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War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022


The ancients were not without a sense of humor and thankfully for us the bad translations done by hackjob grad students make it even funnier.



It's a dick joke

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War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022


Epic paganist DESTROYS Christianity with poor spelling and handwriting

Dementropy
Aug 23, 2010





I posted this in another thread a little while ago:

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160216-did-the-maya-create-the-first-comics

...including a cheeky rabbit that could be considered the “Mayan Bugs Bunny" as he tells an old man to "smell your sweat, wizard penis".

Billy Ray Blowjob
Nov 30, 2011


The very first joke, and we see it in apes, would have been farting

Non Krampus Mentis
Oct 17, 2011

Scrungus Bungus from the planet Grongous


Billy Ray Blowjob posted:

The very first joke, and we see it in apes, would have been farting

“Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.” -Sumerian, ca. 1900 BC

Billy Ray Blowjob
Nov 30, 2011


Ancient Dude 1: does fart noise

Ancient Dude 2: Ah he just did a poo poo!

Ancient Dude 1: No, just the noise, and I can do more, I have named them Farts.

Ancient Dude 2: What the gently caress

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020




Dementropy posted:

"smell your sweat, wizard penis"

:iceburn:

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

The first joke was told in 5433 BC in western Anatolia

I was there.


It went something like "a horse walked into a donkey, said 'why the long face?' and the donkey said 'why the long penis?'"

I may be misremembering some of the details but that man was beaten to death for daring to speak the truth.

Lawman 0
Aug 17, 2010





Do we get to discuss the goon favorite Pompeii graffiti?
Anyways I always found ancient humor and sexuality to be gratifying because it shows that our ancestors were just like us. :unsmith:

Buce
Dec 23, 2005



that dog bar joke is pretty solid.

War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022


Non Krampus Mentis posted:

“Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.” -Sumerian, ca. 1900 BC

classic, definitely a raggedy rear end beer fart too

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007



caesar? dont mind if i do

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

Ask me about my dream Frasier episode where Frasier and Bulldog oil their heads and then rub them together. It's definitely not a fetish of mine, I swear!

The Hittites were some sick fucks, and their law code reflects that:

quote:

If anyone have intercourse with a pig or a dog, he shall die. If a man have intercourse with a horse or a mule, there is no punishment. But he shall not approach the king, and shall not become a priest. If an ox spring upon a man for intercourse, the ox shall die but the man shall not die. One sheep shall be fetched as a substitute for the man, and they shall kill it. If a pig spring upon a man for intercourse, there is no punishment. If any man have intercourse with a foreign woman and pick up this one, now that one, there is no punishment.

hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009



love to codify my disgusting fetish into law

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Big Bitch Crybaby!
Ask me about my repulsive insecurity and constant whining!


hot cocoa on the couch posted:

love to codify my disgusting fetish into law

They weren't carving multiple giant law stellas into rock around the kingdom because 'one guy thought'.

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004



friend: hey xenostaticus how did your date go with that girl from the island
xenostaticus: *angrily* dont go to that loving island dude, theyre all rug munchers

Dementropy
Aug 23, 2010





hot cocoa on the couch posted:

love to codify my disgusting fetish into law

You can.

Well, you can get close, anyway, for future archaeologists.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020


Billy Ray Blowjob posted:

The very first joke, and we see it in apes, would have been farting



Me, and GBS

Computer viking
May 30, 2011
Now with less breakage.



Big Beef City posted:

They weren't carving multiple giant law stellas into rock around the kingdom because 'one guy thought'.

It obviously depends on the specific sort of divinely blessed monarchy you are going for, but monumental inscriptions of laws sounds like exactly the sort of thing you do because "one guy thought".

Of course there's a whole culture around every person, and the opinions of every king will be influenced by his upbringing and advisors and what have you - but I'd be way more surprised if no personal whims of the ruler have ever made it into law.

marshmallow creep
Dec 10, 2008

I've been sitting here for 5 mins trying to think of a joke to make but I just realised the animators of Mass Effect already did it for me



Didn't Napoleon specifically pass a law that in effect only applied to one person because he was mad jealous of that guy (Alexander Dumas's father, as I recall) and never wanted to run into him again?

War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022


marshmallow creep posted:

Didn't Napoleon specifically pass a law that in effect only applied to one person because he was mad jealous of that guy (Alexander Dumas's father, as I recall) and never wanted to run into him again?
yeah but Nappy had access to the printing press

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Big Bitch Crybaby!
Ask me about my repulsive insecurity and constant whining!


Computer viking posted:

It obviously depends on the specific sort of divinely blessed monarchy you are going for, but monumental inscriptions of laws sounds like exactly the sort of thing you do because "one guy thought".

Of course there's a whole culture around every person, and the opinions of every king will be influenced by his upbringing and advisors and what have you - but I'd be way more surprised if no personal whims of the ruler have ever made it into law.

no this never happened I looked.



Mostly I just meant that 'ruled by a king or not' it's extremely unlikely that any society gets to the point of "Let's codify laws enough to carve them into rock, and not just in a one off tablet that Mark made and got found later, I mean, put 'em up, post 'em for good laws" without there being a reason and enough of a precedent to make said laws.
In other words, something has to happen enough times, and be important enough to not only be a spoken rule or social taboo, but come up enough that people are like "Ok lets look at the giant stone post and see about that".

Big Beef City fucked around with this message at 22:31 on May 15, 2022

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

Ask me about my dream Frasier episode where Frasier and Bulldog oil their heads and then rub them together. It's definitely not a fetish of mine, I swear!

How many guys have to get surprise hosed by pigs before someone says "There should be a law about this--and the law should say that this is totally okay!"

Lawman 0
Aug 17, 2010





"They were coming right for me!!"

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

Big Beef City posted:

no this never happened I looked.



Mostly I just meant that 'ruled by a king or not' it's extremely unlikely that any society gets to the point of "Let's codify laws enough to carve them into rock, and not just in a one off tablet that Mark made and got found later, I mean, put 'em up, post 'em for good laws" without there being a reason and enough of a precedent to make said laws.
In other words, something has to happen enough times, and be important enough to not only be a spoken rule or social taboo, but come up enough that people are like "Ok lets look at the giant stone post and see about that".

That's how laws work nowadays but IIRC from "The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind" law stelae were often carved with the outcome of individual cases and were more akin to records of precedent than statutes.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

Like, the first time an issue gets decided it goes on the monument.

Wall Balls
Jun 3, 2007

Spanish Castle Magic



i don't know who invented the joke or when, but i do know they got banned by genesplicer for doing it

War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022


Applewhite posted:

Like, the first time an issue gets decided it goes on the monument.

nah first it goes into the collective memory banks of the guys who get paid to memorize laws and maybe write them down in mud then latter it goes in the big rock

naem
May 29, 2011



“Oy! You lot! Quit fuckin’ the pigs!”

“Wot eff th’ pigs, they gently caress you back like?”

“Narr tha’s okay!”

War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022


on the topic of law & order

quote:

Qin Dynasty: The law stipulates that men shorter than the height of 1.52 meters and women shorter than the height of 1.52 meters do not have to bear criminal responsibility for crimes.

manlets stay winning

Computer viking
May 30, 2011
Now with less breakage.



War and Pieces posted:

on the topic of law & order

manlets stay winning

I wonder if that was intended as the equivalent of "children can't be tried as adults", but with a cutoff that doesn't require record keeping or subjective evaluations?

(I now also wonder how good the record keeping in Qin China was, and how tall they typically grew)

That DICK!
Sep 28, 2010



quote:

When King Stephen besieged Newbury Castle in 1152, he used the young William[Marshal, most celebrated knight of all time] as a hostage to ensure that John [his dad] kept his promise to surrender the castle. John, however, used the time allotted to reinforce the castle and to alert Matilda's forces. When Stephen ordered John to surrender immediately, threatening that William would be hanged, John replied that he should go ahead saying, "I still have the hammer and the anvil with which to forge still more and better sons!" Subsequently, a pretence was made to launch William from a pierrière (a type of trebuchet) towards the castle. Stephen could not bring himself to harm young William.[6]

Computer viking
May 30, 2011
Now with less breakage.



Applewhite posted:

That's how laws work nowadays but IIRC from "The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind" law stelae were often carved with the outcome of individual cases and were more akin to records of precedent than statutes.

That kind of makes sense - I guess "let's write down what we decided and display it" is one route to a more fair and predictable rule of law. Seem like it would be vulnerable to bad precedents, but that's arguably still a problem today.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

Computer viking posted:

That kind of makes sense - I guess "let's write down what we decided and display it" is one route to a more fair and predictable rule of law. Seem like it would be vulnerable to bad precedents, but that's arguably still a problem today.

On the plus side Stare Decisis was a lot harder to overturn once it was carved on a rock.

blight rhino
Feb 11, 2014

EXQUISITE LURKER RHINO




War and Pieces posted:

on the topic of law & order


Qin Dynasty: The law stipulates that men shorter than the height of 1.52 meters and women shorter than the height of 1.52 meters do not have to bear criminal responsibility for crimes.


manlets stay winning

What if you like, just hunch over

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Chop off your legs and become the world's best burglar

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)



Teriyaki Hairpiece posted:

How many guys have to get surprise hosed by pigs before someone says "There should be a law about this--and the law should say that this is totally okay!"

You'd be surprised (by a pig :lol:).

War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022


BigBadSteve posted:

You'd be surprised (by a pig :lol:).

self defence would be a lot harder back when only the wealthy could afford a bronze dagger

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug


You'd think he'd be scary irl but turns out Stephen King couldn't even launch a kid from a trebuchet

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precision
May 7, 2006

hug your posting pals


He's the One God
He's the Fun God
He's the Sun God
Ra! Ra! Ra!

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