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down1nit
Jan 10, 2004

outlive your enemies
I'd try to do something rad but then I'd just give up when no one immediately congratulates me for it

People in airports are jumpy

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Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010

"The world is a hellish place, and bad writing is destroying the quality of our suffering."
Offer to sketch the passenger next to me but refuse to let them see it until I am finished. When it's done, they see that I have drawn them as a fat-headed caricature driving a dune buggy. "Everybody loves dune buggies!" I say. "Like that Simpsons episode, you know? The one where the celebrity can only draw caricatures of people driving dune buggies?" And then I start talking about The Simpsons for the next two hours.

Mellow_
Sep 13, 2010

:frog:

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

Offer to sketch the passenger next to me but refuse to let them see it until I am finished. When it's done, they see that I have drawn them as a fat-headed caricature driving a dune buggy. "Everybody loves dune buggies!" I say. "Like that Simpsons episode, you know? The one where the celebrity can only draw caricatures of people driving dune buggies?" And then I start talking about The Simpsons for the next two hours.

Stop stalking me and posting it on these forums.

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe

bunnyofdoom posted:

Find the bar and drink

Prices aside, I love the airport bar. Its good people watching. Or I look out the window and watch the cool planes and vehicles go by :kiddo:

Strategic Tea
Sep 1, 2012

Breathe in that sweet kerosene fuel smell off the tarmac

Smells like adventure :unsmith:

e: don;t do this bfore they openthe gates to ur plane or you will have a nogood bad time

its_my_birthday
Sep 18, 2020
pretend like i'm not a tourist even though that's kinda the point and then getting belligerent with anyone who cuts through my false bravado and ending up on tiktok and a government blacklist

Pac and Cheese
Oct 29, 2010

gotta walk fast
if you're at an airport with chairs that have all those mini holes in them:
bring a bag of uncooked spaghetti, toss it in as high as you can in the air and see how many spaghetti's fall in the chair holes

i do this every time i'm waiting for a flight and everybody likes it and lets me board first (even got an hj from a flight attendant once :c00l:)

Duck
Dec 9, 2000

Prepare for the end.

ChunTheUnavoidable posted:

buy one John grisham book, one newspaper, two granola bars and two bottles of water.

That’ll be $900 please

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

numberoneposter posted:

miss your flight out of bangkok by 12 hours because you thought 01:20 meant 1:20 PM

Occasionally it's worth losing your customer service job in exchange for braying a great big horse laugh in someone's face

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019

Watch in horror while trying to board your flight to LA while the airport stewardess pleads with someone to check luggage while everyone refuses and you realize there are literally 30 "service" dogs in coach.

halokiller
Dec 28, 2008

Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves


bring your collection of live crabs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmo6_hDyLh0

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

by Fluffdaddy
poor crabs :(

ChunTheUnavoidable
Sep 27, 2021

read a Chinese zhiguai story recently that explained crabs are the reincarnations of the absolute worst people because they are fated to be boiled alive, so I dont feel sorry for them. They were probably insanely evil in their previous life

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler
Pillbug
Ask people where the Pan Am terminal is.

Bring a skateboard and challenge the airport cops on segways to race.

Leave.

MoonshineWilly
Feb 7, 2007

Damn you, harlot! Science and I know what we're doing!
Demand to speak to the manager to renounce your citizenship and become a sovereign citizen.

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

by Fluffdaddy

ChunTheUnavoidable posted:

read a Chinese zhiguai story recently that explained crabs are the reincarnations of the absolute worst people because they are fated to be boiled alive, so I dont feel sorry for them. They were probably insanely evil in their previous life

What an incredibly myopic take that most crabs are ever going to encounter a human a single time let along be boiled by one..


i say casually to the child playing pokemon behind me in line

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.
After you’ve made some cash in the men’s room, head to the raw bar and eat as much caviar and vodka as you can.

When you run out of money, go back to with in the men’s room. When you make another stack, go back to the caviar.

Keep going back and forth during your layover.

Also, don’t worry about all the jizz you swallow accidentally fertilizing some of the caviar in your belly. The vodka will neutralize everything.

hell astro course
Dec 10, 2009

pizza sucks

sit at empty terminal with the fewest screens and read my book

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

After you’ve made some cash in the men’s room, head to the raw bar and eat as much caviar and vodka as you can.

When you run out of money, go back to with in the men’s room. When you make another stack, go back to the caviar.

Keep going back and forth during your layover.

Also, don’t worry about all the jizz you swallow accidentally fertilizing some of the caviar in your belly. The vodka will neutralize everything.

:siren::siren::siren:

Wait... what if there was no vodka and the caviar got fertilized in his stomach, and the guy gives birth to a murderous sturgeon-human monster?

Did I just write the premise for the next great horror movie????

a peck of pickled peckers
Aug 3, 2014

I am your Redeemer! It is by my hand that you arise from the ashes of this world!

Have a beer at the airport bar at 11am. Laugh and say “Hey, when on vacation, right?” Try not to think about how you’d be probably be drinking right now even if you weren’t on vacation. Try not to think about how the left side of your body feels tingly nearly every day. Try not to think about the look of crushing sadness your wife gave you when you said you were going to take a walk around the terminal, because she knew with absolute certainty that you were going to end up at the bar.

Order another drink.

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010

"The world is a hellish place, and bad writing is destroying the quality of our suffering."
Break out my 17" 10.25 lb Alienware laptop and set it on my tray; I cannot fully open it up. Launch Together BnB on max settings. The fans scream. I spend 35 minutes spying on the various female NPCs and pointing a gun at them when they aren't looking--then the laptop battery dies. I turn to the passenger next to me and say, "great game."

ChunTheUnavoidable
Sep 27, 2021

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

Break out my 17" 10.25 lb Alienware laptop and set it on my tray; I cannot fully open it up. Launch Together BnB on max settings. The fans scream. I spend 35 minutes spying on the various female NPCs and pointing a gun at them when they aren't looking--then the laptop battery dies. I turn to the passenger next to me and say, "great game."

Just read the summary and it’s so funny to me that this sex video game has a main storyline where you’re looking for clues about your missing landlord brother

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

Sit in a fun airport chair! They have a plugin right there next to you- not like at home! :peanut:

garfield hentai
Feb 29, 2004
find someone who will take those little paper bags they give you on the plane to poop into and dispose of it properly

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe

a peck of pickled peckers posted:

Have a beer at the airport bar at 11am. Laugh and say “Hey, when on vacation, right?” Try not to think about how you’d be probably be drinking right now even if you weren’t on vacation. Try not to think about how the left side of your body feels tingly nearly every day. Try not to think about the look of crushing sadness your wife gave you when you said you were going to take a walk around the terminal, because she knew with absolute certainty that you were going to end up at the bar.

Order another drink.

Just doing ok married millennial living with his wife in the city things

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

i remember i was flying out of my home airport and they have a restaurant called "white spot" with good burgs and beer and i ordered a swiss mushroom burger and asked for extra pickles on the side and i hear from the kitchen, "HE WANTS EXTRA PICKLES ON THE SIDE? gently caress!!!!"

lmao

the burger was really good though and i got 1 extra lengthwise pickle

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe
ngl one of the best cobb salads ive ever had was at an airport sports bar

mainbly because it had an ungodly amount of bacon and bleu cheese on that bad boy

ChunTheUnavoidable
Sep 27, 2021

one of the moments when I knew I really needed to stop drinking was when I was eating breakfast at an airport rock n brews and was just gruesomely hung over eating a soggy hamburger and drinking beer, and then the music video for hoobastank - the reason came on the TVs and was playing at me from literally every direction I turned. It was a taste of hell

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

Keep sucking random cocks in the restroom until you’ve checked off every country on the game board.

a peck of pickled peckers
Aug 3, 2014

I am your Redeemer! It is by my hand that you arise from the ashes of this world!

Eat a weed edible before your flight to calm your nerves, then have several panic attacks while waiting to board your flight, because it turns out that being stupid high in a very loud and chaotic public place doesn’t really work for you.

Have one of your friends jokingly whisper “Dude everyone knows you’re high right now haha.”

naem
May 29, 2011



top three results on google 🇺🇸

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


My emotional support skeleton is safe

naem
May 29, 2011

you can also bring real skeleton bones through a TSA checkpoint but only inside of you

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

Leaving my carry-on zipper open just enough that my seat mate can see the bone inside.

naem
May 29, 2011

Bags Fly at Noon posted:

Leaving my carry-on zipper open just enough that my seat mate can see the bone inside.

this is okay as long and you offer a baby wipe after. please remember to check your hatchets

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER

naem posted:

you can also bring real skeleton bones through a TSA checkpoint but only inside of you

that would be funny if someone got stopped for having bones

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
ah, time to pop by Hudson News for the latest issue of the Economist, then to find the nice sushi place to enjoy some fatty tuna with a couple gin and tonics before my flight to Shangri-La departs

Floodixor
Aug 22, 2003

Forums Electronic MusiciaBRRRIIINGYIPYIPYIPYIP
Hey actually how long could you technically stay in an airport

Yeah yeah I know that movie but seriously, if you legit got a ticket somewhere, got in, but then just kicked it between terminals and slept in places, would security catch on and kick you out or what

Schir
Jan 23, 2012


live there for 30 years under a fake name while my brain tumor goes untreated

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Schir
Jan 23, 2012


Floodixor posted:

Hey actually how long could you technically stay in an airport

Yeah yeah I know that movie but seriously, if you legit got a ticket somewhere, got in, but then just kicked it between terminals and slept in places, would security catch on and kick you out or what

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_who_have_lived_in_airports

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