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1toilet paper. 2bidet.
toilet paper (im superior to the other peasants!)
spooky water stream (im superior to the other peasants!)
hand (grug)
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Turmoilx
Nov 24, 2015

I possibly could of done something more effective with this money but I'm not sure.
I'd like to Deep Dive into some Butthole Research. Now hear me out here first.

My hole interest here is about the craters who've lived Surfing the Bidet waves VS the craters who've lived Munching up the luxurious paper carpet
if one crater is cleaner than the other using their own method (PYO in the comments below if you use option 3.miscellaneous and explain your ways and results)

the raunchy paper carpet or the boogie man water splash? choose your fighter. or #3?^

I am VERY Confident in my toilet paper skillz, I am sure I could out-wipe any automated machine with precision VS a dribble of Weak, UNgirthy, UNcomfortable, Terrorizing stream of water (probably lukecold), it might even penetrate you if it were effective enough to get on my level of elite toilet paper maneuvers and strength.


Don't send me nor post your butthole. As much as I'd be interested, I don't think I have that freedom of research here. Just bend over and do the timeless goatsee emote while looking between your legs into the mirror behind you nd rate your daily efforts on a scale of 1-3 and your method (3 being the worst result and 1 being the cleanest).


one of my buddies says he twists the toilet paper into a little stick and inserts it a few inches gives it a few spins and that's his method, i do not support using external products internally so yes i have heard of this specific method before you post it.

HOWEVER as an American i know nothing of the bidet life and wondering if it will make my third eye brighter? i can't ignore the news ads any longer.

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SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


The trick is to buy the cheap toilet paper, not the nice stuff. You know, the toilet paper people describe as sandpaper like. That's what you want to really get them turds off your rear end. You don't want some smooth bullshit wiping your rear end, expensive toilet paper is poo poo, and it's not effective wiping poo poo with poo poo.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

Like I said the last time the paper vs bidet debate came up, just use a shower wand instead of buying a specialized device that only washes your rear end in a top hat.

Turmoilx
Nov 24, 2015

I possibly could of done something more effective with this money but I'm not sure.

super sweet best pal posted:

Like I said the last time the paper vs bidet debate came up, just use a shower wand instead of buying a specialized device that only washes your rear end in a top hat.

you mean the kind that goes inside? thats kinda intense for casual dumps

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Grimey Drawer
The true butthole hygiene freak will cut it off at the source and get an elective colostomy bag.

Turmoilx
Nov 24, 2015

I possibly could of done something more effective with this money but I'm not sure.
if they perfected the bag quick release/reconnect design i'd do it.. i kinda doubt they have though i shouldn't but i do

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003


I'm only into extreme butthole research, the Kirk Johnson kind

I, Butthole
Jun 30, 2007

Begin the operations of the gas chambers, gas schools, gas universities, gas libraries, gas museums, gas dance halls, and gas threads, etcetera.
I DEMAND IT
postin'

url
Apr 23, 2007

internet gnuru
South East Asia toilet hose/bum gun was not listed as an option and I am disappointed.

Turmoilx
Nov 24, 2015

I possibly could of done something more effective with this money but I'm not sure.

url posted:

South East Asia toilet hose/bum gun was not listed as an option and I am disappointed.

i don't travel you're gonna have to explain this one, kinda sounds like a bidet method

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003


Turmoilx posted:

i don't travel you're gonna have to explain this one, kinda sounds like a bidet method

It's one of those extendable spray nozzles attached to a sink but attached to a toilet and for ur butt

MrQwerty fucked around with this message at 12:04 on Mar 31, 2023

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008


BUTTHOLE

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

super sweet best pal posted:

Like I said the last time the paper vs bidet debate came up, just use a shower wand instead of buying a specialized device that only washes your rear end in a top hat.

I donít want to have to shower every time I drop a deuce. Bidet attachments start at like $25 and take 15 minutes to install. Anyone who says they donít work isnít using them properly. Sometimes you gotta adjust your position, or spread your cheeks a little but the first time you hit the sweet spot youíll know whatís up. Bidets also donít eliminate the need for TP, you just use less as you only need enough to dab yourself dry.

url
Apr 23, 2007

internet gnuru
making GBS threads in Asia is a whole thread. Between the public squat toilets, street making GBS threads in general, Japanese toilets that can basically decipher your health, it's a whole world of interesting anecdotes.


The bum gun is a hose connected to the cistern and does away with the need for paper. It is often touted as being far more hygienic, environmentally sound, and generally superior. The downside is a wet rear end unless you have a bunch of mini hand towels available.


its all nice on rice
Nov 12, 2006

Sweet, Salty Goodness.



Buglord
I prefer a bidet. TP is good for drying. Bring a travel bidet with me when, well, traveling. It's great but not quite as effective as a standard bidet (my travel one isn't, at least.)

Brain Curry
Feb 15, 2007

People think that I'm lazy
People think that I'm this fool because
I give a fuck about the government
I didn't graduate from high school

Weíre burning fossil fuels so my bidet can have a warm seat and water lmao

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Grimey Drawer
I only accept toilet seats that have been organically pre-warmed by a Grooms-of-the-Stool Guild-approved thermal adjustment specialist sitting on it for no less than three minutes.

Turmoilx
Nov 24, 2015

I possibly could of done something more effective with this money but I'm not sure.

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

I donít want to have to shower every time I drop a deuce. Bidet attachments start at like $25 and take 15 minutes to install. Anyone who says they donít work isnít using them properly. Sometimes you gotta adjust your position, or spread your cheeks a little but the first time you hit the sweet spot youíll know whatís up. Bidets also donít eliminate the need for TP, you just use less as you only need enough to dab yourself dry.

PEOPLE ARE USING BOTH?


ill get there eventually then

buglord
Jul 31, 2010


Buglord
Just checked OP. rating myself 3. It sounds like pretzels crunching when I walk around.

Toxic Mental
Jun 1, 2019

ENERGY FUCKING PILLS
I use cottonelle blue to get the poo poo off my anus

You Are A Elf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

Awful lots of butt discussion in GBS as of late.





BUTTHOLE

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

Fun Shoe
wipe the steaming hot liquid poo poo directly off of my own rear end in a top hat

Jailbrekr
Apr 8, 2002
A TOWN LEVELED BY AN EXPLOSION? DOZENS LIKELY KILLED? OH GOD LET ME SEE THAT SWEET VIDEO OH MY GOD I'M CUMMING
:fap::fap::fap::fap::fap::fap::fap::fap:
the squatty potty saved my marriage. Having a bum clean enough to eat off of has improved life here considerably.

hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009

You Are A Elf posted:

Awful lots of butt discussion in GBS as of late.





BUTTHOLE

as of late?

You Are A Elf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!


You know what? Youíre right. GBS = General Butt ĎScussion

BeastOfTheEdelwood
Feb 27, 2023
I use wet wipes, OP, but someday I'll join the bidet game.

Wee
Dec 16, 2022

Lets just enjoy each others company as much as we can In the time we have


you owe it to yourself to get on the google and the youtube and look up bear tapeworm.

Spoiler - Its the salmons fault

Wee fucked around with this message at 17:34 on Mar 31, 2023

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Grimey Drawer
That bear will not get lost in the labyrinth.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

BeastOfTheEdelwood posted:

I use wet wipes, OP, but someday I'll join the bidet game.

https://i.imgur.com/LQ1ncuI.gifv

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.
I am monitoring this thread closely.

Mechanical Pencil
Feb 19, 2013
TP has destroyed my BH

It's like smearing around choc raspberry tort between two old hats full of cottage cheese

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Grimey Drawer
I don't think I've ever experienced that particular sensation.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUhstIdFUrg

Turmoilx
Nov 24, 2015

I possibly could of done something more effective with this money but I'm not sure.

Jailbrekr posted:

the squatty potty saved my marriage. Having a bum clean enough to eat off of has improved life here considerably.

i have one nestled against my bucket for years now, it wasn't my choice it just came to me, it would be tough to go back to normal.

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.

Mechanical Pencil posted:

TP has destroyed my BH

It's like smearing around choc raspberry tort between two old hats full of cottage cheese

You gotta DAB not SMEAR.

Thatís how you get hemorrhoids my dude.

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Mechanical Pencil
Feb 19, 2013
I have descended to fissure nadir

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