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Finland's government has gone rogue, deploying the new nuclear weapons platform "Metal Gear." The world is fully at war, and YOUR stupid government has mandated a draft for everybody of fighting age. But you're not going to war, because you are a draft dodger. Smarter than a conscript and less principled than a conscientious objector, the world is your oyster, assuming Sgt. Bubba doesn't catch you buying Gamer Fuel at the Cirlce K on his way to court-ordered anger management class. So how do you do it? Do you flee the country, go to the mattresses domestically, or a third thing? The following might do it: -Move to a neutral, mostly empty country like Afghanistan -Hide in a tiny hole stocked with twinkies and Chinese emulator handhelds (no Steam deck, all unsold units have been procured for drone operators) -Grow a gross beard and pretend you're already in the Special Forces. Wear an ACOG sight on a necklace to show your cred -Apply for a disability exemption per your horrible dick and balls -Start an insurgent rebellion and write a lot of poetry
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Jan 31, 2023 17:36
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Don't run, that's how Tom Hanks got caught and shipwrecked
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Jan 31, 2023 17:39
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I'd dodge any other draft but Finland gotta pay!! Unrelated to that, if you get gaymarried to a soldier can you get whatever military wives are getting?
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Jan 31, 2023 17:40
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Don't file taxes and live off the land.
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Jan 31, 2023 17:42
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Sorry OP got drafted
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Jan 31, 2023 17:44
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This is a super easy scenario. gently caress America, I'm defecting to my ancestral land of Finland to support their cause.
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Jan 31, 2023 17:46
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Drive next to or in front of the car you're drafting behind currently isntead
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Jan 31, 2023 17:48
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Bribe your family doctor to claim you have bone spurs
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Jan 31, 2023 17:48
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Put Tom Brady in the next draft OP shouldn't have to suffer this abuse!
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Jan 31, 2023 17:51
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Lmbo everyone on SA is too old to be drafted by now close thread
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Jan 31, 2023 17:51
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Start a business. That’s how my grandpa got out of it.
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Jan 31, 2023 17:54
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I'm an Australian resident OP, how much will you pay me to buy my permission to marry you? If the price is right, after settlement I'll help you lodge the application forms for your Australian residency visa (Prospective Marriage Visa). i'm gettin' kinda hot thinking about it already. But we'll save all that for the evenings, you'll be busy during the day every day working to support us. Work hard, play hard eh. 
BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 17:59 on Jan 31, 2023 |
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Jan 31, 2023 17:56
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Professional military wife fucker. Its a jard job, but someones gotta gently caress them while their husbands are out dying for oil profits and the military industrial complex. Absolutely certain that would be a draft-proof profession.
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Jan 31, 2023 18:00
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Eat crayons so they know you're a REAL MARINE
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Jan 31, 2023 18:04
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That also makes the wives know not to go near you
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Jan 31, 2023 18:05
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say youre a conscientious objector due to john brandon's military wokeness
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Jan 31, 2023 18:06
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Wear a sweater, don't sit by the door, and never put ice in your drink, OP.
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Jan 31, 2023 18:31
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Ask and tell
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Jan 31, 2023 18:35
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get a uniform from a surplus store and pretend i'm already in the army just patrolling around town
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Jan 31, 2023 18:39
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Mozi posted:get a uniform from a surplus store and pretend i'm already in the army just patrolling around town drat, that's a solid choice
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Jan 31, 2023 18:44
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making GBS threads your pants doesn’t work anymore they know that trick, but if you poo poo in the recruiter’s pants it will
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Jan 31, 2023 18:44
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BigBadSteve posted:I'm an Australian resident OP, how much will you pay me to buy my permission to marry you? If the price is right, after settlement I'll help you lodge the application forms for your Australian residency visa (Prospective Marriage Visa). Australia is having a draft too in OP's scenario
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Jan 31, 2023 18:46
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i was WOOPING some guy's rear end!! turned out he was a senator and I got a job as an assistant in his office for my GUMPTION. he appreciated that i was ready to HIT THE BRICKS and get things done my way!! he EXEMPTED me from the draft because he said that I was FIGHTING THE BATTLE on the homefront!! so the solution is EASY!! get DOWN TO BRASS TACKS and find your local senator and WOOP HIS rear end!!
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Jan 31, 2023 18:46
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You could pretend to be a Finnish rebel and the CIA will just give you free stuff
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Jan 31, 2023 18:47
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Oh so now that you can serve whilst gay, is it possible to make a case that you're too straight to be in the military?
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Jan 31, 2023 18:48
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:i was WOOPING some guy's rear end!! turned out he was a senator and I got a job as an assistant in his office for my GUMPTION. he appreciated that i was ready to HIT THE BRICKS and get things done my way!! he EXEMPTED me from the draft because he said that I was FIGHTING THE BATTLE on the homefront!! so the solution is EASY!! get DOWN TO BRASS TACKS and find your local senator and WOOP HIS rear end!! is wooping a term for analingus
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Jan 31, 2023 18:51
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Just pull up your boot straps and keep hanging on
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Jan 31, 2023 18:59
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Show up at MEPS with a Costanza level loadout in the ol’ wallet, all stuffed with pictures of myself interacting with titties in normal human ways. Every time they ask for my social I’ll act like I forgot; pop that sucker out; dig around for my card and spill titty pics all over the place. The officers will sigh and say, “Sir—I can see you’re a regular red blooded American, Sir, and quite popular with the ladies. Well we have some bad news for you, Sir. That’s not allowed anymore in Biden’s homoarmy.” 
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Jan 31, 2023 19:01
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I heard they won't take you if you're just constantly cumming
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Jan 31, 2023 19:07
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Devils Affricate posted:I heard they won't take you if you're just constantly cumming Gunnery Sgt. Hartman: "You goddamn sporadically ejaculating filth hound, you had best sound off that you love edging and the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you DO love edging, don't you?"
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Jan 31, 2023 19:09
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All the usually suggested hacks seems to do jackshit in Russia. They gladly take the insane, the rapists, the 80 year olds, the socialists, the compulsive masturbators, etc. The only thing that actually seems to work is to be some rich idiot's kid, so my suggestion is to find the dumbest rich people around you and try to get adopted
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Jan 31, 2023 19:09
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Dick Fontaine posted:Show up at MEPS with a Costanza level loadout in the ol’ wallet, all stuffed with pictures of myself interacting with titties in normal human ways. Every time they ask for my social I’ll act like I forgot; pop that sucker out; dig around for my card and spill titty pics all over the place. this is why I carry a secondary titty wallet
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Jan 31, 2023 19:10
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Colonel Cancer posted:Oh so now that you can serve whilst gay, is it possible to make a case that you're too straight to be in the military? gay is mandatory in the US military so yes
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Jan 31, 2023 19:17
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If service equals citizenship then I guess I'm fighting for Finland Gimme them sweet socialist benefits
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Jan 31, 2023 19:24
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Hacking the draft from my Compaq Presario 5020
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Jan 31, 2023 19:30
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stand on a scale
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Jan 31, 2023 19:55
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Can't go to boot camp if you don't have boots
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Jan 31, 2023 19:55
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under the sea op https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TglqdMPeb5A
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Jan 31, 2023 19:56
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Go up to the recruiter and say "You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant." They'll think you're an idiot memelord and unfit for combat.
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Jan 31, 2023 20:07
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| # ? Mar 21, 2023 15:23 |
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tell them I identify as an ATTACK HELICOPTER and sneak out the back while everyone is busy sharing a hearty LOL at the frickin libs
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Jan 31, 2023 20:33
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