discovers my fear of snakes and sets hordes loose throughout the building. The commissioner's various antics fail and, in the process, I endear myself with the local staff who take me as their champion. For years I live at the airport; I take a flight attendant as a wife and we make love under the roof of the airport--we have several children, and we name them Icarus and Daedalus, after Deus Ex (my favorite game).

a few DRUNK BONERS
Mar 25, 2016



enjoy watching the planes making sweet love to each other on the runway

The Fattest PI
Mar 4, 2008
VAGINA AVOIDER; LEADER OF THE BIBLE STUDY GROUP; WETTEST BLANKET


Cum as I'm being searched in security. I'm not even being touched. I'm not even at the airport.

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


The Fattest PI posted:

Cum as I'm being searched in security. I'm not even being touched. I'm not even at the airport.

I'm racking my brain for other places where security might search you and the only things I'm coming up with are schools and Wal-Marts in high-risk neighborhoods. Which one of those is it?

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Wear a fake beard and an Hawaiian shirt while a beautiful woman chases me to permanently warp my younger self's sense of style.

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017


drop your suitcase on the ground so it busts open and reveals nothing but your dozens of copies of the Koran

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Put a jar of Tiger Balm in your pocket and then run through security screaming "I have a balm! Everybody be cool! I have a balm!"

Brother Tadger
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!



“If someone put something in my bag without my knowledge, how would I know?” I ask the TSA Agent before getting selected for a “random” additional screening

Mellow_
Sep 13, 2010

:frog:


Put "Out of Order" signs on all the stalls in the bathroom but the handicap stall.

The Fattest PI
Mar 4, 2008
VAGINA AVOIDER; LEADER OF THE BIBLE STUDY GROUP; WETTEST BLANKET


Cream-of-Plenty posted:

I'm racking my brain for other places where security might search you and the only things I'm coming up with are schools and Wal-Marts in high-risk neighborhoods. Which one of those is it?

im just tryin to cum dude lay off

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


Hang out in the airplane bathroom with the door unlocked and the first person to barge in on me gets my business card and a great opportunity to get in on the "ground floor" of my NFT collection.

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019



Ask any man in his 30s:

"Is this your first time on a plane?"

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


Ask any child:

"Have you ever seen a plane crash?"

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.


Jose Oquendo posted:

Give and receive sexual favors in the restrooms.

Bonus points if the guy who snorts adderall of your cock ends up being your pilot.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Wander around boring everyone with my inane observations like "this coke isn't very fizzy anymore" or "these matches don't ignite" or "I think my watch running slow?"

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down1nit
Jan 9, 2004

outlive your enemies

Draw butts on things in a magazine

It's good fun

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