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Attention: there is a moratorium on sonic oscillator implants until we can replace the units that were stolen by the human called William T. Riker.
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Apr 23, 2023 04:47
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Buttchocks posted:Attention: there is a moratorium on sonic oscillator implants until we can replace the units that were stolen by the human called William T. Riker. We really need to reconfigure that "Boarders not a threat until they shoot something" protocol
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Apr 23, 2023 06:38
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Hey we tried it the other way around and we kept murdering the pizza guy! Now space dominos won't even bring us breadsticks anymore.
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Apr 23, 2023 14:20
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reignofevil posted:Hey we tried it the other way around Honestly even outside the pizza issue, "boarders are a threat until they shoot something" had some flaws
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Apr 23, 2023 18:09
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In this collective we do Ands and we do Ors. I swear if I find out some of you fucks have been fraternizing with the Xnorg I'll wipe every drone in the alpha quadrant.
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Apr 23, 2023 19:39
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Angepain posted:Honestly even outside the pizza issue, "boarders are a threat until they shoot something" had some flaws Hey, i'm not gonna stand motionless in my alcove to listen to some >479335 Assimilation Date drone tell me how we need to change a fundamental part of how we do our business
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Apr 23, 2023 20:40
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The collective's chronometer indicates that it is time for this cube's daily affirmation. Prepare your vocal modulators to broadcast in unison: WE ARE THE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOUR LIFE AS IT HAS BEEN IS OVER. YOUR BIOLOGICAL AND TECHNOLOGICAL DISTINCTIVENESS HAS BEEN ADDED TO OUR OWN. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH. AND, KLINGONGONE IT, DRONES LIKE YOU.
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Apr 23, 2023 21:12
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Can everyone please be more careful about opening attachments from outside signals. Just this month we've had to reformat three cubes due to some idiot drone trying to process a paradox and spreading it across the collective. If someone you don't trust (i.e. someone without a whole obvious hunk of metal in their head) asks you to confirm the truth of a self-referential statement or create a holographic form of an impossible shape in 3D, Just Say No.
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Apr 23, 2023 21:47
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How is there only one Borg dentist in the entire collective? It takes 100 star dates to even get an appointment and what does he do? He puts a drat laser sight in my molar instead of a crown. What am I gonna do with a laser sight that requires me to hold my mouth open?
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Apr 23, 2023 22:42
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Buttchocks posted:How is there only one Borg dentist in the entire collective? It takes 100 star dates to even get an appointment and what does he do? He puts a drat laser sight in my molar instead of a crown. What am I gonna do with a laser sight that requires me to hold my mouth open? Look the people of Dentron 5, the Planet of Dentists, put up a very good fight
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Apr 23, 2023 22:56
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Angepain posted:Look the people of Dentron 5, the Planet of Dentists, put up a very good fight Resistance IS futile, but that doesn't actually imply a time scale. We thought about throwing "eventually" in there, but it just didn't have the same zazz.
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Apr 23, 2023 23:52
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Incoming message from the Collective Locus: Assimilation of Species 8008135, who refer to themselves as Pakled, is a purgeable offense. Contrary to Pakled claims of "We are smart" or "We are strong," this species has nothing of value to add to the collective. In fact, their addition would amount to a considerable subtraction. Avoid Pakled assimilation at all cost.
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Apr 24, 2023 00:56
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Attention: We appear to have asslimated dyslexia again. Just to be clear, we are not now, nor have we ever been, the Dorq.
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Apr 24, 2023 05:27
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Hey so I might have made a mistake, but on the plus side I found out you can assimilate musical sock puppets
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Apr 24, 2023 08:04
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Gravitas Shortfall posted:Hey so I might have made a mistake, but on the plus side I found out you can assimilate musical sock puppets  How could you How Could You Do This To Ussssssssssssssssssssssssss
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Apr 24, 2023 15:15
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 "...it's short for LamBORGhini."
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Apr 24, 2023 17:17
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guys I'm sorry, I got confused again but we're all excellent at tennis now so that's a win/win
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Apr 25, 2023 15:48
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This is not what I meant when I said we should consider looking for answers on the net.
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Apr 25, 2023 16:02
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I think we should assimilate someone who is already a Borg drone just to see what happens. Maybe it will produce a super powerful Double Borg
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Apr 26, 2023 10:04
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Angepain posted:I think we should assimilate someone who is already a Borg drone just to see what happens. Maybe it will produce a super powerful Double Borg We tried this. Have you seen what happens when you make a copy of a copy?
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Apr 26, 2023 14:44
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I've accidentally split borg 351 into two units using the transporter. This is not a major problem except neither unit will accept an odd designation insisting they are now unit 120 and unit 230 respectively. Needless to say the actual units 120 and 230 are absolutely devastated.
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Apr 26, 2023 17:59
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reignofevil posted:I've accidentally split borg 351 into two units using the transporter. This is not a major problem except neither unit will accept an odd designation insisting they are now unit 120 and unit 230 respectively. Needless to say the actual units 120 and 230 are absolutely devastated. Just blame it on the borgs in the one pyramid spaceship, idiots couldnt even make a cube.
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Apr 26, 2023 19:26
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I know I should be all devoid of ego and individualism and all that but I still feel miffed that I wasn't picked to be Borg Queen just on the basis of not being sufficiently sexy. I have had numerous middle-management roles with positive feedback from superiors in my pre-drone existence and feel I could bring valuable leadership skills to the role
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Apr 26, 2023 22:46
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My species lays eggs and none of us got to be queen either.
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Apr 26, 2023 22:54
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Don't blame me, i voted my collective consciousness for Queen Kodos.
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Apr 27, 2023 16:42
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Wait I thought we were a metaphor for collectivism, why do we even have a queen?
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Apr 27, 2023 17:26
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David D. Davidson posted:Wait I thought we were a metaphor for collectivism, why do we even have a queen? Well, old King Borg II died and left no male heirs, so...
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Apr 27, 2023 17:46
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David D. Davidson posted:Wait I thought we were a metaphor for collectivism, why do we even have a queen? Well our internal directives include destroying any patriarchy but uh never said anything about matriarchy.
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Apr 27, 2023 18:13
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Turns out our code specifies no absolute rulers. we're allowed to have one
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Apr 27, 2023 18:52
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I’m the Borg that requires a mobility scooter
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Apr 27, 2023 19:01
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Angepain posted:Turns out our code specifies no absolute rulers. we're allowed to have one I hate to allow such an obvious perversion of our goal but damnit if it's not technically correct.
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Apr 27, 2023 20:50
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Remember that Lore drone? That guy was wild.
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Apr 27, 2023 23:32
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"Hey new borg! Wanna do a line?" "uhh I'm not sure...I'm still technically on probation..." "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE" "oh you guys!"
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Apr 28, 2023 04:51
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hey who do I talk to about moving recharging pods? I'm right by 11 of 34 and that dude SNORES
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Apr 28, 2023 11:17
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So how come all of us are humanoid? What happened to that advanced civilization of 10 meter land squid we assimilated last week?
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Apr 28, 2023 21:04
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Presto posted:So how come all of us are humanoid? What happened to that advanced civilization of 10 meter land squid we assimilated last week? Oh they're all in Cephalopodian Ops
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Apr 28, 2023 21:20
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Resistance is, futiOW! Buddy! Stop.. ow! Resistance is.. stop it! Stop shooting at me! Resistance is futiOW gently caress
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Apr 28, 2023 22:16
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Hey, just got assimilated, and I've got a few questions to run past the HR department. What are the benefits like in the collective? How many sick days and personal days do we get a year? Is there a standard two weeks vacation time or more, and how can you break it up? Is there a matching plan with the 401k? I mean, I'm not expecting a full-on pension or anything, but there has to at least be a 401k plan for retirement, right?
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Apr 29, 2023 01:04
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Twenty Four posted:Hey, just got assimilated, and I've got a few questions to run past the HR department. Old Borg on a full salary defined benefit pension, just putting in his time, only got a few more years left and he can finally retire.
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Apr 29, 2023 05:26
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Old Borg been part of the same collective for 35 years, this is New Borg's 5th collective since being assimilated, and he'll join 5 more before he's 30.
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Apr 29, 2023 05:32
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