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Piggy Smalls
Jun 21, 2015



BOSS MAKES A DOLLAR,
YOU MAKE A DIME,
I'LL LICK HIS BOOT TILL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS SHINE.

ÖIíll like it. In all seriousness anyone go through the procedure? Iím afraid to get sedated since Iím afraid I wonít wake up and I also hate that feeling minutes after when you donít know where you are at.

Any other procedures (health related) you goons have gone through that were scary for you? How did it go? Glad or sorry you did it?

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20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017
Make sure they check your molars too 😂

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

I had a really terrible kidney stone in 2022 that I could not pass. They ended up scheduling me for surgery where they'd blast it with a laser. I wasn't nervous about being sedated and knocked out, but the idea of all this stuff going up my dick freaked me out pretty bad.

After the surgery I woke up real groggy and they told me to go urinate but not to worry because "there'd be some blood". I proceeded to spray out a stream of bloody urine everywhere and freak myself out so badly that I almost passed out. I also had a stent in my urethra which had to be removed a few days later. The doctor basically yanked it out like he was starting a lawnmower, I almost passed out again, and my wife said I looked like I went into shock.

Still better than the pain of that kidney stone but holy poo poo, what a nightmare few days that recovery was.

Cosmik Slop
Oct 9, 2007

What's a hole doing in my TARDIS?


I had an endoscopy for chronic gastritis and it went completely fine. I was a little drowsy from the sedation afterward and there were some blanks in my memory from the ride home (an expected side effect of the propofol), but otherwise no problem.

A Strange Aeon
Mar 26, 2010

You are now a slimy little toad
The Great Twist

A Fancy Hat posted:

I had a really terrible kidney stone in 2022 that I could not pass. They ended up scheduling me for surgery where they'd blast it with a laser. I wasn't nervous about being sedated and knocked out, but the idea of all this stuff going up my dick freaked me out pretty bad.

After the surgery I woke up real groggy and they told me to go urinate but not to worry because "there'd be some blood". I proceeded to spray out a stream of bloody urine everywhere and freak myself out so badly that I almost passed out. I also had a stent in my urethra which had to be removed a few days later. The doctor basically yanked it out like he was starting a lawnmower, I almost passed out again, and my wife said I looked like I went into shock.

Still better than the pain of that kidney stone but holy poo poo, what a nightmare few days that recovery was.

This delightful anecdote will definitely help the OP with their anxiety!

I haven't gotten a colonoscopy yet, but they are a very routine procedure. I think the prep is probably annoying where they give you laxatives to spend a day on the toilet making GBS threads everything out.

I just hate not being able to eat before medical stuff, my blood sugar or whatever tanks and I feel terrible from that. Really try to get procedures scheduled as early in the day as possible.

kanonvandekempen
Mar 14, 2009

Piggy Smalls posted:

ÖIíll like it. In all seriousness anyone go through the procedure? Iím afraid to get sedated since Iím afraid I wonít wake up and I also hate that feeling minutes after when you donít know where you are at.

Any other procedures (health related) you goons have gone through that were scary for you? How did it go? Glad or sorry you did it?

I have a history of colon cancer in my family (one dead grandmother at a relatively young age, multiple polips have already been removed with my mother), and doctors recommend me to have an inspection every 5 years. I've had the procedure twice, once fully anaesthesised and once where they gave me something that sort of took me out of it (after the procedure I had vague memories of looking at a screen and seeing what they were doing, but I don't actually remember anything.) In both cases the procedure itself was no issue whatsoever, no pain afterwards, nothing.

I do passionately hate the disgusting liquid you have to drink the day before to prepare your colon for the procedure. God I hate it so much.

MoonshineWilly
Feb 7, 2007

Damn you, harlot! Science and I know what we're doing!
I had a cystoscopy a couple years ago where they jam a camera up your dickhole and the doctor told me before hand that I could have the procedure while I was awake if I wanted. I asked if it would be painful and he said, ďOnly if you donít relax.Ē And then he held up the scope, which is about 1/4Ē diameter and I said, ďPlease knock me out.Ē

Procedure went fine, although they said the first few times urinating afterwards would have ďsome discomfort.Ē The only other thing I remember is a guy in the pre-surgery room having a very loud conversation with the doctor asking when he could have sex again. Oh, and the anesthesiologist gave me a high five because I actually listened and only drank coffee the morning of the procedure.

Call Your Grandma
Jan 17, 2010

if you can commit into your head that it's a colonoscopie then maybe you will be looking forward to it by the time Thursday rolls around.

JeffLeonard
Apr 18, 2003

TV Violence
It's a piece of cake. Don't worry about it. Us old fuckers have to do it every so often. The prep day is way worse than the procedure itself.

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

Ogres don't get scared. We do the scaring.

And that's why we're the kings of Halloween.


A Fancy Hat posted:

I had a really terrible kidney stone in 2022 that I could not pass. They ended up scheduling me for surgery where they'd blast it with a laser. I wasn't nervous about being sedated and knocked out, but the idea of all this stuff going up my dick freaked me out pretty bad.

After the surgery I woke up real groggy and they told me to go urinate but not to worry because "there'd be some blood". I proceeded to spray out a stream of bloody urine everywhere and freak myself out so badly that I almost passed out. I also had a stent in my urethra which had to be removed a few days later. The doctor basically yanked it out like he was starting a lawnmower, I almost passed out again, and my wife said I looked like I went into shock.

Still better than the pain of that kidney stone but holy poo poo, what a nightmare few days that recovery was.

I cringed reading this

Jippa
Feb 13, 2009

Seth Pecksniff posted:

I cringed reading this

"Starting a lawnmower" :stare: :cry:

Olanphonia
Jul 27, 2006

I'm open to suggestions~
Yeah, I had one early because my eldest half sibling had polyps removed. It's really no big deal, just the liquid you need to drink and poo poo out sucks and you can't eat for a day, which might be fine if you're someone who likes to do fasting. I'd recommend a safety poo poo after you get to the place right after you check in but before you go back to see the surgeon.

Honestly, of the medical procedures I've had or seen, it was pretty low on the trauma list. The only real bad part is the prep solution you have to drink. It's just so much and it tastes bad no matter what.

Hollismason
Jun 30, 2007

Witchfinder General

My suggestion would be to buy some small gifts like the kind you get from those 25 cent candy machines. Rings, small plastic dinosaurs. Anyway shove those up your rear end. Before you go under make sure to say " Make sure to get your prize!". The doctors will love it.

Cheesus
Oct 17, 2002

Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.
Yam Slacker
I had mine less than a month ago!

The ball started rolling in late May. I had a physical to go to Cub Scout camp with my son. My primary care doctor noted, "The new recommendation for a colonoscopy is 45, and since you're 50, I'm ordering you one".

Coincidentally, the very next day my sister called me, audibly shaken. For similar reasons of age, she cajoled my brother-in-law (same age as me and more active) to have one done this year to and found that he had colon cancer. Despite the modern treatments, I, my sister, and my mother all grew up with "colon cancer is a death sentence" so my attitude I went from "Oh, sure I'll get it no problem" to actively calling the hospital to schedule instead of waiting for them to call me. And mildly stressed through the summer.

(my BIL had surgery to remove the cancer and has been going through chemo all summer)

The most annoying part of the prep was the no-fiber diet. The idea of eating an "American diet" of white bread, cottage cheese, and seemingly junk-food-is-ok was oddly non-trivial for me to pull off. The pre-day laxative prep was not as bad as I expected.

Pro Tip 1: Once you take your laxatives, DO NOT TRUST A FART.
Pro Tip 2: Stop wiping, only dab for the rest of the day. Even then your anus will be very sore.

The procedure went off fine. Did not remember a thing about it. In the end I had some pre-cancerous polypus removed.

While the claim seems to be, "can't predict cancer!" I feel like what's in my colon is there because of what I'm putting in my mouth. I feel eat "fairly" healthy, but there's always room for improvement so I'm making some adjustments.

Cheesus
Oct 17, 2002

Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.
Yam Slacker
Ignore me. Meant to edit, not quote.

kender
Dec 15, 2000
Forum Veteran

A Fancy Hat posted:

. The doctor basically yanked it out like he was starting a lawnmower, I almost passed out again, and my wife said I looked like I went into shock.

Still better than the pain of that kidney stone but holy poo poo, what a nightmare few days that recovery was.

Lucky, they made me take my own out at home.

The advice of starting it like a lawnmower was given by the urologist. Just threw a huge gross rear end clot against the bathtub when it whipped out because I was pulling that thing out hand over hand as fast as possible to not quit partway in.

Colonoscopies are nothing, you're on loving laugh gas the entire time and barely remember them. Just be ready to be pointlessly gassy for a day.

The Go-Litely or whatever the gently caress Plumbr they use - gently caress that though.

Torquemada
Oct 21, 2010

Drei Gläser

Piggy Smalls posted:

ÖIíll like it. In all seriousness anyone go through the procedure? Iím afraid to get sedated since Iím afraid I wonít wake up and I also hate that feeling minutes after when you donít know where you are at.

Any other procedures (health related) you goons have gone through that were scary for you? How did it go? Glad or sorry you did it?

Sedation is not anaesthesia. I also dislike being rendered unconscious, but the sedation for my colonoscopy was super good and relaxing; you're awake, but nothing bothers you.

It's always better to know than not know, and if you knew anything at all about the effects of colon cancer and how it'll gently caress your life up even if you survive it, you wouldn't be so squeamish.

The prep varies. Mine tasted like flat Sprite that someone had added a teaspoon of salt to; not desirable as a beverage, but not that hard to get down. Chilling it helps, apparently. The laxative effect is extremely rapid, it passes through you in about a minute.

Don't accidentally eat or drink anything after the times you're given, in fact, follow the instructions to the letter.

Hasturtium
May 19, 2020

And that year, for his birthday, he got six pink ping pong balls in a little pink backpack.
Hello, OP. I have serrated polyposis, which I only discovered after requesting my GI doc perform a colonoscopy upon remembering my grandmaís various health woes. They found stuff - all precancerous, but which would have been awful if Iíd waited until I was 40. Whatever reason you have for a colonoscopy, itís probably not going to be as weird as that.

The prep: itís gross! Youíll spend a day consuming clear foods and broth from a list, and basically chugging as much water as you can without getting sick. In the early evening youíll have a course of a prescription Hell Laxative, which will probably taste kinda like Dimetapp dissolved in heavy metals. The initial reaction your bowels will have is deceptively understated - within 30 minutes youíll want to be on a toilet, and youíll be there for a few hours. Then youíll probably take a second round of the same laxative again, and will likely be up past midnight with hallucinatory megashits. This is all normal. If you have a tablet, use it to watch movies while you poo.

The next day youíll need someone to drive you to and from the procedure. You will, almost certainly, sleep through the whole thing, and probably fart while youíre in recovery. Itís just a medical procedure, goon, and then you can go home and fall asleep with your mouth open, probably maybe not even having weird dreams about it. Post here afterward and regale us with the saga of your o-ring inspection.

BastardAus
Jun 3, 2003
Chunder from Down Under
Got both ends done at once, being 45 and never checked it was time, according to my doctor.
The day before stuff I had to drink was very entertaining as I had never tubgirled out my arse that much without being very sick. This was mud, then water getting cleaner over 18 hours.
The twilight meds helped me forget the whole procedure, and when I woke up the cameraman gave me a big smile and said "Clean as whistle mate, get outta here."
Intense relief, do it if you can. You're probably fine.

Lobsterboy
Aug 18, 2003

start smoking (what's up, gold?)
most places will let you substitute gatorade+miralax instead of go-lyte, this is a much easier path but will probably turn you off that flavor of gatorade. choose wisely.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for away mission Sir.

Torquemada posted:

Sedation is not anaesthesia. I also dislike being rendered unconscious, but the sedation for my colonoscopy was super good and relaxing; you're awake, but nothing bothers you.

It's always better to know than not know, and if you knew anything at all about the effects of colon cancer and how it'll gently caress your life up even if you survive it, you wouldn't be so squeamish.

The prep varies. Mine tasted like flat Sprite that someone had added a teaspoon of salt to; not desirable as a beverage, but not that hard to get down. Chilling it helps, apparently. The laxative effect is extremely rapid, it passes through you in about a minute.

Don't accidentally eat or drink anything after the times you're given, in fact, follow the instructions to the letter.

When I had mine, I was totally out, gone to the world. The whole procedure was painless and easy, like others have said, it's the prep that can be difficult. But if one is afraid of getting knocked out I don't have any words of comfort other than it seems preferable to being awake for it.

Olanphonia
Jul 27, 2006

I'm open to suggestions~
Mine let me use crystal lite as the flavoring and chilling did help I think but it's still not good and I had to drink a whole gallon of it. The hardest part was that I had torn my achilles between the time I scheduled and the time I had the procedure so I had to do some tough hobbling to and from the toilet.

titty_baby_
Nov 11, 2015

20 Blunts posted:

Make sure they check your molars too 😂

Edgar Allan Pwned
Apr 3, 2011

Quoth the Raven "I love the power glove. It's so bad..."
im scheduling mine soon. im only 30 but my mom has a gi history and then i pooped blood a couple moths ago. the doctor lady said the day before is the worst part of it (i guess drinking the laxative :( )

Aishlinn
Mar 31, 2011

This might hurt a bit..


Piggy Smalls posted:

ÖIíll like it. In all seriousness anyone go through the procedure? Iím afraid to get sedated since Iím afraid I wonít wake up and I also hate that feeling minutes after when you donít know where you are at.

Any other procedures (health related) you goons have gone through that were scary for you? How did it go? Glad or sorry you did it?

I have gone through a colonoscopy and really, its nothing at all to be afraid of. the roughest part is the day before, because you're gonna have to chug a bunch of very powerful laxatives and you're gonna spend the day on the toilet. (but dang if you don't feel kinda good being cleaned out!) The actual procedure? Its nothing. They're gonna dose you with some propofal, and its like a lightswitch. Lights out, lights on. And you're going to wake up feeling like a million bucks, like you just had the best, most restful nap you've ever had. you're seriously going to feel excellent, trust me. then you just relax for a little while, and someone will have to take you home. as for the aftermath...there really isnt any. my plumbing was back to normal that day. funny enough the first thing i thought when i woke up was "Dang, i could go for some taco bell". i think i ended up having chicken nuggets for dinner, ha.

anyway, Seriously, nothing to worry about. You spend a day pooping like crazy, then you take a powernap, then you have some chicken nuggies and a juicebox and you're golden.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

It took me like two weeks to get back a normal GI ďroutineĒ but yeah best nap of my life and the procedure itself was fine.

making GBS threads your brains out for 24 hours straight sucks though.

Serious_Cyclone
Oct 24, 2017

I appreciate your patience, this is a tricky maneuver
The prep is the worst part but it's more like a Fear Factor challenge than a medical thing. The worst part of the procedure was that just as I was entering anesthesia torpor I overheard one of the staff say something relevant to my career field and I tried to :dumbbravo::actually::dumbbravo: them on whatever they were talking about right before I passed out

KPC_Mammon
Jan 23, 2004

I have to get a colonoscopy every year due to lovely genetics. The prep is significantly worse than the procedure.

I recommend a bidet and some medicated cooling pads or ointment.

Riot Bimbo
Dec 28, 2006


sobered up after years hooked on painkillers, but my booty was still showing signs of bad stuff, so i got an early colonoscopy

i majorly hated having to chug laxative with beef broth and specific (bad) jello flavors as my sole reprieve to an otherwise intense fast, but i did it.

i felt sick and panicky as im waiting for assistance, but the anesthesiologist gave me something ahead of the GA that had me chilled out. i remember falling asleep as they asked me to adjust myself and then I was asleep, then i was awake, a few benign polyps lighter, a few internal hemmorhoids noted, and no cancer or any spooky poo poo whatsoever.

you'll *probably* be fine

Biff Rockgroin
Jun 17, 2005

Go to commercial!


I've only ever had a prostate exam, which was whatever. Didn't feel good but mostly just uncomfortable.

I did have to go under for a back surgery a decade ago, but that was fine. I just remember counting back from 100 and thinking I was gonna impress the surgeon by making it all the way to 1. I made it to 98.

When I woke up I remember asking the nurse when they were going to start the surgery and she said it was done six hours ago. I tried to eat some ice chips, puked a teaspoon of liquid, and I was good to go after that. It was kind of nice though because they cover you with a warm blanket and all that's expected of you is to just chill out.

You got this.

Ultramega OK
May 14, 2003

I'm a Catholic, I can feel guilty about anything.

A Fancy Hat posted:

I had a really terrible kidney stone in 2022 that I could not pass. They ended up scheduling me for surgery where they'd blast it with a laser. I wasn't nervous about being sedated and knocked out, but the idea of all this stuff going up my dick freaked me out pretty bad.

After the surgery I woke up real groggy and they told me to go urinate but not to worry because "there'd be some blood". I proceeded to spray out a stream of bloody urine everywhere and freak myself out so badly that I almost passed out. I also had a stent in my urethra which had to be removed a few days later. The doctor basically yanked it out like he was starting a lawnmower, I almost passed out again, and my wife said I looked like I went into shock.

Still better than the pain of that kidney stone but holy poo poo, what a nightmare few days that recovery was.

I had a kidney stone when I was a younger man. The pain was excruciating! It was the worst physical pain I've ever felt. I recall the ER nurse told me, from her personal experience, giving birth was less painful than a kidney stone. Fortunately, the stone was small enough that it passed on its own later that night.

I'll never be dehydrated again.

Hollismason
Jun 30, 2007

Witchfinder General

Honestly you should be more worried that you are going to embarrass yourself by blasting rope during the exam which is something that happens in a small number of cases when people get colonscopies.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 6 hours!
Another voice chiming in to say that the procedure's fine but the prep is a bad time. If you can get some protein powder that's clear when dissolved in water that makes the fasting less bad but you're still going to live on the toilet for a few hours.

A Strange Aeon posted:

Really try to get procedures scheduled as early in the day as possible.

Yep. You can't eat anything after midnight on the day of the procedure, so the earlier you get it done, the earlier you can get some food.

Cheesus
Oct 17, 2002

Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.
Yam Slacker

Torquemada posted:

It's always better to know than not know, and if you knew anything at all about the effects of colon cancer and how it'll gently caress your life up even if you survive it, you wouldn't be so squeamish.
As I began my preparation last month, an acquaintance "knowingly" laughed and asked, "Hah, how's it going with your diet?"

This person is squeamish about the whole process ranging from generally pooping, to the idea of preparation, and the actual procedure itself. More than a few times they regaled me with a tale of their mother's first colonoscopy about 15 years ago. To hear my acquaintance talk ("Ugh! The running to the bathroom! The SMELLS!") you would think it happened to them, and not their mother.

So I responded that that it was of course fine. It wasn't pleasant but not the worst thing I've ever done to myself. And given the low level stress I had all summer over my brother in law's diagnosis, I would be relieved to know the results, good or bad.

To that, they loudly stated they would NEVER have a colonoscopy. That the whole process was gross and they'd rather die of cancer than endure any part of it.

I had nothing to say to them about that.

But you may notice I refer to this individual as an "acquaintance". They are more someone to be endured in my life than someone who's company I enjoy. As such, my immediate thought was "Well, if that's what it takes to get you out of my life...."

XYZAB
Jun 29, 2003

HNNNNNGG!!
Unless you have an inflation kink youíll loving hate it. I know I did.

Private Cumshoe
Feb 15, 2019

AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH
the procedure is nothing, eating and drinking and making GBS threads for prep sucks

they used midazolam and fentanyl on me, did not feel high at all, did not feel pain or touch from anything, got to watch my own turbogoatse the whole time if I really felt like it

Dead Sex-Parrot
Dec 24, 2020
I had one performed when I participated in an experiment regarding if ingesting a lot of D-vitamins would have a beneficial effect for people suffering from Crohn's syndrome. They didn't do a full colonoscopy so I didn't have to be sedated, but I still had to fast for 8 hours to get everything cleared out. I think the most uncomfortable experience for me was that they blow air up your colon to make it easier to see the gut.

Sekenr
Dec 12, 2013




We should start a forum tradition called Colonoscopy Thursday

snergle
Aug 3, 2013

A kind little mouse!

Piggy Smalls posted:

ÖIíll like it. In all seriousness anyone go through the procedure? Iím afraid to get sedated since Iím afraid I wonít wake up and I also hate that feeling minutes after when you donít know where you are at.

Any other procedures (health related) you goons have gone through that were scary for you? How did it go? Glad or sorry you did it?

ive had it done alot it was scary the first time but the now im only scared ill get addicted to anesthesia because it is like the best. i honestly hate doing it every time because of the prep. its the worst. the actual day of is fine.

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Cheesus
Oct 17, 2002

Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.
Yam Slacker

MoonshineWilly posted:

Oh, and the anesthesiologist gave me a high five because I actually listened and only drank coffee the morning of the procedure.
I vaguely recall the surgeon contemplating me for "thank you for doing the prep" or otherwise being "clear".

Like, that was the instructions, why wouldn't---oh right, this is America.

Hollismason posted:

Honestly you should be more worried that you are going to embarrass yourself by blasting rope jet spraying light yellow water from your rear end during the exam which is something that happens in a small number of cases when people get colonscopies.
FTFY

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