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baka of lathspell

Heather Papps posted:

anyways it is good to ramble about brain stuff thanks bff for the thread (did you know your SA initials also stand for best friend forever/was this intentional)

it wasnt but it was pointed out to me that it does which is fine by me tho sometimes i have trouble living up to it

im getting on seeing eeaa1ce

ive stopped hearing things i guess i was wrong about it lasting forever. had a vivid dream when i took a nap.

im sort of flat & depressed instead of psychotically sad and regretting a lot i dont think hospitalizing myself was a good move at all.

baka of lathspell fucked around with this message at 01:50 on Jun 24, 2022

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Dukes Mayo Clinic

biosterous posted:

in addition to my meds, regularly reminding myself "slow progress is still progress" has been good and helpful for my brain

tiny goals are still goals and I have no shame in crossing ďbring the green mug upstairsĒ off my todo list for that little hit of accomplishment.

bff thanks for posting this thread and be assured weíre thinking good thoughts of you.

baka of lathspell

baka fwocka fwame posted:

im getting on seeing eeaa1ce

this movie is good af minor criticism: you can do anything from a gorilla press airplane spin not just a backbreaker i would be thinking TKO. what is this guy, psychic in addition to having interdimensional technical prowess???

Heather Papps

hello friend


baka fwocka fwame posted:

im sort of flat & depressed instead of psychotically sad and regretting a lot i dont think hospitalizing myself was a good move at all.

it may have not been a good move but i doubt it was a bad one



thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

Heather Papps

hello friend


a big part of my mental health recover process or whatever you want to call it, has been forcing perspective. my brains may suck but i never got lobotomized, etc. sometimes lateral progress is to be praised, just cause it isn't actively negative.



thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

teen witch
yeah, like I have mental illness on both sides of my family. I count my lucky stars my mom raised me with the notion that mental health is loving important and you deserve to go to a doctor. Sure, going to therapy in elementary school is tough but I am totally comfortable in getting help when I need it, way more than most.

thanks mom witch :unsmith:

baka of lathspell

Heather Papps posted:

a big part of my mental health recover process or whatever you want to call it, has been forcing perspective. my brains may suck but i never got lobotomized, etc. sometimes lateral progress is to be praised, just cause it isn't actively negative.

yea i thank my stars im not getting my head sawn thru etc (sincerely) but some poo poo is still terrible

i was probably gonna get therapy for some of my other poo poo

baka of lathspell

small update then ill let stuff slide for a bit

im basically in recovery from everything rn, dislike being this doped up

keeping what creativity i can

its harder to talk to people now i think

#NotLobotomizedCrew

Manifisto


glad you're hanging in there bff, I know how frustrating it can be, it'll get better!


ty nesamdoom!

teen witch

baka fwocka fwame posted:

small update then ill let stuff slide for a bit

im basically in recovery from everything rn, dislike being this doped up

keeping what creativity i can

its harder to talk to people now i think

#NotLobotomizedCrew

similar, solidarity

💜

Pony Jabroni

one time my friend and i sewed together our own skirts and conspiracy t shirts and went to an olive garden at 9:30 AM and ordered six liters of wine and free bread sticks and it was the best day ever
one thing we give out a lot at work that some may find helpful is grounding techniques. just a variety of little things you can do to ground yourself. we send these big lists so people can try a bunch to see what works the best and also for ones for different situations. i know ive walked people through the 5-4-3-2-1 technique a few times and it works fairly well.

https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/grounding-techniques
https://www.starsdorset.org/grounding-techniques

you can also just google grounding techniques too

another one my mom taught me as a kid is progressive relaxation. you can do it any time but it's great if you have a lot of anxiety around bed time like i do

hope everyone in the states is hanging tuff with all the fireworks. i was really happy that i didnt have a panic attack yesterday from all the fireworks. much better than last year!

baka of lathspell

apologies for not replying but thank you friends

ive been trying breathing exercises & grounding techs are on my list

le posting anxiety

Manifisto


baka fwocka fwame posted:

le posting anxiety

you're just posting, this is exactly right


ty nesamdoom!

Tebulot

im hip now bois

My brother goes through periods of having conversations, jokes and arguments with imaginary entities on good days, and full on terrifying schizophrenic episodes with total disassociation from reality, its fuckin scary and complete bullshit that there's isn't much that can be done other than just keep trying different drugs to see what sticks

Its also a piece of poo poo situation because I want to move back home to help out, but doing so would cripple any career and my ability to actually impart any change on the situation is 0%

I seesaw back and forth between thinking the best thing I can do is become as successful as possible to be able to send money back home, because money doesn't solve all problems but it resolves a large chunk of them, or kicking myself in the ribs for being a lovely brother and son and not taking my girlfriend with me to the middle of nowhere rural Australia to go help out where I can

There isn't really a good answer and that kind of fucks with my head sometimes, but other than that and the MS time bomb I'm sitting on, my mental health is pretty good, and I hope that you're all doing as well as you can given all of your circumstances also thanks for listening to my soapbox ted talk

FaceStabber

can u taste the waste?
Helllo i experience braincrash on a regular basis but have done for so long that the void and I have come to an agreement. It won't stop be doing everything all of the time by beaming it's contents all over my brain and I will allow it to indulge in hearing the sad people with guitars every now and then, as well as the occasional mental shutdown where we both hide under a blanket for x days.

ANYWAY I recently got a job to be a support worker for a mental health charity because I want to harness the power of my braincrash to do good and maybe help other people with theirs, then at some point become licensed at therapising.

I start in about two weeks, wish me luck!

Tebulot

im hip now bois

FaceStabber posted:

Helllo i experience braincrash on a regular basis but have done for so long that the void and I have come to an agreement. It won't stop be doing everything all of the time by beaming it's contents all over my brain and I will allow it to indulge in hearing the sad people with guitars every now and then, as well as the occasional mental shutdown where we both hide under a blanket for x days.

ANYWAY I recently got a job to be a support worker for a mental health charity because I want to harness the power of my braincrash to do good and maybe help other people with theirs, then at some point become licensed at therapising.

I start in about two weeks, wish me luck!

Good luck, don't introduce yourself as facestabber though lmao

baka of lathspell

FaceStabber posted:


ANYWAY I recently got a job to be a support worker for a mental health charity because I want to harness the power of my braincrash to do good and maybe help other people with theirs, then at some point become licensed at therapising.

I start in about two weeks, wish me luck!

good luck with this fellow goon

Tebulot posted:

There isn't really a good answer and that kind of fucks with my head sometimes, but other than that and the MS time bomb I'm sitting on, my mental health is pretty good, and I hope that you're all doing as well as you can given all of your circumstances also thanks for listening to my soapbox ted talk

poo poo you have MS? thoughts & prayers

i dislike my Support Network for their approach in a lot of cases, but cant imagine what it would be like to deal with my poo poo all the time tbf

nazca

Lord and Savior of KarmaFleet
I've been diagnosed Major Depression Recurring, Mood Disorder with depressive feature, and PTSD.

I'm on Zoloft and Seraquil. They are small doses currently. Seraquil was prescribed for sleep and it was explained to me that higher doses are for mood stabilization.

Whatever, that poo poo works for sleep. I've actually woken up rested and its amazing.

Zoloft doesn't seem to do much for me? People say it makes them dry out and not feel anything. I haven't noticed much of a difference.

I've had prozac before. Happy drug for sure, but it seemed to encourage impulsive behavior, which I didn't like at all.

Shits rough yo.


Signature lovingly crafted by Jinh.

teen witch
teen witchís dumb dumb head updates:

- currently on a waitlist for therapy. sucks thereís a waitlist but happy to be on it.

- I donít feel like Iím ďoutĒ of this episode but Iím not in the deep woods anymore.

- Iím trying new things and returning to those that have suit me in the past safely. itís been nice to paint again.

- still terrified to socialize and open up. I am even more afraid to trust. my brains logic is ďyou clearly donít deserve toĒ and it would be nice to not have it on repeat.

- but to force myself to end this on a positive note, my ED has been behaving better. not well, not perfectÖbut it isnít so keen on tearing me to pieces daily. weíre down to weekly self-evisceration.

nazca posted:

I've been diagnosed Major Depression Recurring, Mood Disorder with depressive feature, and PTSD.

I'm on Zoloft and Seraquil. They are small doses currently. Seraquil was prescribed for sleep and it was explained to me that higher doses are for mood stabilization.

Whatever, that poo poo works for sleep. I've actually woken up rested and its amazing.

Zoloft doesn't seem to do much for me? People say it makes them dry out and not feel anything. I haven't noticed much of a difference.

I've had prozac before. Happy drug for sure, but it seemed to encourage impulsive behavior, which I didn't like at all.

Shits rough yo.

what up Zoloft pal! it sort of rounds off sharp edges if that makes sense, but it has the side effect of doing it to things I sorta need that edge for (like I donít ever get too TOO happy, and lol, sex feelings, lmao). it works for me but it isnít as great as I know others have been for me.

I was on it as a teen and went to Prozac and others, but am now back on it because this country just does not want to let me have Wellbutrin. cool and good but Iíll play the game and jump through the hoops.

baka of lathspell

ill update too

teen witch posted:

it works for me but it isnít as great as I know others have been for me.

i guess i can effectively say im in this boat wrt to like major psychic upheavals being suppressed but at a cost to my feeling and sort of dreamy creative aspirations. i consented to a lot of powerlessness/choice loss rendering poo poo again tho because i believed i was evil and needed to be punished

going back to grind of my nothing life which still has stuff i need to figure

recovery from various things is going good tho. some paranoia lingers

havent gotten therapy yet it feels like too much effort to even shoot an email which is all i have to do

nazca

Lord and Savior of KarmaFleet

teen witch posted:

teen witchís dumb dumb head updates:

- currently on a waitlist for therapy. sucks thereís a waitlist but happy to be on it.

- I donít feel like Iím ďoutĒ of this episode but Iím not in the deep woods anymore.

- Iím trying new things and returning to those that have suit me in the past safely. itís been nice to paint again.

- still terrified to socialize and open up. I am even more afraid to trust. my brains logic is ďyou clearly donít deserve toĒ and it would be nice to not have it on repeat.

- but to force myself to end this on a positive note, my ED has been behaving better. not well, not perfectÖbut it isnít so keen on tearing me to pieces daily. weíre down to weekly self-evisceration.

what up Zoloft pal! it sort of rounds off sharp edges if that makes sense, but it has the side effect of doing it to things I sorta need that edge for (like I donít ever get too TOO happy, and lol, sex feelings, lmao). it works for me but it isnít as great as I know others have been for me.

I was on it as a teen and went to Prozac and others, but am now back on it because this country just does not want to let me have Wellbutrin. cool and good but Iíll play the game and jump through the hoops.

Whatup!! Keep working on getting that therapy. Thing I've learned recently is that anxiety needs to be faced. The only way to socialize and open up is to face it and do it. It IS terrifying. I want to validate that for you. But the only way to train your brain to do it is to get out there and do it. The human body is beautiful in the end. If you practice something enough you will get good at it. Its hard and we will fail. But there is always more time for another try.


baka fwocka fwame posted:

ill update too

i guess i can effectively say im in this boat wrt to like major psychic upheavals being suppressed but at a cost to my feeling and sort of dreamy creative aspirations. i consented to a lot of powerlessness/choice loss rendering poo poo again tho because i believed i was evil and needed to be punished

going back to grind of my nothing life which still has stuff i need to figure

recovery from various things is going good tho. some paranoia lingers

havent gotten therapy yet it feels like too much effort to even shoot an email which is all i have to do

Hey pal. I'm no expert but Ive hung out with people who are experiencing mania or even psychosis. Is that something you've ever had trouble with? https://va.gov has a big red button at the top. It's a crisis line and I've used it. You don't actually need to be a veteran to get mental health services from the VA and that crisis line is available to everybody. They have VAST resources for people who need things like therapy or mental help. Medication you name it!

Lack of motivation can be hard. They will help you get services if you want.


Signature lovingly crafted by Jinh.

baka of lathspell

nazca posted:

https://va.gov has a big red button at the top. It's a crisis line and I've used it. You don't actually need to be a veteran to get mental health services from the VA and that crisis line is available to everybody. They have VAST resources for people who need things like therapy or mental help. Medication you name it!

Lack of motivation can be hard. They will help you get services if you want.

where i live honestly we just have a bad ratio of support to patient advocacy it feels kind of like pkd hellworld to me sometimes

but i guess ive avoided serious life compromising addictions

baka of lathspell

also i have to sit mad pride out this year i was really lookin forward maybe i can catch the end of it

nazca

Lord and Savior of KarmaFleet
Corona Virus has made us all figure out how to do remote stuff. Most of my stuff is remote. Just keep fishing. And the VA can help get you the services you need. Just gotta go get it.


Signature lovingly crafted by Jinh.

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Heather Papps posted:

i'm bipolar, been diagnosed and on meds since i had my initial psychotic break, live here on byob!

this winter has been a poo poo, i had a rough depression time that is slowly lifting and i'm trying to get back into the swing of things more or less successfully.

some thoughts: if your brain won't shut up use your body. therapy is good and helpful but is a tool to be used not a lifestyle to opt into. medicine is good, even stuff that drs don't prescribe but be careful with those. i'm on olanzapine to prevent or mitigate the manic episodes and as long as i take it it works. marijuana has been very helpful in managing my brain but i do not see a point in my future where i'm off scripts permanently. no big deal. i wear glasses every day, same sorta thing.

coming back to byob and making sometimes funny posts with smart funny people has been good therapeutic activity. it goes without saying but clearly everyone posting here uses comedy as a tool to manage themselves and i think it's one of the most productive ways to process negative feelings.

i love you have a good day be nice to yourself.

Sorry to hear the bad and nice to hear the good.

I'm bipolar type II which sounds fun and all (and was for a while) but it isn't right now. Unfortunately there aren't many good solutions for bipolar depression in type II. Well there are but they're not available. Clinical trials and such. I think in a decade we'll look back on how this disease was treated and think we were in the Stone Age.

nazca

Lord and Savior of KarmaFleet

Bright Bart posted:

Sorry to hear the bad and nice to hear the good.

I'm bipolar type II which sounds fun and all (and was for a while) but it isn't right now. Unfortunately there aren't many good solutions for bipolar depression in type II. Well there are but they're not available. Clinical trials and such. I think in a decade we'll look back on how this disease was treated and think we were in the Stone Age.

At least they donít cut out our brains any more. Can you imagine a doctor prescribing that while you were hospitalized?

I would scream. Iím sure they did.

ďWe think you have bipolar disorder so weíre going to remove your frontal lobe. Youíve been involuntarily held so you donít have a choice in the matter. ď.


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Heather Papps

hello friend


i vacillate between thinking "man it would have been nice to live in the past and just have been some sort of mystic monk sequestered in a cave, going through highly productive periods and depressive states unmedicated" and realizing "no, the present is honestly the best time ever for this sort of thing buddy, you're quite lucky"



thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

baka of lathspell

i wanna be in one of those renaissance boats where they just packed up crazy people and packed them off or i at least want to play the video game if they make one

teen witch

nazca posted:

At least they donít cut out our brains any more. Can you imagine a doctor prescribing that while you were hospitalized?

I would scream. Iím sure they did.

ďWe think you have bipolar disorder so weíre going to remove your frontal lobe. Youíve been involuntarily held so you donít have a choice in the matter. ď.

I have a great aunt who received 40s-50s era mental health treatment that went horribly wrong. Not Rosemary Kennedy grade but not by much. She chased my sister around while screaming after my grandmotherís funeral, who was her sister.

From what Iíve heard, she was just kind of *different* as a kid and teen. She may actually still be alive, but I donít know how to exactly bring it up.

Sarah Cenia

Laying in the forest, by the water
Underneath these ferns
You'll never find me
i kept writing and deleting cringey posts like a bajillion times and all i can contribute now is that i smoked the last of the weed and it reversed my venomous mood

a quote from my dad suddenly appeared in my mind:
"you don't have to apologize; sometimes poo poo just sucks."

that resonated, faded and was replaced by
"water is the enemy of lube."
equally truthful i suppose

bong resin is what's gluing my brain together at this point, but i need to take a tolerance break cause it's unsustainably expensive. that sucks.

i started a year and a half ago on 20mg prozac and now 40mg, it's not enough. took me 15 years to work up the nerve to even mention mental health stuff to my doc. that's so dumb. go do it, it's pretty simple actually. i just need to find a psychiatrist and not just a GP now. I'll never have enough money for a therapist but brain drugs are 1000% better than nothing. i feel half crazy most of the time and it's unbearable after a certain point

sometimes i really like my job but mostly I don't think I'm cut out to bury people for a living. but I can't tell if that's just my mental state today or if that's how it is. it changes all the time. eventually i despise every job so i should probably just stick with this for a while.

i dont have anything else to add right now but i hope all you people are doin k today

teen witch
Kinda NSFW but not really? Idk w/e:

Iíd love to feel sexy and desirable and SSRIs are really not keen on allowing that!!!! Canít wait to be finished with them so I can gently, unobtrusively ask for something that doesnít make me feel like an emotionally regulated dumpy lady.

Iíll be immediately turned down like I was when I was prescribed Zoloft ďthere ARE always side effects with theseĒ yeah I loving know, Iíve been taking these since I was thirteen. wouldnít it be cool if one of them wasnít amping up my self hate vis a vis a dulled libido and wanting to sleep all the loving time??

Perhaps, and this is a hunch, staying awake and wanting to feel myself might actually help my depression?

My spirit is willing, begging, pleading but this flesh is so weak, numb, cannot thrive. But Iím petrified Iíll be labeled as something I cannot get off of my medical records if I go back and ask for a change in meds. Iím jumping through their hoops and I feel as if Iíve gotten little progress.

Iím going to keep taking my meds and do everything I can to be compliant - I have a lot to lose if I donít, namely, the stability and progress I worked for. but I feel like at this juncture, Iím gaining mere day in day out functionality and not living, per se.

i want my late nights, my risquť repartees, a bit more vibrancy - thatís who I kinda am when I do like myself, and those moments are so fleeting, so theyíre rather dear to me when I do get them. I love being that person.

not the one who wants to burst into tears when someone says something nice about them because they cannot trust them, who loathes anyone to notice me, who despises everything about herself. I donít want to have to keep punishing myself for existing but I donít want to slip into depression even further, if there even is a further than where I am.

teen witch fucked around with this message at 16:45 on Jul 13, 2022

baka of lathspell

Sarah Cenia posted:

i kept writing and deleting cringey posts like a bajillion times and all i can contribute now is that i smoked the last of the weed and it reversed my venomous mood

a quote from my dad suddenly appeared in my mind:
"you don't have to apologize; sometimes poo poo just sucks."

that resonated, faded and was replaced by
"water is the enemy of lube."
equally truthful i suppose

bong resin is what's gluing my brain together at this point, but i need to take a tolerance break cause it's unsustainably expensive. that sucks.

i started a year and a half ago on 20mg prozac and now 40mg, it's not enough. took me 15 years to work up the nerve to even mention mental health stuff to my doc. that's so dumb. go do it, it's pretty simple actually. i just need to find a psychiatrist and not just a GP now. I'll never have enough money for a therapist but brain drugs are 1000% better than nothing. i feel half crazy most of the time and it's unbearable after a certain point

sometimes i really like my job but mostly I don't think I'm cut out to bury people for a living. but I can't tell if that's just my mental state today or if that's how it is. it changes all the time. eventually i despise every job so i should probably just stick with this for a while.

i dont have anything else to add right now but i hope all you people are doin k today

if feeling crazy all the time is unbearing you maybe ask for a stabilizer like lithio and not prozac. i can play a doctor on tv but im not a doctor

teen witch posted:

med strugglez

i empathize i think even if not that specific difficulty. ive just wormed into this lil hole in myself thats full of worm thoughts that go how are you gonna worm yourself out into the world today fellow worm

Heather Papps

hello friend



in my experiences with the black dog lucidity about the desire for change means you are on the right path, in a way? when i've been at my lowest i rarely even realized it because i was reduced to basic animal instincts of survival. it's only when things start to get better that i can recognize i want to improve my situation even more.

the desire to stay on the straight and narrow, meds and behaviour wise, is something i understand very well. not actively loving things up can be such a relief that keeping your wheels in the rut is a viable option.

personally the greatest risk to my mental health is romantic failures, so for the past few years i've been actively single and avoiding thoughts of fancy because i needed time to get back on my feet. i'm starting to think about putting myself out there because humans have an intense need to pair bond and i kind of want kids, but it's a pretty scary idea because of the potential consequences to my mental health.

anyways hey don't you all love it when friends and family point to extremely successful people with your specific mental illness and are like "look they succeeded why aren't you writing a novel?"



thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

baka of lathspell

edited.

idk i think with mh both the fractures and the healings kind of all blunt together into a really... blunt experience for all involved, and its cool to not yardstick people while everyones in a giant quantum butterfly causal chain of supportively frameworked contexts that are all essentially held together by sitcky tape,

ime

baka of lathspell fucked around with this message at 00:02 on Jul 14, 2022

FaceStabber

can u taste the waste?

Tebulot posted:

Good luck, don't introduce yourself as facestabber though lmao

Ah yeah that wouldn't work now that you mention it, what about Dr Faye C. Tab? Too on the nose?

In all seriousness though thank you, feeling pretty well prepared for it. I've been helping family and friends through far too many crises over the years while surfing the crest of my borderline personality void- very recently I found one of my siblings attempting to initiate the big sleep which was very traumatisiing and I ended up going on a two week long self-destructo binge to deal, fortunately I've done enough self-destructo over the years I know when to stop and get my poo poo together again.

Hoping that because I'll be helping people I'm not related to or have a long-standing friendship with will help me stay impartial and not react to whatever I may encounter feeling like I need to pursue a self-destructive catharsis. The urge will probably still be there as a low-key impulse but I'll be working with other people helping in the same way, rather than me being the only person who understands enough to help and carry it on my shoulders. This isn't some kind of delusion of grandeur/martyr complex, I genuinely am the only person in my immediate family who knows how to respond/help in a crisis and all I get asked is "How is x doing?" but never "and how are you holding up by the way?"

Spoiler: Not as good as I let people see "for nothing is the matter, as I never cry in town" - but I have built some healthy solo coping habits and have kinda made peace with being alone, which is definitely a much better idea than impulsively chasing after people out of a desperate need for a connection with someone in typical BPD fashion (throw phone into an lake) and have been steering as clear as I can from alcohol/misc other intoxicants.

I do wonder how long I can keep this up for sometimes, then I remember that thinking about that implies an inevitable crash at some point and isn't a heallthy thought to indulge. That said I know to not try and keep going full steam ahead in order to prevent that, so me and the Void have come to an arrangement; it won't constantly cripple my social skills and motivation so I can keep doing things which I enjoy and which the Void will probably enjoy to some extent. In exchange; I let it have the occasional spell where I become one with my bed and put on the sad people with the guitars for a few days when the big sad needs to be acknowledged with some downtime.


Anyway that's me hello,. tl;dr I'm confident that I'm appropriately hosed up to be able to help other people who are struggling with being hosed up somehow and I'm finally feeling the most okay I have been in years.

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

FaceStabber posted:

Anyway that's me hello,. tl;dr I'm confident that I'm appropriately hosed up to be able to help other people who are struggling with being hosed up somehow and I'm finally feeling the most okay I have been in years.

Sorry to hear buddy. Hope things become less hosed up feeling soon.

Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
So my life is fairly messed up right now. Presumably from an outside perspective it's in shambles. I've wasted a lot of opportunities some of which the average person might kill to get.

But maybe just maybe this turns around soon. It depends on the decision of a governing body and the logistics of Scotland being in the Union when I practiced there even though it isn't now.

Wish me luck orbs because I'm either back to being a real professional in just over a month or living with my mom again and probably working for minimum wage (and again for most this would be normal reality of our economy). I find out soon and am honestly not sure how I won't fold under the pressure if the answer is No. I've fallen apart in other circumstances so how would this be different?

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 01:16 on Jul 18, 2022

Allie

Heather Papps posted:

i'm bipolar, been diagnosed and on meds since i had my initial psychotic break, live here on byob!

hello fellow psychotic bipolar sufferer. it sure is fun leaving the forums for years stretches during times of both depression and stability, and returning like a bright, shitposting comet during hypomanic and manic episodes. sometimes i wonder what my baseline mood state actually is. i don't think i know anymore. i just go from episode to episode of varying intensities these days. even with meds and treatment. the manic depressive mind is mercurial and maddening

Heather Papps

hello friend


Bright Bart posted:

So my life is fairly messed up right now. Presumably from an outside perspective it's in shambles. I've wasted a lot of opportunities some of which the average person might kill to get.

But maybe just maybe this turns around soon. It depends on the decision of a governing body and the logistics of Scotland being in the Union when I practice there even though it isn't now.

Wish me luck orbs because I'm either back to being a real professional in just over a month or living with my mom again and probably working for minimum wage (and again for most this would be normal reality of our economy). I find out soon and am honestly not sure how I won't fold under the pressure if the answer is No. I've fallen apart in other circumstances so how would this be different?

fingers crossed, and the past is only an indicator of future behaviour, i wouldn't be so hard on yourself. sure you may have folded dealt other hands but that doesn't mean you will this time.


Allie posted:

hello fellow psychotic bipolar sufferer. it sure is fun leaving the forums for years stretches during times of both depression and stability, and returning like a bright, shitposting comet during hypomanic and manic episodes. sometimes i wonder what my baseline mood state actually is. i don't think i know anymore. i just go from episode to episode of varying intensities these days. even with meds and treatment. the manic depressive mind is mercurial and maddening

i've come to realize that attempting to figure out a baseline for my mood is like trying to determine the baseline for temperature outside. you can average out every days but that number is not going to be an accurate gauge. my brain has seasons, and finding ways to mitigate the damage done during fallow periods and emphasize the benefits in the more productive times has been the goal of my past, i don't know, decade of life.



thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

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Bright Bart

False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Heather Papps posted:

i vacillate between thinking "man it would have been nice to live in the past and just have been some sort of mystic monk sequestered in a cave, going through highly productive periods and depressive states unmedicated" and realizing "no, the present is honestly the best time ever for this sort of thing buddy, you're quite lucky"

I still feel like my disease would be a super power if medicated the way it might be in a decade's time. Not that I was ever a genius who used the ups to compose symphonies or make breakthrough discoveries. I just wrote some papers. But it's more productive than my lazy self usually is going to be. Plus being so happy drugs can't hold a candle to daily experience made me at times feel sorry for people who are just "normal". How can they go around not knowing what it feels like to be on top of the world? So ecstatic that you want to scream? Being the dude from American Beauty crying at garbage bags floating in the wind? It was a shock when my psychiatrist in the UK told me that most people can only hope to be Content.

Right now it feels like a kick in the guts because I remember, vaguely, the up times and the difference between them and the lows is so jarring.

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