• Sites – What are the actual camp sites like? Do they have power, water, sewage? Are they all paved? Are there green spaces for tents? Do sections of the camping area get soggy?
  
• Facilities – Are the bathrooms, showers, vault toilets, or any other facilities clean? Up to date? In poor condition? Does the water taste funny?
  
• Amenities – What other items does the campground offer? Cabins, trails, playgrounds, disc golf courses, kayak rentals, fishing platforms, historic centers, hunting grounds, dark sky preserves, beaches, etc.
  
• The Area – Where is the park located? Is it hard to get to? Are there things to do in neighboring cities, towns or villages that we participated in? How remote is this place?
  
• Warnings – Is this park alcohol-free? Dog friendly? A mosquito habitat? Near a noisy area like a freeway or army base? Does this place have cell service?
  
• Who is it best for? – Is the park well-suited for tent campers, RVs, hike-in campers, hammock campers, mountain bikers, horse riders, kayakers, fishermen, hunters, trail hikers, etc? Is it suited for a certain time of year?

Dr. Lunchables fucked around with this message at 01:16 on Feb 10, 2023

• Tent – We have a Nortent Gamme 6, a genius piece of engineering that is basically a floorless shell that our “inner” tent attaches to. It comes with a stove-jack, so we can have hot meals and toasty toes on even the coldest nights.
  
• Stove – Gstove Heat View. A stainless steel wood burning stove that packs compactly. It’s not exactly light, but its well-engineered and manufactured, so it burns very efficiently. We don’t bring this during the summer.
  
  ^{Here you can see our Gstove and how it sits within the Nortent. This is a dry-run in the yard. The Inner isn't shown in this picture.}
  
• Sleep System – We have a set of Marchway Ultralight Cots, some REI sleep pads, and some Thermarest compressible pillows. This is an area we will upgrade soon as we acquire higher r-value sleep pads and dedicated winter sleeping bags.
  
• Cooking – An electric griddle and a Coleman stove cover pretty much all of our needs when car-camping. We bring a small folding table as well. Our flatware is all thrift-store bought, but we have a GSI Outdoors metal plate/bowl/mug set for eating off of. Our cooking items are all stowed in a compact Stanley Even-Heat Camp Pro setup, with a large stock pot, a sauce pot, and a frying pan. It’s all stainless steel, so it cooks well and heats evenly, and we don’t have to worry about scratching off non-stick PFAS or rust.
  
• Chairs – GCI Outdoor Freestyle Rocker. Throw your lovely chair away and get one of these, they’re a game changer.
  
• Vehicle – We have a 2014 Jeep Cherokee, so we have to pack relatively light by necessity. It’s not a big car, but it’s got roof racks for kayaks should we need em and 4 wheel drive if necessary. On an average trip this thing is packed to the brim, cause car camping is all about luxury.
  
• Miscellany – We bring two pop up canopies and stick em together, throwing walls and a screen on em so they’re a big enclosed area should the weather turn to poo poo. We also have collapsible recycling and trash cans, which are more of a necessity than you’d think.

1. Muskegon State Park
   
2. Port Crescent State Park
   
3. Van Buren State Park
   
4. Hartwick Pines State Park
   
5. Fort Custer State Recreation Area
   
6. Sleepy Hollow State Park
   
7. Ionia State Recreation Area
   
8. Yankee Springs State Recreation Area
   
9. Belle Isle (day trip, no camping allowed)
   
10. Metamora-Hadley State Recreation Area
    
11. Rifle River State Recreation Area
    
12. North Higgins Lake State Park*
    
13. Brighton State Recreation Area*
    
14. Ludington State Park
    
15. W.J. Hayes State Park
    
16. Muskegon State Park Round 2 and Winter Sports Complex*
    

Dr. Lunchables fucked around with this message at 21:40 on Mar 23, 2024

• Sites – Gravel parking but fully modern, the entire park is actually pretty small, with one row of the loop being up on a hill overlooking the bay with the other being down on shore-level. The upper loop sites are dirt based and grassy, with plenty of tree cover, but the lower sites are extremely sandy given their proximity to the lake. There are a few no-reservation single-night hammock camping sites that are right on the beach as well, should you just wanna show up for a night, getting rocked to sleep by the breeze off Lake Huron. If you tent camp, try to get site 38 if you can, its about double the size of every other site and its right next to the trail down to the beach, the water, and a short walk from the bathrooms.
  
  
• Facilities – The entire bathroom facility had gotten a full remodel in the past few years, and everything was cleaned daily. We didn’t use any of the vault toilets, but given the state of the rest of the park, I’d bet they were immaculate. So far this park has had the best facilities I’ve seen, bar none.
  
  
• Amenities – This place had a ton of stuff. Geodesic domes, mini-cabins, full cabins with private bathrooms. They had a wifi hotspot at the main office (a very welcome bonus), a nice playground, horseshoes, and a beautiful sandy beach. It’s dog friendly, so you can bring your smelly friends. The trails are easily accessible and cover a decent amount of elevation and terrain changes, while still remaining short enough for everyone to hike. There’s also the Pinnebog River that empties out not far from the campground, offering an opportunity to kayak back to the campground proper. The park is also a Dark Sky Preserve, offering all you trolls an unblemished look at the stars the way an average Yooper sees them all the time.
  
• Here's a little video of the view of the mouth of the Pinnebog from the trail
  
  
• The Area – Situated right at the tip of the thumb, about four miles from the town of Port Austin, Port Crescent State Park is seated on a shallow half-moon bay looking northwest over the Saginaw Bay. Turnip Rock and coastal kayaking are popular, though we were unable to pull that off due to the wind. The only good way to get to the park is over local highways and an occasional county or municipal road cutting the edge of some farmer’s property. M25 travels from Bay City along the shoreline, and might be the best route, as it will give you plenty of views to make the extra distance more enjoyable. M53 through Bad Axe is also an option, should you be headed straight north from Detroit. Nearby are the currently unexplored (by us) Albert E. Sleeper State Park, only 7 miles away, offering more inland square footage and hunting opportunities.
  
  All in all, expect a fair amount of non-freeway overland travel, and a lot of back highways to reach this place. Given the actual short distance to Flint, Saginaw and Bay City, it’s likely the lack of access that makes this place feel so much like a Secret Garden.
  
  
• Warnings – First of all, there is single-bar cell service on a good day. The aforementioned wifi at the main office helps alleviate that downside. The sites on the southern side are also close to an old river channel that the flow of water has since forgotten, but the mosquitos have not. Sites 21-77 are the least affected by this. M25 does run directly behind this park, but it gets such little traffic that you’re unlikely to hear much for noise. The raccoons, however, are fat, sassy, and balls deep in your lunch. I had to moosh one in the face with the bottom of a can to stop it from stealing our hamburger buns. Motherfucker just didn’t care.
  
  
• Who is it best for? – This place is best experienced by everybody. Honestly, no joke, try to stop at this park once in your life. Sure, some sites might be small, so big trailers might have more of an issue, and there aren’t any equestrian or bike trails, but those are small trade-offs. Tent campers and trailers/RVs alike will find the sites both diverse and accommodating. Hammock campers, forget about it. This place should be on your bucket list.
  
  Given the proximity to the lowland old river channel, I’d recommend an early summer or early fall trip here, to alleviate the bugs. The water was warm enough to spend hours in during early June, so don’t worry about being “too early” for the big lake. Fall might be the best season, though, with a last gasp of summer heat in September making the now warm lake feel that much better.
  

Dr. Lunchables fucked around with this message at 11:01 on Jun 1, 2022

Dr. Lunchables fucked around with this message at 14:58 on Jun 1, 2022

• Sites – These were all compacted dirt pads with sandy soil, limited tree cover or shade, and basically non-descript. They didn’t offer much in terms of identity but were fine enough for tent camping. All sites were modern, meaning they had electricity and a shared potable waterspout within walking distance. The land was all flat, with no low or soggy points.
  
  
• Facilities – The bathrooms were Michigan 70s chic: small brown tiles and small tan tiles, with off-white grout. The toilets flushed, and apart from a sandy floor, seemed decently maintained. I didn’t try the showers because I spent all day in a giant freshwater sea. I don’t remember if they even had showers. The water tasted fine, for what it’s worth. I drank a ton of it and don’t recall complaining about it.
  
  
• Amenities - There is very little else in the camping area. Two playground areas with swings and the like, but nothing else of note. Kids would probably be disappointed. All trails within the park lead over the dune to the beach. There is the Van Buren Trail Spur that will lead you up to South Haven, but it doesn’t bode well when one of your main attractions is a path that leads you away from the area. The campground is alcohol friendly and dog friendly too, but both are restricted on the beach. There is a dog beach a bit further south, so at least they didn’t leave you hanging. There is apparently a “sports field” south of the beach parking, but I think it’s just a mowed lot where you could play pickup football or soccer.
  
  The beach has a parking lot very close (still inland from the dunes) and a very nice paved footpath, with foot washing stations and bathrooms available. There’s a newer playground set near the beach, and the bathroom stations were relatively newer as well. All the development money in recent years has obviously been put into making the lake access easier and more attractive. It’s pretty emblematic of Lake Michigan shorelines, with cool clear water curling tiny whitecaps onto a mix of sand and rocks at the water’s edge. Don’t be alarmed by the rocks: they give way to soft sand about ten feet away from the shoreline, where the waves break. This should be pretty standard for anyone who’s gone swimming in Lake Michigan but may be concerning for new folks. Go out past the waves and you’ll find yourself in a very pleasant swimming area.
  
  
• The Area – The park is (obviously) on the shores of Lake Michigan, at the westernmost edge of Van Buren County. Fun fact: the county itself is named after former President (and more importantly former Secretary of State and Vice President under Andrew Jackson) Martin Van Buren. There are ten “Cabinet Counties,” named after members of then-president Andrew Jackson’s cabinet. Why suck Jackson’s dick in this manner? Because Michigan (still a territory) was in a shooting war with Ohio over the Toledo strip, and our former leaders thought flattery would make way to a better settlement. In the end, Jackson signed a bill recognizing Michigan as a state, though Toledo would forever be lost to Ohio. The Upper Peninsula, which was never part of Wisconsin, was ceded to the new state. In fact, Wisconsin used to be part of Michigan Territory, so if you ever come at me with that poo poo about “it should be part of Wisconsin,” I will contend: it never was, it never should have been, and it never will be. Also gently caress you.
  A couple of miles north sits South Haven, a grand playground for the rich and their yachts. The town is dotted with cute little shops and eateries and has a beautiful public food garden that you should walk through if you have a chance. Like most Lake Michigan beach towns, it exists to serve tourists exclusively. There is a Lighthouse where you can have your Lighthouse Passport stamped, as well as the Michigan Maritime Museum, which has a variety of boats including a freshwater topsail sloop. You can reserve rides on their fleet, which I think is pretty neat. Go walk through the marinas and guess how much insulin you could buy for the cost of a single boat.
  
  Travel to the park is relatively easy, using straight highways, though there is a confusing bit right as you try to enter the park, where you have to take a spur called Ruggles road (not Blue Star Highway!), cause there’s no straight shot into the park. It was an odd setup, to be sure.
  
  
  ^{The part Labeled "Indiana" is Indiana}
  
  
• Warnings – Don’t expect too much to do outside of getting in the Lake. That’s probably why you’d ever go here, but it remains to be said: there’s not much else in the park proper. It’s a quiet chunk of land with few neighbors, fewer bugs, and too much sun. Cell service is standard, so expect to have data available to you. The campgrounds are alcohol and dog friendly, but I must repeat: the beach is alcohol prohibited. Be sneaky, fellow drinkers, and you will find an easy way around this. It’s not like the DNR are digging in coolers, but if you’re loud about it, they’re gonna kick you off the beach.
  
  
• Who is it best for? – This place is best suited for day trips or single night stays. There’s no mountain biking trails, no horse trails, no mounts for hammocks, and not much for interesting foot trails. It’s all about the beach, which is nice, clean, and warm which probably has nothing to do with the nuclear plant using it for cooling. Maybe you don’t wanna watch a family of 12 Dutch children drown at Grand Haven after being sucked out by the rip current? This is the beach for you, then. If you’re interested in a camping experience, or something you can’t find anywhere else, this isn’t the place to find it.

Dr. Lunchables fucked around with this message at 23:37 on Jun 3, 2022

Dr. Lunchables fucked around with this message at 17:14 on Jun 6, 2022

• Sites – First off, if you’re an RV camper, this is absolutely the spot for you. All the premium sites are pull through, have electric water and sewer hookups, a thing I’d never even seen before. Folks apparently camped here for weeks at a time, because they had satellite TV stands and yard decorations. This was a camping retiree’s dream park. The outer sites, where we stayed, were large and accommodating, with many on the north side tucked back into the pines, offering a little cubby away from the rest of the park. The whole park seems to have had a relatively recent remodel, because even the asphalt pads, and especially the pull through sites were pristine. For tent campers, worry not, there is room to pitch your tent, and trees to hang your hammock, provided you’re on the outer ring of sites. The inner sites also have tree buffers, but I can’t guarantee that for every site, especially the inner most spots. The Premium sites are like little lawns, with ornamental local shrubbery far enough away to not intrude on the spaces. There were no low-spots in the park (and so no standing water, even with the prodigious rain), but some of the end sites (99, 100, etc.) were near brambles of blackberry bushes, so keep that in for kids and pets.
  
  
• Facilities – This isn’t a very big park, holding only 100 sites, but you’d expect more than one bathroom, right? Not necessary, since 1/3 of the campers get to poo poo directly into their own toilet, shower in their own bathroom, and watch TV in their own recliners. The toilets were pristine and basically unused. This is probably because we were the only tent campers in the entire park, and it rained so much that people would rather dump the sewage tanks than get soaked in the rain. Either way, they were clean, modern, and well appointed. The showers were also fully updated and the hot water was quick to flow. The drinking water was unfortunately a little sulphury to the nose, but tasted fine, without any metallic heaviness.
  
  
• Amenities – There a playground next to an all-sand volleyball court, and everything was well maintained. An “amphitheater” is on the southwest side, but it’s not much more than a painted wooden projector screen and a bar height wall, presumably for puppet shows. There’s not a ton of stuff for kids here, but we visited close enough to Halloween that there were groups of children Trick or Treating to each Premium site, holding umbrellas and bags and plastic pumpkins. Since it’s basically a little closed community, kids were free to run the streets, masked and happy, and the elderly RV campers were delighted to spoil them with treats. Folks put up Halloween decorations and held big multi-site bonfires. We had to assume that a lot of these people probably came near the same time every year, with old “camping friends” being their neighbors and their temporary community.
  
  The trails and the history are really the star of the show here, with well groomed, wide paths and historical signposts telling you how to identify this, or look out for that, and note the ecology of the fallen White Pine. There’s miles and miles of hiking and mountain bike trails, with elevation changes and scenery galore. There are dedicated foot trails, like the Au Sable River Trail and the Mertz Grade Trail, that are cozier and denser, giving you a meandering glance at Hartwick Lake and the East Branch of the Au Sable River. There’s a logging museum that you can hike or drive to, which we unfortunately didn’t see. Fishing piers dot the small lakes that are accessible both by foot and car, with kayak rentals to boot. Scenic drives and local roads allow access into the 49 acres of public forest, and hunting is permitted outside of the old growth. Snowmobile trails cut through the land, and all the foot trails are equally usable by cross country skis and snowshoes. There’s even a rustic cabin out by the lakes that’s super accessible, just off I-75. What I’m saying is this place is massive, and packed to the gills with stuff to do outside. And if you’re a stay-in-the-trailer type of camper, I’ve never seen a place more suited to your needs.
  
  
• The Area – The closest town is Grayling, a small town that basically exists to service the National Guard base Camp Grayling. Expect to see Humvee convoys on the road into and out of the area. The base is actually the largest National Guard training facility in the US, and is used to do company-sized exercises across the varied terrain. The town itself is small, and spread across the base’s border, but it does have a couple restaurants, a couple breweries (natch), and a few grocery stores, should you need anything nearby. There’s a few outfitters with canoes and a bike shop nearby if you need something repaired. Anything you’d want outside of civilization can be found within the park, though. It’s right off I-75, so its one of the easiest places to get to.
  
  
  ^{There's not another park right next to it, somebody just misplaced the Otsego marker}
  
  
• Warnings – There is no cell service in the area, at all. Do not plan on having access to data, or even being able to send a text message. Grayling’s not very big, but it has all the necessities. Still, don’t expect like… I dunno, some brand-name city-centric store. It’s small-town and base-adjacent, so keep your context.
  
  
• Who is it best for? – It’s pet friendly, alcohol friendly, tent camper friendly, hiker and biker friendly. It’s an RV camper’s paradise. None of the trails are marked for equestrian use, or for ATVs or dirt bikes, so keep that in mind, but that’s really the only thing it’s missing. The area isn’t swampy, so mosquitos shouldn’t be too much of a problem, and since its very much a tall pines and sand area, there’s not too much for long grasses and ticks either. Since white pines shed their oldest needles in autumn, expect to see them coating the forest floor. Don’t worry though, the State Tree of Michigan will still have plenty of green no matter what season you visit. If you’re not winter camping, though, I’d recommend late summer, as you’ll have fuller canopy to protect you from the sunlight throughout the trails. Even so, since there’s nothing restrictive about the activities in the area, any time of year is a great time to visit.
  

Dr. Lunchables fucked around with this message at 22:47 on Sep 20, 2022

• Sites – The camp is split into two kidney-shaped loops, each loop housing its own bathroom facilities. There are chemical toilets for convenience at the maximal ends, with a trail running to the facilities, which I will discuss in detail below. The sites were large; poo poo they were huge! We had enough room in our single site (#146) to post four tents and two canopies without even touching our neighbor's plot. There's power and asphalt pads, but campers and trailers would be better off backing into the sites themselves. You can easily fit the largest motorhome or fifth-wheel in every site we saw, so no need to worry about getting your mobile palace into a comfortable spot. There's plenty of room for tent campers, with a mix of rocky sand or rich brown dirt bedding each site, and even more trees for hammock sleepers. Despite coming in during a cold, wet spring, we didn't see any sites themselves that were soggy, though many in the right-hand loop (sites 01-110) butted up against marshy areas.
  
  There were also signs posted that the campground was a Mosquito Habitat, something that we luckily did not have to deal with as we visited early in the season. Our walk through the campground seemed to suggest the right kidney probably had it the worst in the summer, given their proximity to standing water. I'll bring this up again in Warnings, but it's something they put signs up about, so I'm sure it's bad.
  
  ^{These were posted at the entrance to each kidney}
  
  
• Facilities – These were basically non-descript, with no notably good nor notably bad aspects to them. I think I used the main bathroom once over the weekend, but it wasn't run down. The sinks both turned on and shut off, the toilets flushed, and I heard no constant water rush of a broken shower, the tell-tale sign of a poorly maintained bathroom. Given that we were in a sparsely populated sector of the park, the chemical toilet was basically our private bathroom. Despite being a standard outhouse, it was very clean, free from spiders, easily accessible, and had both toilet paper and hand sanitizer. We had a large path that ran straight back from our site to our private shitter, so the trek was easily doable while drunk, in the dark, or both.
  Water was available at five spouts near the bathrooms/toilets, i.e. the maximal edges of the kidney. Nothing seemed like it was located too far away, but the locations seem to favor being at the top or bottoms of the kidneys or right next to the bathrooms. The water tasted fine, and was clear without any stink or metallic hardness. Above average facilities, all told.
  
  
• Amenities - There are swingsets and playgrounds, but the main attraction is the trails and lakes. Dozens of miles of trails surround four different lakes, a few ponds, and the Kalamazoo River, taking you through scenery and elevation changes, prairielands and forests. Cabin rentals along the Kalamazoo River and the backside of the southern lakes provide some nice hike-in opportunities. There are boat rentals for the many lakes and ponds, and the lakes themselves look very fishable. You can tour the forbidden Antenna Field, and see the scenic No Entry Zone. The campground and the areas surrounding the Antenna Field are restricted for hunting, but everywhere else in the park is available. There is a 14 mile equestrian trail shadowing the river, but really this place is set up for Mountain Biking^TM. Friends, if you're a mountain biker, this place is one of the dopest spots. It's got tons of technical tracks, huge cut bank corners, big elevation drops, tight squeezes and river crossings, and so much more. As mentioned above, the trails have alternating directionality, so you're encouraged to hit the same trail more than once, effectively doubling the area. We saw so many hardcore whitebeards out there just crushing drop ins and sandy technical lines, it was amazing. The trail system is maintained by a dedicated biking group (whose name I can't be bothered to remember), so expect real bike trails set up for real trail bikers. You get spectacular views on ridgelines, across wetlands, across lakes, and what I would consider one of the more rugged bike parks I've seen. Keep in mind, I am not a mountain biker, but if I were, this place would be a must visit on my list.
  
  It is, unfortunately, less inclined toward hiking. You get the same views, the same ridges, the same splendor, but only though miles of cutbacks that you can safely ignore, and big carved corners that look cool but offer nothing to the foot traveler. We cut about two miles off the Green Trail by just walking straight up hillsides that offer switchbacks for the bikers, and cutting loops that gave nothing but shaded easy-riding after a large incline. It's a cool trail system, but it's a biker's trail system in everything but name.
  
  Still, the park is gorgeous. We saw a big ol Pileated Woodpecker and massive Mute Swans that looked so big we thought they were boats or floats until we broke out the 'nocs. We also saw a Baltimore Oriole, which is apparently native, but something none of us had ever seen in the flesh. Hawks circled above, being harassed by grackles, and all was right with the world. (Except Mute Swans, which are invasive.)
  
  
  ^{Mrs. Lunchables leads the pack through the fresh spring growth}
  
  
• The Area – Located immediately outside of Battle Creek, the park is super easy to get to, and you can access it from I-94 quite readily. The road in was like 2 miles with a posted speed limit of 25 mph, but nobody was on it so we quietly sped until we hit the check-in station. Battle Creek is a real-rear end city, so expect to find everything within a few minutes drive, including major stores and Jalisco Specials. It is, however, immediately adjacent to (and in some cases surrounding) an Air National Guard base. I can't say how often they shoot from dawn til past dusk, but it is something to keep in mind should you be expecting a quiet weekend in the woods. Take a drive through Battle Creek and smell the cereal some time, it's a nice city, I promise. Then look up the absolutely insane history of John Harvey Kellogg, the man obsessed with poop.
  
  
  ^{Above K is Kalamazoo, above BC is Battle Creek}
  
  
• Warnings – Well, this place is No Alcohol for pretty much the entire camping season, which means you'll need to get creative with your beers, should you plan on bringing any. Mrs. Lunchables found can sleeves for us, making it look like we were just addicted to Mt. Pew and Dr. Peeper, rather than being degenerate alcoholics. The DNR does patrol, looking for rules violations, and they definitely gave us a hairy eyeball every time they passed. Luckily we only had Cocq-Cola in hand.
  
  ^{Well known brands like Dr. Peeper, Mtn. Pew, Cooa-Cola Zero, Cocq-Cola, and “Pepsi”
  I never knew what was wrong with “Pepsi”}
  
  Mosquitoes must also be discussed. This place seems like it would be a cloud of the bastards any time after early May all the way through late September. There's just too many wetlands and marshes to stop them, so consider early spring or late fall for a trip here. I'd try to avoid this park in the height of summer, though. The prairielands are also premier tick habitats, so be sure to wear long pants if your hikes bring you north of Eagle Lake or to the southwest of the park. Bring plenty of bug spray, wear long pants, and be vigilant on your tick checks. (I found a tiny one on me, but that's all we got for a 6.5 mile hike with four people. We might have just been lucky.)
  
  The National Guard base, again, is Next Door, so be aware of the possible noise this could pose. I doubt the shoot-a-thon we experienced was normal, but I'd bring ear plugs just in case.
  
  Finally, the trails that we saw were not kid-friendly. No child is gonna have a good time hiking through this, and doubly so if they're taking one of the mixed-use bike paths. Early teens and older should have a good time though, as there's a ton of woods to go gently caress around in. If they're a biker, they're gonna have a blast.
  
  
• Who is it best for? – Mountain Bikers. This park was what made me include the "best for" section on my list, because it is entirely set up for getting rad on your bike. I'm sure the equestrian trails are nice, and there's an equestrian campground, but we didn't have a chance to explore that. The fishing was probably excellent, and the lakes looked like a great spot to kayak and canoe. There's enough variation in water features that you could probably take a long weekend just exploring coves and islands. Still though, this is a Mountain Biking Park. You won't have a bad time hiking or fishing or 'yakking, but you won't have nearly as much fun as the bikers.