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Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005

c-spam cannot afford



syzpid posted:

It is the most Tank thing to come up just short

I think so.

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kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Mr. Nice! posted:

I think so.

Following through leads to the paradox where the runner up is the most Tank like.

Beeswax
Dec 29, 2005

Grimey Drawer
Exactly.
"Derrick Lewis should win the Tank Abbout tournament because coming second is the most Tank Abbot thing" - A statement dreamed up by the utterly deranged. Big Lewis has played you for absolute fools.

AndyElusive
Jan 7, 2007

Beeswax posted:

Exactly.
"Derrick Lewis should win the Tank Abbout tournament because coming second is the most Tank Abbot thing" - A statement dreamed up by the utterly deranged. Big Lewis has played you for absolute fools.

:emptyquote:

ChrisBTY
Mar 29, 2012

this glorious monument

Tank Abbott should not have been in this tournament.
You do not make a 'which one of these fruits in most like an apple' and put an apple in the goddamn tournament. That kills the point.
Voted Lewis in protest.

kalensc
Sep 10, 2003

Only Trust Your Respirator, kupo!
Art/Quote by: Rubby
Tanks may win, even succeed for brief flashes, but defend a title? Tank has reigned alone since the dawn of Tankian Era. His dethroning is a mercy, so that he may rediscover his cantankerous roots.

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

ChrisBTY posted:

Tank Abbott should not have been in this tournament.
You do not make a 'which one of these fruits in most like an apple' and put an apple in the goddamn tournament. That kills the point.
Voted Lewis in protest.

It wouldn't be a proper mythological examination of a legacy of violence and failure if it didn't include an overarching theme of a father being consumed by his sons.

In terms of the morality conversation: Lewis is almost objectively a better human being than Tank, but I'm not sure Tank Abbott or his archetype could have come into existence without being kind of a piece of poo poo. The early days of MMA did not attract kind or well-balanced people, and to stand out as an avatar of violence and anger in a crowd that included rich strangulation fetishists and literal nazis you had to be a real impressive sort of rear end in a top hat. What that is in the modern era and if that needs to be a part of it is obviously up for debate.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
Are there any Tanks at the lower weight levels, or is there a certain "You Must Have This Much Mass" to properly qualify? I want to know if there's someone hanging around at Welterweight who really could cut down to like Fly but won't and insists on punching their way out of every problem.

Would Conor count as a Tank if he ate another Conor?

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

actually, yeah, I am a little mad

C. Everett Koop posted:

Are there any Tanks at the lower weight levels, or is there a certain "You Must Have This Much Mass" to properly qualify?

Jon Lineker has shown some mind boggling punching power. His inability to make weight (even if he could carry the power to 135) is a less romantic standout flaw, but he’s certainly made a lot out of his one skill.

Pb and Jellyfish
Oct 30, 2011

C. Everett Koop posted:

Are there any Tanks at the lower weight levels, or is there a certain "You Must Have This Much Mass" to properly qualify? I want to know if there's someone hanging around at Welterweight who really could cut down to like Fly but won't and insists on punching their way out of every problem.

Would Conor count as a Tank if he ate another Conor?

First person that comes to mind Kelvin Gastelum. He loves cheeseburgers too much to be a welterweight, he is really good at punching and being tough as hell, and he loses to the most talented guys.

Ad by Khad
Jul 25, 2007

Human Garbage
Watch me try to laugh this title off like the dickbag I am.

I also hang out with racists.

C. Everett Koop posted:

Are there any Tanks at the lower weight levels, or is there a certain "You Must Have This Much Mass" to properly qualify? I want to know if there's someone hanging around at Welterweight who really could cut down to like Fly but won't and insists on punching their way out of every problem.

Krazy Horse imo

cagliostr0
Jun 8, 2020
Cody garbrant

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005

c-spam cannot afford



Bigg Rigg is probably the closest to welterweight Tank.

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udQFxkFbPlQ











Thank you, everyone, for your participation in this noble enterprise. May we reconvene once more when the universe needs a new Abbott.

Beeswax
Dec 29, 2005

Grimey Drawer
Thank you for running the tournament Carl! It's been a wild ride with an unfortunate end. But Lewis is definitely the second best Tank Abbott in the world and a worthy successor to the throne.

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Thank you for running this. lol.

apophenium
Apr 14, 2009
This was super fun even without much knowledge of MMA. Very informative and entertaining and I think philosophically any deviation from Tank Abbott, whether good or bad, makes one less of a Tank Abbott. Mental schemas and whatnot. Anyways, good times, thank you Carl

ChrisBTY
Mar 29, 2012

this glorious monument

Beeswax posted:

Thank you for running the tournament Carl! It's been a wild ride with an unfortunate end. But Lewis is definitely the second best Tank Abbott in the world and a worthy successor to the throne.

I don't think somebody can be the 'best' tank. Only the 'most' tank.

Digital Jedi
May 28, 2007

Fallen Rib
Really fun. Great write ups all around Carl.

Now the question, what's the next one going to be?

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

This was a delightful thread and the right guy won. God bless Derrick Lewis, even if his balls are hot.

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005

c-spam cannot afford



The Tank that once was is not the Tank of today. The Tank of today just stands up.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 39 minutes!

ChrisBTY posted:

Tank Abbott should not have been in this tournament.
You do not make a 'which one of these fruits in most like an apple' and put an apple in the goddamn tournament. That kills the point.
Just like Tank, apple would be defeated by grāpple

Pb and Jellyfish
Oct 30, 2011
Carl you are an awesome guy for making this happen. Thread came along at a tough time, so the daily laugh was appreciated. To Beeswax and the other Tank die hards, though we disagree I very much understand where you are coming from and respect your opinions. Great posting everyone, let's do dumb poo poo more often.

AndyElusive
Jan 7, 2007

Thanks Carl.

To the people who crowned Lewis Tank Abbott 2.0, I'll say again, it's not the praise you think it is. It's degrading because he's so much more.

ilmucche
Mar 16, 2016

I think we all have a slightly different idea of what tank Abbott represents, and what this tournament was meant to be.

haunted bong
Jun 24, 2007


Tank Abbott right now:

EthanSteele
Nov 18, 2007

I can hear you
Thank you for this thread

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 39 minutes!
Thank you, CarlCX, from the bottom of my fists.

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

Thank you, everyone. I am glad you all enjoyed it, and honestly, I'm glad we wound up having enough philosophical space between opinions that people have mixed feelings about how it ended. I was worried this would all wind up being too obvious.

Digital Jedi posted:

Now the question, what's the next one going to be?

The next one is prooobably going to be an MMA Jobber King tournament, but it's gonna be a bit because it turns out this plus weekly writeups plus monthly reports plus having a job and responsibilities is difficult. But we'll get there. We haven't seen the last of Zuluzinho.

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

*bob sapp curls up and hits the canvas in preparation for the jobber tourney*

ilmucche
Mar 16, 2016

I can't really think of a better jobber at a high level than bob sapp, post when he actually tried. Maybe one of those boxing journeymen who fights like 25 times a year and goes 0-25, but that's a very different scenario

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 39 minutes!

Eat This Glob posted:

*bob sapp curls up and hits the canvas in preparation for the jobber tourney*
*K-1 referee examines the floor and gives Sapp a TKO victory*

Testekill
Nov 1, 2012

I demand to be taken seriously

:aronrex:

Eat This Glob posted:

*bob sapp curls up and hits the canvas in preparation for the jobber tourney*

It'll be his to lose and Bob Sapp is very good at losing when the amount of money he gets paid doesn't hinge on winning.

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

actually, yeah, I am a little mad
We should try to name the people that'll be pulled into Carl's jobber tournament.

Only one I can think of on this scale is Shannon Ritch.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
Travis Fulton still excluded for being a godawful human?

Beeswax
Dec 29, 2005

Grimey Drawer

Testekill posted:

It'll be his to lose and Bob Sapp is very good at losing when the amount of money he gets paid doesn't hinge on winning.

Not this circular argument again

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008

what about worst jobber? rocky. rocky is here

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"
Jay Ellis is the king of losers, in terms of sheer quantity of defeats

AndyElusive
Jan 7, 2007

Kenneth Allen is the Undisputed King of MMA Jobbers, and if he loses because you guys like Bob Sapps personality or something I'm going to lose my mind.

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Gambit from the X-Men
May 12, 2001

a war boy standing alone in the desert blasting his mouth with cum from a dildo

AndyElusive posted:

Kenneth Allen is the Undisputed King of MMA Jobbers, and if he loses because you guys like Bob Sapps personality or something I'm going to lose my mind.

this is why democracy inevitably fails

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