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What sort of adventure do I like anyway?
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By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




After posting some quick micro CYOAs at the Paradise Falls thread* while Diogenes was unavailable I received up to one (1) request to do something longer, which I still intend to do but I'll start with a couple quick ones


*https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3550307&userid=120436&perpage=40&pagenumber=42
-----------------------------------------

The offbeat wedding (survival horror)

The tedious mess of a wedding known as Katy and Dan's Special Non-Denominational All Vegan Fantasy Extravaganza just keeps going on and on: the food is bland, the drinks non-alchoholic and the constant readings from The Silmarillion would make Tolkien himself howl in anguish.

Obvious actions are:

Attempt small talk (who with?)
Burst into the dance floor
Consume foodstuffs
Dry (as in non-alchoholic) bar
Exit to DOS
------------------
>:ins:

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Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die


Nap Ghost

> surreptitiously double check self to ensure fly is zipped

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




Mozi posted:

> surreptitiously double check self to ensure fly is zipped

> It is done.
Your score has gone up 1 point.

Rugikiki
Jan 15, 2008

Illinois Nazis.
I hate Illinois Nazis!




>Spike the kombucha

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009



Fun Shoe

> Inventory

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Big Bitch Crybaby!
Ask me about my repulsive insecurity and constant whining!


>Milk parents of the Bride

Infidel Castro
Jun 8, 2010

Again and again
Your face reminds me of a bleak future
Despite the absence of hope
I give you this sacrifice






> Look at your shoes

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

A. Look for someone who might also want to slip out for a couple of quick ones.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




>D

The dry bar
seldom has a human observed such a sad view: bottles and bottles galore yet not a drop of liquor to drink!
A 'Barman' is here

Obvious actions are:

Attempt small talk (who with?)
Burst into the dance floor
Consume foodstuffs
Dope the kombucha
Exit to DOS
------------------
>D

Taking advantage of the bar attendant's texting break you spike the kombucha with everything you've got!
People will find their mild headaches disappear despite not having (knowingly) taken any Paracetamol they will be so confused!

A 'Barman' is here

Obvious actions are:

Attempt small talk (who with?)
Burst into the dance floor
Consume foodstuffs
Dope the kombucha
Exit to DOS
------------------
>:ins:

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





Consume the only non vegan food here (the people) :ssh:

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!





You are carrying:
An empty box of Paracetamol
Car keys
A wine glass filled with pear juice
A torn invitation (didn't work, you're still here)
Your wallet (disturbingly light)

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




Infidel Castro posted:

> Look at your shoes

> it is done.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




Big Beef City posted:

>Milk parents of the Bride

gleebster posted:

A. Look for someone who might also want to slip out for a couple of quick ones.

>A
Leaving the dry bar behind you look to engage the parents of the Bride in conversation, and hopefully more.
The patriarch of the family is sitting by the tables, looking distinctly under the weather.
The Mother is currently busy talking up a gentleman hired you think to ensure the food is kosher.

Obvious actions are:

Attract the Mother with your wit (huh)
Butter up the Father like you stood to inherit something
Call up the Kosher Observer
Digest something while you wait for the situation to change
Exit to DOS
------------------
>:ins:

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




Slaan posted:

Consume the only non vegan food here (the people) :ssh:

>As tempting as the thought of REAL MEAT is, you're quite sure you will be stopped before consuming a single person!
You chew on an unsatisfying carrot stick instead.

Rugikiki
Jan 15, 2008

Illinois Nazis.
I hate Illinois Nazis!




>Butter up the father, with whatever vegan substitute is available

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

By popular demand posted:

>A
Leaving the dry bar behind you look to engage the parents of the Bride in conversation, and hopefully more.
The patriarch of the family is sitting by the tables, looking distinctly under the weather.
The Mother is currently busy talking up a gentleman hired you think to ensure the food is kosher.

Obvious actions are:

Attract the Mother with your wit (huh)
Butter up the Father like you stood to inherit something
Call up the Kosher Observer
Digest something while you wait for the situation to change
Exit to DOS
------------------
>:ins:

B. Dear old Dad. Mention the pear juice and watch for his reaction.

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

An A+ Poster (:

why dont u poop lol

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.




Regurgitate the carrot and put it back among the vegan food. No one will notice

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




>B

You take a sit by the Father's table, offering the sick looking man your pear juice.
He almost seems to suddenly wake up, staring at you wide eyed.
"Who... nevermind, can you keep a secret buddy?"

after some buttering up it transpires that the Father is actually very drunk but in danger of quickly sobering up, you agree to go to his car and retrieve his stash of booze.

Obvious actions are:

And never look back, geeser's got a fancy ride and liquor! gently caress this wedding
But what, did you not read the first option?!
Come on buddy, are you glutton for punishment?
Dump the contents of your stomach in the car, and you're not even drunk! (yet)
End this someway else? how?
------------------
>:ins:

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




Nooner posted:

why dont u poop lol

> Vegan food stops you right up, tomorrow's gonna suck.

Rugikiki
Jan 15, 2008

Illinois Nazis.
I hate Illinois Nazis!




Take a Dump in the car!

E: use the butter as needed to assist

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




Rugikiki posted:

Take a Dump in the car!

E: use the butter as needed to assist

>It is done.
More room for booze now!
your'r score has gone up 2 fingers!

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

I'm sure I'll think of something.

Bring the poor suffering guy some booze, c'mon. He was nice enough to share!

Also why the hell can't we just leave on our own? Can't we be paged for urgent surgery reasons?

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

Volmarias posted:

Bring the poor suffering guy some booze, c'mon. He was nice enough to share!

Also why the hell can't we just leave on our own? Can't we be paged for urgent surgery reasons?

Somebody was probably our ride. Would we have shown up to this boozeless carrotfest of our own volition?

Agreed on bringing the nice Dad a drink, though. Time to break out the old bootlegging skills.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




>E

You take some liquor back Father's table, cunningly disguised as Dr. Barnes Special Veggie Tonic (not even vegans touch that stuff).
"Thank you kindly...Bruno" says the man Evan though that to be Frank that's not your John Hancock.

Sex is plainly off the table as the man quickly loads himself back to a sluring souse level of inibriation,
You look about to find something else to occupy you:

Obvious actions are:

Alchy it up in this bitch!
Burgle Father's pockets
Call on someone else
Drag the now catatonic Father somewhere (where?)
Emit something foul and blame it on the drunk
------------------
>:ins:

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

By popular demand posted:

I received up to one (1) request to do something longer

I'm finally making a difference in the world :)

D Time for the Father of the Bride speech!

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




>D

Dragging the Father to the podium and stabilising him in your best impression of 'just supporting a friend who's a bit sick',
You use your heretofore unknown ventriloquist skills to give the good people a real what-for.
When you exost your small list of real faults in the previously happy couple you start making up some new ones:
The look on the Mother's face as her husband seemed to strongly imply there's some generic abnormality that will prevent any successful procreation is just unbelievable.

This is almost fun enough to make up for this whole dreadful affair, but you eventually 'guide' back the Father to his seat and find yourself a nice vantage point where your giggling wouldn't be heard as you watch the bride and groom hash it all out in front of everyone.

YOU WIN.
Your final score is: it's late here and I'm sleepy.
You rank as: Feel free to run your own micro CYOA ITT.

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

Now the difficult part: finding a ride home.
Do we:

A) Actually try to find the teetotal vegetarian who brought us to this yawnfest.
B) Boldly strike out and take a car, any car.
C) Call for a cab.
D) Dun someone who we feel owes us a favor.
E) Enjoy our new life here as a kitchen worker at the vegan event space.

istewart
Apr 13, 2005

Still contemplating why I didn't register here under a clever pseudonym



gleebster posted:


B) Boldly strike out and take a car, any car.


Letís GTA this jawn

Rugikiki
Jan 15, 2008

Illinois Nazis.
I hate Illinois Nazis!




>enter FotBís car, we know it has booze!

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

Rugikiki posted:

>enter FotBís car, we know it has booze!

Having the keys, you set out in the bride's father's car. Mumsy will have to fend for herself. About a mile down the road, you realize that the bride's father has crawled into the back to sleep it off. You are in possession of a stolen car, booze, and the bride's father, who might not remember you when he comes to.

Do you:

A) Abandon the car in favor of another transportation mode?
B) Be cool, and head for the border?
C) Collide with something in panic?
D) Decide to wake Dad up, so he'll have a better chance to recognize you?
E) Eh, something else. I'm not good at this.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





StagE an elaborate crime scene involving booze, gun runners, arson, stolen Quebecois maple syrup and Texan cow rustler elected judges to point the finger for the stolen car at the bride's new sister in law

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




Slaan posted:

StagE an elaborate crime scene involving booze, gun runners, arson, stolen Quebecois maple syrup and Texan cow rustler elected judges to point the finger for the stolen car at the bride's new sister in law

Hell yeah.

E: you're still around Gleebster?

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE





.

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

By popular demand posted:

Hell yeah.

E: you're still around Gleebster?

You take it, bI had to sleep

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




I'll be back in an hour, if you get to do it before me that's good too

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)



We all know how these things end up, so...

E. PULL OVER
EXIT CAR
OPEN REAR CAR DOOR
CROUCH OVER BRIDE'S FATHER'S FACE
POOP ON BRIDE'S FATHER'S HEAD

Booty Pageant
Apr 20, 2012


>go left

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




Slaan posted:

StagE an elaborate crime scene involving booze, gun runners, arson, stolen Quebecois maple syrup and Texan cow rustler elected judges to point the finger for the stolen car at the bride's new sister in law

>E

"...And that's when I happened to walk by, Officer." you finish your story.
-"well I'll be a Texan sister-in-law! who knew that right under our noses the Quebecois mafia was trading maple syrup liqueur for guns and arson!" says the policeman "And old judge Rustler is in on the whole deal too!"
You nod along as the policeman names the bride's in-laws as prime suspects for locking the Father in his car and setting fire to it.
Pity you can't brag about all the little touches you made to the crime scene, the mafia hit list written in maple syrup and signed with a cow's hoof (stolen of course) you are quite proud of.

This has been a terrific evening and your surely relish the memories until you're old and senile.

The end.

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ADBOT LOVES YOU

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




New thing, new rules.
------------------------------------

No Sleep 'Till Brooklyn

There's a bad moon in the sky tonight and a dead officer lying in his own blood in the middle of a busy street,
this is promising to be one longass night and things will get dark by the time it's done.

Looking at your badge you try to recall a bit of the pride you felt all those years ago when you received it but there's no more pride in you, this city, this precinct just sucked it all away.
Kids you grew up with turned to mobsters or worse, cops. The neighbourhood seems darker and more labyrinthine then ever before.

>
Please describe:
1. Yourself (age, sex, species and up to two (2) interesting traits) (you get the BADASS trait for free)
2. Your partner (same guides)
3. Brooklyn (general feel, dominant population, The Mob)

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