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Pastel Candy Snake
Sep 6, 2018

🍭hiss🐍
Trying to think of a food that absolutely cannot get hosed up no matter the circumstance and I don't think I've ever had a bad donut before.

Show me some poo poo rear end donuts so I can be humbled ty

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Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

My "Not Vincent Price" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.


Smellrose
I've been to places where they can gently caress up a simple donut, OP.

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER
yes, if they're stale. or the icing rubbed off on the top of the box and it's sticky but not good. or if the boston creme is all in one spot and there's not much. or sprinkles.


plenty of ways to gently caress up a donut

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

My "Not Vincent Price" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.


Smellrose
The British Isles do not understand donuts.

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.

Pastel Candy Snake posted:

Trying to think of a food that absolutely cannot get hosed up no matter the circumstance and I don't think I've ever had a bad donut before.

Show me some poo poo rear end donuts so I can be humbled ty

Chain donut shops but especially Dunkin Donuts since they stopped actually making them in the stores. There's a place in my town that's really old school and open 24 hours a day. If you go at certain times you can get freshly made donuts and they are like god cum.

Wall Balls
Jun 3, 2007

Spanish Castle Magic

um it's real easy to gently caress a donut op, there's a pre-made hole in it and everything

Pastel Candy Snake
Sep 6, 2018

🍭hiss🐍

CPL593H posted:

Chain donut shops but especially Dunkin Donuts since they stopped actually making them in the stores. There's a place in my town that's really old school and open 24 hours a day. If you go at certain times you can get freshly made donuts and they are like god cum.

I haven't lived in Boston in about 8 years but even less than a decade ago I remember Dunkins being at least serviceable. There were plenty of better local places tho that I'd go to. In the PNW good donuts are loving everywhere, it's like heaven.


kntfkr posted:

yes, if they're stale. or the icing rubbed off on the top of the box and it's sticky but not good. or if the boston creme is all in one spot and there's not much. or sprinkles.


plenty of ways to gently caress up a donut

ya i mean like just on a fundamental level, stale and old notwithstanding. i will and have enjoyed even gas station donuts so long as they're still soft and relatively fresh

PokeJoe
Aug 24, 2004

hail cgatan


ya the ones you buy that are shelf stable at the grocery store are pretty bad

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010

Pastel Candy Snake posted:

ya i mean like just on a fundamental level, stale and old notwithstanding. i will and have enjoyed even gas station donuts so long as they're still soft and relatively fresh

So you're only talking about donuts that are fresh out of the fryer? You're just describing something that's always good

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

My "Not Vincent Price" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.


Smellrose

CPL593H posted:

Chain donut shops but especially Dunkin Donuts since they stopped actually making them in the stores.

Dunkin is the only place in my city I can get a chocolate cake donut and it's strange. Like all the indie donut shops just don't make them.

Molten Llama
Sep 20, 2006
Walk into any Safeway and behold the worst donuts

The Fattest PI
Mar 4, 2008
One time I bought some fancy donuts for work, they were like 20 bucks for a half dozen. They were gigantic though and probably like 1500 calories each. Fuckin delicious. Everybody was real pumped about it because most of them didn't live anywhere near the hipster fancy donut place but they'd heard about it.

I walked into the lunch room a little later hearing some weaselfaced dickhead whispering to someone how he didn't feel good after he ate his donut, almost like I put something in it. I was like "yeah buddy i spent $80 dollars just to make your little tummy tum sore".
Idiot eats 3lbs of sugar and fat and is suddenly suspicious when he feels weird after. Not everything is a conspiracy dipshit, eat your lardcake and feel bad after like the rest of us

sigher
Apr 22, 2008

My guiding Moonlight...



Those pink donuts 7-11 always has after the Simpsons movie are awful.

PinheadSlim
Apr 2, 2015

FRIENDS for EVER
These suck a fat one imo

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here. It's gone now.


I've had bad doughnuts, but I specifically have never had a bad blueberry doughnut.

Charles Bukowski
Aug 26, 2003

Grimey Drawer
I don't like regular glazed donuts

PinheadSlim
Apr 2, 2015

FRIENDS for EVER
Also I don't really love Krispy Kreme. Like they taste good but they're almost too sweet and the way they just disintegrate in your mouth like cotton candy isn't my favorite.

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




yes i have, it was too sweet

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015

I don't get no respect!
I don’t like some jelly donuts that other people like. I’m always so happy to find tart filling. Other than that no, there is no such thing as a bad glazed donut.

Deep Glove Bruno
Sep 4, 2015

yung swamp thang

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

The British Isles do not understand donuts.

Extremely true. it's rear end backwards. you can get pretty decent fresh jam donuts at any supermarket for 5/£1, some supermarkets even have krispy kreme, fine, but go to a "donut" shop (in London the hipster donut shop will be Crosstown or Doughnut Time) and they suck poo poo and cost the equivalent of like 8 bucks each. intricate icing patterns and sprinklings of salted caramel fudge cubes looking like a work of art and then it's like biting into a wax model of food only somehow less healthy. the definition of food made solely for instagramming and then throwing away.

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
:unsmith: i like nice words
The vast majority of donuts suck and are barely worth eating. The cool ones in NYC are good but ludicrously expensive. Meanwhile there are places in the south that are completely unfancy and will give you the best donut of your life with about a half-pound of filling for like eighty-five cents. It appears to be a whole genre down there. Anyway OP get your hands on some of those and you too can be disappointed by all other donuts forever after

Deep Glove Bruno
Sep 4, 2015

yung swamp thang
yeah the best donuts are from some place that goes for volume sales cheap

you want a place that's like, we are making a load of donuts and selling them all for a buck or less, and we do NOT have time to gently caress around with drawing designs with a vanilla reduction on each and every one

Brits do not understand this!!

Charles Bukowski
Aug 26, 2003

Grimey Drawer
I like those old fashioned sour cream donuts you can get from convenience stores.

Schweinhund
Oct 23, 2004

:derp:   :kayak:                                     
One time someone brought donuts from a bakery into work and the one I got had vanilla frosting with a candy cane broken into like 10 pieces sprinkled on it. I don't know how someone thought that was a good idea. You don't eat candy canes like you eat a donut. They're rock hard. You're supposed to suck on them. But it also tasted terrible. The combination of the mint candy cane and the vanilla frosting didn't go together. One of the worst things I've ever tasted.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
One time I had a Boston cream that had no delicious cum filling whatsoever. That was bad.

Szyznyk
Mar 4, 2008

There’s a lovely donut place called Yummies that makes their donuts with what I’m assuming is a rice flour blend because they’re loving oddly textured and terrible.

owls or something
Jul 7, 2003

I don't like the way Krispy Kreme donuts make my mouth feel. It's like eating a cake made of lard.

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004


i just went and got fresh donuts and ate them. they were good though

Caesar Saladin
Aug 15, 2004

I had a good one called a hertz donut. You want one OP?

Doc Fission
Sep 10, 2011



I've never had a Dunkin Donut that didn't feel stale. Also shelf-stable pastries are almost always awful.

In general I don't really like donuts, though. Cake all the way :colbert:

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004


Doc Fission posted:

I've never had a Dunkin Donut that didn't feel stale. Also shelf-stable pastries are almost always awful.

In general I don't really like donuts, though. Cake all the way :colbert:

the only really good off-the-shelf donuts are the chocolate covered entenmanns

zedprime
Jun 9, 2007

yospos
Entenmanns are entirely reasonable snacky cakes shaped like a donut.

Alucard
Mar 11, 2002
Pillbug

poverty goat posted:

the only really good off-the-shelf donuts are the chocolate covered entenmanns



The chocolate tastes like wax, gonna have to disagree. The powdered versions are palatable though

pnumoman
Sep 26, 2008

I never get the last word, and it makes me very sad.

Doc Fission posted:

I've never had a Dunkin Donut that didn't feel stale. Also shelf-stable pastries are almost always awful.

In general I don't really like donuts, though. Cake all the way :colbert:

Back when Dunkin' Donuts made their donuts in house, they were godly when fresh. Now that they're trucked in, they always taste stale to me.

Doc Fission
Sep 10, 2011



pnumoman posted:

Back when Dunkin' Donuts made their donuts in house, they were godly when fresh. Now that they're trucked in, they always taste stale to me.

I don't think I have ever lived in this reality tbh.

I do have fond childhood memories of Dunkin. When I was a little kid and not yet in school sometimes my mom would take me to a mall that was on a waterfront in Miami and would get me a vanilla donut with sprinkles and a milk carton. My mom and I have a tough relationship but this is a good memory :shobon:

As an adult I live in a big city so there are lots of boutique donut places, including a place called Sublime Donuts that is open 24 hours a day and is therefore perfect for midnight drunken pilgrimages. But if I want something sweet I'd still prefer a slice of cake.

edit: just learned about the second N in entenmenns bc of this post what the gently caress

Charles Bukowski
Aug 26, 2003

Grimey Drawer
Chain store Boston cream filling just tastes like sugar goo. It lacks even a nice vanilla flavour in the custard.

no pubes yet sorry
Sep 11, 2003

I dated a girl who loved those OTC powdered donettes. So dry and gross and I don't even know if they count because they taste/feel like they were baked in the pits of hell and satan blew his dandruff on them

Hollismason
Jun 30, 2007

My reluctance to enjoy clown-based movies indicates to my friends that perhaps I hold a sinister clown-based secret...

Dunkin Donuts has poo poo donuts. They're all loving awful , they're usually stale , too sweet, and they're made with the worst ingredients. Just loving trash donuts.

The coffee is very good though.

You Are A Elf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

pnumoman posted:

Back when Dunkin' Donuts made their donuts in house, they were godly when fresh. Now that they're trucked in, they always taste stale to me.

Yeah. They were great when the “time to make the donuts” guy was a big thing in commercials, but that was 30 years ago and I haven’t had a good donut from Dunkin’ since. Not stale, but you can definitely taste the preservatives to keep them fresh.

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Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Problematic Poster*~
Fun Shoe
yeah ive had krispy kreme before OP

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