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BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




Help. i've been wearing the same set of clothes for several months now. I'm about to lose my job because my co-workers keep complaining about the smell. I can't afford to keep buying new clothes and last time I went in I spent 50 loving years serving the will of a jesus lion before coming back having never aged a day. Before you ask no I can't use the dresser. It's a portal to an unrelated thinly-veiled hindu allegory.

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STABASS
Apr 18, 2009



Fun Shoe

what?

DrSunshine
Mar 23, 2009

Did I just say that out loud~~?!!!


I'm pretty sure this LN is getting an anime adaptation next season.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

So if you go to whatever your equivalent of Big W is they sell these cheap and easy to assemble racks you can hang your clothes on. I got one after a recent move and it was fine. Honestly I'd have just kept using it if not for the social pressure to use wardrobes.

It was like $20-30.

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...



Have you tried just leaving your clothes in a laundry basket after washing them? Pretty sure those are immune to turning into weird portals since they can't close up.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.





I go to get my damned coat and suddenly itís always winter and never Christmas and I got to deal with some fukcing nerd who canít shut up about Turkish delights and I just want a clean coat.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




Ignatius M. Meen posted:

Have you tried just leaving your clothes in a laundry basket after washing them? Pretty sure those are immune to turning into weird portals since they can't close up.

Iím hearing what youíre saying and I can already tell itís going to be a portal to a Zen koan.

Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!



Dinosaur Gum

Just give Aslan some catnip and I promise you it will all get better

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...



BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

Iím hearing what youíre saying and I can already tell itís going to be a portal to a Zen koan.

I mean okay but you can't leave them literally anywhere after washing and drying them without that item becoming a portal? On a chair? On your bed? On the sofa???

If so, and you've already tried replacing your clothes, it's probably some kind of ironic curse on you specifically. Probably oughta go see a druid to get that looked at.

beer gas canister
Oct 30, 2007

W E L C O M E T O M Y C U S T O M T I T L E ! ! !



Plaster Town Cop

he is risen, so what

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993




Purchase exactly enough new clothes to be able to go get an outfit back from the dry cleaner every morning and wear it. This makes it the dry cleaner's problem whether or not the motorized rack is a portal to this or that alternate universe/timeline.

funeral home DJ
Apr 21, 2003




Pillbug

IDK, OP, Iíd be carrying a shotgun into said allegory and just mugging people for their clothes. Wait for a satyr to walk by and take his shirt, he canít compete with modern weaponry. You could have a new free set of clothes each week!

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


OP, since hundreds of years pass in Narnia between your visits, you should introduce them to firearms, the steam engine, electricity, and then, on a future visit, the internet.

Eventually, it'll lose the dogmatic (lionmatic) religious undertones and just look like Shadowrun.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




funeral home DJ posted:

IDK, OP, Iíd be carrying a shotgun into said allegory and just mugging people for their clothes. Wait for a satyr to walk by and take his shirt, he canít compete with modern weaponry. You could have a new free set of clothes each week!

All the satyrs are shirtless and itís very uncomfortable for everyone

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

You know what op. Given how quickly and easily I solved my problem of not having a wardrobe, I can't help but think that you want this level of drama in your life - that you thrive on the attention you get from wearing smart new clothes all the time and having magical creatures rely on you to fulfil Biblical prophecy.

Now you're here looking for another hit on the crackpipe of attention that you've become addicted to.

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

All the satyrs are shirtless and itís very uncomfortable for everyone

Ask them where to find Bacchus and his Maenads, but if you're ready to get a little less Catholic School and a little more Catholic School: After Hours.

funeral home DJ
Apr 21, 2003




Pillbug

OP I spoke to my alcoholic uncle Ted and he said he had this issue once. The solution is to rent a u-haul truck, lay the wardrobe down and just roll around the highways chucking all the roadkill you find into the wardrobe. He said the gnarlier the better. The denizens on the other side of the wardrobe built a permanent rock wall up in less than two days and he added shelves and hangers on the wall, making for a walk-in closet.

Good luck and god bless

beer gas canister
Oct 30, 2007

W E L C O M E T O M Y C U S T O M T I T L E ! ! !



Plaster Town Cop

why not take anotgher tour with the lion? theyll probably give you more clothes. lions have a good sense of smell

Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS


I can't help you. Only my third drawer remains a normal drawer but whenever I put on the one remaining pair of clean briefs and slacks from in there, I wake up again a day earlier as if the day never happened.

its all nice on rice
Nov 12, 2006

Sweet, Salty Goodness.





Buglord

How am I supposed to trust a dog that is clearly not fluffy (as their name implies)????

AKZ
Nov 4, 2009



Sure that's why you smell like cat piss and look sleep deprived.

grumplestiltzkin
Jun 7, 2012

Ass, gas, or grass. No one rides for free.


Find the creator of the realm and tell him that Tolkien was a better author and he'll have a pathetic nerdrage meltdown and you'll never be allowed back, boom problem solved no need to thank me

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015



You can get pants and a shirt at a thrift store for like 8 bucks op. You could literally have new clothes every day. :shrug:

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015



beer gas canister posted:

he is risen, so what

Lol wrong way moran. :jerkbag:

Chef Boyardeez Nuts
Sep 9, 2011

The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.


I'd say just throw them on the floor, but you know...lava.

Chef Boyardeez Nuts
Sep 9, 2011

The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.


As I understand it, he stops taking you if you think about boys like some common whore. So maybe grow up a little and get horny.

Chief McHeath
Apr 23, 2002



I only own one item of clothing but it's a 71 piece suit.

Jabberlock
Nov 29, 2014





Maybe if you took a fat dump in the wardrobe it would stop doing that

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




AKZ posted:

Sure that's why you smell like cat piss and look sleep deprived.

The cat piss is from a semi-related incident with Aslan he told me to keep secret

BIG FLUFFY DOG fucked around with this message at 20:31 on May 16, 2022

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004



BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

All the satyrs are shirtless and itís very uncomfortable for everyone

Mr Dumnuts

GABA ghoul
Oct 29, 2011

You're all I think, this thing set troublin


What did the exorcist say? Is there a reason you can't just get rid it?

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981



God's love

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Big Bitch Crybaby!
Ask me about my repulsive insecurity and constant whining!


If Aslan is Jesus I don't know why he needs the help of children so stupid they fall into dressers to fix his problems.
Like he doesn't have ANY better resources than that?

"Let's see here, 'Fought in the scism between heaven and hell?' no. 'Experience dealing with possessions or other demonic ways on Earth?' no. Catholic, even? No. ...ok let's see what we DO have. 'Mostly sleeps through night without wetting bed. Tripped on rug to get here.' Excellent. You will lead God's armies."

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008




We have a cold cellar in the basement that leads into a wizard's tower but he's a total dick and never does any magic for us :(

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

"RRRAAAARRR!!!"

they were astonished at his doctrine

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




GABA ghoul posted:

What did the exorcist say? Is there a reason you can't just get rid it?

The exorcist is a big fan of the wardrobe and canít shut up about it. Frankly I think he made it more powerful.

David D. Davidson
Nov 17, 2012

Orca lady?

AARD VARKMAN posted:

Purchase exactly enough new clothes to be able to go get an outfit back from the dry cleaner every morning and wear it. This makes it the dry cleaner's problem whether or not the motorized rack is a portal to this or that alternate universe/timeline.

I wouldn't do this. My local dry cleaning place turned out to be a portal to a wierd misogynistic barbarian planet where ritualized slavery is the norm.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

David D. Davidson posted:

I wouldn't do this. My local dry cleaning place turned out to be a portal to a wierd misogynistic barbarian planet where ritualized slavery is the norm.

Then all you have to do is drag your closet there and watch the resulting planar explosion/ gimp lion maulings from afar

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




What is Biden doing about all these magical portals that keep popping up?

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Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

He did say "open Biden" but we should have read between the lines and realized that he meant using Fel magic to tear the veil separating our realities

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