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I'm a 38 year old, post-op transgender woman. I came out as transgender at the age of 33, and shortly after started hormone therapy. In 2020, right before the pandemic, I had an orchiectomy (my balls were removed). 3 months ago I had full vaginoplasty (bottom surgery) (my dick was inverted). Ask me about being transgender, about surgery, about my experiences, basically anything you want. I'm not going to spoiler tag much else, so general content warning on my replies that may or may not be work safe, or mind safe, depending on who you are. I have a blog that I've been keeping, that I might end up linking, depending on questions that get asked, but I don't want to link it outright and make it feel like required reading. So I won't, but don't be surprised if there's optional reading for some extended answers. I welcome other transgender men and women to share their answers. I obviously can't speak for everyone who also transed or may trans their genders, so the more the merrier.
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Oct 2, 2022 00:11
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I'm getting orchi very soon and am hoping to get SRS before too long. How did you pick your SRS surgeon? What has the recovery process been like? Thanks for being open to talk about your transition! 
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Oct 3, 2022 03:57
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Cephas posted:How did you pick your SRS surgeon? Primarily just a lot of googling. For my orchiectomy it also involved cold calling various doctor's offices trying to find someone local willing to do it. The problem there wasn't so much finding someone who could do an orchi, but finding someone who would do an orchi without me having cancer first. I knew I would have to travel for my vaginoplasty. I live in Central Illinois, so there's not a lot of gender affirming clinics near me. I ended up finding Dr. Loren Schechter at, at the time, Weiss Hospital in Chicago. My original consultation was with him at Weiss, but by the time my surgery date came up he had moved to Rush University and I followed him there. Most the reviews I read of him were good. Overall he just gave me a good vibe and I ran with it. Cephas posted:What has the recovery process been like? Recovery is pain. Constant, unending pain. I'll note that the pain hasn't been bad and overall better than I expected it to be. However it IS constant and never ending. Be ready for 3 months of laying in bed and not being able to do much else. June 27th I had surgery and was in the hospital for a week. I've never stayed overnight in a hospital before, so 7 days in the hospital was A LOT for me. 24 hours after surgery they had me out of bed and walking short walks around the unit. The hospital stay, aside from the food, was amazing. All the care team members were great. I had an amazing view of Chicago from my bed.  I thought I'd get more reading and video gaming in, but it felt like every game I wanted to play couldn't be easily interrupted by the constant barrage of doctors and nurses coming in to check on me. And for reading? It's so hard to read when you're in pain. Plus concentration wasn't there for me. I did play through all of Portal 1 and about a third of Portal 2, because those had just come out on the Switch, though, so that was like 2 days of fun during the "best" period of in-hospital recovery. Ultimately it was a week of laying in bed. July 3rd the stitches and packing were removed. Probably the worst procedure to have done, but the relief after the packing was out was so worth it. July 4th I was transferred to a nursing/rehabilitation facility. This was the worst period of recovery. I was COVID quarantined because I didn't have a 3rd booster shot, and they couldn't get me a 3rd booster shot because being in my late 30s and otherwise healthy didn't qualify me for it. The bed was incredibly uncomfortable. The nurses largely ignored me. It was just an unpleasant experience overall. July 6th my catheter got removed. Honestly wasn't as bad as I expected it to be (that's kind of the theme of recovery, to be honest), but it did suck. July 11th I started dilating. That's probably the subject for it's own post, but essentially involves laying in bed with a dildo in your neo vagina for 20 minutes at a time, three times a day. I've heard a lot of trans women really hate dilating, but it doesn't bother me so much. The initial pain of insertion is the worst part, but once you relax and get used to things it's just a boring chore every 7 hours or so. July 15th I got to go home. Home consisted of laying in bed with a over bed desk for my laptop. When I can't lay in bed anymore, I switch to laying on the couch. Then back to bed. It's a never ending cycle. July 25th I was supposed to go back to work. Unfortunately minor complications resulted in my dad driving me back up to Chicago for a follow-up. I ended up taking the rest of the week off of work because of it. August 1st I officially started back at work. I work from home as a software engineer, so this consists of laying in bed with my work laptop on my bed desk. September 28th had my 3 month follow up with Dr. Schechter. Minor complications continue. Second worst procedure to have done involved silver nitrate on my lady bits. Once again, though, the relief afterwards made it worth it. I get out a few times a week for walks that range from 15 minutes to a few hours. I can finally sit "normally" (with the help of a butt donut pillow) for a few hours at a time, but my preferred position is still laying down either on my couch or in bed. Getting up, switching between sitting and standing, bending over, all of that is pain. As long as I pick a position and stay there, things are okay. Finally, though, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Minor complications are healing, every day the pain is less and less than the day before, and returning to normal life is getting easier. Hopefully that answers your questions. If there's something more specific you'd like me to go into detail on, let me know. It's hard to mash the last 3 months into a post.
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Oct 3, 2022 06:41
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Thanks for sharing your experience! Coming from the opposite end of the spectrum it's interesting to read. I'm a trans guy, just started T last week, and I'm currently considering getting top surgery once I'm out of college and actually have some more income coming in. It's been a fun experience re-coming out to everybody, like, "Surprise, I'm still trans!" I'd be interested in reading your blog if you're comfortable sharing! Glad there's a thread for this now.
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Oct 7, 2022 18:53
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What's the (head, body) hair situation like and how will that be handled? Do you get phantom limb type sensations with your proprioception of where the penis was? What was the neovagina made with/sourced from? What did they do with your scrotum? Is hernia risk increased with a neovagina versus scrotum?
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Oct 9, 2022 14:23
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I am in no way questioning your decisions, but why did you feel surgery was necessary? I’m just curious why some people do it and some don’t. Is it just a personal feeling? Did you not feel female with “incorrect” genitalia? Recovery from surgery sounds super long and painful. How did you know for sure you wanted to go ahead with it?
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Oct 9, 2022 17:39
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Domus posted:I am in no way questioning your decisions, but why did you feel surgery was necessary? I’m just curious why some people do it and some don’t. Is it just a personal feeling? Did you not feel female with “incorrect” genitalia? Recovery from surgery sounds super long and painful. How did you know for sure you wanted to go ahead with it? I can't speak for everyone so YMMV. The word "dysphoria" literally means "hard to bear." I think that's a very accurate description of how I've experienced dysphoria. Genital dysphoria, for me, is an almost unbearable feeling of distress. I think there is this sort of misconception in popular culture (not saying you hold this idea, just that I've seen it elsewhere) that trans people "want" to be the correct gender the same way that someone "wants" a nice house, or a nice car, or a sexy body. Granted, not every trans person experiences dysphoria, so I can't speak for everyone. But for me, it's not that I "want" a vagina. It's that having the wrong genitals is almost unbearable from a physiological standpoint. Imagine that you're running, and you've hit your limit, but you're being forced to sprint harder and farther than your body can handle. Your body feels like it's unbearable to keep running. For me, that's what having the wrong genitalia is like. There are times when it feels like it's just completely unbearable. It's like an acute, whole body, neurochemical distress. And even when the distress isn't acute, it's like there's this tax on my everyday wellbeing. I'm lucky and have had a pretty positive time with my hormone replacement therapy, so I can socially live as the gender I want without much trouble. When I was a teenager and wasn't out yet, I'd say that I had a 70% tax on my wellbeing. It truly felt like my mental health, physical wellbeing, hopes, and potential were capped to 30% of their maximum. I didn't expect much out of my life, and my whole system was in such distress at all times that there was no way for me to thrive. Being on HRT and transitioning has let me live a normal life with a sense of self-worth and hope for the future. I can't say how much of a tax on my wellbeing genital dysphoria puts on me. But it's still a significant amount. The surgery might be challenging and have a long recovery time, but compared to living the rest of my life with such a heavy tax on my wellbeing, I'm willing to go through with it.
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Oct 9, 2022 18:38
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Sorry if this is a dumb question for anyone who remembers high school biology but how do you...invert a dick? There's like meat and stuff in a dick that has to go somewhere right?
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Oct 10, 2022 13:15
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Decoy Badger posted:What's the (head, body) hair situation like and how will that be handled? I'm incredibly lucky on the hair situation. No male pattern baldness and relatively light on body hair. I'm having laser hair removal done on my face and nether regions. Facial hair is obnoxious and I hate it, and I had to have laser done on my scrotum and taint for surgery. That was an incredibly unpleasant experience that is costing me about $7k out of pocket. Decoy Badger posted:Do you get phantom limb type sensations with your proprioception of where the penis was? It was the opposite actually. I had "phantom vagina" and hated the dangly bits protruding from my crotch. Post surgery there's some weird sensations where my brain hasn't connected the pain/discomfort with where it's actually coming from, but that's getting better. The weirdest part is sitting down to pee and no longer having a dick there. Getting used to peeing without a penis is really interesting. Decoy Badger posted:What was the neovagina made with/sourced from? Neovagina is primarily sourced from penis and scrotum tissue. They also had to take a skin graft from the side of my stomach to get some extra skin for things. Decoy Badger posted:Is hernia risk increased with a neovagina versus scrotum? As far as I know there's no increased risk there, but I don't know much about that. Sorry? Domus posted:I am in no way questioning your decisions, but why did you feel surgery was necessary? I’m just curious why some people do it and some don’t. Is it just a personal feeling? Did you not feel female with “incorrect” genitalia? Recovery from surgery sounds super long and painful. How did you know for sure you wanted to go ahead with it? It's definitely a personal feeling. In my case, showering, going to the bathroom, and sex all caused mental discomfort. I still felt "female" despite the "incorrect" genitalia, but I really wanted it gone. I hated getting boners. I hated the bulge showing when wearing women's jeans or leggings. I hated sex. Like, everything about sex made me uncomfortable because there's no way around the huge dangling mess that I hated. I just had to have it done. Five years into transitioning just made the dysphoria worse for me as well. The more female I felt everywhere else, the less female I felt down there. Eventually, the temporary pain and discomfort of surgery outweighed the constant pain and discomfort of not having it done.
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Oct 10, 2022 15:24
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banned from Starbucks posted:Sorry if this is a dumb question for anyone who remembers high school biology but how do you...invert a dick? There's like meat and stuff in a dick that has to go somewhere right? I don't really have the knowledge of the specifics, but essentially the skin of the penis is used to make the walls of the neovagina, and the scrotum is used to make the labia. The urethra is shortened and rerouted a bit. Some skin from my stomach was used to supplement where they didn't have enough scrotum skin. Medical science is weird and awesome.
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Oct 10, 2022 15:29
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Same here on the phantom vagina. It's a really weird feeling. The brain is very strange.
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Oct 10, 2022 15:50
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The thing about dysphoria, is that it gets worse once you realize it's there. Once you have a name for it, it's like you've been fedex arrowed. I didn't realize being trans was a thing, or that it was even possible for me to be trans, until my late 20s. The more I learned and figured out, the more I could look back and explain all these little moments of my past that have literally always been there, but I was too dumb to realize. "There were no signs" is kind of a meme in trans circles, because it's something you hear from everyone, even yourself. When I first started transitioning, I even told people I had no intention to get "the surgery." This was, largely, because at the time I was working for a company that had lovely insurance and I knew I'd never be able to afford it. I didn't allow myself to consider it, because doing so would almost certainly make the dysphoria worse. It wasn't until I started working at a company that offered transgender care as a healthcare perk that I allowed myself to start thinking about it, which effectively made the dysphoria worse and worse as time went on.
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Oct 10, 2022 16:51
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I never knew how repulsive it could be having the wrong genitalia. I guess I just thought of surgery like getting a nice office chair, if that makes any sense. Like it made you more comfortable, but it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t realize some people really can’t be whole without it.
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Oct 10, 2022 18:26
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Domus posted:I never knew how repulsive it could be having the wrong genitalia. I guess I just thought of surgery like getting a nice office chair, if that makes any sense. Like it made you more comfortable, but it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t realize some people really can’t be whole without it. Frankly, I can't imagine doing this on a whim, as if it were a nice office chair. I can't imagine anyone going through any aspect of transition on a whim. The surgery recovery and upkeep are intense. The non-surgical aspects are even more intense. I've lost so much in my transition that if I wasn't fully sure of every step of the way I wouldn't have done it. That isn't to say some people might transition for lesser reasons, or even just because they want to, and I support them for that, but for me? No. It's very much a thing I had to do. Bigger than genitalia for me was breasts. I'd stand in front of the mirror and cup my hands wishing something were there. Fortunately they're the "easy" part of transitioning in that if you start hormones they eventually show up to some degree.
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Oct 10, 2022 19:47
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What, if anything, happens with your prostate?
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Oct 10, 2022 22:47
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An office chair is a bad example, but yeah, I honestly thought it was mainly a…luxury? A thing to make you feel better, but not a thing anyone could outright need. Now I know. Thank you! It’s changed my perception of things. Because I feel that someone who identifies as female is female regardless of their genitals, I guess I just wrote off the idea that it’s possible for anyone to need surgery. It was foolish of me.
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Oct 10, 2022 23:13
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This is a really cool topic! How does a person who's middle aged and has already built a life even get started? Like, didn't you have to burn down a lot of the life you had built when presenting as a man? Also, in what practical order does a trans person set themselves up in society? I'd really love to hear about what it was like to learn to socialize differently and about the ways it was challenging. Did you work with anyone to help build new social scripts, or maybe working and socializing as a woman came more naturally to you?
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Oct 12, 2022 08:19
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Me again. posted:This is a really cool topic! How does a person who's middle aged and has already built a life even get started? Like, didn't you have to burn down a lot of the life you had built when presenting as a man? Lots of really good questions! Honestly, getting started was the hardest part. The idea that you already have a life built up, a career, friends, family, everything and that it could all disappear because you transitioned is terrifying. I've lost a lot since transitioning, but ultimately it was worth the struggle. The most important aspects of my life, my immediate family and my closest friends, have stuck by me. My family had some complicated moments (such as my mom telling me I was letting Satan into my life), but I didn't lose any of them. My wife, however, decided she couldn't be with another woman and we ended up getting divorced. Turned out she was less bi than she liked to claim, I guess? (But then she started dating another trans woman who came out as trans during their relationship, so uh, explain that one) Career-wise has been the hardest hurdle. I've been job hopping just about every two years since transitioning. Severance concerns are currently keeping me from saying much about past employers, which really sucks. I actually just got laid off on the 3rd, so it's back to job hunting for me again, and I hate it so much. As for "socializing differently" I don't think it's really that big of a change? Ultimately, the decision was to just be who I wanted to be, wear what I wanted to wear, and express myself how I wanted to express myself. I haven't really done anything different. I'm still the same person. I just wear better fitting clothes. Working and socializing as a woman just feels natural to me. It's who I am. It's who I've always been. It was honestly harder to work and socialize as a man, because it felt like I was always wearing a mask and being who I thought other people wanted me to be. Now, I can just be me. It's a huge refreshing change.
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Oct 12, 2022 16:21
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Me again. posted:This is a really cool topic! How does a person who's middle aged and has already built a life even get started? Like, didn't you have to burn down a lot of the life you had built when presenting as a man? This used to be how it worked when being trans was seen as such a negative thing that it was considered better to tell your children that you died and start a new life in another ciry. Nowadays for the most part, in western society, people just transition and maintain their lives. Some relationships fall apart, but there is an assumption that everyone who transitions while married gets divorced which is not true. For me, the process of coming out was kind of disappointing. I expected it to be shocking or controversial, but people just didn't care that much. quote:
Early in transition, I thought I needed to stop "acting like a man" and start "acting like a woman." This was mostly just borne out of insecurity and my imposter syndrome. Men and women don't actually have fundamentally different behaviours. The ways in which my behaviours have changed in a gendered way are mostly just for safety reasons. No walking alone at night, etc. I just act like me and do what feels right to me, and if somebody thinks what I do makes me not a woman, then gently caress you too, buddy. And, there's not defined order to do things in. Some people come out and socially transition for years before starting hormones. I started hormones and then waited about six months before telling anyone I knew, and another year before presenting full time and then 6 more months before starting to get my documents changed. I didn't have a romantic partner at the time, so I didn't feel obligated to tell anyone right away.
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Oct 12, 2022 16:29
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Also a trans, but in the opposite direction. +1 on the reverse phantom limb thing. I used to bump into stuff a lot until I went for the boobus removus. Its like the mental map of where my body existed in space was just ...off. I actually have more fine grained sensation in my chest now than I did with factory original parts bolted on.
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Oct 12, 2022 23:38
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Me again. posted:Also, in what practical order does a trans person set themselves up in society? I'd really love to hear about what it was like to learn to socialize differently and about the ways it was challenging. Did you work with anyone to help build new social scripts, or maybe working and socializing as a woman came more naturally to you? I transitioned about a decade ago, when I was 21. I will say that it was like having to spend an extra decade as a teenager, basically, in terms of having a changing body, a flood of hormones, and having to figure out who I was in the world. I fluctuated between trying to be super girly and fem and being an extreme tomboy. It's worth noting that when I came out, "nonbinary" wasn't a word in common parlance (even among my circle of queers), but over the years I've come to identify more as a nonbinary person than strictly 100% as a woman. As far as the social transition goes, I'd say it's been a lot of like, recontextualizing things. When I was younger, I was really horrible and rude about cutting people off mid-sentence or speaking over them. Men can sometimes get away with that, but I've noticed women generally can't. Moreover, since reaching a point where people see me as a woman, I've often been spoken over or interrupted, so I learned how bad it feels to have that happen and have actively learned to avoid doing that to others. I've noticed that when I'm hanging out with a couple of my guy friends, they tend to dominate the conversation and I have to wait for them to stop speaking so I can get a chance to speak up. Basically, I used to be "one of the guys" but now I'm not. They don't do this on purpose, but it's something I've noticed happens now. There's definitely a kind of inherent distance between me and straight men now. It's like a kind of social barrier? In a way, I always had my barrier up around men, so now it feels like it's just a mutual thing. By comparison, around women, I am able to feel a lot more at peace than I used to. Before I transitioned, I felt really bad because I wished I could be one of the girls, but I was never allowed in. I always felt like I had to be super careful around girls because I was afraid of being seen as a creep. I always felt really guilty for wanting to be in that kind of space. These days, though, there are times when it almost feels like I'm dragged in lol. I now find myself in female-only spaces where people are talking about wedding dresses, or what makes someone husband material, or talking about different clothing or makeup outlets. Sometimes it's a bit much, because like I said I do have a bit of tomboy energy in me, and as a bi nonbinary trans fem, there are some types of girl talk that I just really don't connect with at all. But getting to participate in that kind of social interaction is really nice. It makes me feel more normal. I know some trans guys who have said similar things about how nice it is to finally just get to watch a game and have wings with the guys lol. Like, sometimes it's nice to just do Gendered™ behavior. I find I'm just always learning a little bit more about who I am, and how that manifests in terms of things like expressions and mannerisms. Like, I've learned that when I'm laughing and feeling a little embarrassed, I'll cover my mouth and laugh. It's just a little gesture that's considered kind of feminine for whatever reason, but when I gave myself permission to just do what comes naturally to me, that's how I end up laughing. I remember one time, as a teenager, I covered my mouth when I laughed like that and thought "that was a gay thing to do, now everyone's going to know that i want to be a girl." It was something that I felt I needed to self-police. Even now, a decade later, I've been finding there are little things I've been self-policing all this time that I can let go of. As hard as it is to be trans sometimes, letting myself become the person I want to be is really nice. It sometimes feels like, maybe I can't have children, but I get to bring myself into this world.
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Oct 13, 2022 03:42
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Hey I'm just starting to transition myself, (I'm 31, I found out that I'm trans like 6 months ago. It's been so freeing so far ) and I would like to know when you felt safe going out to do day-to-day stuff wearing women's clothing. I've been going out to a few places that I know are LGBTQ-friendly without any issues, but to other places I still basically present as a man, but with some accessories and things like tight jeans, which I think are a little androgynous at a glance. Basically I would like to know how to gauge whether it would be safe or not to me to go to a certain place dressed how I want to. Thanks!
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Oct 17, 2022 18:02
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Space Kablooey posted:Hey I'm just starting to transition myself, (I'm 31, I found out that I'm trans like 6 months ago. It's been so freeing so far Congrats on finding yourself! It really kind of depends on the area you're at and your comfort levels, but for me I started presenting full time about 4 months from starting HRT. I was a very "rip the bandaid off" type of person when it came to my early transition. Presenting becomes easier the more you do it, so it was really just a matter of putting myself out there and hoping for the best. The biggest delay was because of managing coming out at work. They were really weird about the bathroom issue, and wanted to build a "gender neutral" bathroom they expected me to use before coming out full time.
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Oct 17, 2022 18:51
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Bit of a stupid question, but I guess that's what this thread is for... There are some very minor behaviours that are gendered in our society. Like how to take off a t-shirt (grabbing the collar versus grabbing the hem) or presenting the fingernails. Were you doing these in the 'female' way all along because you unconsciously copied the people you identified with more, did you consciously learn the 'female' habits to displace your old ones, do you just not care and continue doing them however you always have.... ?
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Nov 11, 2022 09:13
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Many of these are taught. I preferred some from the beginning of my memory, had some of those conditioned out of me during childhood and adolescence, and needed to learn some others during transition.
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Nov 11, 2022 09:25
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It's a mix for me. When I was in the closet as a teen, there were some gestures I very consciously avoided doing, even though they seemed nice to me. Like sipping from a cup while holding it with both hands. That always seemed like a cute, comfy way to drink a beverage to me, but I knew that it wasn't "manly" to drink in that kind of dainty way, so I never did. OTOH I've been unconsciously doing the bro nod for most of my life and I've finally broken that habit and switched to smiling and giving people a little wave. I have a customer-facing job, so this switch has been a big one for me lol.
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Nov 11, 2022 18:28
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The dysphoria thing sounds horrible to me but I don't suffer from it. I say that because I thought i've always wished to be a woman but I'm not suffering nearly that loving bad, so it feels like i'm full of poo poo. That's been the confusing part though because I don't know what I feel anymore, I can't stand my body but I don't mind my parts, usually. I've always felt a little feminine but never to such an extent. I'm bi. And indecisive on every aspect of my life, go figure. Now i'm just lost. I don't think I want to transition because that is not suffering i'm prepared for. But i'm tired of being whatever I am. I wish we weren't so far from a true cyberpunk future. Then none of this would be the deal it is now. The human body is such a loving joke and the sooner it can be left behind the sooner we can move the gently caress on to more important things. I can't stand breathing.
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Nov 23, 2022 01:54
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Neuronyx posted:The dysphoria thing sounds horrible to me but I don't suffer from it. Lol.
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Nov 23, 2022 01:56
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Ohtori Akio posted:Lol. Assuming dysphoria means I feel like a woman in a man's body then what I said stands.
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Nov 23, 2022 03:06
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Neuronyx posted:Assuming dysphoria means I feel like a woman in a man's body then what I said stands. Dysphoria is everything you mentioned. Just because it's not gender dysphoria, doesn't make it not dysphoria. Also, you can be enby. You can be a femboy. You can be a demigirl. There's all sorts of identities that aren't just binary masculine and feminine.
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Nov 23, 2022 03:38
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Frozen Peach posted:Dysphoria is everything you mentioned. Ohh. Somehow it never occurred to me to check if dysphoria was a thing beyond gender dysphoria. Well I guess that makes sense then. Disregard most of what I say I'm not okay. What is an enby? I'd do the femboy thing if I thought I looked attractive enough with the right body but that's not the case.
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Nov 23, 2022 04:07
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Neuronyx posted:Ohh. Somehow it never occurred to me to check if dysphoria was a thing beyond gender dysphoria. Well I guess that makes sense then. Disregard most of what I say I'm not okay. What is an enby? I'd do the femboy thing if I thought I looked attractive enough with the right body but that's not the case. Sorry, enby is Nonbinary. Basically, what I'm saying is gently caress gender roles. Do and be what you want.
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Nov 23, 2022 04:13
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Frozen Peach posted:Sorry, enby is Nonbinary. gently caress yeah can't argue with that.
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Nov 23, 2022 04:25
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Neuronyx posted:Assuming dysphoria means I feel like a woman in a man's body then what I said stands. Frozen Peach posted:Dysphoria is everything you mentioned. This. You said you're not dysphoric then outlined the definition of the word 'dysphoria', of which there are many kinds. It may even be gender dysphoria. You do not need to have a specific vision of a gender role or expression you would enjoy a lot, to feel deeply uncomfortable with the one you were assigned. You may not even be able to place the specific discomfort yet. I, personally, would have typed a very similar thing to what you did, maybe like five or six years ago. That is not to say that you are me, but there is something going on inside you which you should address.
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Nov 23, 2022 07:12
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Question for OP and any other trans people here who wish to answer. For those of you who now identify (post transition) as strictly male or female, at what point during your transition did you go from "trans man", or "trans woman" to just "man", or "woman"? Like was it after (I think they call it) gender reassignment surgery? Or at some point before/after that? For those of you who were gay or lesbian before your transition, afterwards did/do you identify as heterosexual? And the opposite question I guess: For those of you who were married to an opposite sex partner before you transitioned (like you OP) now that you have transitioned, do you consider yourself to be homosexual? I realize of course that each of your experiences in that regard are probably different and some of you may consider yourselves something that isn't hetero or homo sexual but I'm just trying to learn about stuff that I'm very clueless of.
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Nov 24, 2022 02:23
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I don't see gender as an ontological fact. I navigate the world as a post-pubertal transitioned trans woman, and my preferred gender role is that of a woman. My preferred gender role has been that of a woman or girl my entire life, and being forced into a different one caused me a great deal of harm. Because you mentioned reassignment surgery, it is worth understanding that it is extremely expensive and stressful on your body, with a significant complication risk; for that reason and others, many people (like me) did not go through the most famous and invasive version. tmi: I got an orchiectomy, removal of the testes, which simplifies hormone therapy, makes clothes fit better, and lessens my physical dysphoria to a very tolerable level. I have had friends opt for "shallow" vaginoplasty, which avoids many of the risk and inconveniences of full-depth vaginoplasty. Others need full-depth vaginoplasty to reduce physical dysphoria to a tolerable level, and they find a way to afford this. Other trans women simply do not get bottom surgery. Other surgeries may be more important than "bottom" surgery, depending on the person. A trans-masculine person could share what the surgical landscape is like for people like them. I've been bi since I noticed I had a sexuality. Whether a given relationship is gay depends on whether I want to own that person at a given point in time.
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Nov 24, 2022 03:57
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Actually, this thread started off with a v'plasty trip report. So here's an orchi trip report.  I got a consult with a local urologist, who asked me to get letters from a psychologist and my primary care doctor verifying my diagnosis of gender dysphoria. We also discussed the details of the surgery: approach through the scrotum or the abdominal wall, basically, and whether I wanted the skin of the scrotum reduced. (Most surgeons do not want to do the abdominal-wall approach, I thought I wanted it, she talked me out of it.) After that, I got her those letters, and we scheduled a surgery date a couple months in the future. Day of surgery was very undramatic. Went to a local hospital, had like five different providers come to me in the prep room and ask if I knew exactly what the surgery was, to explain it in my own words, etc. I'm sure it's standard procedure for any unreversible surgery. I made it to the OR, went under, woke up with the operation complete and a sutured bandaged incision where the offending orbs used to be. Went home same day. Altogether I was out of pocket like four, five grand? An order of magnitude less than a v'plasty. I laid around and did very little for a few days, changed the bandages for a few days. A couple weeks later I was flying out to an anime convention, and was only mildly inconvenienced walking everywhere. Genital dysphoria slain.
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Nov 24, 2022 04:26
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Ohtori Akio posted:tmi: I have had friends opt for "shallow" vaginoplasty, which avoids many of the risk and inconveniences of full-depth vaginoplasty. Others need full-depth vaginoplasty to reduce physical dysphoria to a tolerable level, and they find a way to afford this. Stupid question, but your wording made me wonder: are shallow vaginoplasties more affordable than full-depth? I understand that a full-depth is a more medically involved procedure (and presumably demands more surgical expertise, which, $$$), but I'd have assumed a lot of complexity and cost would be about the same.
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Nov 24, 2022 04:58
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Neuronyx posted:Assuming dysphoria means I feel like a woman in a man's body then what I said stands. If we make that assumption then I never had dysphoria either. I just wanted to be a girl bad enough that I became a girl. I never had any sense that I was something I wasn't, or some intrinsic sense of gender beyond thinking that being a woman would be better than being a man (For reasons I couldn't quite describe). You don't need to meet some threshold of suffering to do gender how you want. If you think changing something would make you feel better, that's all you need to try it out. And it was always easier for me when I focused on what makes me feel good rather than what makes me feel bad. People can be depressed for all kinds of reasons. But there's not a lot of reasons to feel happy about the idea of being a girl. Dr. Stab fucked around with this message at 05:07 on Nov 24, 2022 |
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Nov 24, 2022 05:02
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Antivehicular posted:Stupid question, but your wording made me wonder: are shallow vaginoplasties more affordable than full-depth? I understand that a full-depth is a more medically involved procedure (and presumably demands more surgical expertise, which, $$$), but I'd have assumed a lot of complexity and cost would be about the same. It costs less, but I couldn't tell you by how much. I was never very interested in it.
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Nov 24, 2022 05:09
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