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bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010

This was in the works, but recent conversations in the Ukraine thread made me bring it out. To steal a line you will read in a later entry, cowardice in combat is difficult to quantify, but easy to identify. The closest thing to a coward in this story is me.

Apologies for the bad scans. I'm trying.







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Luneshot
Mar 10, 2014

I know weíve collectively said this a lot in this thread but it really bears repeating: you have a phenomenal way with words. Nice work.

mischief
Jun 3, 2003

Patrick Schneeweis lyrics and a beautifully challenging story. Get a loving publisher involved.

SerthVarnee
Mar 13, 2011

It has been two zero days since last incident.
Big Super Slapstick Hunk
If nothing else, this might be a very useful collection of memoirs to have lying around, if you work as a psychologist/therapist specializing in war veterans dealing with hosed up poo poo.

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010

The kid came up in therapy before, but he came up again today. Today was a lot of reflecting, and something akin to consolation over the moment.

War does a hell of job delineating the academic from emotional. It does a great job of showing what you know, and what you understand.

SerthVarnee
Mar 13, 2011

It has been two zero days since last incident.
Big Super Slapstick Hunk
I was thinking more about providing your therapist with a collection of these posts so she can hand them out to other war veterans.
As a way of getting them to open up. To show them the situations she has helped another vet work through.
I'm going out on a limb here and assuming that she didn't do a tour of duty in the "up close and personal" section of the military, so having that thing around as a way to show she knows what it means to have "seen some poo poo..." might assist her
in helping a lot of others.
Thinking about the generations of veterans who just didn't talk about it, because that's just how it was.
And then Audie Murphy came along and said "gently caress that poo poo, its time to talk about the aftermath."
We've come a long way since then, but the vast majority of people will start out with that "thank you for your service" and a fuckton of veterans just don't have it in them to open up again to another therapist who doesn't get it.

SerthVarnee fucked around with this message at 21:33 on Feb 23, 2023

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010

Oh. I totally misunderstood

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010

mischief posted:

Patrick Schneeweis lyrics and a beautifully challenging story. Get a loving publisher involved.

I accidentally stopped actively listening to new music a long time ago, only finding new music by accident.

YT decided to introduce me to Pat the Bunny, and Days and Daze the same day. Both of which were introduced with tracks that hit me emotionally. To be honest, I haven't heard a single track by Pat that doesn't hit some deep pain inside, and bring me to tears. I offhandedly asked my therapist why songs about/from addiction register so deeply with me.

"It makes no sense."
"Look at what all drugs took from you. You didn't use, but you still describe yourself as an addict. You really don't get it?"
"I don't like you, science lady."

mischief
Jun 3, 2003

The nice thing with Pat is he got clean, but even at his darkest times he was writing the most chaotically optimistic songs about what people should be capable of if we stopped being shitheads to each other. A lot of his Johnny Hobo stuff was pretty lonely and cynical but between Wingnut Dishwashers Union and Ramshackle Glory he really pivoted to a rational hopefulness that acknowledged the poo poo nature of the world we all live in and defiantly stayed optimistic.

I think you might enjoy Benjamin Todd's stuff, especially with his band Lost Dog Street Band. Love, loss, addiction, stupid decisions, they have it all. Try the GemsOnVHS recording of "Odea", it's a tough one.

You don't have to be an addict to have a hole in your heart, it's just some people's reaction to trauma. I would be happy to talk about sad records with you any time. It's kind of my thing.

Days 'n Daze took more of the punk direction. Not my style but "Misanthropic Drunken Loner" called me out pretty loving hard when I first heard it.

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010

mischief posted:

The nice thing with Pat is he got clean, but even at his darkest times he was writing the most chaotically optimistic songs about what people should be capable of if we stopped being shitheads to each other. A lot of his Johnny Hobo stuff was pretty lonely and cynical but between Wingnut Dishwashers Union and Ramshackle Glory he really pivoted to a rational hopefulness that acknowledged the poo poo nature of the world we all live in and defiantly stayed optimistic.

I think you might enjoy Benjamin Todd's stuff, especially with his band Lost Dog Street Band. Love, loss, addiction, stupid decisions, they have it all. Try the GemsOnVHS recording of "Odea", it's a tough one.

You don't have to be an addict to have a hole in your heart, it's just some people's reaction to trauma. I would be happy to talk about sad records with you any time. It's kind of my thing.

Days 'n Daze took more of the punk direction. Not my style but "Misanthropic Drunken Loner" called me out pretty loving hard when I first heard it.

Misanthropic Drunken Loner is a jam. It's been in regular rotation since I found them. They have a few songs I've enjoyed, but I get the vibe all of their stuff sounds too similar for my tastes.

YT also introduced me to Benjamin Todd through his solo rendition of "Using Again" from GemsonVHS. loving breaks me down every time. His solo cover of Steve Earle's "The Mountain" hits deep, too. So, I'll definitely check out "Odea" I can't cry- not like I've seen normal people do, even though I think I have a slightly oversized ration of reasons to bawl. I haven't figured out how yet- it's all there, just waiting for the valve to be turned. It's like "The Man Who Couldn't Cry" (sorry, Johnny, Rufus' is better) but not as extreme. I've break down until the track changes, then it's back to the world. Which is funny, because there are a list of songs that I just won't listen to, because they are too painful. It's...something. I'll get there at some point.

I listen to a lot of sad music- just the same sad music for like a decade or more. Lol.

mischief
Jun 3, 2003

I daily take a two lane road instead of a major highway on the way home from work and almost always end up crying checking out new music. I haven't seen even half the poo poo you have but know there are people out there listening.

Tell your stories. Listen to your music. You'll figure it out.

mischief fucked around with this message at 03:38 on Feb 24, 2023

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010





Warden
Jan 16, 2020
That was hell of a mental image you painted there, my good fellow.

fresh_cheese
Jul 2, 2014

MY KPI IS HOW MANY VP NUTS I SUCK IN A FISCAL YEAR AND MY LAST THREE OFFICE CHAIRS COMMITTED SUICIDE
Publish when?

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010















Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Clapping Larry
My Purple Heart was because I was an idiot that managed to get shot in the leg by a terrified Panamanian kid as we invaded his country. I do not consider it a thing of honor.

SerthVarnee
Mar 13, 2011

It has been two zero days since last incident.
Big Super Slapstick Hunk
Huh. I never thought about it that way. Thanks for teaching me something new guys!

Quackles
Aug 11, 2018

Pixels of Light.


OK, that story had me giggling uncontrollably at work. Well done.

Arishtat
Jan 2, 2011

The only one who didnít see that coming was the good Captain.

Midjack
Dec 24, 2007



Arishtat posted:

The only one who didnít see that coming was the good Captain.

Forrest Gump came out in 1994!

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010

















Question for the thread- would you prefer dumps, or regular (weekly/biweekly) posts of single 'episodes'? I have some more to post, but don't know what the thread likes.

bulletsponge13 fucked around with this message at 19:33 on Aug 22, 2023

Luneshot
Mar 10, 2014

It doesnít matter to me- whatever youíre comfortable with posting.

Quackles
Aug 11, 2018

Pixels of Light.


I leave the decision up to you. But, know that I always appreciate all your stories.

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Clapping Larry
'Blooms of Baghdad' was so perfect. Thank you.

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010

I ask because I feel guilty. I want to be more routine, that was part of the original intent of the thread...but I also had what turned out to be some unrealistic expectations of some of the emotional difficulties I've encountered in digging out some of this nonsense. Or that I have no idea how to write- like the process, I mean. Not structurally, but like methodology? I guess? I'm explaining it poorly.
I feel guilty that I drop like 15 pages and then gently caress off for months.

SerthVarnee
Mar 13, 2011

It has been two zero days since last incident.
Big Super Slapstick Hunk
We are here to read the stories as you feel like sharing them. We are not here expecting a Monday and Friday scheduled update like you were just making them in the factory.

You do you and we'll still be here to appreciate you.

Sarern
Nov 4, 2008

:toot:
Won't you take me to
Bomertown?
Won't you take me to
BONERTOWN?

:toot:

SerthVarnee posted:

We are here to read the stories as you feel like sharing them. We are not here expecting a Monday and Friday scheduled update like you were just making them in the factory.

You do you and we'll still be here to appreciate you.

Quackles
Aug 11, 2018

Pixels of Light.


SerthVarnee posted:

We are here to read the stories as you feel like sharing them. We are not here expecting a Monday and Friday scheduled update like you were just making them in the factory.

You do you and we'll still be here to appreciate you.

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Clapping Larry

SerthVarnee posted:

We are here to read the stories as you feel like sharing them. We are not here expecting a Monday and Friday scheduled update like you were just making them in the factory.

You do you and we'll still be here to appreciate you.

stealie72
Jan 10, 2007

SerthVarnee posted:

We are here to read the stories as you feel like sharing them. We are not here expecting a Monday and Friday scheduled update like you were just making them in the factory.

You do you and we'll still be here to appreciate you.

A.o.D.
Jan 15, 2006
Yeah, well, I'm unhappy with the pace of this, I demand a full refund!

Midjack
Dec 24, 2007



SerthVarnee posted:

We are here to read the stories as you feel like sharing them. We are not here expecting a Monday and Friday scheduled update like you were just making them in the factory.

You do you and we'll still be here to appreciate you.

Wasabi the J
Jan 23, 2008

MOM WAS RIGHT

bulletsponge13 posted:

I ask because I feel guilty. I want to be more routine, that was part of the original intent of the thread...but I also had what turned out to be some unrealistic expectations of some of the emotional difficulties I've encountered in digging out some of this nonsense. Or that I have no idea how to write- like the process, I mean. Not structurally, but like methodology? I guess? I'm explaining it poorly.
I feel guilty that I drop like 15 pages and then gently caress off for months.

All things are temporary man. We are a happy audience, not entitled to your work.

Pikehead
Dec 3, 2006

Looking for WMDs, PM if you have A+ grade stuff
Fun Shoe
It's your thread and your journey.

Do what best works for you - whether it's a post every second monday or every 5 months. I'm serious here - do what works for you.

SerthVarnee posted:

We are here to read the stories as you feel like sharing them. We are not here expecting a Monday and Friday scheduled update like you were just making them in the factory.

You do you and we'll still be here to appreciate you.

Kazinsal
Dec 13, 2011
free bulletsponge

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010

Love you folks.

I haven't included content warnings much because most of these have been either fairly mundane horror, or something you, my dear readers, have encountered somewhere else. This piece comes with a content warning. It's something I've never shared before for good reason- it's a lesson you can't unlearn. I'm not sure how to write a proper content warning without unburdening the lesson. I even tried to be somewhat subtle in the piece, because being forthcoming with it seems a little darker than I want to be. So, warning, death, dismemberment, military medicine in a war





















Quackles
Aug 11, 2018

Pixels of Light.


:ohdear:

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

Hannibal Rex
Feb 13, 2010

bulletsponge13 posted:

I ask because I feel guilty. I want to be more routine, that was part of the original intent of the thread...but I also had what turned out to be some unrealistic expectations of some of the emotional difficulties I've encountered in digging out some of this nonsense. Or that I have no idea how to write- like the process, I mean. Not structurally, but like methodology? I guess? I'm explaining it poorly.
I feel guilty that I drop like 15 pages and then gently caress off for months.

Mate, don't worry about your pace, this isn't your day job. I only drop in every couple of months to see what you've written, and usually I don't even comment because I don’t feel I have something meaningful to add. I appreciate it all the same.

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Wasabi the J
Jan 23, 2008

MOM WAS RIGHT
Nah man this is fine and none of us are entitled to your work

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