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Tevery Best
Oct 11, 2013

Hewlo Furriend
Name: Adam Małysz
Nickname:
Position: Center field
Player Type: High work ethic, can jump real high, otherwise let the chips fall as they may
Nationality/Hometown: Wisła, Poland
Number: 4
Height and Weight: 1.70 m (5 ft 7 in), 50kg (110 pounds)
Appearance:

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Gerblederp
Dec 4, 2009

I would draft the hell out of Tim McCracken, that arm is nuts.

ajkalan
Aug 17, 2011

JosefStalinator posted:

Storg Storg




First name? STORG
Second name? STORG
Nickname? STORG

Storg "Storg" Storg?.

Storg see ball good. Storg hit ball gooder. Ball fall in short? Not good. Ball go far? Very good.

Throw ball to Storg, Storg also catch. Sometimes catch with body.

Storg born in Niagara Falls. Storg swim over Niagara falls for training. Training make Storg STRONG.

Storg want to play in Colorado.

"He's intelligent and well-spoken."

JosefStalinator
Oct 9, 2007

Come Tbilisi if you want to live.




Grimey Drawer

ajkalan posted:

"He's intelligent and well-spoken."

Sometimes it just writes itself.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
That's m'boy!

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Clapping Larry
Storg!

Admiral Joeslop
Jul 8, 2010




He's efficient and to the point with words, not wasting time. Many people could learn from his example.

Nea
Feb 28, 2014

Funny Little Guy Aficionado.
Name: Jessie Crime
Nickname: "Criminal"
Position: Right Field
Player Type: Steal Bases Constantly
Nationality/Hometown: Midland, Michigan
Number: 44
Height and Weight: 5'11, 210 pounds.



She's gonna steal every base.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012

If you’re still looking for talents…

NAME: Bob Glass
NICKNAME: Rooster
PREFERRED POSITION: SS, but is more of a utility infielder; more on that below
FIELDING TYPE: Utility Infielder—you can plug him in to any infield position and get plenty of good, solid mileage outta him; what he lacks in specialized experience in one position he makes up for in sheer utility. Need someone to shore up 1B? He’s your guy. Third bag needs depth? Slot him in. Shortstop lacking? He’s there.
HITTING TYPE: Switch Bomber—when this guy swings, that ball is either hitting the moon, the parking garage, or the nosebleeds. Power is the name of his game. When this guy hits a line drive off a two seamer, duck. And, oh yeah, he can slam it from both sides of the dish. How’s that for a pitcher’s nightmare?
HOMETOWN: Ellicott City, MD
NUMBER: Whatever fate decides is prudent.
HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 6’2”, 180 lbs
DESCRIPTION: The color beige given human form. Bland looking face, brown eyes, dark hair, white. If the most unassuming person to ever walk this cursed earth decided to play baseball.
MISCELLANEOUS: Set his injury resistance stats to their absolute maximum. Trust me. It’ll be worth it.

HereticMIND fucked around with this message at 04:07 on Jan 28, 2023

Red
Apr 15, 2003

Yeah, great at getting us into Wawa.

HereticMIND posted:

HOMETOWN: Ellicott City, MD

Historic or Route 40?

camoseven
Dec 30, 2005

RODOLPHONE RINGIN'

Red posted:

Historic or Route 40?

Dang now I want some KBBQ

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012

Red posted:

Historic or Route 40?

40.

JosefStalinator
Oct 9, 2007

Come Tbilisi if you want to live.




Grimey Drawer

CptWedgie posted:

On the one hand, I'm kinda surprised that Stupid's already been drafted. On the other, I'm really surprised that he's having health issues before even really joining. That doesn't really bode well for his career, does it?

Anyway, if we're allowed to make multiple players each, maybe I should toss another on the pile.

Name: Fat Bastard
Nickname: King Hippo
Position: First Base
Player Type: Surprise me
Nationality/Hometown: Honolulu, Hawaii
Number: 99 (it's the number of servings he had at dinner last night)
Height and Weight: 5'7", 917 lbs
Appearance: Really ugly, and (if the engine allows) really fat. Or, y'know, just grab a picture of King Hippo from Punch-Out.

Fat Bastard




Fat "King Hippo" Bastard continues the mass inflation that has wracked our goon community - topping 917 pounds, he is an absolute behemoth. A profoundly stupid, absurdly rotund, and ever hungry man, Fat Bastard has one thing going for him - he can hit for power with the best of them. He's known for mostly speaking in the form of GRAAAARGGHH and threatening to punch his opponents, but has avoided controversy due to the fact that absolutely no one wants to take on a man three or four times their size.



Look at this beautiful, stupid man. High leadership and low intelligence? What a beautiful combination.

The Mattybee posted:

Name: C.J.T.J.C.J.B. Clips
Nickname: <random>
Position: LF
Player Type: Ichiro-esque, which I think is a perfectly fine description
Nationality/Hometown: Winnipeg, MB
Number: 70
Height and Weight: 6'3", 200lbs
Appearance: Like somebody just went loving apeshit with the sliders in Skyrim


C.J.T.J.C.J.B. Clips




C.J.T.J.C.J.B. Clips was named after the sound made by his mother upon seeing his face for the first time, but now wears his bizarre name with great pride. Ever positive, Clips realized from a young age that the universe did not give him a curse but a blessing - for his otherwise hideous face quickly became a tool to intimidate opposing pitchers. Clips impressed scouts at the pre-draft events with his ability to throw pitchers off their game, and demonstrated some of the best pure hitting abilities as a result. He also led to the innovation of the "Clips bucket," a special pail available to all pitchers at the scouting camps to ensure they have a ready receptacle for vomit after each at bat.

He's also become an excellent poker player, as none are able to look at his face to find his tells.

PotatoManJack posted:

This looks awesome - here's another player if not too late:

Name: Potato Manjack
Nickname:
Position: Starting Pitcher (SP) (L handed)
Player Type: Ballsy Arrogant Jerk
Nationality/Hometown: Poopville, Nebraska
Number: 50
Height and Weight: 5'10, 165lbs




Potato Manjack




Potato Manjack came into baseball from the world of wrestling - and in doing so, brought with him some baggage. A well known trickster, Manjack was fortunate that his talents superceded the sheer annoying nature of his personality - he regularly tripped his fellow teammates, shook their hands with buzzers, and even threw a pie instead of a ball (somehow making it all the way to the plate from the mound). Despite his nature he seemed to never falter in the face of failure, and his foibles (and that of his friends and enemies) only seemed to fuel him more - and among the goons, he singularly has the greatest desire to WIN above all else. He just wants some laughs along the way.



A clowny personality if I've ever seen one! Also, he has a knuckle curve, which seems like a clowny pitch to me.

Red posted:

I'll add another!:

Name: Salvatore Silencio
Nickname: The Silencer
Position: Closing Pitcher
Player Type: Flamethrower; relies on fastball, slider, and screwball delivered via an unorthodox delayed windup to throw batters off.
Nationality/Hometown: Long Island, NY
Number: 86
Height and Weight: 6'1", 222 lbs.
Appearance: Italian man of medium build, with coiffed mobster hairdo. Clean shaven. Wears a two gold necklaces with pendants; one a cross, the other a bullet casing. Extremely arrogant and dismissive.

Salvatore Silencio





Salvatore "The Silencer" Silencio is a man of few words. Always listening and observing, many of the others in the lockeroom are intimidated by him - and this intimidation extends to the batters he's facing. Allegedly very "connected," Silencio's talents removed any need for favoritism in the training and scouting camps - but the fact that he always had an entourage, and the finest gear and equipment, suggests a background of considerable wealth and power.



Silencio does an excellent job laying low and focused on his goal - being the most well paid Goon.

(I know he's not quite what you asked for pitch-wise, but he turned out pretty darn good. If you guys ask for too specific a thing, sometimes it's hard to reroll 100 times to get that, and I'll settle for something equally fun/good/interesting).

That will serve as our third batch of goons! Here's how we stand as we prepare to sim the third season, or 2024:




Every time I re-run scouting it will change the order/numbers ever so slightly, so we can see some players have even risen or fallen based on that. Our top rated players all remain undrafted - but as you have seen, it is in the field that potential ratings tend to crater and come closer to reality, and nothing is set in stone.

EDIT: Noticed a mistake with Manjack's name that has since been fixed!

JosefStalinator fucked around with this message at 20:35 on Jan 27, 2023

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

:rip: to Cash, drat

Red
Apr 15, 2003

Yeah, great at getting us into Wawa.

40 has the food, Historic has better booze.


JosefStalinator posted:

Salvatore Silencio





Salvatore "The Silencer" Silencio is a man of few words. Always listening and observing, many of the others in the lockeroom are intimidated by him - and this intimidation extends to the batters he's facing. Allegedly very "connected," Silencio's talents removed any need for favoritism in the training and scouting camps - but the fact that he always had an entourage, and the finest gear and equipment, suggests a background of considerable wealth and power.



Silencio does an excellent job laying low and focused on his goal - being the most well paid Goon.

(I know he's not quite what you asked for pitch-wise, but he turned out pretty darn good. If you guys ask for too specific a thing, sometimes it's hard to reroll 100 times to get that, and I'll settle for something equally fun/good/interesting).

That is awesome! I thought you didn't want to double dip yet?

Edit: Holy poo poo, a sidearmer

Red fucked around with this message at 21:32 on Jan 27, 2023

DoubleNegative
Jan 27, 2010

The most virtuous child in the entire world.
Potato Manjack is a really good name. And I want him to do well.

JosefStalinator
Oct 9, 2007

Come Tbilisi if you want to live.




Grimey Drawer

Red posted:

40 has the food, Historic has better booze.

That is awesome! I thought you didn't want to double dip yet?

Edit: Holy poo poo, a sidearmer

Oh woopsie, I didn't notice that he was a second player by the same goon! I may cryogenically freeze Salvatore for now, but if I can't figure out how to do that, I'll let it slip and be more vigilant.

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Clapping Larry
'Princess' Bitchface is holding on to the bastion of awful he was meant to be. I am so proud.

Admiral Joeslop
Jul 8, 2010




JosefStalinator posted:

Oh woopsie, I didn't notice that he was a second player by the same goon! I may cryogenically freeze Salvatore for now, but if I can't figure out how to do that, I'll let it slip and be more vigilant.

You also gave me Fat Doug AND Howard The Duck :smugdog:

CptWedgie
Jul 19, 2015

JosefStalinator posted:

Oh woopsie, I didn't notice that he was a second player by the same goon! I may cryogenically freeze Salvatore for now, but if I can't figure out how to do that, I'll let it slip and be more vigilant.
Assuming Fat Bastard slipped through too? He's my second, after Plusse.

Anyway, Salvatore... seems like he could be decent for a bit, but he'll definitely struggle with predictability in the long run.

JosefStalinator
Oct 9, 2007

Come Tbilisi if you want to live.




Grimey Drawer
How dare all of you take advantage of me like this :negative:, looks like they're gonna have to get the Han Solo treatment:

Howard the Duck


Salvatore Silencio


Fat Bastard


Don't worry - they'll be thawed out when the time is right. All their stats are preserved!

JosefStalinator fucked around with this message at 02:23 on Jan 28, 2023

Popete
Oct 6, 2009

This will make sure you don't suggest to the KDz
That he should grow greens instead of crushing on MCs

Grimey Drawer
Oh man Antoni Kemping plummeting to a 30 overall :( he has the clout of a #1 draft pick so maybe OOTP will properly simulate teams constantly giving him opportunities to turn it around.

Admiral Joeslop
Jul 8, 2010




JosefStalinator posted:

How dare all of you take advantage of me like this :negative:, looks like they're gonna have to get the Han Solo treatment:

Howard the Duck


Salvatore Silencio


Fat Bastard


Don't worry - they'll be thawed out when the time is right. All their stats are preserved!

I'm calling a vote of No Confidence :argh:

JosefStalinator
Oct 9, 2007

Come Tbilisi if you want to live.




Grimey Drawer
A few more to fill in the now frozen spots:

Lumpy posted:

Showing another body on the pile.

Name: Patrick O'Doyle
Nickname: 'Tungsten Arm'
Position: Starting Pitcher (SP)
Player Type: Durable. Boy howdy is he durable.
Nationality/Hometown: Buffalo, NY
Number: 13 (or whatever)
Height and Weight: 6'4", 183 lbs




Patrick O'Doyle




There are only two things Patrick "Tungsten Arm" O'Doyle does better than pitch - drink, and fight. Patrick was born to a family of former Irish Republican Army members who fled to the United States after the Good Friday Agreement, and refused to shake the hands of any protestants during the training camp. A man of the typical irate nature seen in the Irish Race, Patrick does not tolerate criticism or failure in any way, and is known to wake up at 4AM every day to train and plot revenge on those who have wronged him. Every bit the epitome of an old timey spirit, the bareknuckle brawling son of an Irishman will almost certainly overperform with his absolutely insane work ethic.



Seriously. Do NOT piss Patrick O'Doyle off.

In terms of baseball ability, Patrick has potential to really excel - he has two potentially excellent and one very good pitch, and above average control. His main problem is that he needs all of them to go right and has little room for error. But with a nearly perfect work ethic, the odds are in his favor.

DoubleNegative posted:

Name: Steve McGee
Nickname: Boney
Position: Batter, Outfielder
Player Type: Goes all out swinging
Nationality: American; Charlottesville, VA
Number: 27
Height/Weight: 6'3, 133lbs

I was gonna include just an actual picture of a skeleton, but I'm willing to chance it with whatever the game generates.


Steve McGee




Steve "Boney" McGee was bullied his entire childhood. Born with a rare genetic birth defect in which he had no skin, muscles, organs, eyes or even brain, he struggled in school and with the constant taunting of his classmates who called him "skinless" "boneboy" and "spooky". Every girl he fell in love with rejected him for his lack of organs, and children would run away from his hideous visage. The only day he ever felt himself was Halloween - where he could roam the streets free to be himself.

However, he made a discovery when one of his few friends tore their ligament, and his high school needed a replacement on the baseball team. He didn't have ligaments - but somehow, he was still capable of locomotion. Filling in for his injured teammate he also discovered he had immense power and a natural knack for baseball - albeit with the important caveat that, lacking eyes, he had a very difficult time spotting the ball. He also found himself very clumsy and not particularly fast on the basepaths, making him comically error prone.

His opponents taunted him by calling him "boney" - and the name stuck, and he now wears the label with pride.



Can't tear a ligament, or have a sore muscle, if you have none :smug:. Just better hope he never breaks a bone.

Tevery Best posted:

Name: Adam Małysz
Nickname:
Position: Center field
Player Type: High work ethic, can jump real high, otherwise let the chips fall as they may
Nationality/Hometown: Wisła, Poland
Number: 4
Height and Weight: 1.70 m (5 ft 7 in), 50kg (110 pounds)
Appearance:

Adam Małysz




Adam "Baby Bull" Małysz loves one thing more than anything else - speed. Born into a family of disgraced Polish nobility, Małysz was trained from a young age in all the typical sports of European nobility - skiing, equestrian arts, racecar driving, and child grooming. Having mastered all three by the age of 17, Małysz found the life of a decadent European to be boring, and instead sought out a pursuit he could call his own, and one that few other European nobles could claim success in - baseball.

Among the fastest of the goons, he is unfortunately not the best at stealing bases, and he allegedly aims not for the fences, but the gaps in the outfield. A lover of doubles, triples, and inside the park home runs, Adam is an absolute menace to infielders everywhere.



He apparently is absolutely scathing to his haters - but the least European thing about him is that he has an above average work ethic.


Admiral Joeslop posted:

I'm calling a vote of No Confidence :argh:



With the double dippers frozen in carbonite, and the new goons added, here's how our goon class stands as I prepare to sim the 2024 season:




Edit: there's only one tubbs, ignore him being there twice

JosefStalinator fucked around with this message at 03:20 on Jan 28, 2023

Namtab
Feb 22, 2010

not happy with vegeta sneaking up the ranks

Ammat The Ankh
Sep 7, 2010

Now, attempt to defeat me!
And I shall become a living legend!
Prince Vegeta's draft stock is rising

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012

Hopefully, when Bob enters next season, there’s a market for him to ply his trade—there haven’t been any new utility infielders since Steve Jeltz(sp?) retired back in the 90s. Wonder what the game will look like by the next draft?

JustJeff88
Jan 15, 2008

I AM
CONSISTENTLY
ANNOYING
...
JUST TERRIBLE


THIS BADGE OF SHAME IS WORTH 0.45 DOUBLE DRAGON ADVANCES

:dogout:
of SA-Mart forever
The HoF logic in these games if truly putrid - OP mentioned that in another thread. It basically ignores everyone who isn't a lock first-ballot type like the Fernando Tatis in this universe who had nearly 900 career home runs.

I 've been following an LP of this game where someone had a third baseman with over 80 career WAR... 400 SB, lifetime 120 OPS, won 11 Gold Gloves... he's been elligible for 7 seasons and is just losing vote percentage every year. Derek Jeter nearly got in unanimously despite a markedly worse career as a black hole on defence. Oh, and by the way... this snubbed player also won 5 World Serieses.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
They're just still using the HOF vote logic from OOTP 2013.

Ammat The Ankh
Sep 7, 2010

Now, attempt to defeat me!
And I shall become a living legend!
Getting mad at the real HoF is exhausting enough, I can't imagine getting mad at a fake video game HoF.

JosefStalinator
Oct 9, 2007

Come Tbilisi if you want to live.




Grimey Drawer
2024 MLB Season

The 2024 MLB season begins! We'll likely just see some more goon development, but we are creeping ever closer to getting some meaningful statistics for them!

How did the offseason shake out? We can see which teams made the biggest overall changes to their rosters:





Oof, poor A's. The usual suspects at the bottom bled WAR as they lost their big players. In the case of the A"s they lost basically their entire roster, and signed no one. Like, literally no one - their biggest move was a Rule 5 draft acquisition of an entirely average Travis Shaw.



There's uh, still some free agents around 😬.



Yeah....

I actually don't know why no teams have signed Bauer. The game doesn't mention anything about his controversial stuff, so it must have a hidden modifier.

Spring training begins, and our goons make some upward moves!



Splodey Face and Tubbs
officially make it to AAA! It's likely this is just temporary, as neither have any plate appearances, and this is Spring Training, so many rookies and newbies are getting to practice in the expanded rosters further up the chain. Still a good sign for their eventual promotion.



Soon....



BNN publishes its top 100 prospects at the start of the season... and no goons are to be found in the top 10!? What is this!?

Top 50 Batters


At least Douglas Dougless is there at number 11. There's more further down as well.

Top 50 pitchers



And a few more on the pitcher side. Give it time. Those 17 year olds always break down.



Here's how our drafted goons stand going into opening day. Splodey Face returns to AA, where is the starting second baseman. A lot of goons have seen their potentials drop precipitously - again, don't freak out because we are using the lovely default scout, and every time it rescouts it finds frustratingly different values.



Goons top the draft pool for 2024, with Steve McGee's beautiful boney body leading the others as the likely number 1 pick. Actually Goku takes spot number 4 - a few ahead of Prince Vegeta, who allegedly throws a ball so hard it knocks over his practice catcher in rage.



The award for the biggest fall in ratings so far definitely goes to Antoni Kemping. I have no idea what happened, but his batting abilities just completely collapsed since he got drafted. He'll be crying all the way to the bank with his $13 million of signing bonus money.



Compare him with AJ Kalan, who not only maintained his potential, but has actually realized a gap power of 120. That's pretty drat impressive - with his speed, he's going to be a doubles machine. A quick glance around shows Bitchface similarly to be doing well in gap power, but struggling elsewhere.



Lebron James is Mr. Consistent here too - he's not excelling anywhere, but unlike some of his peers, he's realizing his potential very quickly.



Something I missed from last season - Jack Glasscock won our first (and thus far only) goon award! It was just a player of the week award down in the Rookie leagues, but get it Jack! I would like to note that he has yet to steal a single base, and I'm eager to see if he ever gets one at the professional level.



Reggie Blank wins an award of his own! Another player of the week in the Rookie Leagues, but we'll take it!




Kalan though, come on dude! The hotheaded Kansan gets suspended four games for a fight. Do better Kalan!



Fernando Tatis Jr. wins the HR Derby, as Trout leads the AL to a 2-0 win in the All-Star game. At 32, Trout is still regularly putting up 7+ WAR seasons, and his OPS+ in 22 and 23 was 157 and 174 respectively. I'll definitely take a look at his final numbers whenever he retires.

But now, it is time for the first year player's draft of 2024!







And the draft order, for those curious.





2024 Amateur Draft Results:

1.1 Actually Goku, CF - Cleveland Guardians
1.2 Aadam Malysz, CF - Houston Astros
1.3 Steve McGee, RF - Washington Nationals
1.4 CJTJCJB Clips, LF - Miami Marlins
1.5 Tim McCracken, 3B - Detroit Tigers
1.6 Kazuki Saito, 3B - Cincinnati Reds
1.7 Prince Vegeta, SP - Chicago White Sox
1.8 Storg Storg, 1B - Chicago Cubs
1.9 Zell Dincht, RF - Texas Rangers
1.12 Mr. Panda, SP - San Diego Padres
1.19 Patrick O'Doyle, SP - Arizona Diamondbacks



Congrats to Actually Goku for being the number one overall pick of 2024! And look at that, Prince Vegeta went to the White Sox... who are in Cleveland's division... :getin:

Upon hearing that he was drafted seventh, and clearly behind Goku who got the first overall pick, Prince Vegeta reportedly destroyed his hotel room, rock star style.

Storg, upon hearing that he didn't get drafted by Colorado, responded with only "Storg sad."

For whatever reason, Potato Manjack didn't show up in the draft pool. Is it because he was still in High School listed as a Junior, despite being 19? And has an intelligence of 156 so probably wasn't held back? Who knows, but I'll ensure he shows up next year!

Now let's see if they actually sign.

But first, some more accolades!




Down in AA, they have their own version of the All-Star game. And Splodey Face won the MVP for the contest, drawing a walk, hitting a solo homer, and scoring two runs. Good work Splodey!




Snorp Borsgaard outdoes his goon rivals by not winning player of the week, but player of the month for the Down East Wood Ducks (:wtc:) down in Single A.



Reggie Blank gets a player of the week down in the rookie leagues as well :3:.



Minor Tragedy strikes our goons in August, as Splodey and Cash both suffer moderate injuries. Splodey tears his quadriceps and misses six weeks of play. Cash misses 5 weeks due to dreaded "shoulder tendonitis," but thankfully isn't a pitcher, so hopefully it won't cause too much trouble for him.

The deadline for signing with a team has arrived - and the results are in:

2024 Amateur Draft Results - Signing

1.1 Actually Goku, CF - Cleveland Guardians - $10,000,000
1.2 Aadam Malysz, CF - Houston Astros - $8,330,000
1.3 Steve McGee, RF - Washington Nationals - DID NOT SIGN - will be going to Notre Dame
1.4 CJTJCJB Clips, LF - Miami Marlins - $13,870,000
1.5 Tim McCracken, 3B - Detroit Tigers - $9,060,000
1.6 Kazuki Saito, 3B - Cincinnati Reds - $8,060,000
1.7 Prince Vegeta, SP - Chicago White Sox - $5,850,000
1.8 Storg Storg, 1B - Chicago Cubs - $7,590,000
1.9 Zell Dincht, RF - Texas Rangers - $11,200,000
1.12 Mr. Panda, SP - San Diego Padres - $6,250,000
1.19 Patrick O'Doyle, SP - Arizona Diamondbacks - $11,000,000

I'm not entirely convinced that Mr. Panda did himself any favors delaying for a year, but he still ended up in roughly the same place. Prince Vegeta again gets owned by getting a little more than half of Goku's signing.

Congrats to CJTJCJB Clips for getting the biggest signing bonus of any goon so far! Work the Marlins for all they've got. Also good work to Patrick O'Doyle in getting the World Champion Diamondbacks to pay him big despite being 19th overall.

With that, only two goons are without a team - the weirdly held back Potato Manjack and the college boy Steve McGee.

Or wait, there is... a third?

Oh no.

Oh no!!





What happened!!??? Our very first goon drafted, ever, as the first overall in 2022 Antoni Kemping was released by the Orioles a mere two years after being drafted. Only over a year before, he was rated the #36 overall best prospect in baseball.

His ratings have completely collapsed - he peaked at A+ where he put negative WAR with an OPS+ of 60. He just... collapsed. :(.

He may still yet get signed by another org and given another chance. But it doesn't look good.

What a loving trip if our first overall goon drafted is also the first to retire in shame. Let it be a warning to all of you stressing about or celebrating your ratings - you ain't poo poo.

As we sim to the end of the season, more tragedy strikes:




Rex Sisters suffers a nasty injury in a torn labrum, sidelining him for 8-9 months. This means he'll be out the entire offseason and into the next too. Let's hope it doesn't impact that monster of an arm.

I'd also like to note that Aaron Zinn came back from his devastating injury and seems to be alright. His potential remains a solid 57, though most disappointly, he seems to have given up on his knuckleball :(.



Sad.

Up in the majors, the season closes with the 2024 World Series



Somewhat boringly, the Braves defeat Kansas City to take another ring. No goons are involved, so there's not much interesting there.



The Yankees fire Brian Cashman, okay.



The top prospect list at the end of the season sees some movement - Prince Vegeta tops the list among goons, moving up above Actually Goku, to his great delight.

The 2024 awards are announced:
NL MVP: Nolan Gorman - ARI
AL MVP: Shohei Ohtani - LAA
NL CY YOUNG: Sandy Alacantra - MIA
AL CY YOUNG : Logan Gilbert - SEA

Nolan Gorman was Arizona's (real life) #1 draft pick in 2018, while Ohtani continues to be a stud, hitting 52 home runs. His pitching was only mediocre here though. Gilbert was Seattle's number 1 pick in 2018.



Something to aspire to, goons!

We also have our :siren: first goon trade :siren:




Carl Tubbs becomes the first goon to be traded! It looks like the Giants are in rebuilding mode, so despite just signing Webb to an extension, they decide to trade him away to Milkwaukee for some prospects. A great sign for Tubbs, if the Giants see value in him.

Or wait... was it the first trade? No, I was wrong!



Just a week before, AJ Kalan technically was involved in the first goon deal. A much less interesting deal, it looks like the Mets needed an outfielder and Kalan was the sweetener to get one from the Phillies. Welcome to Philly, AJ!

2024 draws to a close, and we end our update with the 2025 Hall of Fame voting. What terrible decisions will OOTP23/baseball writers make this time!?




:barf::barf::barf:

I'm sure my baseball people spotted the most offensive part of this. Ichiro Suzuki, one of the most amazing players of his generation, trailblazer for foreign/Japanese players, a brilliant hitter, flashy and funny, and all around nice guy, get's a 57% in his first year on the ballot. I can already here all the old loving BBWAA writers complaining about his time in Japan or something insane.

Ammat The Ankh posted:

Getting mad at the real HoF is exhausting enough, I can't imagine getting mad at a fake video game HoF.

I AM MAD. MAD ABOUT VIDEO GAMES.

Beyond Ichiro's undeserved low vote count (he'll prolly get in eventually), no one makes it into the hall, with the previous years' guys slowly creeping upwards. Ichiro is also joined by C.C. Sabathia, who maybe has an outside shot of making it.

But what of our goons? How did they end up settling as 2024 turned into 2025?




:rip::rip::rip::rip::rip::rip::rip::rip::rip::rip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8bJrKND-Zo

How the mighty have fallen. I can't believe it, but a mere two years after being drafted as the first overall pick in baseball, Antoni Kemping retires from the game. This is impressive on many levels and I'm still pretty shocked - it just shows that none of you are safe, and retirement can come for any of you. Also, maybe don't get drafted by the Orioles.

At least Antoni has one achievement he can remember fondly:



Hope he didn't waste his 12 million dollar signing bonus!

Goon Status, 2025:




The goons continue growing and thriving (Antoni aside), as Kalan, Vegeta, and Malysz now top the potential list. Mr. Panda rockets past the rest to be the first goon to hit the 40 overall mark and joins his fellow goons in AA!

Splodey Face notably earns promotion back to AAA! This happened in the offseason, so he doesn't have any stats yet, but he's currently slated to be the starting 2B for the AAA affiliate for the Phillies. Will he maybe be the first goon to make it to the majors?

Our goons continue to be clustered around a few teams - currently San Francisco, Detroit, Pittsburgh, and Texas all have 3 goons each.




In somewhat sillier news, some of our goons have started to become well known and popular in their local market and nationally. I find it funny that our most popular goon is actually the only one who has retired - Antoni Kemping's name is now synonymous with being a highly touted draft pick who turns into a complete bust, and nerds on the internet are mocking him openly. Actually Goku's smile, charm, and Forrest Gump-like simpleton nature seem to have endeared him to the country. Reggie Blank similarly has become quite popular across the USA, in part because everyone projects their own feelings and desires onto him.

Bitchface and Face have eclipsed the above players in their local market, with Baltimore and Philly fans respectively clamoring for their organization to give them the promotions they need to get to the majors.

Thus ends 2024 - a year of great firsts for goons, and great tragedies. Our first trade, our first promotion to AAA - and, sadly our first retirement. And from such heights. RIP Antoni Kemping.

CptWedgie
Jul 19, 2015

JosefStalinator posted:



The award for the biggest fall in ratings so far definitely goes to Antoni Kemping. I have no idea what happened, but his batting abilities just completely collapsed since he got drafted. He'll be crying all the way to the bank with his $13 million of signing bonus money.
That's a pretty extreme drop. So much so that I have to ask: Did he somehow lose an eye?!

But anyway, considering how horribly they botched his training, I can't say I'm surprised he retired. My condolences to Popete.

JosefStalinator posted:




Kalan though, come on dude! The hotheaded Kansan gets suspended four games for a fight. Do better Kalan!
...Funny, I would've thought Plusse would be the first to face disciplinary action, considering how he's the stupidest player so far and extremely controversial on top of that. What're Kalan's personality ratings, anyway?

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012

NOOOOOOOOOO not Kemping! :smith:

EDIT: Also, lol, Orioles making it to the postseason/playoffs. OOTP, you are so silly.

HereticMIND fucked around with this message at 09:45 on Jan 28, 2023

Fat and Useless
Sep 3, 2011

Not Thin and Useful

RIP Antoni.

But hey Carl finally has some goons to hang with. Good for him, I hope he makes friends. Just gotta claw his way back to AAA now.

Pander
Oct 9, 2007

Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.



Flawless strategy: refuse to sign for two years and then sign for a worst draft spot. Good job you loving imbecile.

DoubleNegative
Jan 27, 2010

The most virtuous child in the entire world.
:staredog: What the heeeeck. How did Antoni drop so hard?
Also, good on 'ol Boney for getting him some education.

Explosionface
May 30, 2011

We can dance if we want to,
we can leave Marle behind.
'Cause your fiends don't dance,
and if they don't dance,
they'll get a Robo Fist of mine.


Man, that's a wild year for Splodey. Hopefully he can keep improving and get a chance at the show.

Namtab
Feb 22, 2010

Glad that the goku/vegeta rivalry is going well

Admiral Joeslop
Jul 8, 2010




OotP '23 giving us a better Dragonball storyline than the manga has had in years.

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rickiep00h
Aug 16, 2010

BATDANCE


See when you don't read the thread for a day, you miss the fact that your guy that should be iced isn't. Snorp and Zell, teammates in life, love, and thawed status. (Whoops.)

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