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Is the game bad?
This poll is closed.
Yes 52 23.32%
No 16 7.17%
facuk u op!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 39 17.49%
Goku 116 52.02%
Total: 161 votes
[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

 
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EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Franšais.
You may have heard/seen this game...only because it is getting ripped apart for being a truly terrible game.



Someone also tried playing it for 30 seconds and it got softlocked on the pause menu

Also Gollum looks like Tak from Tak And The Power Of Juju




Also also you have to pay extra to get the lore accurate elf voices and language



Who the gently caress would buy and play this?

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Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

One of my favorite games of all time...

givepatajob
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.
Sorry OP, I have all the Gollum content I need in 'Gollum: An Unexpected Banging'

givepatajob fucked around with this message at 15:53 on May 27, 2023

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Franšais.

givepatajob posted:

Sorry OP, I have all the Gollum content I need in 'Gollum: An Unexpected Banging'

I saw that before the edit ;)

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



All modern video games suck hth

rotinaj
Sep 5, 2008

Fun Shoe
Can you get upskirt shots on gollum

Revins
Nov 2, 2007





tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea
the fish eating minigame is pretty dope tho

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Could it be that the AAA companies all suck and have no shame ?

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

This is a gollum jade plant

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Franšais.

Smugworth posted:

This is a gollum jade plant


I approve of this plant.

Slam Pajamas
May 21, 2007
ALL TEXT TITLE ALL-STARS
At the end Gollum sits in a hot-tub and slips the ring onto his willy.


My preciousssss

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

its hilarious that the devs released a statement apologizing for how lovely the game was almost immediately

LaserPrinter69
Sep 6, 2022

Is gollum the cursed elf who bit the ring off frodo's finger then landed in lava and did the thumbs up like terminator 2? Sorry if I got that nerd poo poo wrong or whatever

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

LaserPrinter69 posted:

Is gollum the cursed elf who bit the ring off frodo's finger then landed in lava and did the thumbs up like terminator 2? Sorry if I got that nerd poo poo wrong or whatever

nah that was jeff

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
gollum did nothing wrong

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Franšais.

Colonel Cancer posted:

gollum did nothing wrong

deep dish peat moss
Jul 27, 2006

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.


YOu have to buy the DLC to get other gollum summoning spells but the Iron Gollum and the Crystal Gollum are pretty strong, not too sure about the Flesh Gollum

Jelly
Feb 11, 2004

Ask me about my STD collection!
The Skill-Up Review is really great. Just a comically abysmal game.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer
How are the strangling mechanics? I've got this itch that no game seems to scratch

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Franšais.

Icochet posted:

How are the strangling mechanics? I've got this itch that no game seems to scratch

You sneak up on an orc(without a helmet) and hold a button until the orc falls over, limply. You may be better off with Manhunt.

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020

jimin
A few words from the team: blow it out your rear end

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020

jimin

Icochet posted:

How are the strangling mechanics? I've got this itch that no game seems to scratch

dishonored

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer

EorayMel posted:

You sneak up on an orc(without a helmet) and hold a button until the orc falls over, limply. You may be better off with Manhunt.

Do you use both thumbsticks? That's important. And the controller needs to vibrate like crazy until it doesn't

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Franšais.

Icochet posted:

Do you use both thumbsticks? That's important. And the controller needs to vibrate like crazy until it doesn't

You do not. Sorry.

deep dish peat moss
Jul 27, 2006

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.


I watched a couple review videos of this game because it's so astronomically bad that it can't be put to words.

It is a life sim about being Gollum and being in prison. The gameplay involves living out days of Gollum's incarcerated life - you do things like wake up, walk to some pig pens, pull a lever to open a gate for them, then go back to bed. You spend a lot of time doing chores. Eventually there's a chore to incubate an egg and when you do a bird hatches from it and Gollum befriends the bird, you then use the bird to help you with chores. Eventually Gollum gets a new cellmate and does something to enslave him, and after that the gameplay revolves around standing around ordering your enslaved cellmate to do the chores you were previously doing, like pulling levers for pigs.

The only positive thing I've seen any reviewer say about it is that if you intentionally jump into lava and die, you get an achievement titled something like "Wait! Not yet!" which people seem to think is a tongue-in-cheek reference to Lord of the Rings but to me it reads more as the developers knowing you'd be willing to jump off a bridge to escape their game and asking you to at least finish it first.

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

"sorry this game is a huge piece of poo poo lol, thanks for the $60 suckers" -Daedelic

deep dish peat moss posted:

I watched a couple review videos of this game because it's so astronomically bad that it can't be put to words.

It is a life sim about being Gollum and being in prison. The gameplay involves living out days of Gollum's incarcerated life - you do things like wake up, walk to some pig pens, pull a lever to open a gate for them, then go back to bed. You spend a lot of time doing chores. Eventually there's a chore to incubate an egg and when you do a bird hatches from it and Gollum befriends the bird, you then use the bird to help you with chores. Eventually Gollum gets a new cellmate and does something to enslave him, and after that the gameplay revolves around standing around ordering your enslaved cellmate to do the chores you were previously doing, like pulling levers for pigs.

The only positive thing I've seen any reviewer say about it is that if you intentionally jump into lava and die, you get an achievement titled something like "Wait! Not yet!" which people seem to think is a tongue-in-cheek reference to Lord of the Rings but to me it reads more as the developers knowing you'd be willing to jump off a bridge to escape their game and asking you to at least finish it first.

apparently later in the game you leave the prison and like travel around mirkwood or middle earth or something but i dont think any reviewers have endured that long lol

free hubcaps fucked around with this message at 17:45 on May 27, 2023

deep dish peat moss
Jul 27, 2006

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.


free hubcaps posted:

its hilarious that the devs released a statement apologizing for how lovely the game was almost immediately

In that statement they called the franchise "Lord of the Ring"

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Jelly posted:

The Skill-Up Review is really great. Just a comically abysmal game.

Nitpicking an indie game to death... Unbelievable...

bossy lady
Jul 9, 1983

cant wait for the AGDQ speedruns

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020

jimin

Smugworth posted:

Nitpicking an indie game to death... Unbelievable...

i endorse this, and next on the list is stray

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003




lmao whatta piece of poo poo

deep dish peat moss
Jul 27, 2006

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.


They should have made this game a Stray mod that changed the cat's model to gollum

Henry Lee Mucus
Dec 11, 2003

Is mario and loogi in this one

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

deep dish peat moss posted:

In that statement they called the franchise "Lord of the Ring"

lol so they did

https://twitter.com/GollumGame/status/1662124108614717448

mad respect for the lore

Vinesauce vinny was doing an LP of this and ran into a game breaking bug almost immediately upon starting the game lol


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygpioTo46eU

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer
Tbf the other rings were poo poo

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Franšais.
Has anybody made Gollumse yet

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020

jimin

deep dish peat moss posted:

They should have made this game a Stray mod that changed the cat's model to gollum

LOL

Vakal
May 11, 2008
Imagine getting into game development, your life long dream, the endless possibilities to push the boundaries of gaming lay ahead of you.

Then you get stuck making an ugly as gently caress Lord of the Rings spin-off everyday for like 4 years of your life and in the end it turns out that people hate and mock it to the point you have to apologize for even creating it.

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Why they make gollum look like Marjorie Taylor Greene

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Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer

Vakal posted:

Imagine getting into game development, your life long dream, the endless possibilities to push the boundaries of gaming lay ahead of you

then
<horrible realization>

Video game development text file

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