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Who will win the federal Election This poll is closed. |
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| Labor Majority |
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48 | 42.48% |
| Labor Minority |
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29 | 25.66% |
| Liberal Majority |
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3 | 2.65% |
| Liberal Minority |
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12 | 10.62% |
| UAP Majoirty |
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21 | 18.58% |
| Total: | 113 votes | ||
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 Original Post written by community contributor - Animal Friend, edited in parts by Anidav Election date: May 21. So its election time again! How’s the country doing?  Oh.. Since the last election the benign chaos that normally grips federal politics has turned more vile and desperate than anything in recent memory. The current Coalition government is more known for its inaction on climate change, disaster relief, covid-19, regional stability, women's issues and corruption than for actually achieving anything. This makes sense when you consider the empty mandate, “The Promise of Australia” Prime Minister Scott Morrison took to the last election. That election was seen by Morrison as a ‘miracle’. This time he’s even further down in the polls (they’re right this time!) and since there’s no real positives to point to in the past 3 years, we’re all expecting a dirty campaign. The Incumbents  “Mate I didn’t feel it until I stood up. Gimme a lift home will ya?” The Coalition has been in power since 2013. A superfriends group comprised of the Liberal Party (representing big business and mining) and the Nationals (representing big agribusiness and mining) and News Ltd. The nominally “centre-right” party has been in a powerslide into the far right lane- following in the footsteps of the American conservative movement. Big focus on cutting corporate taxes, cutting social spending and foreign aid, subsidising the fossil fuels industry- the usual stuff- but now with an added layer of culture war bullshit and religious bigotry. The list of scandals the current government has weathered in the past 3 years alone is exhausting. Good thing they have the media on their side! Recently announced a budget with more social spending and lower bracket tax relief than expected in an attempt to have at least one positive thing to take to the election. Massive military spending too. The pitch: What are you going to do? Vote for us or the Chinese communist LBGTQ spies who will tax you? Leader: Scott Morrison  Religious fundy from the Hillsong church. Came to political prominence as a hardman fronting the media to tell lies while refusing to answer any questions about refugee and asylum seeker arrivals as immigration minister almost a decade ago. By process of elimination became Prime Minister. He’s now habitually lying and refusing to actually answer any questions but with more of a fun, daggy dad vibe. A specialist in empty yet spiteful rhetoric. Known for: coal, marketing ‘acumen’, lying so often people have stopped keeping track, secretly leaving the county for Hawaii while the worst bushfires on record were destroying thousands of homes, Jen and the girls. Morrison has been described by people in his own party as a complete psycho, ruthless and an autocrat. He has also been described as somebody you can’t trust, by Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce. Deputy: Barnaby Joyce  Leader of the National Party. The beetrooter. Just wants the government out of his life. Wants more coal. Lives in constant fear of being sober and of being nailed by higher powers. Heads a party that is somehow more corrupt and useless than the one its partnered with. Known for: voting against marriage equality on the grounds of it violating the sanctity of marriage… while having an affair and love child with his staffer, close ties to Gina Rinehart, incoherence. Latest pitch: “What we see, this is not a movie, not a bad dream. This is the reality now. This Budget is about saying where we make money we will make more, as much as we can.” SEATS TO WATCH FOR LIBERAL VICTORIES - Blair - Corangamite - Cowan - Eden-Monaro - Lilley - Macquarie - Moreton - Dobell - Gilmore - Dunkley - Greenway The Opposition  Albanese:“The Labor Party has done an enormous amount for diversity and, by the way, our Deputy Leader in the Senate, Kristina Keneally, was born in the United States.” Somebody once said, “elections are not won, they are lost.” The federal Labor party has successfully not won the last 3 elections. This is the centre-left party that is more conservative than many of its state counterparts. Since the last election they’ve had a surprisingly small amount of political opposition or alternatives to offer. Known for being smeared ceaselessly by every media outlet and blamed for everything wrong in Australia despite not holding a true majority in Parliament for over a decade. Also known for constant factional infighting and self sabotage. Likes: Red Hates: Greens The pitch: incremental change you can barely believe in. Leader: Anthony Albanese  Besides being in a colouring book he also lost weight and became a super hunk.  Mr “I fight Tories” himself. After Bill Shorten not won the last 2 elections against Coalition governments everybody seemed to despise, Labor put Albanese in the big seat. Long seen as the left-wing soul of modern Labor, coming from the left-wing NSW faction, Albanese has been somewhat disappointing as opposition leader. His strategy has been to not make a fuss and run as small a target campaign as possible. Him being on the front of Murdoch papers recently saying he’s against the ‘loony left’ or some such banal nonsense is probably most Australians’ first exposure to him. Bill Shorten doesn’t seem to like him much. Deputy: Richard Marles Some guy. Remember when Labor even pretended about looking progressive and had Tanya Plibersek as deputy? SEATS TO WATCH FOR LABOR VICTORIES (Net 7 required for Majority Government) - Kooyong - Banks - Ryan - Hasluck - Flinders - Pearce - La Trobe - Lindsay - Brisbane - Deakin - Dickson - Casey - Robertson - Leichhardt - Longman - Swan - Reid - Braddon - Higgins - Boothby - Chisholm - Bass The Others Alternatives? In my democracy? Its more likely than you think. The perennial how to vote cartoon that explains it all. http://www.chickennation.com/voting/ The rest of these parties and people have no hope of forming government but are an important part of shaping legislation. The Greens  Where are the lattes? The actual left party in Australia. As everything chaotically slouches toward the right, the Greens have stayed as the predominant left wing conscience of parliament. This is why Labor despises them. Big issues are climate action, investment in renewables, free healthcare and education. They also have a focus on socially progressive issues. Leader Adam Bandt is currently the only member in the House of Representatives but there are other metropolitan seats that have been slowly swinging towards the Greens in recent elections. They have a few prominent members in the senate (even representing Queensland!) The Greens are now well established enough in the political system to be having their own dumb scandals- pretty good for what started as a grass roots movement. The pitch: better things are possible, actually. SEATS TO WATCH FOR GREEN VICTORIES - Ryan - Brisbane - Kooyong - Higgins - Griffith - Macnamara - Richmond - Canberra - Cooper - Wills - THE SENATE  Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party  She doesn’t like it when you turn her voice about. Big thanks to Channel 7 for somehow allowing everybody’s favourite racist grandma to have a career renaissance. Has been getting consistent support from Queensland voters in the senate. One of the first real right-wing anti-immigration populists in Australian politics. The pitch: what if all of Australia looked and behaved like rural Queensland? Vanity Projects Since the Gillard minority government showed everybody just how important independents and minor parties could be, everybody has been trying to get a piece of the action. Centre Alliance Centrists from South Australia. The pitch: we’re not Nick Xenophon Jacqui Lambie Network  No caption necessary. Jacqui Lambie’s Jamboree. Australia’s Aunty in the senate. A little bit racist and easily misled but generally pulls through on most issues. The pitch: blue collar solidarity over lifelong political ambitions. Katter’s Australian Party  Death blossoms bloom. Bob Katter’s party for Nationals who identify as Bob Katter. The pitch: old person from North Queensland. Thats it. United Australia Party  The youth and energy Australia deserves. Clive Palmer's continued project to outspend Labor and smaller left wing parties on all advertising and get vote preferences to the Coalition. Currently turning weaponised misinformation over vaccines and Q conspiracies into a grab-bag campaign of nonsense. The pitch: you’ve probably seen a billboard somewhere Nick Xenophon  Nick Xenophon Of Nick Xenophon/The Nick Xenophon Team/SA’s Best fame. People say he only cares about himself but he willingly lives in Adelaide. The pitch: its Nick Xenophon Campbell Newman  Campbell Newman is back running for the Senate under the Liberal Democrats banner. There is often a short memory in politics but in case you forgot how evil Campbell Newman is there are ways to remind you. Currently competing with PHON, GRN, LNP and ALP for the sixth Senate spot in Queensland. You're probably wondering why UAP isn't in there? It's because the UAP and LDP have formed an alliance this election Independents Aside from minor parties and vanity projects there are still always plenty of independents running. Since Zali Steggal unseated Tony Abbott (NTATA to some) last election expect to see more coordinated action in previous safe seats. There’s now even a fund, Climate 200 to help independents who campaign on climate issues. It is usually worth checking out who your independent candidates are. SEATS TO WATCH FOR INDEPENDENT VICTORIES - Kooyong - Goldstien - Wentworth - Warringah - Flinders - Curtin - Nicholls - North Sydney Polling Crystal Ball links New kid on the block - Australian Election Forecasts - https://www.aeforecasts.com/ Old kid on the block - The Poll Bludger https://www.pollbludger.net/fed2022/bludgertrack2022/ Antony Green's Election Calculator - https://www.abc.net.au/news/elections/federal/2022/guide/calculator The Tally Room (Donations required for full access) - https://www.tallyroom.com.au/aus2022 Dr Kevin Bonham - https://kevinbonham.blogspot.com/ Buckley's Federal Election Forecast - https://buckleysandnone.com  Auspol Goon Discord - https://discord.gg/rYN6tAMkdY Invites are temporarily open for this lovely election season! Goon validation rules apply.  YOUTUBE OPENING SALVOS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWQlncRXDKA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3PRYFc3pJA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE0KG0kYWcM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMnD_jaOkQo Happy election drinking! 
Anidav fucked around with this message at 12:12 on May 2, 2022 |
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Mar 30, 2022 13:01
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 12:59 |
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word cloud
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Mar 30, 2022 13:04
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Topic for discussion? Which state Labor parties are actually more to the left than the federal party? Vic? Maybe WA but I dont know anything about that giant hole in the ground. Not QLD and from what I hear not NSW either. TAS? I'm voting in Dickson and the local Labor Jezza of OZPOS fucked around with this message at 13:10 on Mar 30, 2022 |
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Mar 30, 2022 13:08
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How many goddamn worthless vanity campaigns have we got going at once now?
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Mar 30, 2022 13:09
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https://twitter.com/Chris86767838/status/1509082662178226177
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Mar 30, 2022 13:09
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Australian Democrats On 7 April 2019 the merged entity regained registration of the name "Australian Democrats" with the Australian Electoral Commission. The pitch: ? Word Cloud  Word Cloud The pitch: Word Cloud
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Mar 30, 2022 13:10
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Tony Assault Candidate Wanted
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Mar 30, 2022 13:12
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Clive is using hypnosis now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NInHg3QMlIM
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Mar 30, 2022 13:14
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blair cotrell has been impersonating shane warnes son and saying he died of vaccination lol https://twitter.com/DanteFrancisci/status/1508030604725563397 e: how tthe gently caress he pronounces spruiking SMILLENNIALSMILLEN fucked around with this message at 13:38 on Mar 30, 2022 |
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Mar 30, 2022 13:24
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Let the record state that I'm still annoyed at my electorate being renamed from Melbourne Ports to Macnamara, and think it's stupid that Australia uniquely decides to name electoral divisions (among all things!) as some kind of tribute to century-dead Local Heroes
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Mar 30, 2022 14:00
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Australia Needs Tony.
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Mar 30, 2022 14:10
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So yesterday we had one LNP senator announce she was surprised to part of the Large Animal Face Eating Party, and then tonight's there's ANOTHER one? And the PM was going to do an interview and chickened out to next week. What's the latest date he can announce it?
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Mar 30, 2022 14:26
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Christ, is it that time again? Note for the OP: wasn't it 7 that kept Pauline on life support for all those years, or am I getting my lovely networks mixed up?
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Mar 30, 2022 14:42
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Lizard Combatant posted:Christ, is it that time again? doop. It was kind of a draft that through lack of proper communication on my part became the OP. e: freebooter posted:Let the record state that I'm still annoyed at my electorate being renamed from Melbourne Ports to Macnamara, and think it's stupid that Australia uniquely decides to name electoral divisions (among all things!) as some kind of tribute to century-dead Local Heroes Animal Friend fucked around with this message at 14:56 on Mar 30, 2022 |
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Mar 30, 2022 14:53
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Jezza of OZPOS posted:Topic for discussion? Which state Labor parties are actually more to the left than the federal party? Vic? Maybe WA but I dont know anything about that giant hole in the ground. Not QLD and from what I hear not NSW either. TAS? I'm voting in Dickson and the local Labor Vic easily, Qld Labor isn't great or anything but still to the left of the federal party at the moment & have been slowly delivering important social reforms that federal Labor would be too scared to touch currently. WA & SA not particularly (yet for SA and I don't really expect them to be) but they at least have clear policies they're capable of standing up for and aren't actively terrible. harder to tell about opposition state branches really. Comstar posted:What's the latest date he can announce it? the theoretical shortest campaign period is I think 33 days so assuming latest possible election date of 21 May then latest date to call the election would be 18 April I think? might be off by a day or two there but it'd be around then
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Mar 30, 2022 14:59
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https://twitter.com/coolestdudeva/status/1508897390702764034
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Mar 30, 2022 15:05
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It's true, they have for about a decade almost constituted an office of government.
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Mar 30, 2022 15:38
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lih posted:Qld Labor isn't great or anything but still to the left of the federal party at the moment & have been slowly delivering important social reforms that federal Labor would be too scared to touch currently. like what
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Mar 30, 2022 15:53
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Jezza of OZPOS posted:Topic for discussion? Which state Labor parties are actually more to the left than the federal party? Vic? Maybe WA but I dont know anything about that giant hole in the ground. Not QLD and from what I hear not NSW either. TAS? I'm voting in Dickson and the local Labor SA used to be the most left in the country under Weatherill, but not now - Malinauskas came out of the shoppies  and is a mixed bag on things, but he is not a climate change denier, the state party is generally well balanced, and the state has always leaned more to the left in general anyway.
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Mar 30, 2022 15:54
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I get that it isn't a necessarily even comparison between state and federal parties because of the conflicting responsibilities of each branch of government but in a state that has been ripped apart by two intense fire seasons and a flood season since the last state election I think the QLD governments reaction to any kind of alternative energy has been completely hosed
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Mar 30, 2022 15:59
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https://i.imgur.com/ZgG4qts.mp4
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Mar 30, 2022 16:54
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NTRabbit posted:SA used to be the most left in the country under Weatherill, but not now - Malinauskas came out of the shoppies One of his first major changes was to allow teachers and mass transit drivers to operate when unvaccinated. Nobody in Australia is taking this seriously anymore.
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Mar 30, 2022 21:14
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Animal Friend posted:
Tasmania getting weird
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Mar 30, 2022 22:05
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I completely forgot about the welding incident, lol thanks that made by day.
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Mar 30, 2022 22:45
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Animal Friend posted:should have gone to Gary Gygax's funeral instead.
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Mar 30, 2022 22:59
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Jezza of OZPOS posted:like what they've legalised abortion, banned conversion therapy, this year they're reforming birth certificate gender change laws & anti-discrimination laws not going to deny they're bad on energy & climate though
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Mar 31, 2022 00:11
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Mar 31, 2022 00:17
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Scott Morrison has sensationally claimed he understands why Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars given he is also protective of wife Jenny.
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Mar 31, 2022 00:32
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Jezza of OZPOS posted:Topic for discussion? Which state Labor parties are actually more to the left than the federal party? Vic? Maybe WA but I dont know anything about that giant hole in the ground. Not QLD and from what I hear not NSW either. TAS? I'm voting in Dickson and the local Labor ACT is a left leaning electorate with a government to match. The ALP is in coalition with the Greens.
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Mar 31, 2022 02:06
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I would blow Dane Cook posted:Scott Morrison has sensationally claimed he understands why Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars given he is also protective of wife Jenny. I thought this was a joke. Jesus. https://www.news.com.au/national/politics/scott-morrison-understands-will-smiths-oscars-slap/news-story/44447c7b8d9166ceeccb917270e94c52
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Mar 31, 2022 02:42
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lol same The question put to Scott was if he ever felt the need to cross the floor of parliament to slap someone. Apparently if albo talks poo poo about jen he'd get slugged.
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Mar 31, 2022 02:51
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He would have to have Jen explain the joke to him first
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Mar 31, 2022 02:57
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Fistfights in parliament you say?
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Mar 31, 2022 02:58
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https://twitter.com/cameronwilson/status/1509331671426166789 lmao binary used to be the anti-ssm marriage alliance before rebranding and pivoting to transphobia after losing the plebiscite
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Mar 31, 2022 03:07
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Anidav posted:Fistfights in parliament you say? As if albo would fight back 
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Mar 31, 2022 03:07
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In 2015 Pope Francis said if you curse his mother you can expect a punch.
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Mar 31, 2022 03:08
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Animal Friend posted:They changed the name because the borders of the electorate also changed. But yes it was a worthless name change. I look forward to the electorate of Warne.
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Mar 31, 2022 03:40
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I would blow Dane Cook posted:Scott Morrison has sensationally claimed he understands why Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars given he is also protective of wife Jenny. so desperate
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Mar 31, 2022 04:03
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I don't think Scumbo would do it. I'm still waiting for NTATA to shirt front Puttin. Police were called to Harriet Street after reports a 30-year-old man was breaching a court order on March 26.The man was arrested and taken to to Horsham police station that afternoon where, police said, his "condition deteriorated". He was transported to hospital by ambulance where he later died on 29 March. SOURCE DOCUMENT Victoria Police
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Mar 31, 2022 04:04
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https://www.aeufederal.org.au/news-media/media-releases/2022/march/300322quote:The Morrison Government’s 2022-2023 Federal Budget has slashed funding for public schools by $559 million over the next three years, whilst increasing funding for private schools by $2.6 billion over the forward estimates. quote:The cuts to public schools’ funding from the 2021-22 budget are:
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Mar 31, 2022 04:11
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