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Big Mac posted:I'm curious about what some of these introspection exercises were like. Would you be willing to share? I've got some questions for myself I think are waiting in the wings, based on how it feels reading this thread and the Gender Dysphoria Bible I can't speak to specific introspection exercises, but one thing I will say in regard to sorting yourself out, don't get stuck thinking you have to figure it all out immediately, or that you have to stick with any specific changes, thoughts, or statements you've had. In the 4 years since my egg cracked I've went from cis, to agender, to queer, to trans, to transfem, to "poo poo this is too hard I'm cis again", to non-binary, to "I'll be non-binary until the HRT fully does its thing, and I magically look and present like a cis-girl in her early 20s even though I'm in my late 30s," to "non-binary tomboy who is giving themselves a break and letting life happen as it happens." And it is guaranteed to change hundreds of times more. Identity is an entirely internal thing that can change as you grow. Speaking for myself, I thought I had to find the correct trans stereotype or subclique and then become that in order to be valid. I spent the first year of my transition trying to introspect myself to my perfect dream of who I wanted to be. And by the end I had learned that that wasn't the best way to become who I wanted to be. Also, find a support group (an online one is fine) and just listen for a while. It's very difficult to have productive introspection with only our own experiences to build our thought processes.
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Feb 10, 2024 01:36
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One thing is to try to separate out the question of who you are from your fear of what might happen. Fear is valid and understandable , but try not to let it feed doubts about your own experience. The other thing is introspection is great and all but at some point you need to do actual gender exploration. Identify the things you always wanted to try and try them. Chase what feels good.
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Feb 10, 2024 02:05
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oh god oh gently caress posted:One thing is to try to separate out the question of who you are from your fear of what might happen. Fear is valid and understandable , but try not to let it feed doubts about your own experience. The other thing is introspection is great and all but at some point you need to do actual gender exploration. Identify the things you always wanted to try and try them. Chase what feels good. Killer name/post combo
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Feb 10, 2024 15:21
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Oh I thought of a question, for people who are in the dating scene. Do people generally indicate what genitals they have and what genitals they are looking for on a partner? Is that thing? Like if I wanted to date someone with a penis (but didn’t have a preference re their gender identity) would I say on my okcupid profile or whatever “penishavers only please”? Also, I don’t like the word penishaver because it makes me think it says penny-shaver. Thank you for your time.
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Feb 10, 2024 18:41
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Dans Macabre posted:Oh I thought of a question, for people who are in the dating scene. ... You could add a space and make it "penis havers" unless you're discussing a trip to Pen Island.
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Feb 10, 2024 18:53
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Dans Macabre posted:Oh I thought of a question, for people who are in the dating scene. This would generally come off weird and bad. Most people don't want to feel like they are being dated for their genitals. There would additionally be a concern that this person would be wanting to treat me and place me in a role corresponding to how they perceive my genitals.
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Feb 12, 2024 16:45
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I agree it seems totally weird. So how and when does it come up? Like on the date when you’re thinking you might hook up that evening?
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Feb 12, 2024 17:18
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Historically I have either dated friends I know well and talk about trans stuff with, or bisexuals who wouldn't actually care. So this hypothetical of a blind or app date leading to hookup with a distinct disclosure point is just not something I have experienced.
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Feb 12, 2024 18:22
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Dans Macabre posted:I agree it seems totally weird. So how and when does it come up? Like on the date when you’re thinking you might hook up that evening? Given the risk of violence, I would disclose before meeting in person. I’m not on the dating scene, but reactions people have when they find out you’re trans can be unpredictable.
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Feb 28, 2024 22:24
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I've been having feelings for a long time about if I was a girl. What resources can I find to help me figure out these thoughts?
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Jun 10, 2024 11:35
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grittyreboot posted:I've been having feelings for a long time about if I was a girl. What resources can I find to help me figure out these thoughts? Read this: That's Gender Dysphoria, FYI And then come post in the CCCC thread
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Jun 10, 2024 12:04
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Hopefully haven't missed this elsewhere, but for trans women with penises, how do orgasms change and how/why? Some podcasts I've heard with trans women (shout-out to Kill James Bond) I've heard references to dry orgasms but other references to ejaculation and some other details I don't really understand. I assume it's down to HRT somehow? But basically if I try and google it unhelpfully just serves up pornography.
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Jul 21, 2024 11:16
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VagueRant posted:Hopefully haven't missed this elsewhere, but for trans women with penises, how do orgasms change and how/why? You are asking two separate questions: the HRT-induced changes to the qualitative experience of orgasm, and to the objective phenomenon of ejaculation. The qualitative experience of orgasm shifts to be less focused around a specific peak and moreso around a very nice feeling for a period of time. Essentially less like a guy's and more like a gal's. The objective phenomenon of ejaculation pretty quickly becomes clear as sperm production ceases, then dries up over time, and in some cases becomes nothing. Experiences vary a bit here. I got my nuts cut off, so nothing comes out.
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Jul 21, 2024 11:38
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Ohtori Akio posted:The objective phenomenon of ejaculation pretty quickly becomes clear as sperm production ceases, then dries up over time, and in some cases becomes nothing. Experiences vary a bit here. I got my nuts cut off, so nothing comes out. Counterpoint: I got my nuts cut off and still produce as much as I ever did. As seems to be the case with most things HRT related: the results can vary a lot. As for the qualitative experience I'd say the peak is maybe a bit lower but lasts much longer. The peak itself also feels much less important than it did before. I can be fully satisfied after activity with someone without having had an orgasm now which is pretty different. Its part of the whole sense of arousal and libido changing. I'm not sure I can really explain it in a way that makes sense to a cis person because a lot of it is just that it feels correct now where it felt like a terrible, wrong, disgusting, pressure before.
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Jul 21, 2024 17:49
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Thanks for the info! Could probably do with improving my understanding of HRT.
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Jul 23, 2024 09:36
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Thank you for making such a brave, honest, interesting and well informed thread. I feel much more informed about gender dysphoria and the surgical side of things which as a GP (UK family MD ) is both truly fascinatingly and useful to have some knowledge of. After reading the whole thread I sensed that one of the fears trans people have about coming out is regarding their employment. More specifically I got the feeling there is a fear of losing your job after coming out. Here in the UK there are discrimination laws which are meant to protect people though I know discrimination does still frequently exist. I guess I’m asking about whether you have experienced much trans-phobic behaviour? Also in America there is a much stronger Christian ethos throughout society and I wonder if this heightens trans-phobia? Please tell me more about how society generally responds to you. Thank you.
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Jul 25, 2024 22:01
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Little Puffin posted:Thank you for making such a brave, honest, interesting and well informed thread. I feel much more informed about gender dysphoria and the surgical side of things which as a GP (UK family MD ) is both truly fascinatingly and useful to have some knowledge of. I live and work in Seattle. All of my employers have been explicitly trans positive, but I've experienced a lot of the normal friction that comes with interacting with cis people, like failure to adjust pronouns or clearly mentally categorizing me as a guy. I think I've even had some labeling of soft skills as not real skills, though that is more of a women's concern overall. Incidentally, I am Christian, and all my managers have been irreligious. Funny how that works out. It would be a different story in a different part of America.
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Jul 25, 2024 22:10
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I can't speak to where you would encounter more interpersonal transphobia, but as a trans person, I would much rather live in the US than the UK. The UK is just so much more institutionally hostile to trans people.
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Jul 25, 2024 23:12
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Dr. Stab posted:I can't speak to where you would encounter more interpersonal transphobia, but as a trans person, I would much rather live in the US than the UK. The UK is just so much more institutionally hostile to trans people. This 100%. The US varies a lot but the best parts are some of the best places in the world to be trans.
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Jul 26, 2024 01:53
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The main thing I've noticed, (even in a workplace that reports to be very LGBTQIA+ friendly) is my opportunities for advancement/responsibility have slowed down. They treat me more as a "Just let them do their thing" where previously it was "Let's get them on this, they're really capable." Weird to feel it happening, but I've heard similar reports from lots of other queer folk around this particular Seattle-area based tech company. Sudden Loud Noise fucked around with this message at 03:35 on Jul 26, 2024 |
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Jul 26, 2024 03:05
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Little Puffin posted:Thank you for making such a brave, honest, interesting and well informed thread. I feel much more informed about gender dysphoria and the surgical side of things which as a GP (UK family MD ) is both truly fascinatingly and useful to have some knowledge of. Being trans hasn't ever made me fear for my employment prospects and if anything it has helped (I got my current job through a tech boot camp training provider for women and non-binary people and I wouldn't have had that opportunity if I was still presenting as a man.) So I don't have much connection to the concern behind your question at all, although a ton of that good fortune comes from my privilege of being white, educated and middle class. HOWEVER seeing as you've outed yourself as a GP and in the UK I feel a strong obligation to try to communicate how being trans in Britain feels right now. You didn't ask for this, but as someone on the front lines of primary care you are (knowingly or not) participating in a shamefully neglectful suppression of trans people and their identities via denial of safe healthcare. You're interested enough in trans lives to ask a question that is really into the weeds of what life is like for an individual who has transitioned, and so I am inferring that you have a general interest in us and our wellbeing. Here are some of the recent events which contribute to this sense of being on the receiving end of state suppression (I'll keep it largely focused on healthcare but some of it has to incorporate events that are more in the general sphere of state interference in trans existence.) - The Equalities and Human Rights Commission has been directed by an overt transphobe for years and has been publishing attacks on trans people's right to exist by undermining the protections for gender reassignment in the Equalities Act 2010. As it stands, nothing has changed legislatively, and the last government despite all its clear hatred for trans people did not attempt to amend the EA. Trans safety and inclusion in public life is currently protected -quite well- by this one piece of legislation but it was clear the conservatives and indeed many prominent voices in the Labour Party have intent to reform the act for the worse. The prime minister himself made statements while campaigning that contradict the equalities act and signal an intent to dilute the protection that it offers. Many of the points that follow stem from the work that has been done over the last ten years to undermine public confidence in the act. - The Cass Review, released earlier this year, is a landmark document about trans supportive healthcare for children and young people. This review is a very poorly veiled partisan attack on trans lives and is a complete stitch up. I urge you to read this piece and the material it references. The report is ostensibly focused on healthcare for trans youth but mere days after its publication there were wide-reaching reviews announced to examine the provision of healthcare to trans adults across the UK, which in the public context that produced a document like the Cass Report can only signify further attacks to come. - Labour's then-shadow health secretary and now Secretary of State for healthcare has completely endorsed the Cass review and has stated - and doubled down on - his intention to make permanent a ban on puberty blockers for use in healthcare for trans youth. This is entirely enabled by Cass and unless you read the material linked above you'll probably think that this is a measured and sensible decision. The government continues to gaslight the trans community by calling our fear alarmism, by asserting that they are doing what's best for us, and claiming to be following the evidence - which, again, is a claim that is strongly refuted by the arguments in the linked article and indeed by clinicians elsewhere in the world. Trans teenagers who do not receive healthcare are at greatly elevated risk of suicide and self harm - and who can blame them? If I'd been able to socially transition as a child and then was forced to experience natal puberty after 6 or 7 years of having my gender affirmed I would almost certainly have attempted suicide. A number of trans teenagers have died by suicide since the temporary (soon to be permanent) ban, although the specifics of this claim are disputed and the NHS has attempted to refute it entirely. I don't know the truth here, but every single trans person I know believes that it's happened because we know ourselves and what experiencing this ban would do to us. - Access to NHS care for trans people is utterly and completely broken. Waiting lists for the Gender Identity Clinics are now commonly measured in decades. The YouTube channel PhilosophyTube has a detailed video discussing this and I urge you to watch it. This has forced trans people to do one of three things: seek private healthcare; self-medicate using online sources; do nothing and wait while experiencing the anguish of gender dysphoria. The Royal College of General Practitioners recently published guidance which very strongly discourages GPs from working with any private gender clinics in a shared care capacity. This has been the only lifeline for British trans people needing clinically supervised and professional care. It's obvious what will happen as a result: more people will self-medicate, a practice which is colloquially known as DIY, and one which in most of the rest of the English-speaking world doesn't happen, because it doesn't need to. The risks of this don't need explaining. There are also signals of intent by the government and by NICE to crack down on the sources relied upon by DIY transitioners, which in the context of everything else represents a very scary threat indeed. So if every other option is denied, it's back to waiting and doing nothing and having dramatically elevated risk of suicide and self harm, depression, substance abuse, and other kinds of dysfunction that impact untreated trans people and those close to them. Small wonder that it feels like an enclosing attack that is coming for us on all sides, little by little. There is a belief among British trans people that every trans suicide is a victory for the openly hostile state. So yeah, I haven't had to think about being trans affecting my employment prospects, although I know I'm lucky in that regard. But I promise you, ::gestures broadly at everything:: all this is what we currently care about. Anyway, it's the London Trans Pride March today so I'm gonna go and join another probably futile attempt to make people pay attention to what's killing us.
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Jul 27, 2024 09:34
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That was a heck of a downer so I'll respond to the last sentence of Little Puffin's question cos that's actually kind of a nice thing to answer. In general, society has responded to me very positively since my transition. I have experienced a few minor incidents of transphobia but most of the harassment I experience is just plain ol' misogyny. Otherwise, I've been fortunate to work in environments where there has been an institutional desire to foster trans inclusion, and colleagues who have been mostly proactive in generating that. I'm not sure I've experienced any explicit transphobia at work, although I've had a few administrative difficulties with company systems that can't easily handle changes of data that was assumed by the programmers to be immutable. And genuinely overall I've been pleasantly surprised by how the world reacts to me. Although see above for my caveats about how my unearned privileges have greatly contributed to this. Being a white, well-spoken, pretty and happy woman seems to make the world much more likely to respond warmly than my previous incarnation as a depressed and scruffy man.
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Jul 27, 2024 09:50
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Squibsy posted:- The Cass Review, released earlier this year, is a landmark document about trans supportive healthcare for children and young people. This review is a very poorly veiled partisan attack on trans lives and is a complete stitch up. I urge you to read this piece and the material it references. The report is ostensibly focused on healthcare for trans youth but mere days after its publication there were wide-reaching reviews announced to examine the provision of healthcare to trans adults across the UK, which in the public context that produced a document like the Cass Report can only signify further attacks to come. I want to chime in on the Cass review specifically, it was so badly done and so obviously a political hit that the British Medical Association (the professional union for doctors in the UK) has passed a motion to do a public critique. quote:‘This meeting recognises that the provision of gender identity services in the United Kingdom is inadequate, and that transgender people should be treated with compassion and respect for their bodily autonomy. Following the publication of the Cass Review on Gender Identity Services for children and young people, this meeting is concerned about its impact on transgender healthcare provision because of its unsubstantiated recommendations driven by unexplained study protocol deviations, ambiguous eligibility criteria, and exclusion of trans-affirming evidence. Therefore, this meeting calls on the BMA to: FOIA requests since publication have shown that Cass was the sole candidate approached to perform this review, too.
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Aug 8, 2024 01:39
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God, I almost miss the days when nobody thought about us, visibility is such a pain in the rear end sometimes. Still, overall things have come a long, long way since I first came out and it's nice to see that folks are feeling more able to question and examine their relationship with their gender. Lots more happy trans folks around these days, even in my rural shithole, and it warms the cockles.
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Sep 13, 2024 09:00
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Where does someone get gray market estrogen? Not me, I have a prescription. Not for a friend, either, it's somebody I hate.
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Oct 3, 2024 00:27
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djed.f.re posted:Where does someone get gray market estrogen? Not me, I have a prescription. Not for a friend, either, it's somebody I hate. In-depth discussion of this may be against the rules of the web site. However, a list of grey market suppliers can easily be obtained from hrt cafe dot net. I have no idea which ones are going to sell you good stuff and which are selling asbestos with tuberculosis in it! Grey market hrt is kind of a pain because prices are generally high, and sometimes you'll have to pay in crypto. I did it for a few years and I would say that for most Westerners it's not worth - BUT - if your country imposes long waiting times, it's worthwhile.
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Oct 3, 2024 00:46
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djed.f.re posted:Where does someone get gray market estrogen? Not me, I have a prescription. Not for a friend, either, it's somebody I hate. That final sentence is so tantalising
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Oct 3, 2024 15:10
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It feels like a weird revenge plot where you force your enemy to transition. Which is probably not really cool? In a more and less serious vein, can y'all talk to me about names? Clearly, deadnames are a thing for a reason, but how do you pick a good name for yourself? I'm partially asking because my ex transitioned and picked a pretentious name, which is both quite fitting and very much in opposition to his extremely boring deadname. It feels like an important decision, and it's the part of transitioning I would least trust a teenager with.
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Oct 3, 2024 15:41
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I talked it over with trusted friends and my mom, who all had ideas that didn't feel right, and then I just picked a very low key one that felt like it was me.
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Oct 3, 2024 15:43
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BonHair posted:It feels like a weird revenge plot where you force your enemy to transition. Which is probably not really cool? The worst names you've ever heard were almost entirely picked by adults. It's unreasonable to put trans people on a pedestal expecting them to pick a "good" name. Folks can change their name however they like. The biggest pain of it is the paperwork. Society in general is very familiar and comfortable with name changes. But people make it weird when it's for transition purposes. Choosing a name can be different for different people. Sometimes it's something they've known and felt for years and years. Others try out names to see how they feel. Others do it off the cuff because it's not that important to them and they want something that vibes with them.
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Oct 3, 2024 15:51
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To be clear, as a parent, I know a bit about picking names, and I know quite a few parents who picked extremely dumb names. It was pretty difficult for the kids, especially the second boy because we didn't want to just use the second pick, but babies are also kind of a blank slate, unlike someone who's transitioning with an existing personality. I don't know, it's just a fascinating topic to me because names are simultaneously a key part of an identity and completely arbitrary and essentially meaningless.
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Oct 3, 2024 16:02
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BonHair posted:It feels like a weird revenge plot where you force your enemy to transition. Which is probably not really cool? If you are in a hardcore band and want to steal someone's partner-it has been attempted before! https://metalinjection.net/news/breakups/hardcore-band-fires-their-vocalist-for-the-most-insane-unhinged-behavior
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Oct 3, 2024 19:28
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Squibsy posted:That final sentence is so tantalising It's somebody whose doctor would perform a hysterectomy but wouldn't prescribe estrogen. I don't like her but nobody else is going to help her. Actually maybe I will like her after. She says she's an ogre because of this hormone problem. BonHair posted:how do you pick a good name for yourself? I'm gonna change my name to djed.nfr
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Oct 3, 2024 20:57
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Sudden Loud Noise posted:The worst names you've ever heard were almost entirely picked by adults. It's unreasonable to put trans people on a pedestal expecting them to pick a "good" name. Folks can change their name however they like. The biggest pain of it is the paperwork. Society in general is very familiar and comfortable with name changes. But people make it weird when it's for transition purposes. I once worked with a guy who hated his birth name, and took advantage of getting married to change it because the state process to do so is entirely at the whim of a judge thinking your reason sounds good. Unfortunately he had no taste, so his new name sounds like a bad action movie protagonist.
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Oct 3, 2024 22:27
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Liquid Communism posted:I once worked with a guy who hated his birth name, and took advantage of getting married to change it because the state process to do so is entirely at the whim of a judge thinking your reason sounds good. Unfortunately he had no taste, so his new name sounds like a bad action movie protagonist. We had friends who named their two daughters Carmen and Electra, "After the actress?" I asked. "Who?" they said, "Wait, what?!" They claimed never to have heard of her.
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Oct 4, 2024 11:08
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yaffle posted:Electra, my son eddie (short for oedipus),
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Oct 4, 2024 11:27
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Where can a gurl (me?) get the forms to get signed up for estrogen? (In Canada). Been having issues because I live hours from any major city.
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Jan 14, 2025 05:17
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I’m curious if hormone therapy has changed, not your sexuality (although I’ve heard that there are trans masc people who don’t want to take T for fear of it turning them gay), but like how you think about sex. Thinking or feeling about loving, it’s hard to find the correct words but as a cis man living very heteronormativity sex for me is something I’ve been “taught” to take a very active role in. I think this is all very fascinating
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Mar 17, 2025 20:58
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Hard to know. Many people I know (mostly transfemme) reported some kind of change in their sexual appetites. Speaking for myself I went from having {some} sex drive prior to starting my Estrogen to having {almost no} sex drive throughout most of my four-ish years on hormones. To what extent this is also influenced by dysphoria is a very open question.
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Mar 17, 2025 21:11
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Yeah, from everything I've experienced and folks I've talked to, it can vary drastically depending on which hormones, life, relationship, and dysphoria/euphoria. Personally: Edit:On second thought, eh. Lots not share all that. Sudden Loud Noise fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Mar 17, 2025 |
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Mar 17, 2025 22:22
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