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My sister-in-law gave me a bunch of episodes of The Love Boat for some reason, so I'm watching them. I'll report in here. |
# ? Jan 23, 2023 20:03 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 15:17 |
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Season 02, Episodes 01-02 The crew takes a trip to a deserted island only to discover it's inhabited by crazy Gomez Addams, who takes them hostage at gunpoint and forces them to plan a surprise birthday party. They make plans to escape, but are thwarted by the arrival of a hurricane. An old lady inexplicably grows affection for the captor, and by the end of the double-episode plans the surprise party, then decides to stay behind and keep him company as she lives out the last few months of her terminal illness. Meanwhile, Isaac the bartender manages to pull the wool over the eyes of a sexy model by having the crew talk him up like he's some rich successful dude. When she finds out he's the ship's bartender, she's angry, but, because she's a woman and therefore flighty, comes around to forgiving him after he takes responsibility for the safety of the passengers when the idiot acting captain doesn't. A love connection happens. Finally, a woman who is a total jackass to her husband, during the hurricane on the island, confesses to him that the romance is gone, and she wants a real man. Her husband lowers his voice and makes up some stories about sleeping with a whole lot of women before he met her, and this somehow rekindles the romantic spark in their marriage. |
# ? Jan 23, 2023 20:05 |
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Season 02, Episode 03 Julie, the cruise director, is expecting her parents on board. Turns out her father is Mister Roper. He and the Mrs let Julie know they're getting a divorce. Julie is pissed, but starts trying to hook them up with sexy singles on board. They don't like it and decide to get back together. Julie gets a compliment from her boss for hooking up two more people. A TV censor winds up falling for a prude who passes out pamphlets about moral vices. They have a lot of stupid interactions where they try not to kiss, then they finally kiss and it's really traumatic for both of them. Then they discover they're roommates, and decide to get married. A whole lot of fuckin' ensues, proving that even prudes like TV censors can find love, however unlikely. A girl who wears baseball caps and sports jerseys befriends Danny Zuko's sister's son. She tries dressing up all girly for the boy, but he hates it. She decides to go back to presenting the way she's comfortable. Then they find out she's moving to his school district, and he asks her to a dance. |
# ? Jan 23, 2023 20:16 |
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End credits note: The Love Boat's executive producer is Aaron Spelling, Tori Spelling's dad. |
# ? Jan 23, 2023 20:18 |
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Hmm. Seems like they asked three writers to come up with separate short plays, and one episode was all three stories mashed together. The stories don't seem to interact with each other in any way. That was probably a pretty smart way to ensure you have enough material for a weekly show! |
# ? Jan 23, 2023 20:24 |
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Uh oh, these episodes are out of order. Stand by... (Also, I'm tired of watching The Love Boat) |
# ? Jan 23, 2023 20:30 |
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thank you for your report, I'll take it under advisement
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# ? Jan 23, 2023 22:21 |
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Season 02, Episode 04 A dude dates three women at the same time and they find out, but decide he's a pretty okay dude. A couple find out they both slept with someone else, but decide maybe that's okay. Some guy fakes a back injury but gives up the charade after a flaky woman with a torpedo bra shows interest in him. |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 00:03 |
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I'm trying hard to view this with the lens of what came before it, culturally. But it's still really uncomfortable how women are treated in this show. Also this isn't as funny as I thought it would be. So if anybody has any love boat anecdotes, or boat anecdotes, or love anecdotes, please chime in? |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 00:09 |
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the love borat
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# ? Jan 24, 2023 02:37 |
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Do you have any Barney Miller or Fantasy Island?
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# ? Jan 24, 2023 08:31 |
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the Screw Canoe |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 10:01 |
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Barco Fiesta posted:the love borat very nice |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 10:50 |
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The show is a lot more enjoyable after they find the little man in the boat. |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 13:22 |
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Buttchocks posted:The show is a lot more enjoyable after they find the little man in the boat. |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 13:48 |
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cruft posted:Season 02, Episodes 01-02 lmao
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# ? Jan 24, 2023 15:09 |
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Jordan Peterson learned everything he knows by watching the entire series
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# ? Jan 24, 2023 16:30 |
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CJ put on an episode of Fantasy Island where a guest's Fantasy is to get married in six days. Her ex-fiance (who dumped her because he is literally allergic to the word "marry") gets jealous seeing her with other men, and spreads a rumor that she's a prostitute, leading to her being harassed. In retaliation, she pretends to actually become a prostitute, staging a foursome that drives the ex-fiance into a rage and breaks down the door into her room. He proclaims his love and they get re-engaged, his allergy cured. Another guest's Fantasy was to uncover an Egyptian tomb on the island. The island is located near the Caribbean.
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# ? Jan 24, 2023 16:35 |
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Also every joke in Fantasy Island is the little person "Tattoo" wanting to gently caress, and everyone responding "gently caress YOU YOU'RE SHORT" I'm glad everyone from the 70s are all dead and buried
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# ? Jan 24, 2023 16:38 |
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FutonForensic posted:CJ put on an episode of Fantasy Island where a guest's Fantasy is to get married in six days. Her ex-fiance (who dumped her because he is literally allergic to the word "marry") gets jealous seeing her with other men, and spreads a rumor that she's a prostitute, leading to her being harassed. Aaron Spelling is also responsible for Fantasy Island! The similarity is not a coincidince. |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 16:41 |
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Yeah I've got a Spelling for you: A.W.F.U.L.L.
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# ? Jan 24, 2023 17:21 |
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Season 02, Episode 05 Julie's Aunt: The captain's uncle shows up and starts aggressively sexually harassing Julie (the cruise director). I'm talking like physical assault: grabbing her, throwing her to the ground, while the laugh track rolls on. She repeatedly seeks the help of her (men) co-workers, who are sympathetic but reluctant to intervene. Eventually she convinces Gopher to dress as her police inspector aunt to thwart his advances, which he does. Then the uncle starts harassing Gopher, but quickly repents when he realizes Gopher is a dude. Where Is It Written?: An author and his editor board the ship, with the editor's wife. The editor won't stop working, so the wife hangs out with the author instead. He keeps putting the moves on her, which she rejects. Eventually the editor notices, and they have a ridiculous fistfight which results in them all getting dumped into the pool. This convinces her that she actually still likes her limp-dicked husband, and he agrees to stop working while on vacation, just as the vacation ends. The Big Deal: some woman shows up with her dad and her dad's business partner. The dad's business partner lecherously eyes her and decides somehow that she's part of the business deal. She goes along with it because she wants her dad to succeed, but then she meets Ponch from C.H.I.P.S. and realizes she still holds a candle for him from high school. Lecherous guy gets all jealous and I don't know what happens next because I stopped caring. |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 17:32 |
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One of my favorite parts so far is when the wife says she's being considered for this big promotion at work, and her husband tells her she should stay at home instead:husband posted:... you'd be good at anything you tried. But the thing you're best at is being my wife. wife posted:Of course the laugh track and editing completely fail to do anything at all with this spot-on reaction from the actress. cruft fucked around with this message at 17:54 on Jan 24, 2023 |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 17:46 |
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Season 02, Episode 06 The Witness: Mike Brady was a witness to some heinous crime. He falls in love with some lady who also knows about the crime, and the crime weighs on him so much that their relationship is tortured and boring. Oh, snap the murder victim was her brother. What are the odds? Mike and Ike: Isaac the Bartender recognizes a family (they're also black, of course). Turns out the three adults were in a doo-wop band together. The dad nows owns a bunch of car dealerships and can't stay off the phone long enough to hang out with his son. Isaac tries to convince the dad to spend time with his son. I actually like how Isaac was portrayed here, he starts to show some real depth of character. The Kissing Bandit: Miracle Max dresses up every night with a mask, cape, and fedora, and runs around the ship grabbing women and kissing them. Meanwhile there's a woman actually interested in him during the day, and he's skipping out on her to do his kissing rounds at night. This one actually made me laugh, a Love Boat first. Right until the crew decides to use Julie as "bait" to catch the kissing bandit. In hindsight, maybe sexual assault isn't all that funny. The actress who played Julie wound up addicted to cocaine, and was one of the very first Hollywood people to openly admit they had a drug problem. They dropped her from the show, but she did make a full recovery right around the time The Love Boat ended its run. |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 19:02 |
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Season 02, Episode 07 Ship of Ghouls Story 1: Some white lady is all self-conscious because she has a scar on her face. Story 2: The owner of The House on Haunted Hill is an illusionist whose wife is upset that he can't leave his work behind. Story 3: Some kid is worried that his dad might leave for a whole year again, which makes him a pathological liar. |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 20:04 |
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FutonForensic posted:CJ put on an episode of Fantasy Island where a guest's Fantasy is to get married in six days. Her ex-fiance (who dumped her because he is literally allergic to the word "marry") gets jealous seeing her with other men, and spreads a rumor that she's a prostitute, leading to her being harassed. Is this a real episode? |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 20:08 |
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cruft posted:Is this a real episode? what I love about this thread so far is that literally everything seems kind of like it's made up |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 20:12 |
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cruft posted:Is this a real episode? Don't believe me? It's all in the numbers: S2E4, S2E5
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# ? Jan 24, 2023 20:29 |
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FutonForensic posted:Don't believe me? It's all in the numbers: S2E4, S2E5 That's terror...ible |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 20:45 |
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FutonForensic posted:Also every joke in Fantasy Island is the little person "Tattoo" wanting to gently caress, and everyone responding "gently caress YOU YOU'RE SHORT" While I haven't seen Fantasy Island, I want to assure everybody in the thread that this would be totally on-brand for The Love Boat, so I don't doubt the claim at all. |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 20:49 |
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Season 02, Episode 08 Julie’s sporting a new hair style in this episode! ## Anoushka Hot Lips Houlihan boards the ship as a godless commie cruise director, in some sort of east/west cruise staff exchange program. She talks to Julie about the glass ceiling, making this perhaps the first episode that passes the Bechdel test. The doctor gets bored and wanders off. Comrade Hot Lips asks Julie to do her hair and makeup, then shows up to dinner looking sexy. Suddenly the doctor wants to talk to her, proving, I guess, that the doctor is a pig. Comrade Hot Lips decides she’s way more interested in the doctor than her career, and she spends the rest of the episode pursuing him. He proposes marriage at the end of the 3-day cruise, but she has to go back to Russia. ## Accidental Cruise Soupy Sales shows up drunk with his secretary. Turns out they don’t have tickets, they thought they were going to his apartment. She confesses her love to him, but he just wants her to take dictation. I’m deeming this “Love Boat Plot #1”: man can’t stay away from work. Toward the end, she forcibly kisses him, prompting the crew to use the word “assault” for the first time this season. ## The Song is Ended Susan/Sharon’s older sister and her husband take their first vacation without kids. They run into the host of Family Feud, and realize their marriage has failed. But then the game show host sings a song, and they decide to stick together. The actors almost got a tear out of me. Could just be Love Boat Fatigue though. ## A Time for Everything Within 30 seconds it becomes clear the captain is a father to an orphaned love child. The rest of the story proceeds to slowly reveals additional clues, in case the viewer is an idiot. The captain spends a lot of time staring off-screen as the camera zooms in. Sometimes this triggers a flashback. Then the little girl leaves, and the captain reads through a bunch of love letters he’s kept from her mom. Between this attempt at a tear-jerking ending, and Hot Lips crying about having to go back to Russia, this probably qualifies as “A Very Special Love Boat” |
# ? Jan 24, 2023 22:17 |
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Season 02, Episode 09 ## Till Death Do Us Part JJ (Good Times) and Vy (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) board, but it turns out she killed him by putting lighter fluid on his cole slaw, and he’s a ghost now. JJ Tries to hook her up with Barney Collier (Mission: Impossible) and a bunch of other (black) guys. But because she’s having a conversation with a ghost, she winds up saying all sorts of off-putting things to the (black) people who keep coming up to her. It’s just that same joke, repeated for 30 minutes, and interspersed with JJ tossing out one-liners that sidle right up next to being funny. JJ gets all butthurt when she winds up actually liking Barney, and tells her 2 years of mourning isn’t enough. But he has a change of heart and pushes her down the stairs, which causes Barney to propose. ## Chubs Gopher’s sister is on this cruise. Seems she was fat when she was younger, giving the crew an opportunity to make a bunch of fat jokes. Ha ha! Fat jokes! Anyway, she finally shows up, and what do you know, Gopher’s sister is Hot Mary Ingalls (Little House on the Prairie)! Boy, is she hot! And she’s looking for some action! She keeps trying to hook up with doc, but he’s put off because, “you’re 18 and you’re Gopher’s sister”. So the recurring character estableshed as “mister casual hook-up” gives Hot Mary Ingalls a lecture about holding out for true love. ## Maybe Laurie Strode (Halloween) and her husband, “Sir Not Appearing In The Credits”, are annoyed when Laurie’s parents show up. Husband tries repeatedly to engage her, but she’s too busy being a jerk, having decided that because her parents divorced, she will too. On seeing that her parents have made up, Laurie decides not to divorce Husband after all. ## Locked Away Mister Drummond (Diff’rent Strokes) and Marion Crane (Psycho), Laurie’s divorced parents, get locked in a room together. They hate each other. Being locked in the same room forces them to finally work through their issues, and they leave a happy couple again. In earlier days, I would have thought that “doorknob came off, now you’re locked in” was pretty flimsy. But recently I got to witness three teenagers spend four days failing to open a vacation home’s front door from the inside. So maybe this isn’t as ridiculous as I thought. ---- Screen capture: Julie wondering who the hell Vy is talking to. cruft fucked around with this message at 01:50 on Jan 25, 2023 |
# ? Jan 25, 2023 01:48 |
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my absolute favorite teacher from film school wrote episodes of fantasy island but NOT the love boat, which is honestly surprising since he wrote for all kinds of poo poo (and tons of it) between 1963 and 1995 |
# ? Jan 25, 2023 01:52 |
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I'm wondering if there is a single good, non-problematic episode of the love boat now
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# ? Jan 25, 2023 09:25 |
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There's the episode where the love boat gets lost in a fog and crashes into the world trade- ohhhhh. |
# ? Jan 25, 2023 11:33 |
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:I'm wondering if there is a single good, non-problematic episode of the love boat now the love boat is an allegory for capitalism. it depends on cruelty to function
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# ? Jan 25, 2023 13:50 |
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more like the hate boat
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# ? Jan 25, 2023 16:47 |
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Season 02, Episode 10 It’s thanksgiving on board the Pacific Princess! And presumably off-board too. At least, in the United States. ## Tony’s Family The ship engineer called in sick, so they ask Tony to stay on another shift, but he’s mad because he was going to spend the holiday with his family. So they’re like, well, just bring them on board. Womp womp, turns out he has six people in his family. And Tony’s mom brought a chicken. Batten down the hatches, here come the immigrant jokes! Actually, aside from the chicken thing, this wasn’t as bad as I expected. Maybe I’m getting normalized to 1978 suburban America, but I felt like most of the gags fell into two categories: 1. The chicken 2. Struggling to keep six people hidden from the captain Anyway, they get discovered, and the captain says they have to pay their fares, so the crew offers to pool their money together to pay $1500 for everyone. But then the young boy gives a dollar to a gambler from another story, and God descends from the machinery. The gambler returns with about $75 in coins from the slot machine, and gives it to the family, who uses it to pay off their $1500 debt in entirety. ## The Minister and the Stripper A lady gets upset that her minister, the captain from Airplane!, falls for a stripper on the cruise, and threatens to have him kicked out by the trustees or the board or something. That means they’re Presbyterian, I think? I never could remember the intricacies of all the protestant governance structures. The her husband threatens to leave her, and she sees the errors of her ways, deciding to use her influence in the governance body to defend the minister’s decision. Then the husband gambles a broke kid’s last dollar, turning it into about $75. Costuming must have had fun with these two: This one struck me as actually still relevant today. And the captain from Airplane! did a believable job as a minister. I heard they cast well-known actors to “play it straight” in the Airplane! movies, and boy howdy, this guy was a good casting decision. ##Her Own Two Feet A newly-blind lady doesn’t want to admit she’s blind. The ship’s doctor convinces her husband that his doting and excuses are making it difficult for her to face reality. The husband abandons her in their room with a cane, telling her he’ll be in the lounge and he hopes she comes to meet him. She steels her resolve and gets herself down the hall on her own. I’ll admit it: this one made me cry. An episode of The Love Boat made me cry. What the heck is wrong with me? |
# ? Jan 25, 2023 22:56 |
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what the gently caress captain stubing, where the gently caress do you think these people are going to get the money to pay full fare for your floating vd incubator? just ignore them! |
# ? Jan 25, 2023 23:04 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 15:17 |
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wait for some reason I thought all this was real
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# ? Jan 25, 2023 23:19 |