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beer gas canister
Oct 30, 2007

shmups are da best come play some shmups they're cheap and good and you like them
Plaster Town Cop
Finland's government has gone rogue, deploying the new nuclear weapons platform "Metal Gear." The world is fully at war, and YOUR stupid government has mandated a draft for everybody of fighting age. But you're not going to war, because you are a draft dodger. Smarter than a conscript and less principled than a conscientious objector, the world is your oyster, assuming Sgt. Bubba doesn't catch you buying Gamer Fuel at the Cirlce K on his way to court-ordered anger management class. So how do you do it? Do you flee the country, go to the mattresses domestically, or a third thing? The following might do it:

-Move to a neutral, mostly empty country like Afghanistan
-Hide in a tiny hole stocked with twinkies and Chinese emulator handhelds (no Steam deck, all unsold units have been procured for drone operators)
-Grow a gross beard and pretend you're already in the Special Forces. Wear an ACOG sight on a necklace to show your cred
-Apply for a disability exemption per your horrible dick and balls
-Start an insurgent rebellion and write a lot of poetry

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Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
Don't run, that's how Tom Hanks got caught and shipwrecked

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
I'd dodge any other draft but Finland gotta pay!!

Unrelated to that, if you get gaymarried to a soldier can you get whatever military wives are getting?

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
Don't file taxes and live off the land.

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
Sorry OP got drafted

Jelly
Feb 11, 2004

PEANUT BUTTER IS NOT MY FATHER
This is a super easy scenario. gently caress America, I'm defecting to my ancestral land of Finland to support their cause.

Toxic Mental
Jun 1, 2019

ENERGY FUCKING PILLS
Drive next to or in front of the car you're drafting behind currently isntead

LaserPrinter69
Sep 6, 2022

Bribe your family doctor to claim you have bone spurs

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
Put Tom Brady in the next draft OP shouldn't have to suffer this abuse!

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
Lmbo everyone on SA is too old to be drafted by now close thread

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012

Start a business. Thatís how my grandpa got out of it.

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)

I'm an Australian resident OP, how much will you pay me to buy my permission to marry you? If the price is right, after settlement I'll help you lodge the application forms for your Australian residency visa (Prospective Marriage Visa).

i'm gettin' kinda hot thinking about it already. But we'll save all that for the evenings, you'll be busy during the day every day working to support us. Work hard, play hard eh. ;)

BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 17:59 on Jan 31, 2023

Drone_Fragger
May 9, 2007

♫        there will        ♫
always
♬     be an ireland     ♬
Professional military wife fucker. Its a jard job, but someones gotta gently caress them while their husbands are out dying for oil profits and the military industrial complex. Absolutely certain that would be a draft-proof profession.

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
Eat crayons so they know you're a REAL MARINE

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
That also makes the wives know not to go near you

Buce
Dec 23, 2005

say youre a conscientious objector due to john brandon's military wokeness

NoiseAnnoys
May 17, 2010
Wear a sweater, don't sit by the door, and never put ice in your drink, OP.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer
Ask and tell

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
get a uniform from a surplus store and pretend i'm already in the army just patrolling around town

Buce
Dec 23, 2005

Mozi posted:

get a uniform from a surplus store and pretend i'm already in the army just patrolling around town

drat, that's a solid choice

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




making GBS threads your pants doesnít work anymore they know that trick, but if you poo poo in the recruiterís pants it will

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010

BigBadSteve posted:

I'm an Australian resident OP, how much will you pay me to buy my permission to marry you? If the price is right, after settlement I'll help you lodge the application forms for your Australian residency visa (Prospective Marriage Visa).

i'm gettin' kinda hot thinking about it already. But we'll save all that for the evenings, you'll be busy during the day every day working to support us. Work hard, play hard eh. ;)

Australia is having a draft too in OP's scenario

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

i was WOOPING some guy's rear end!! turned out he was a senator and I got a job as an assistant in his office for my GUMPTION. he appreciated that i was ready to HIT THE BRICKS and get things done my way!! he EXEMPTED me from the draft because he said that I was FIGHTING THE BATTLE on the homefront!! so the solution is EASY!! get DOWN TO BRASS TACKS and find your local senator and WOOP HIS rear end!!

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
You could pretend to be a Finnish rebel and the CIA will just give you free stuff

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Oh so now that you can serve whilst gay, is it possible to make a case that you're too straight to be in the military?

Jabberlock
Nov 29, 2014



Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

i was WOOPING some guy's rear end!! turned out he was a senator and I got a job as an assistant in his office for my GUMPTION. he appreciated that i was ready to HIT THE BRICKS and get things done my way!! he EXEMPTED me from the draft because he said that I was FIGHTING THE BATTLE on the homefront!! so the solution is EASY!! get DOWN TO BRASS TACKS and find your local senator and WOOP HIS rear end!!

is wooping a term for analingus

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
Just pull up your boot straps and keep hanging on

Dick Fontaine
Nov 10, 2022

Computer, end program.
Show up at MEPS with a Costanza level loadout in the olí wallet, all stuffed with pictures of myself interacting with titties in normal human ways. Every time they ask for my social Iíll act like I forgot; pop that sucker out; dig around for my card and spill titty pics all over the place.

The officers will sigh and say, ďSiróI can see youíre a regular red blooded American, Sir, and quite popular with the ladies. Well we have some bad news for you, Sir. Thatís not allowed anymore in Bidenís homoarmy.Ē :911:

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010
I heard they won't take you if you're just constantly cumming

NoiseAnnoys
May 17, 2010

Devils Affricate posted:

I heard they won't take you if you're just constantly cumming

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman: "You goddamn sporadically ejaculating filth hound, you had best sound off that you love edging and the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you DO love edging, don't you?"

GABA ghoul
Oct 29, 2011

You're all I think, this thing set troublin
All the usually suggested hacks seems to do jackshit in Russia. They gladly take the insane, the rapists, the 80 year olds, the socialists, the compulsive masturbators, etc. The only thing that actually seems to work is to be some rich idiot's kid, so my suggestion is to find the dumbest rich people around you and try to get adopted

dsf
Jul 1, 2004

Dick Fontaine posted:

Show up at MEPS with a Costanza level loadout in the olí wallet, all stuffed with pictures of myself interacting with titties in normal human ways. Every time they ask for my social Iíll act like I forgot; pop that sucker out; dig around for my card and spill titty pics all over the place.

The officers will sigh and say, ďSiróI can see youíre a regular red blooded American, Sir, and quite popular with the ladies. Well we have some bad news for you, Sir. Thatís not allowed anymore in Bidenís homoarmy.Ē :911:

this is why I carry a secondary titty wallet

beer gas canister
Oct 30, 2007

shmups are da best come play some shmups they're cheap and good and you like them
Plaster Town Cop

Colonel Cancer posted:

Oh so now that you can serve whilst gay, is it possible to make a case that you're too straight to be in the military?

gay is mandatory in the US military so yes

Beefed Owl
Sep 13, 2007

Come at me scrub, I'm ripped!
If service equals citizenship then I guess I'm fighting for Finland

Gimme them sweet socialist benefits

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Hacking the draft from my Compaq Presario 5020

Lucky Guy
Jan 24, 2013

TY for no bm

stand on a scale

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer
Can't go to boot camp if you don't have boots

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER
under the sea op

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TglqdMPeb5A

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

Go up to the recruiter and say "You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant." They'll think you're an idiot memelord and unfit for combat.

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STABASS
Apr 18, 2009

Fun Shoe
tell them I identify as an ATTACK HELICOPTER and sneak out the back while everyone is busy sharing a hearty LOL at the frickin libs

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