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JetSetGo
Jan 1, 2011

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022
I took a poo poo in the middle of the night and pushed so hard I heard a loud snap in my neck. For the next two weeks I experienced a hell I had never thought existed. I resisted going to the ER the whole time until I cried like an absolute bitch one morning and relented. After threat of spinal tap I declined, the ER let me go with amazing muscle relaxers that fixed it all.

What is the most common goon injury?

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syntaxfunction
Oct 27, 2010
I don't really have random injuries. My most common pain is my right shoulder being in pain for no reason. But that's not a sign of age, it's from having it broken badly in my early twenties.

I did hurt my back last year and I think I slipped a disc, which hurt like a motherfucker for a week, but that was because I was moving heavy furniture and the other person was an idiot.

Basically what I have learned in life is that other people ruin your body, time is slack.

sporkstand
Jun 15, 2021
Injured my back whilst getting up from the toilet. Hurt for a good 2-3 days.

Space Jam
Jul 22, 2008

nuts caught in bicycle spokes

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004

tv fell on my head and turned me into a skeleton

GodDamnArtist
Oct 11, 2002

Creating disasters and running away from them since 1981.
Hurt my back moving my furniture to a new house. Doctors are dicks so now my medication is bourbon old fashions and weed.

bossy lady
Jul 9, 1983

A stiff wind will blow out one or both of my knees. I have to be extremely careful when I exercise, especially if I'm increasing the amount I'm doing even a little bit.

Also I ran on a track once after a year of running through my neighborhood and developed such a bad stress fracture in my left leg that it took like 8 months to heal.

Mechanical Pencil
Feb 19, 2013
Fell out of mum's poosay

I. M. Gei
Jun 26, 2005



bossy lady posted:

A stiff wind will blow out one or both of my knees. I have to be extremely careful when I exercise, especially if I'm increasing the amount I'm doing even a little bit.

Also I ran on a track once after a year of running through my neighborhood and developed such a bad stress fracture in my left leg that it took like 8 months to heal.

great username/regdate combo

Murdstone
Jun 14, 2005



I hurt my back lying down.

Full Metal Jackass
Jan 22, 2001

Rabid bats are welcome in my home
Sneezing is a risk

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .
Doctor Rope
I hurt my pinky lighting a lighter. Like, it hurt for weeks.

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

BINFORD! BINFORD!
I can't shut the fuck up about BINFORD TOOLS!
Lighters usually light themselves thougg

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .
Doctor Rope
Should I say I was lighting my bowl then? Because that's what I was doing, with my lighter. :420:

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
Glass jar shattered in my anus as I sat on n it

Buce
Dec 23, 2005

was grocery shopping and tripped, fell into a fusion torus. totally annihilated my whole body. i was like, wow I guess I'm officially middle aged.

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

BINFORD! BINFORD!
I can't shut the fuck up about BINFORD TOOLS!
Broke my dinger doing it with 5 beautiful women. At the same time :smuggo:

Private Cumshoe
Feb 15, 2019

AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH

JetSetGo posted:

I took a poo poo in the middle of the night and pushed so hard

good luck w/ the hemorrhoids

Mr.Pibbleton
Feb 3, 2006

Aleuts rock, chummer.

I was five years old when I realized I couldn't shrug off buckshot like I used to. Has anyone seen John Connor by the way?

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

/stumbles into the thread and cracks a vertebrae

D-d-d-id someone say "when posting" yet?

Canine Blues Arooo
Jan 7, 2008

when you think about it...i'm the first girl you ever spent the night with

Grimey Drawer
My knees have been bad since I was 14, and just getting worse. I'm sad about that.

Buce
Dec 23, 2005

for real though, i broke my knee in a fencing (like, the sport) mishap when I was 17 or so. Went through a lot of rehab and can still do sports, but it hurts more the older I get :(

Inzombiac
Mar 19, 2007

PARTY ALL NIGHT

EAT BRAINS ALL DAY


On the morning of my 30th birthday I sneezed really hard and threw my back out for two days.

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr
Dec 22, 2018

I hope this is "battle" enough for you, friend.

Dislocated my shoulder while taking a shower.

Ralph Hurley
Aug 3, 2009

:barf::sweep::zoid:



in my late 30s I played pinball all night at a rented cabin with friends and the next day the muscles in both my forearms were so shot I couldnít properly wipe my rear end for a few days.

The pinball machine was Lethal Weapon 3

Demon Of The Fall
May 1, 2004


Nap Ghost
Iím almost 40 and Iíve never been seriously injured and Iím dumb as hell

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Mechanical Pencil posted:

Fell out of mum's poosay

same fell out of his mum's pussy

Buce
Dec 23, 2005

Demon Of The Fall posted:

Iím almost 40 and Iíve never been seriously injured and Iím dumb as hell

you should take up parkour

Mechanical Pencil
Feb 19, 2013

Colonel Cancer posted:

same fell out of his mum's pussy

Cracked my skull WIDE open.

Filled the void with carpet underlay.

Hilario Baldness
Feb 10, 2005

:buddy:



Grimey Drawer
2 colonoscopies. One of them I was partially conscious.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here
I currently have tennis elbow. Not sure if this makes me feel old so much as stiff ankles and knees every morning but it really sucks cuz I am constantly aggravating it.

Mechanical Pencil
Feb 19, 2013
Fkn double post, now got anal fissure.

Toxic Mental
Jun 1, 2019

ENERGY FUCKING PILLS
Dick broken from banging ur mom

Mechanical Pencil
Feb 19, 2013
Creed's "With Arse Wide Open" plays over the PA

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006

I broke my coccyx a few years back and now I swear I can sometimes tell thereís rain on the way because my rear end aches

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006

I broke my coccyx banging your mom obviously

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

When you hosed my rear end and it smelled@!!

Buce
Dec 23, 2005

Trixie Hardcore posted:

I broke my coccyx banging your mom obviously

that's a weird way to b ang

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr
Dec 22, 2018

I hope this is "battle" enough for you, friend.

Toxic Mental posted:

Mom broken from banging ur dick

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Mechanical Pencil
Feb 19, 2013
Developed grotesque red fuzzy inner-arm fungal infection from a contaminated racquet.

Diagnosis: Tennis Elmo

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