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SRQ
Nov 9, 2009



3 zelda games down and i am coming to the hot-take conclusion that ganon is a working class hero and the royal family of hyrule are just jackasses who would rather burn their kingdom down than let their precious crown go


the hyrule royal family has a giant creepy dungeon crypt. they rule in perpetual unquestioned and absolutist monarchy
in the 'bad' futures where ganon rules, plants still grow and people are still going about their days in some places, meaning ganon's victory is not existential
the royal family flooded the world with not-quite-water magic that can't even support fish and destroyed 95% of land to 'stop' him, which they then followed by making permanent. this also mutated several species and shrunk the population well below that required for genetic diversity and killed off most animal species. all ganon wanted was to build on his resentment that the desert he was raised in sucked rear end and that hyrule hoarded all the arable land and didn't share.

my ultimate conclusion is that link is actually a manipulated force for the status quo and ganon is Antifa

E: I have proof that link is a nazi:

SRQ fucked around with this message at 09:02 on Aug 12, 2022

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Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

Typical antisocialist tripe dressed in revolutionary terminology, that it would actually be good to let this particular dude be a ruthless dictator because he belongs to this or that group. No mods no masters

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



who, specifically, has ganon ever harmed (who's not a member of a royal family)

gay frog chemicals
May 27, 2022

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS


He killed like every human in the golden realm in Link to the Past, and the background crowd people in the hyrule market all got turned into zombies and poo poo. He also never did anything good, I mean monarchy isn't great but it's a lot better than organising the world into a demon/undead infested wasteland set up to suck the dick of the dude who got all the pieces of the triforce.

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

Please report me if I am missing this JP warning label. I must not be posting without it. Thank you.


SRQ posted:

E: I have proof that link is a nazi:

I see a Star Wars box set in that pic, are you one of the people who think the Empire is cool and good too?

SRQ
Nov 9, 2009



Mooey Cow posted:

Typical antisocialist tripe dressed in revolutionary terminology, that it would actually be good to let this particular dude be a ruthless dictator because he belongs to this or that group. No mods no masters

at what point does he rule as a dictator? in oot he just lives in a castle and has good security.
in windwaker he does some kidnapping but that's hardly a good reason to destroy 95% of the landmass of the planet.

gay frog chemicals posted:

He killed like every human in the golden realm in Link to the Past, and the background crowd people in the hyrule market all got turned into zombies and poo poo. He also never did anything good, I mean monarchy isn't great but it's a lot better than organising the world into a demon/undead infested wasteland set up to suck the dick of the dude who got all the pieces of the triforce.

haven't played the former, in the latter i dunno just leave, he clearly just wanted the castle and surrounding area.
there's even a successful horse stable like half a kilometer* away.

*i realize the scale is for gameplay reasons.

SRQ
Nov 9, 2009



Yaldabaoth posted:

I see a Star Wars box set in that pic, are you one of the people who think the Empire is cool and good too?

my only star wars hot take is that the jedi were shitters.
palpatine was clearly fasc and his only moral victory was because he had the decency to let people kill him twice.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



gay frog chemicals posted:

He killed like every human in the golden realm in Link to the Past, and the background crowd people in the hyrule market all got turned into zombies and poo poo. He also never did anything good, I mean monarchy isn't great but it's a lot better than organising the world into a demon/undead infested wasteland set up to suck the dick of the dude who got all the pieces of the triforce.

there wasn't anyone in the golden realm. the point was that it'd morph to reflect the heart of whoever gained access to it, and as it judged ganon as evil it turned into its vision of evil, i.e. densely populated with very few golf courses

the redeads in hyrule town may have just moved in there, as everyone buggered off to kakariko village once an ethnic minority (gerudo) moved into the castle

Zeluth
May 12, 2001



I just remember when my brother paused his game to let me see the destruction of Ganon on N64.

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...



the man would rather turn into a pig (cop) at the end than let link have the loving castle and princess for the moment while he regroups. what kind of working man hero pulls that stunt, huh op?

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

SRQ posted:

at what point does he rule as a dictator? in oot he just lives in a castle and has good security.
in windwaker he does some kidnapping but that's hardly a good reason to destroy 95% of the landmass of the planet.

They stop him before he gets to rule, except when they don't in the backstories and the whole world turns to poo poo. In Oot the gorons tried to rise up against him and he sent the whole race into the volcano to be eaten by the dragon, so he's a genocidal dictator too. Before that he also hosed up their food supply which left them all starving. He also froze all of Zora's Domain which probly wasn't too good for their health so that's genocide #2 in just one game.

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...



he also murdered link's treedad with that curse

Doctor J Off
Dec 28, 2005

There Is


I misread this as "qanon is actually the good guy" so I came in here ready to roast some chuds, but now I see it's another video game thread

Pac and Cheese
Oct 29, 2010

gotta walk fast


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFmrzRUojS0

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL
Feb 21, 2006

Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!


Isnít one of Ganonís motivations to strike at the royal family and their allies because his own people were forced to scrape out a living in the desert?

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

Ganon turned down a life of getting endlessly hosed by a harem of mini giantess warrior women to pursue a career in politics which should tell you everything you need to know about his priorities.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

Isnít one of Ganonís motivations to strike at the royal family and their allies because his own people were forced to scrape out a living in the desert?

Yet when Ganon achieves absolute power he does fuckall to help them, which suggests his "revenge" on their behalf is pretextual at best.

Pac and Cheese
Oct 29, 2010

gotta walk fast


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuTvz0yBoFE

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

Please report me if I am missing this JP warning label. I must not be posting without it. Thank you.


Applewhite posted:

Ganon turned down a life of getting endlessly hosed by a harem of mini giantess warrior women to pursue a career in politics which should tell you everything you need to know about his priorities.

He would be the kind of politician who wears a bow tie.

a peck of pickled peckers
Aug 3, 2014

I am your Redeemer! It is by my hand that you arise from the ashes of this world!



Iím playing through Breath of the Wild for the first time (just recently got a Switch) and itís like, really hard? Idk Iíve never played a Zelda game so maybe theyíre all like that. Either way it looks pretty so Iím gonna try and power through.

Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is


Grimey Drawer

If i was an honest trader, or home owner, and some hodded hooligan blew my door from its frame, smashed my inventory and stole all my money, id probably be pretty pro-ganon too and support the local darknut association.

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004

by Fluffdaddy


a peck of pickled peckers posted:

I’m playing through Breath of the Wild for the first time (just recently got a Switch) and it’s like, really hard? Idk I’ve never played a Zelda game so maybe they’re all like that. Either way it looks pretty so I’m gonna try and power through.

If you're still on the plateau, I see how it could be more challenging than you expected

Soon enough you will be mighty!

Pac and Cheese
Oct 29, 2010

gotta walk fast


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FLQ_h_LaqA

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004



Fun Shoe

I've only played the one where you have to wake up the gigantic magic space whale.

GIRL BRAINS
Sep 5, 2011

The gods are small birds


Ganon is afforded his position among the Gerudo as king due to the circumstances of his birth, it's hard to say how much authority those actually gives him but he's able to hold court with the king of hyrule and influence the nobility the to a certain degree. When Ganon does seize power in totality, which he is able to do in OoT, he loving destroys everything and unleashes a bunch of evil across the land. He imprisons the Gorons in stone and the Zora in ice. He turns Hyrule Market into an open air graveyard. Even in the past of that game he spends his time infecting community leaders with parasites and antagonizing native people with curses. He is attempting to upend the monarchies of the land but only for his own self-enrichment- even his own people, who are bound by the customs of their lands to worship him as a king, are used as pawns and freely sacrificed. The only real 'working class' behavior that Ganon does, at least in OoT, is that after he seizes power he kicks Talon out of lon lon ranch and puts his indentured servant, Ingo, in charge, who actually runs the ranch with a sense of competency and pride.

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004

by Fluffdaddy


Gannon is pretty much explicitly, cartoonishly evil


But that doesn't make monarchy good

a peck of pickled peckers
Aug 3, 2014

I am your Redeemer! It is by my hand that you arise from the ashes of this world!



The Bloop posted:

If you're still on the plateau, I see how it could be more challenging than you expected

Soon enough you will be mighty!

I donít think Iím still on the starting plateauÖI just tamed my first horse and got to some village. I feel decidedly very un-mighty, with my rag clothing and lovely weapons that break after a few hits. But like I said, itís a very pretty game and Iím a sucker for open worlds, so Iím gonna stick with it for awhile.

Panic! At The Tesco
Aug 19, 2005

POGCHUMP !

#essereFerrari





why is he called link? he should be called zelda imo

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.




Ugly people can't be good, sorry. Thats just the way things are.

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER


cool star wars box set




dork

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



Ganon overthrows the monarchy and then proceeds to just install himself as King and do jack poo poo. In Ocarina of Time he actively makes things worse by imprisoning Gorons and freezing the Zora.

He's the most sympathetic in Wind Waker but he's still kidnapping people and his ultimate goal is revenge.

He's kind of like the Andrew Yang of Hylian villains - he says he wants to fix things but his ultimate plan is cloudy at best.

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER


ok i read your post and you are kinda right. link fights for the royal family. and royalty is always bad and should be destroyed. ganon also seems like a bad guy though. for one, his name is ganon. If you worked with a guy named Ganon, would you think he's a "good guy"? certainly not.

Fsmhunk
Jul 19, 2012


I don't think a good guy would be menacingly playing pipe organ with kidnapped girl in a crystal.

Nae
Sep 3, 2020

what.



in oot ganon has a perfectly good castle to live in, but instead he builds a new one and surrounds it with lava. is this the excess of a dictator or is this job creation? who's to say really

GIRL BRAINS
Sep 5, 2011

The gods are small birds


Material conditions have not evolved enough in the land of hyrule for the emergence of a 'working class' and instead life is divided by the peasantry, gentry, and nobility. There is a clerical class but it seems to be limited to select sages. In this essay I will be applying Marxist theory to the Nintendo series 'The Legend of Zelda,' in which I

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004

by Fluffdaddy


GIRL BRAINS posted:

Material conditions have not evolved enough in the land of hyrule for the emergence of a 'working class' and instead life is divided by the peasantry, gentry, and nobility. There is a clerical class but it seems to be limited to select sages. In this essay I will be applying Marxist theory to the Nintendo series 'The Legend of Zelda,' in which I

your post cut off abruptly

Please post the rest I am ready to subscribe

You Are A Elf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!



I wasnít the only goon here that would get spooked by the game over screen in Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, was I?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GxARm_QiCo

DrSunshine
Mar 23, 2009

Did I just say that out loud~~?!!!


Is he actually qanon?? Think about it. ganon. qanon. Think about it!!

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER


link u gotta stop qanon

......

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The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004

by Fluffdaddy


This is the Triforce of Wisdom, Link.

The evil wizard qanon has the Triforce of Bullshit.

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