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baka of lathspell


no one but you has been singled out or quoted & posts can be edited


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Viginti Septem

Oculus Noctuae

SeaGoatSupreme posted:

It's just been a rough time all together and it all fell on me today I think

Please feel free to reach out via PM to me at any time if you feel you need someone to speak to to.

https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig! :)

baka of lathspell


if people want to suddenly do heel reveals as weird lunatics this is as good a space as any to do so i suppose. open thread. i also did give you the benefit of the doubt at first


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baka of lathspell


or check my post history here & see if i generally feel like being an rear end in a top hat or if sometimes i feel like i need to make a point or 2


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baka of lathspell


people connecting to each other via dms is also as valid a use of this space as any


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Viginti Septem

Oculus Noctuae
I don't care what your view of me is. I care that you're degrading the other poster's lived experience and that you continue to say that their choice of lifestyle is wrong. I get that you don't like poly people. That's your choice. I feel it's gross that you're telling them not to post their relationship issues here that are affecting their mental health because YOU don't think it qualifies as mental health issues. That's not a safe space you're creating.

https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig! :)

baka of lathspell


Viginti Septem posted:

I don't care what your view of me is. I care that you're degrading the other poster's lived experience and that you continue to say that their choice of lifestyle is wrong. I get that you don't like poly people. That's your choice. I feel it's gross that you're telling them not to post their relationship issues here that are affecting their mental health because YOU don't think it qualifies as mental health issues. That's not a safe space you're creating.

do you feel like taking this to dms like at all or what


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Viginti Septem

Oculus Noctuae
My PMs are always open.

https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig! :)

Quadramind

SeaGoatSupreme posted:

It's not about perceived annoyance, like I know she'd rather me wake her up and just go without sleep than have me sit here sad as gently caress

It's about choosing to put her through my poo poo intentionally, specifically on work nights. It just makes me feel worse about it all. There isn't really a solution to the problem outside of "pick up a book and fall asleep" and I'm not tired enough to do that just yet

Compounding issue is that there was a very nice lady that I was really vibing with that I was talking to for a couple weeks, and this weekend she dropped my rear end because she's monogamous. Like ma'am. We're poly. That doesn't mean we rail our friends, or that we date people together. I was talking to you as a friend, why you do this???

It's just been a rough time all together and it all fell on me today I think

Ah, that stings. I have definitely been in the same situation before, where a really good friend can't wrap their head around the poly thing and tanks the relationship before it gets too complicated for them.

It's much more complicated than this, but what it feels like is that they learned something about who you are and decided, probably without even fully understanding that thing, that people like you aren't fit to be in any kind of relationship with them.

That can be pretty brutal on your self-esteem, but it helps to remember that it probably comes from a place of ignorance, insecurity or fear.

It's always hard when an obstacle to our desires has its origin in the mind of another person. We wouldn't as easily turn around and ask of a rainstorm, why the gently caress did you ruin my picnic? Don't you understand how much I love picnics?

SeaGoatSupreme
Ask me about fixed-gear bikes (aka "fixies")
The vast majority of my friendships feel very transactional. I help them fix their cars, or their computers, or take care of their menageries of pets, or help them through their own mental struggles how best I can. In return, they buy me random poo poo. I have a 2000pt Warhammer army that I haven't spent a dime for. I have a 3d printer and unlimited resin. I have like 2k worth of various tcgs sitting in a closet. Have I said "please don't buy me poo poo, I don't need poo poo I need friends"? Yes. Yes I have.

But if it's my birthday? Radio silence. If I tell one of them I'm struggling? Fuckin silence. I'm the dad that they come to with any problems, and they give me nothing but a "#1 dad" mug three times a year. It loving sucks and I need to develop friendships I can count on, which is what I've been trying to do but lmao nah

baka fwocka fwame posted:

e: we all need connections but unless theres research suggesting we all need to be boning 5 people at once for our mazlow pyramid of happiness id recommend focusing on yrself first in this case

This right here is why you got singled out. That's not what polyamory is, and it makes you a dick to pretend so.

You should consider if the situation were presented slightly differently, how you would respond. I clearly stated that I was talking to her for friendship. I clearly stated earlier that I felt isolated on my birthday. These things are linked, but not because of polyamory.

But you saw the word poly and decided to go off.

baka of lathspell


thanks for going off. you're allowed to talk about mental health here without mentioning me. i already admitted i was having a bad day. bbl


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SeaGoatSupreme
Ask me about fixed-gear bikes (aka "fixies")
We're good bud, my mental has not been wounded by this side trip. To quote a warrior poet of our times, "I ain't mad at cha"

I hope your day improves, and that you get out today <3

SeaGoatSupreme
Ask me about fixed-gear bikes (aka "fixies")

Quadramind posted:

We wouldn't as easily turn around and ask of a rainstorm, why the gently caress did you ruin my picnic? Don't you understand how much I love picnics?

i have done exactly this and it made me feel a lot better about the soggy bread

I'm picking up what you're putting down though, it's just a sucky situation. Any other time it would have been water on a ducks back, but it just got piled on the poo poo mountain with the realizations about my friendships and my birthday and such

baka of lathspell


quick update: my mh is gonna take lorazepam, melatonin, um a seroquel xr tonight. well i'm emotionally kind of tanked. well gonna try and use that to sleep.


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Viginti Septem

Oculus Noctuae
I should have spoken to you via DMs instead of in here publicly. I'm sorry, and I hope you're doing well, bff.

https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig! :)

baka of lathspell


Viginti Septem posted:

I should have spoken to you via DMs instead of in here publicly. I'm sorry, and I hope you're doing well, bff.

its all good. im sorry literally. it got to a point i didn't mean & understand what i was posting at all.


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baka of lathspell


mental health is that i feel like my support network is an active threat to my mental & physical health. luckily i have coping mechanisms & ways to calm down. ultimately they prolly will succeed in destroying what's left of me though, in terms of agency or the validity of my life experience & perspective. kinda bitter lol


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Quadramind

extremely same

Sarah Cenia

Laying in the forest, by the water
Underneath these ferns
You'll never find me
life is shiiiiiIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT LOL




thanks deep dish peat moss and big black turnout!!

Viginti Septem

Oculus Noctuae

Sarah Cenia posted:

life is shiiiiiIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT LOL

Welcome to Buddhism

https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig! :)

baka of lathspell


Viginti Septem posted:

Welcome to Buddhism

lol

anyway i've had my energy sapping medication so no energy from me to really hate anything incuding my medication. it all gets an eh pass from me. i blew up at my doctor tho (by saying i was gonna record our conversation after which he started saying 'no i do not consent to that' over and over) or well anyway probably my prescriptions of tiny niceties like lorazepams and melatonins may no longer be forthcoming.

im sorry if i've been abrasive. more and more people tell me being apologetic is a weak habit. well anyway im a lil buzzed off at the whole loaded industry & practice of mental health. however i am not downplaying the needs of people who find themselves ... needing it. but i think this system attracts both the saintish & the unwell to positions of power over ... those deemed incapable, or disabled, or diagnosed as 'ill' to a justifiable severity, by which i mean a severity that justifies gaslighting, abuse, cheap & ill treatment. well anyway for the moment its weed if i can find it & some coffee if im too depressed


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Sarah Cenia

Laying in the forest, by the water
Underneath these ferns
You'll never find me

Viginti Septem posted:

Welcome to Buddhism

this got a genuine lol, thank you




thanks deep dish peat moss and big black turnout!!

baka of lathspell


bumping. i am boned. i woke up today, forgot i might have had a hangover cuz uhhhhhhhhhh DO NOT DRINK OFTEN, told someone that i wanted to die repeatedly, and thats my mh. like i cant do a hospital again. i cant. and im pretty sure i do stuff like this cuz of medication in my bloodstream anyway.

i cant. mh is that yo. it's just that i can't. i spent the whole day trying to claw to normalcy. im still here it's awful. but i can't hospital again.

mh means i just lose. lose forever & lose friends & loss and thats what mental health means to me.


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Viginti Septem

Oculus Noctuae

baka fwocka fwame posted:

bumping. i am boned. i woke up today, forgot i might have had a hangover cuz uhhhhhhhhhh DO NOT DRINK OFTEN, told someone that i wanted to die repeatedly, and thats my mh. like i cant do a hospital again. i cant. and im pretty sure i do stuff like this cuz of medication in my bloodstream anyway.

i cant. mh is that yo. it's just that i can't. i spent the whole day trying to claw to normalcy. im still here it's awful. but i can't hospital again.

mh means i just lose. lose forever & lose friends & loss and thats what mental health means to me.

Please PM me.

https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig! :)

baka of lathspell


hi im better i guess but that's because like i'm taking old zolofts i still have around. been doing that for like 5 days. i'm gonna see if my psych who i hate for even having me on a medication cycle will just give me either prozac or i'm gonna go on lyrica cuz been having major anxiety i think. or it's all in my head ie the depression is outside the medication. i have no idea. just seems unfair everytime i get happy there's some crash back down to earth like even everytime life is interesting

anyway got a decent amount of zolofts left. i'm gonna keep taking them for now.

sorry did not mean to post that & then dip out for a while. i have been stressing AF yea


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Sarah Cenia

Laying in the forest, by the water
Underneath these ferns
You'll never find me
last week this dumbass ran a stop sign as I was approaching the intersection, hit me into a ditch, the truck is totaled, insurance is only covering part of my rental car until the end of the week after I paid ransom to get the wrecked truck out of the tow yard, I live 50 miles from work, have little money, there's no backup vehicle, and also I'm sick. :hellyeah:

showed up to work today and my coworker is super pissmad that she had to do some work while I was out and I need to leave early to go take the plates off the truck so I can surrender them and get whatever pittance they're offering me which will likely not pay for a car that's any good. I told my boss I'm not dealing with any of her bullshit and we'll all find out how fast I can leave otherwise. so, now I'm working out of another location until the end of the week, when work either I guess lets me take some kind of short term leave or maybe I'm just done with all this stupid poo poo. I already put in way, way too much effort to make this lovely job work. It's just not worth it.




thanks deep dish peat moss and big black turnout!!

baka of lathspell


that sucks SC. that sounds like my worst nightmare. im glad you survived the horrific crash at least. yea shouldnt they let you take the leave in a situation like that


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baka of lathspell


mh is i just feel so so toxic always, am sick of being on drugs, am just having the most neurotic reaction to everything & i wish it would all leave me alone. i just keep alienating everyone now and being miserable unfortunately

i dont wanna post in byob or really anywhere if i just feel so nasty so if you see nastiness in my posts trust me a me problem


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Sarah Cenia

Laying in the forest, by the water
Underneath these ferns
You'll never find me

baka fwocka fwame posted:

mh is i just feel so so toxic always, am sick of being on drugs, am just having the most neurotic reaction to everything & i wish it would all leave me alone. i just keep alienating everyone now and being miserable unfortunately

i dont wanna post in byob or really anywhere if i just feel so nasty so if you see nastiness in my posts trust me a me problem

well I can't claim to know exactly how you feel but I think I I can relate.
i feel like an alien observing human beings. sometimes to try to put myself in that frame of mind is comforting in some slight way.
otherwise you're fine.

i'm gonna try to stop smoking weed and drinking in an attempt to get clean enough to get another job cause thats the only thing i cam change right now that might help so the next however long is probably gonna be EXTRA poo poo but right now I'm almost curious to see just how bad it can get so I'm getting trashed for tonight and bring the pain tomorrow let's gooooo

I'm gonna start a little dollar store notebook of changes I need to make in life to increase my odds of not hating it until whenever it's over cause gently caress this. I'm not willing to live in such misery anymore and I guess I'm not ready to eat it so here's my attempt at getting on a different path




thanks deep dish peat moss and big black turnout!!

Sarah Cenia

Laying in the forest, by the water
Underneath these ferns
You'll never find me
lol tried to make a virtual appointment with a psychiatrist, they never showed.
tried the “instant mental health“ thing and nobody is available until monday.
good thing I’m not about to eat a knife or something.

wife tried to get some help for debilitating migraines and the doctor wants her to see a neurologist, oops there’s nobody taking any patients within like 2 hours of where we live. they told her to try Tylenol and then to go to the ER so she can be scoffed at and then billed for like 2 gabillion dollars lmao
good thing it’s not actually an issue.

excellent country totally not a piece of poo poo hell country or anything




thanks deep dish peat moss and big black turnout!!

baka of lathspell


sorry about your hell country tbh ! sorry youre going thru it. my head hasnt been right lately but pulling for all mh orbs


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baka of lathspell


closing thread for now. but let me know thru disc or something if it's needed. i suspect it won't be but anyway im at the light at the end hopefully.

Opening quickly to apologize for schizophrenia then I'll close again. Sorry for MC syndrome. sorry for drama . If needed someone else will can make a thread.

baka of lathspell fucked around with this message at 21:51 on Apr 8, 2024

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