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Jalumibnkrayal
Apr 16, 2008

Ramrod XTreme

Serjeant Buzfuz posted:

Wait hold up how do they have no needle?

“With the no-needle technique, we use a device to spray the anesthetic on the skin, which feels something like a mosquito bite. After several sprays on either side, numbing kicks in and patients stop feeling that sensation. From that point forward, it’s essentially painless.”

My experience matched that. I felt the anesthetic being applied and then was waiting for the hole punch or whatever it is. I figured he was getting his equipment ready but then I saw the smoke from the cauterizer and was amazed that he was halfway done.

It took me thirty minutes to shave and it took him ten minutes to do the surgery.

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FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Anime Deviant
I guess my scar didn't heal right from the procedure I had in 2019 because
:nms:
I woke up to bloody sheets and boxers after a late night shower.

Super random! Maybe I should stop using a pumice stone as a loofah

N. Senada
May 17, 2011

My kidneys are busted

FilthyImp posted:

Maybe I should stop using a pumice stone as a loofah

Good god

Don’t stone your balls

Lincoln
May 12, 2007

Ladies.
Got my vasectomy about 10 years ago when my wife & I officially decided we were to old to have a baby. I would have been 40 or so. A co-worker friend who was like 27 with a wife and 3 kids had a thorough misunderstanding of what a vasectomy was. He thought I was literally going to get my balls cut off, like a dog. He was a life-long practicing Catholic, but I don’t know if that had anything to do with it. He was otherwise a sharp guy.

And yeah, I had the “got kicked in the nuts” feeling for 2 or 3 days after, but no other discomfort. Insurance covered it, I paid like $55 for the procedure + meds.

I was told several days before, “You can shave yourself, or we’ll do it for you, whatever you prefer.” I did it myself the night before, and the attendant — a guy — complimented me on the fine job I did. “Better than I would have done.” I beamed with pride as the Valium had taken effect.

Thesaurus
Oct 3, 2004


there are only so many times in a man's life that he can have someone else shave his balls. Seems like a shame to pass up the freebie

Bilirubin
Feb 16, 2014

The sanctioned action is to CHUG


ya I let the doc do it, might as well earn his keep

Had it done...20 odd years ago now? One side, no problem, the other side, took 3 needles to properly freeze (I have this problem at the dentist too) and despite that the doc still discharged the nerve. Caused me to try to kick him in the head with my knee but he expertly dodged. Apparently its a workplace hazard. 20 minutes done, can't recall if I drove or taxied home now (no vallum here, would have been nice to not be white knuckling the bed rails while exchanging small talk). Biggest problem was not taking their advice immediately and getting a jock strap--it was gold once I did though. Cost out of pocket was the cab ride home since I live in Canada.

Easier than having my wisdom teeth removed for sure, 9.5/10 would do again

LloydDobler
Oct 15, 2005

You shared it with a dick.

I got mine done in 2004, 6 months after my divorce was finalized. I did a check at 6 weeks and another check 6 months later when I got my first post divorce sexual partner.

First thing nobody tells you about is they make you sit on a ground plate with conductive gel on it so your rear end gets all gooey. This is for the cauterizer (may vary with technology). My doc gave me I.V. Valium and when I asked him what it was like he said "It's a lot like being drunk". I told him I'd never been drunk before and he said "Oh, well it feels like this" and turned the drip on. It hit instantly and was awesome and it made me all giddy and I started laughing. He then said "You're going to want to hold still for this" which then made me laugh harder.

Then he described what he was doing step by step, he cut out about 1cm of vas on each side, and asked "wanna see?" and I was all "Oh hell no." Like everyone else, it was over fast but I definitely needed the ride home because I was still high on valium and in no condition to drive.

I pre-ordered 3 of my favorite cold sub sandwiches and ate half of one for each meal for 2 days while I convalesced on the couch and binge watched movies. I then learned that sometimes frozen veggies have perforations in the bag, and as they thaw they leak pea juice out on your crotch. I had to double bag them. I eventually decided that purpose-made ice gel packs for injuries would probably have been better.

I got it done Friday morning and was back at my desk job on Monday, wearing relaxed fit jeans. I had to walk careful the rest of the week but I was fully recovered by like 10 days.

My boss at the time got it done around the same time, thought he was a tough guy and decided to fly his private plane to a business meeting the day after he got it done. One of his nuts swelled up so big that it re-aimed his dick and he soaked his pants in piss on a bathroom break. He had to call a business associate from the bathroom and wait for him to run back to the hotel and get a second pair of pants. Then he was in agonizing pain for like 2 weeks. Don't be like my boss.

I have had a minor complication, I think. Within a year of having it done I could feel a lump in the tube below my right nut, I had a doctor check it out and he said it's probably a cyst, perfectly normal and they come and go. At the time it caused me very minor pain but it did go away soon. Then 15 years later (like a year ago) it swelled up significantly and if I moved wrong it was really painful. I ended up nursing it for a week and just as I was about to call a doctor to check it out, it went away. Other than that I've had no pain or weirdness.

I always describe the procedure as something I'd do every year if I had to. Totally worth it. I'm also always surprised at the number of friends I have who are completely terrified of letting a doctor near their balls and are willing to either risk pregnancy and/or dump all responsibility for birth control on their partner.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

If you count them all, this sentence has exactly seventy-two characters.
Still on the waitlist for a consult, but expecting a call sometime this month.

I briefly reconsidered postponing this procedure. I started dating someone who seemed interested in having kids of her own. With both our incomes, it would have been more viable to comfortably provide for a larger family. She really is a pretty incredible woman, so it gave me pause, even if it still wasn't what I wanted.

I recently had to break it off with her for other reasons, and lol I've never been more resolved to get vasectomized. I don't need more crotchspawn running around. I'm barely getting by as it is. I'm almost forty, so I'm already in the age group where pregnancy complications and birth defects start going up. Take my balls, doc. I don't need more stress in my life.

Serjeant Buzfuz
Dec 4, 2009

I tell all the dudes I know they should also get vasectomies. Vasectomy for all!

Dicty Bojangles
Apr 14, 2001

I forgot to do my post-op sperm check sample due 1mo after surgery until about a year later… still no swimmers! For me, the most difficult part of the vasectomy process is no longer needing to worry about accidental pregnancies when having unprotected sex.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

If you count them all, this sentence has exactly seventy-two characters.

Dicty Bojangles posted:

For me, the most difficult part of the vasectomy process is no longer needing to worry about accidental pregnancies when having unprotected sex.

Wait, the difficult part, is not having to worry about accidental pregnancies?

Dicty Bojangles
Apr 14, 2001

Yeah having gone through one it’s pretty hard to shake the fear something will go wrong in the moment.

Serjeant Buzfuz
Dec 4, 2009

I thought you were just being sarcastic but that makes sense I guess.

Dicty Bojangles
Apr 14, 2001

Yea, no sarcasm. Anxiety over re-experiencing the mess of an accidental pregnancy has been difficult for me to shake, even post-vasectomy. Doing the sperm analysis a year later helped, though.

Henrik Zetterberg
Dec 7, 2007

Had mine done after my twins were born 4 years ago. My anesthesia wore off halfway through. Doc went to stick his soldering iron on my balls or whatever. I heard a sizzle and felt searing pain. Almost jumped through the drat ceiling.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggg owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
"Oh the local must have worn off"
"No poo poo, give me some more!"

I had my Apple Watch on and you could see the exact moment that happened because my heart rate went through the roof.
But yeah, sit around and do nothing for 3 days, no joke. I had twin infants at the time and my wife went to get her hair done for like 4 hours later that day. Do not recommend.

Busting nuts with reckless abandon with my wife rules though.

Synnr
Dec 29, 2009
Man y'all were really attentive. I fell asleep and briefly woke up to brush at one of the doctors, before zonking out for the rest of it.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

If you count them all, this sentence has exactly seventy-two characters.
So I'm being given the option of clips vs sutures. Is there any advantage to either?

I'm thinking clips might feel a little painful if I'm pounding away and my balls are slapping against the misses.

MartingaleJack
Aug 26, 2004

I'll split you open and I don't even like coconuts.
I got clips and one thing they didn't tell me was that scar tissue can develop around the clips. It was weird getting used to two new lumps in there all they time. They hurt with a dull pain whenever I adjusted myself for several years.

Tex Avery
Feb 13, 2012
Just finished getting mine done about twenty minutes ago. I did a bunch of research and picked a guy that's known locally for being very efficient with his procedures. I was in and out of the office in less than an hour from the time I was called back. Only three more months and one more test until I can finally hush that little paranoid corner of my brain that always says "but what if the condom breaks?"

Nocheez
Sep 5, 2000
Lol nope. Your brain is totally wired for that fear and it will probably change to "what if 1 little guy makes it through somehow?"

Growing up Catholic did a number on me. I should probably get therapy.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

If you count them all, this sentence has exactly seventy-two characters.
Got an offer to get it done on Wednesday, but regrettably it's just a bit too short notice, and I may need to delay it for a month due to work obligations.

I'm thinking I may need to pay the doc the extra $200+ to set my own date (among other "benefits") and schedule it around other things. I want to make sure I have a solid 5-7 days to recover. I don't want to chance any long-term complications.

Tex Avery
Feb 13, 2012
Paying extra to choose your own date? WTF kind of office are you going to?

Robert Facepalmer
Jan 10, 2019


Canadian? Some of my northern relatives have talked about paying extra for preferred scheduling.

Serjeant Buzfuz
Dec 4, 2009

I was told I'd have to pay 60 dollars extra for nitrous gas, but they never charged me for it so I got it for free I guess.

Nitrous gas is very nice A++++ would do again

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

If you count them all, this sentence has exactly seventy-two characters.

Robert Facepalmer posted:

Canadian? Some of my northern relatives have talked about paying extra for preferred scheduling.

Yeah, exactly. The baseline procedure is totally free and you get a good level of care.

The doc I was referred to has a special fancy "comfort" option that includes things like setting your own date, getting sutures to tie off things instead of metal clips, complementary doctor's note, get your semen results over the phone, and even niceties like a post-op supplies package (gauze, supportive underwear, ice packs, painkillers, etc) and an artisan treat! :wtc:

They listed all these things behind a website that you need a password for, so it makes me wonder if it's totally allowed under provincial rules. But at this point, my life is so chaotic that I might pony up the cash just for scheduling alone.

Quaint Quail Quilt
Jun 19, 2006


Ask me about that time I told people mixing bleach and vinegar is okay
I was considering a vasectomy at age 36 to relieve my wife of birth control pills, but after talking it over with her she likes how it regulates her periods so...

I wonder if that male birth control pill ever came out?

We will probably not have kids and I've been doing good so far, but you never know.

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
:unsmith: i like nice words
You might as well get the vasectomy anyway if you don’t want kids. I’m staying on my birth control for the same reason, but I would still be delighted to have like actual 0% chance, the ability to be a little flexible with bc, etc.

UKJeff
May 17, 2023

by vyelkin

mom and dad fight a lot posted:

So I'm being given the option of clips vs sutures. Is there any advantage to either?

I'm thinking clips might feel a little painful if I'm pounding away and my balls are slapping against the misses.

What are these for, the incision on the scrotum itself? Is it a scalpel-less procedure? I didn’t have either, just two tiny little holes that scabbed up on their own

Quaint Quail Quilt posted:

I was considering a vasectomy at age 36 to relieve my wife of birth control pills, but after talking it over with her she likes how it regulates her periods so...

I wonder if that male birth control pill ever came out?

We will probably not have kids and I've been doing good so far, but you never know.

FWIW I have a baby that was conceived on oral contraceptives. They’re generally very effective but surprises do happen. My procedure was free through planned parenthood and I had zero complications and got percocets afterwards so I whole heartedly recommend it .. Your mileage may vary of course

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

If you count them all, this sentence has exactly seventy-two characters.

UKJeff posted:

What are these for, the incision on the scrotum itself? Is it a scalpel-less procedure? I didn’t have either, just two tiny little holes that scabbed up on their own

No, for clamping the vas deferens after it's severed.

Dicty Bojangles
Apr 14, 2001

I had the no-scalpel procedure- no clamps just a couple dissolving stitches that fell off on their own with the scabs.

Bilirubin
Feb 16, 2014

The sanctioned action is to CHUG


Huh. I recall my vas were just cauterized but I wasn't watching closely. Only stiches were scrotal incisions

Joe Mama
May 10, 2008
I just had it done 2 weeks ago. About 95% back to normal. Just waiting for the stitches to finish dissolving. I had the scalpel + cut and cauterize and it went pretty well except for the lidocaine shots which sucked a little bit and the drat doctor was so efficient he started in with the scalpel a little too quick, ouch. Kaiser Permanente, $15 copay. Took a couple drat months to get a procedure date though. Procedure itself was fine enough, just laid there and tried not to think about it. I was in and out in about 30 min. Nut bag was a little swollen and bruised for a couple days but the kicked in the nuts feeling lasted a week. And now I have a sperm granuloma about 1/3 the size of a nut above the left one. Doesn't hurt or anything and I guess they go away on their own but it weirds me out.

Lawdog69 posted:

Jacking off in the hospital bathroom for your follow up cum test is a rite of passage.

I have not been looking forward to this. The closest lab that takes jizz (from 7-1:30 weekdays) is about 30 min away. I may just do a jack-and-dash from home.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I did have a tiny bit of goopy discharge from the incisions here and there for several days after, normal I guess, just keep your junk clean. Should also add that for some loving reason I shaved the entire area. It was not necessary. I do not shave my junk normally, just trim. The hair-growing-out itching made the whole ordeal worse than it needed to be. Made me wonder if that's what jock itch feels like. Front and sides of the sack, that's all you need to shave.

Joe Mama fucked around with this message at 00:46 on May 25, 2023

TheKub
May 11, 2006

I had my vasectomy done in 2010 and I haven't had a shred of regret. It was paid for in full by some local organization that was donating vasectomies and came right at a time where I had become certain I never wanted kids. There was a short interview with the doctor before he agreed to do the operation.

The procedure was short and didn't hurt at the time. I needed a long weekend to recover. Had a stead rotation of frozen peas to keep the junk cool. Smoked a few bowls.

Something did happen that was a little embarrassing. They gave me some intravenous drug to relax me and BOY HOWDY did it. I'm a rather reserved person but I was full tilt flirting with the nurse while she was shaving my balls.

Guest2553
Aug 3, 2012


I can't add any personal stories that anybody else hasn't already mentioned, but my experience (and those of the dozen-odd people I know who've done it) fell into the 'everything was fine and went normally' camp. Only one person got grapefruit balls from an internal bleed, the rest followed doctor's advice and didn't help their friends move the next day.

I had some blood in the first few loads but that went away by the time the second test came around and it didn't ever hurt.

Would recommend finding an experienced doctor if you have any say in who touches your junk. The one I went to had decades under his belt and did like a dozen of them every Thursday so his spontaneous reversal rate was almost a tenth of the national average.

Make no babby's.

Slimy Hog
Apr 22, 2008

Guest2553 posted:

his spontaneous reversal rate was almost a tenth of the national average.

I have my consult appt on Wednesday, is this something I should be asking about?

Thesaurus
Oct 3, 2004


if you have a spontaneous reversal, then accept that you're destined to have some kind of legendary child

Guest2553
Aug 3, 2012


Slimy Hog posted:

I have my consult appt on Wednesday, is this something I should be asking about?

Doesn't hurt to ask imo. Average at the time was 1:500 and he claimed to be batting 1:4000. It wasn't gonna be the difference between getting me snipped or not but we humans love us some reassuring numbers, I guess.

Slimy Hog
Apr 22, 2008

I scheduled an appointment to get my junk operated on.

Serjeant Buzfuz
Dec 4, 2009

Slimy Hog posted:

I scheduled an appointment to get my junk operated on.

Just make sure you wash off all the slime before you go in.

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Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys
Had the doctor secto my vas three days back, and the kicked-in-balls feeling is finally receding. I got knocked out completely for my op because I had a lump that needed removing at the same time. No regrets.
While I think of it- how does this "providing a sperm sample" thing work? I mean, in effect you're arriving at some clinic and declaring "I'm here for the 11 o'clock ejaculation" and that weirds me out.

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