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Mr. Merdle
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR



I just took Kayliegh to the park and was putting sunscreen on her face and realized that it has lots of bad toxins that can damage her mental development, so read my blog post "5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Let Your Child Use Sunscreen" to see why skin cancer is the lesser evil

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A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



So, uh, THIS happened today.

I was in line for some Mommy Go-Juice at Starbucks when I got a text from our Au-Pair. My stomach dropped when I read it.

"BINGO HAS A RASH"

Bingo, in case you don't know, is my youngest son. I started freaking out, realizing I was the 4th person in line. It would be a minimum of 15 minutes until I could leave, and then 5 minutes to drive home. The clock was ticking and my son was dying of a rash in the meantime. I texted back quickly.

"PAOLO - PLEASE CALL MED EXPRESS AND GET HIM AN APPOINTMENT ASAP!!!!"

Well, thank God, she was able to get him in. It turns out he has some kind of fungal infection or something, I don't know, but Paolo is handling everything so well! And it gave me the perfect article idea for my next article:

"The Busy Mom's Guide to Medical Emergencies"

Oh and, yes, I got a PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte)! I know, I'm such a basic bitch! LOL

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER


Mcintyre and Jaymeigh are at volley ball camp. Time for some wine!!! :newlol:

Mr. Merdle
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR



kntfkr posted:

Mcintyre and Jaymeigh are at volley ball camp. Time for some wine!!! :newlol:

Carlo Rossi, Yellow Tail, and Apothic Red: The Best Wines in the World

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.




Grimey Drawer

Top three vegan treatments for the headlice your child caught from their disgusting classmates.

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

everybody relax, i'm here


Nap Ghost

the passive aggressive bitches guide to mispronouncing foreign food - pyta edition

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.




Grimey Drawer

My husband only looks at other women because my skincare has been terrible while I've been breastfeeding.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin



Just found out that Hubbs was at the Capitol on January 6th - OMG. Gonna be doing the single mommy thing for a bit.

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



Supreme Allah posted:

the passive aggressive bitches guide to mispronouncing foreign food - pyta edition

you won't believe how to pronounce gyro

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

Please report me if I am missing this JP warning label. I must not be posting without it. Thank you.


Gave birth to a boy but I'm going to have the doctor cut his genitals off and start transitioning him into a girl because women are 100% the horrible monsters everyone says they are, am I right guys?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.




Grimey Drawer

Help! Nanny has been talking to my DD in Estonian and now she keeps speaking foreign. How do I fix her before she starts kindergarten?

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

by Azathoth


Yaldabaoth posted:

Gave birth to a boy but I'm going to have the doctor cut his genitals off and start transitioning him into a girl because women are 100% the horrible monsters everyone says they are, am I right guys?

:chloe:

It's time to take a posting break, Jordan

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019






Good morning MOMMIES!! 🤩🤩🤩

If you follow my blog, you know my BEAUTIFUL children Jayden and Jaidine are as pure and HEALTHY as the day GOD made them. We are a NO VAX 💉🚫 household!!!

And I bet you also know that sometimes... our CHOICE to live CLEAN means we have to deal with the unexpected... and for us this month that meant POLIO 😱

We don't know how they got it, but my sis thinks it must've been one of the VAXXED kids at school SHEDDING it 😤 I don't think it would've come from our neighborhood, but you never know with those kids who get 🚌 BUSSED IN 🚌, JUST SAYING, NO OFFENSE!

In this article I'm going to share the tips and tricks I learned caring for my sick little darlings. Which oils worked and which didn't? Read on to find out!!

And STAY TUNED for my next article... Decorating Your Pediatric Wheelchair. It's gonna be a fun one! This is our NEW NORMAL and a life without legs is a BLESSING God bestowed on MY BABY so you know we're going to have some FUN and JOY with it!!!

Remember to share with your friends, and the link to our NEW GOFUNDME is below! 🙏🙏🙏

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

5 Times You Should Slap Your Kids Teacher

How To Talk To Your 4 Year Old About Climate Change

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

Please report me if I am missing this JP warning label. I must not be posting without it. Thank you.


Who What Now posted:

It's time to take a posting break, Jordan

Well I'll probably get probed for that comment anyway.

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.




Grimey Drawer

A beginner's guide to fortune telling by reading your toddler's potty.

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .


Doctor Rope

Uncle Enzo posted:

5 Times You Should Slap Your Kids Teacher

I read this as "sleep with"

...probably fits anyway

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.




Grimey Drawer

This dining chair will kill your child and you should be arrested for owning one.

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004



Fun Shoe

Five reasons why natural HONEY is the best thing for your growing toddler

*2 weeks later*

Is natural HONEY slowly poisoning your growing toddler?

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019






My toddler has BOTULISM!!!

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004



Fun Shoe

Car Seats: Whatever you're doing is wrong and you should go to JAIL YOU CARELESS DEADBEAT PIECE OF poo poo! gently caress YOU!

EVERY TIME GOING
Mar 17, 2006

cant stop wont stop


"Exciting Article Topics Thought Up by Mommy Bloggers"

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004



Fun Shoe

Zwieback: East Prussia's miracle baby food is making a comeback

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.




Grimey Drawer

Breastfeeding until college: One mother's story

Regarde Aduck
Oct 18, 2012

Fancy Stolas and the Kewl Kats

~OWL NEVER TELL :D


Grimey Drawer

Sid Vicious posted:

you won't believe how to pronounce gyro

kebab

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019






The best STAGECOACH for large families just got even better!

Harald
Jul 9, 2009

LINKIN PARK




100 Names for your Children that they will HATE in Adulthood

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

Off The Grid: A Family Of 6's Journey To A 300sqft House With No Running Water or Electricity, But No Mortgage

Growing Pains: Teenage Girls Are Fine To Sleep On A Pullout Bed In The Living Room, Despite What They Say

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

Tips To Monetize Your Child's Instagram

Mr. Merdle
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR



Best cryptos to invest in for your children's college fund

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

When Your Subscribers Reject Your Children: A Guide To Cope

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004



Fun Shoe

I set up hidden cameras to prove that the babysitter was stealing my name brand cereal and replacing it with the generic equivalent

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019






I spanked my children every day for seven years and here's what happened

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

Bad Purchase posted:

I spanked my children every day for seven years and here's what happened

"No" Is A Curse Word: How To Raise A Child Without Refusing Them

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.




Grimey Drawer

My husband spent $35,000 hunting for bigfoot and I love him for it.

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

goatface posted:

My husband spent $35,000 hunting for bigfoot and I love him for it.

My husband doesn't work, cook, or clean, but he's still a positive role model somehow

EVERY TIME GOING
Mar 17, 2006

cant stop wont stop


"Are currently {NaN} Secret Bear Daddies Online in AnonymeeVPN area... ghat free $40偉哥?!!"

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

We need to remove the stigma from forcing your teenage daughter to work as a scullery maid

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019






My son wants to be a sniper when he grows up, and that's ok.

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Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

Bad Purchase posted:

My son wants to be a sniper when he grows up, and that's ok.

It's honest work, out of doors

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