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Corla Plankun
May 8, 2007

improve the lives of everyone
guy who screenshares to show us something and accidentally reveals that he only barely knows how to use his computer as he mouses all over the screen trying to figure out how to find and reopen the app he used to make a diagram yesterday

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Corla Plankun
May 8, 2007

improve the lives of everyone
guy who seems like a junior dev but is actually turning in code written by two pakistani subcontractors he secretly hired to do his job

Corla Plankun
May 8, 2007

improve the lives of everyone

Buck Turgidson posted:

The guy that takes a poo poo like clockwork every morning at 9:10, trying to keep it together during the 9AM meeting

lmao my job always has a 30- to 90-minute block of meetings first thing in the morning after i've had my coffee and a glass of water and i am always absolutely bursting for a piss by the end

sometimes i can step away with bluetooth headphones on but a lot of times ive gotta be available to turn my mic on so i can't even risk that

Corla Plankun
May 8, 2007

improve the lives of everyone
when i have to collaborate with people in other time zones i simply use email

Corla Plankun
May 8, 2007

improve the lives of everyone
if you have admin on your comp you can install autohotkey (useful for a ton of other business poo poo like too like hotkey to log in to the vpn every 5 minutes or whatever other mindless poo poo your job makes you do constantly) and then use this script to appear to work all day:
code:
#Persistent
Loop 
{
	If (A_Hour >= 7 && A_Hour < 17){
		MouseMove, 1, 1, 1, R
		MouseMove, -1, 1, 1, R
		}
		Sleep 300000	
}
Return
i initially set it up because my old job had an unalterable policy that it would lock after 60 seconds of inactivity, but it turns out just moving the mouse slightly is enough to keep teams from tattling too

Corla Plankun
May 8, 2007

improve the lives of everyone

jesus WEP posted:

pretty sure iíve popped on camera while watching wrestling during a meeting

i feel like this can't possibly mean what i think it does but i can't imagine any other interpretation that makes more sense

Corla Plankun
May 8, 2007

improve the lives of everyone
knew a girl who would blow her husband during his meetings but i guess im just not a thrill seeker because that would stress me out so bad i doubt i could even get half mast

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Corla Plankun
May 8, 2007

improve the lives of everyone

Buck Turgidson posted:

Guy holding a meeting about how we're appointing Yambassadors to roll out something called Yammer Viva Engage.

my old company had ms teams and yammer and somehow everyone came to the unspoken agreement that nothing of value was ever communicated on yammer, so normal people could uninstall it and the people with emojis in their linkedin could go hog wild on the workposting equivalent of a superfund site

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