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Brrrmph
Feb 27, 2016




- one entrance!!

- study all seasons of Andy Griffith and copy his sensible demeanor

- face recognition technology to better identify the guy who killed 17 people two hours after the event

- arm Jean. She’s 62 and in her 37th year of working our front desk. Her hobbies are quilting and playing cards with her grandchildren. Her job responsibilities are taking phone calls from parents, rerouting buses, assisting teachers with various daily tasks and preventing shooters from breaching the school entrance.

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Schweinhund
Oct 23, 2004

:derp:   :kayak:                                     


Give students detention for a week if they commit a mass shooting.

abigserve
Sep 13, 2009

this is a better avatar than what I had before


Build two schools and randomise which is used every day

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!


Turn off your monitor and bury your head in the sand so you don't have to be exposed to it I guess.

Or riot.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die


Nap Ghost

Give everyone free katanas which are so awesome nobody will want a gun anymore

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981



Ball

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Brrrmph posted:

- one entrance!!
that would definitely just make it easier to kill people. I can't imagine a scenario where it wouldn't

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

- handcuff everybody's feet together so the shooter can't run
- cover everybody in gasoline so the shooter will be easier to set on fire

its all nice on rice
Nov 12, 2006

Sweet, Salty Goodness.





Buglord

Give the shooter a Tamagotchi. They'll be too distracted taking care of it and everyone can escape.

Mexican Deathgasm
Aug 17, 2010



Ramrod XTreme

arm everyone with glass vials of thioacetone, can't mass murder when you're puking

Huge Lady Pleaser
Jun 17, 2005

hello how r u doing im just looking for ppl 2 chill wit relax go out n have funn if ur looking for da same thing hit me up


Nap Ghost

Start teaching children to respect the law again, bring back prayers in school and make those sluts cover up

Dragonstoned
Jan 15, 2006

MR. DOG WITH BEES IN HIS MOUTH AND WHEN HE BARKS HE SHOOTS BEES AT YOU
by Roger Hargreaves



Just stop letting mentally ill people buy guns jfc

bossy lady
Jul 5, 2006



Dragonstoned posted:

Just stop letting mentally ill people buy guns jfc

if we did that there'd be no one left to buy guns

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



Hi I'm your new teacher, John Wick ,and I'm here to teach Critical Race Theory

Knormal
Nov 11, 2001



Distribute people evenly across the country so no one's ever gathered together in a single place.

Drink-Mix Man
Mar 4, 2003

You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.



Homeschool everyone

EVERY TIME GOING
Mar 17, 2006

cant stop wont stop


A lattice of ablative platelets surgically grafted onto the backs of all students prior to starting K-12, providing timely protection from a spectrum of small arms fire all the way to flak/anti-tank rounds once the defensive fetal position is assumed.

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



All schools should lay a bunch of rakes near their entrances so that when a killer approaches, they will constantly be smacked in the face when they step on the rakes.

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



Every school should hire Kevin McCallister as SRO to put marbles on the ground and tie paint buckets to ropes. Also have a tarantula to place on the killer's face when they fall over

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



banana peels.


need i say more???

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here. It's gone now.




Ban videogames, surely.

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



Hire a school shooter to work at the school.

That way when another killer enters the school they'll see the existing shooter and say, "oh my bad, I didn't know you called dibs," and will leave in embarrassment.

DropsySufferer
Nov 9, 2008

Impractical practicality


Armed robots/cyborgs in every school. It worked in Robocop...

SalTheBard
Jan 26, 2005


I forgot to post my food for USPOL Thanksgiving but that's okay too!




Fallen Rib

Give ever student at the school an AR-15 so they can police each other

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



as documented on television, when you put your finger into the barrel of a gun, and it is fired, the gun explodes in the shooter's face.

train teachers and students to rush a shooter with their fingers extended to block the barrel.

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Huge Lady Pleaser posted:

Start teaching children to respect the law again, bring back prayers in school and make those sluts cover up

roll this guy's avatar in front of the school like the stone at the tomb of christ

EVERY TIME GOING
Mar 17, 2006

cant stop wont stop


A shock device implanted deep in a cop's rectum akin to a dog's shock collar that discharges in high voltage bursts if it detects that a child has repeatedly called 911 and the cop is too cowardly to go save them.

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



Paint a fake entrance on a brick wall of the school. The shooter will run straight into the wall thinking they are about to start a shooting spree but end up getting flattened against the wall.

Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008




Gravy Boat 2k

Attach chip clips to your taint

Caesar Saladin
Aug 15, 2004



Send me in, I would simply evade the bullets, disarm the shooter and disable him.

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



just build all schools inside of police departments, that way the killer will just walk into a cell on accident and then you can slam it shut behind them. ba-da-bing.

FreeRangeHexagon
Apr 17, 2022


over time Darwinian evolution will lead to students becoming bulletproof rendering this a none issue

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!




just put a bucket of holy water above the school doors, when the kids enter they get baptized and then when they get school shootered it's fine because we know they in heaven


i refuse to entertain a solution that involves not killing children

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



Play disco music 24/7 over school speakers, so the shooter will be too compelled to dance to even kill

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



Just hang large CLOSED signs over the entrances to the schools so the shooter will think he came on the wrong day

god the GOP should hire me, i'm weaving purestrain gold in this thread.

old beast lunatic
Nov 2, 2004

I'M EXTREMELY MAD KYLE KILLED THE PEDO WHO RAPED 5 BOYS, I CAN'T STOP MELTING DOWN. I STAN FOR THE WHITE GUY PEDO WHO SAYS THE N WORD AND RAPES LITTLE BOYS. WHY DID KYLE HAVE TO KILL THIS LIL ANGEL???

more whorehouses

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005



Total Party Kill posted:

Just hang large CLOSED signs over the entrances to the schools so the shooter will think he came on the wrong day

gently caress!!!!

This solution works two ways!!!

Hang large SCHOOL signs over firing ranges. This way the shooter runs in and begins shooting and everyone will be like, "hey, great job!"

The positive validation will cause the shooter to have a new sense of camaraderie and make lifelong friends with the other shooters.

Pastel Candy Snake
Sep 6, 2018

🍭hiss🐍


build spike pits and cover them with leaves in school recess yards so when a shooter tries to sneak in they will inevitably fall to their deaths instead

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019






build a hooters on every school campus until all the news stories are about the plague of mass hooters instead of mass shooters

the shooters will still be out there, but we won't notice them as much because of all the hooters

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Lawrence Gilchrist
Mar 31, 2010



Get a group together on nextdoor to go to city council meetings and chant "punji traps" at steadily increasing pace and volume

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