What are your thoughts on the Cart Narc?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > What are your thoughts on the Cart Narc?

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MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

redshirt posted:

Tangentially, how about those lazy folks who park in the fire lane right in front of the exit? Am I right?

I've seen firefighters gently caress someone's car up to get a hose through before, it's pretty funny

# ? Oct 21, 2023 23:19

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# ? May 4, 2024 03:56

huh: Jan 23, 2004; Dinosaur Gum

Archonex posted:

Go drink some milk

You when you see Agent Sebastian:

# ? Oct 21, 2023 23:20

satanic splash-back: Jan 28, 2009

Defenders of the Cart Narc Victims

# ? Oct 21, 2023 23:21

huh: Jan 23, 2004; Dinosaur Gum

Me when I see Agent Sebastian:

# ? Oct 21, 2023 23:26

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

I own a small cart manufacturer and the demand for bespoke shopping carts is really low since COVID. We have a new model better suited for today's mass consumer but Big Cart has industry on lock. So I've been going into parking lots and leaving a few carts in them to get slotted into the rotation. Sooner or later they're going to need new carts and with mine already in the mix, I'll be the natural place to go for more.

# ? Oct 21, 2023 23:56

pencilhands: Aug 20, 2022

SatansOnion posted:

forcing retail workers to deal with your toilet-clogging opioid-induced bowel rocks: haha, funy joak

seeing your ride almost get dinged: y-you MONSTER, YOU FIEND, YOU ALMOST RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE. THIS UNPROMPTED AGGRESSION FROM THE LIKES OF YOU WILL NOT BE TOLERATED, AND AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I WILL HAVE MY JUSTICE

tbui

# ? Oct 22, 2023 01:24

Jelly: Feb 11, 2004; Ask me about my STD collection!

Khanstant posted:

I own a small cart manufacturer and the demand for bespoke shopping carts is really low since COVID. We have a new model better suited for today's mass consumer but Big Cart has industry on lock. So I've been going into parking lots and leaving a few carts in them to get slotted into the rotation. Sooner or later they're going to need new carts and with mine already in the mix, I'll be the natural place to go for more.

Be careful!!

# ? Oct 22, 2023 02:23

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

pencilhands posted:

tbui

This is the kind of posting you learn at Wizard Master University

# ? Oct 22, 2023 02:25

Lt. Cock: May 28, 2005; INCOMING!

Could mods just give pencilhands and wizard master the exact same account info so that they'd be indistinguishable from one another from a front end user's perspective? I think it would streamline things around here.

# ? Oct 22, 2023 05:33

SweetMercifulCrap!: Jan 28, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

name them Pencil Master and Wizard Hands

# ? Oct 22, 2023 05:50

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

SweetMercifulCrap! posted:

name them Pencil Master and Wizard Hands

# ? Oct 22, 2023 05:51

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

SweetMercifulCrap! posted:

name them Pencil Master and Wizard Hands

# ? Oct 22, 2023 05:52

Lt. Cock: May 28, 2005; INCOMING!

SweetMercifulCrap! posted:

name them Pencil Master and Wizard Hands

# ? Oct 22, 2023 06:01

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

Or name one Pencilmaster the Wizardhands and the other Wizardpencil the Handmaster and don't tell anyone which is which

# ? Oct 22, 2023 06:05

Pekinduck: May 10, 2008

Lt. Cock posted:

Could mods just give pencilhands and wizard master the exact same account info so that they'd be indistinguishable from one another from a front end user's perspective? I think it would streamline things around here.

pencilhands got a poster banned in this thread, hes the indisputable top dog

# ? Oct 22, 2023 06:10

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

Pekinduck posted:

pencilhands got a poster banned in this thread, hes the indisputable top dog

He gets an award for Forums Posting Valor While Under Duress of Friendly Fire

# ? Oct 22, 2023 06:13

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

Retail rules.

I'll bring them inside after my smoko break.

# ? Oct 22, 2023 06:21

Pekinduck: May 10, 2008

Treecko posted:

Retail rules.

Retail worker power: the cops will assume you're the only sane person in the parking lot.

Tell the cops the cart karen made a credible death threat.

Tell the cops the guy in the tactical vest made a credible death threat.

# ? Oct 22, 2023 06:38

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

I've never gotten any retail job I applied for because I always fail the personality test when it asks about cart narcketeering.

# ? Oct 22, 2023 07:20

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Remember that cart zombie wall in 28 Days Later?

That guy's got some explaining to do.

# ? Oct 22, 2023 13:15

Modal Auxiliary: Jan 14, 2005

huh posted:

You when you see Agent Sebastian:

"Get away from me, b'gawk"?

Also I've updated my stance after watching him bully the handicapped lady. Invisible disabilities are a thing, gently caress that dude.

# ? Oct 22, 2023 13:58

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

In which to summon cart narcs final boss

# ? Oct 22, 2023 14:59

temple: Jul 29, 2006; I have actual skeletons in my closet

Deputy Claire on the case

# ? Oct 22, 2023 18:07

wizard2: Apr 4, 2022

Treecko posted:

Retail rules.

I'll bring them inside after my smoko break.

nice

# ? Oct 22, 2023 19:31

Slam Pajamas: May 21, 2007; ALL TEXT TITLE ALL-STARS

temple posted:

Deputy Claire on the case

# ? Oct 22, 2023 19:43

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

Slam Pajamas posted:

GBS hates women.

Edit: I'm not posting any more pro-Cart Narc comments though, after reading about his bad attitude to the homeless and the possibly genuinely disabled.

BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 20:09 on Oct 22, 2023

# ? Oct 22, 2023 20:06

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Archonex posted:

The weak should consume the cart narc to take his powers and outfit

I'm way stronger than this cart narc idiot and I already SAID I was going to kill and eat him, like 8 pages ago just be patient already jeez

# ? Oct 22, 2023 20:48

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

Slam Pajamas posted:

as much as you're trying to impress whoever that is, this isn't the selfies thread

# ? Oct 22, 2023 22:14

Junk: Dec 20, 2003; Listen to reason, man. Why make your job difficult?

gotta admit i did not expect the cart narc to look like that, this is roughly how i pictured him:

# ? Oct 22, 2023 23:44

Slam Pajamas: May 21, 2007; ALL TEXT TITLE ALL-STARS

call me Hazybones cuz Im on smoko
gonna watch the traffic roll in and slam this 4-loko
then after that I'll scoop the carts into a horde
slam a straight T-Bone right into your Ford

parking lot Superstar

(based on a true story)

# ? Oct 23, 2023 00:07

SweetMercifulCrap!: Jan 28, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

I pictured him to look like a dorkier, scrawnier version of the TF2 Scout.

# ? Oct 23, 2023 01:06

Archonex: May 2, 2012; MY OPINION IS SEERS OF THE THRONE PROPAGANDA IGNORE MY GNOSIS-IMPAIRED RAMBLINGS

Captain Yossarian posted:

I'm way stronger than this cart narc idiot and I already SAID I was going to kill and eat him, like 8 pages ago just be patient already jeez

Alas, the rule of dibs foils my plans once again

# ? Oct 23, 2023 01:10

Azuth0667: Sep 20, 2011; By the word of Zoroaster, no business decision is poor when it involves Ahura Mazda.

Archonex posted:

I mentioned it before but loving with people's cars with magnets is a no go. All someone has to do is say that he scratched the paint job and whoops that's vandalism get hosed cart weirdo. The police, your insurance, and any lawyers will (assuming competence) take that just as seriously as if someone walked by your car and deliberately keyed it. That it's on camera means this guy would be hosed. Which makes me wonder if he ever hasn't uploaded video to help get away with that sort of gently caress up given the sheer number of videos he has doing this.

Stuff like chasing people around the parking lot while having a bullhorn and yelling "LAZYBONES" in random people's ears while wearing a bulletproof vest is also going to have even remotely competent cops show up to introduce you to the pavement fast for fear that you're some sort of psychotic lunatic that needs to be kept watch on. The idea of dressing up like that to harass people for a bit in the age of American mass shootings is so dumb that it's ridiculous.

Add on that he sometimes follows them out of the parking lot and basically stalks some of them until their temper breaks and that's pretty much harassment and attempting to incite something.

Though given that this guy originally did this for a radio show or something i'm sure he's got good enough lawyers to bail him out of the trouble he puts himself into so he can keep on loving with people. Folks who aren't backed by money typically don't act like this for long. They gently caress around, find out with a lawsuit or charges, and then tend to fade into irrelevance as the consequences keep mounting up and they can't afford to keep acting like this. The ability to buy your way out of trouble is part of what a lot of these pranksters rely on when the consequences come knocking.

You'll also note that the ones he goes out of his way to get a bigger reaction out of sometimes seem to be poor. Which also probably helps insulate him from consequences. Can't make the richer guy feel consequences with a lawsuit if he's touring less fortunate places where people can't afford to fight back!

Lazybones spotted, other lazybones have tried this and lol at proving damages. This dude made dr phil really angry so he's good.

# ? Oct 23, 2023 03:25

Flowers for QAnon: May 20, 2019

MAGNETS WILL DAMAGE THE PAINT AND THE INTERNALS!

# ? Oct 23, 2023 03:30

Bloodfart McCoy: Jul 20, 2007; That's a high quality avatar right there.

BigBadSteve posted:

GBS hates women.

Edit: I'm not posting any more pro-Cart Narc comments though, after reading about his bad attitude to the homeless and the possibly genuinely disabled.

Lazybonesitis isn�t a real disability.

# ? Oct 23, 2023 04:01