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AJ_Impy posted:Gather up the chute. Thank Odin. Ask your various mental passengers for help with the 'being a fish' thing that keeps cropping up, because you don't want it cropping up when we talk to Mr. Gets stabbed by a unicorn a lot. You gather up the parachute, packing it up as neatly as you can with the driving rain. For a brief moment, you rub the raven brooch in your pocket, and mutter a brief thanks to Odin.  ODIN: That was my son's doing, not mine. But appreciated, all the same, lad.You briefly consider asking either Odin or Athena for help with these weird, intrusive fish-themed thoughts you've been having lately. WILLPOWER ROLL: 14 +1 PERK BONUS (LUCK) -4 DEBUFF (CURSED ITEM) = 11 VS DC 12. FAILURE. But why would you ever, EVER want to do that? There is NOTHING to worry about at all. In fact, all this rain just reminds you of how much you want to be a fish. Someday, maybe, it will come true. You just need to get closer to the ocean. After you finish killing this unicorn, maybe then you can go to the sea, the sea, THE SEA, THE SEA!!!  ATHENA: I could probably help. But... well... frankly, it was your own stupid decision to go rifling through all those crates marked things like "DANGER." Prove yourself to me by at least mustering the willpower OR wisdom to get out of this. ODIN: So you're just going to let the lad grow gills and jump into the ocean? ATHENA: If he allows that to happen, it shows that he is clearly not the champion I need. ODIN: Ach, you Olympians, always so proud and holier-than-thou. Almost as bad as the Demiurge's flock. ODIN: I'd help if I could, lad, but things get dicey if a god sticks his nose directly into the business of another pantheon. You'll need to find a way to rid yourself of Poseidon's cursed little treasure.You are too preoccupied by thoughts of the ocean to notice this back and forth between the whispers in your mind. BraveLittleToaster posted:Head over to your destination, the cottage presumably. Who cares that you look undignified? You just hopped out a plane and landed here. You finally snap out of your strange reverie, and start jogging up the path to the cottage. It looks similar to the picture that Alphonse had left on the bounty, and you hope he would be willing to let you get some shelter from the rain while you await the arrival of your compatriots. PERCEPTION ROLL: 5 +1 PERK BONUS (LUCK) = 6 VS DC 12. FAILURE. You take off your jacket and hold it up over your head to keep off the rain, and for a brief moment, you think you hear something. You aren't sure what it is, what with the wind and the rain. As you pause at the entrance of the cottage's well-kept little garden, you finally can put it together. Someone is shouting at you. You turn around, staring at a distant copse of trees. There's a man standing there, waving his arms overhead, and shouting at you. His messy hair flaps wildly in the wind. He looks impressively redfaced, probably from the shouting, and his green robes are soaked to his skin in places. You focus, and can make out his words.  ALPHONSE: Y'DAMNED BLOODY IDIOT! THE UNICORN'S IN TH' GARDEN!You hear a snort from behind you. You slooowly turn around, and are face to face with a large, white horse that is standing in the garden. It looks like it was in the middle of thoroughly destroying a berry bush and eating the large, juicy berries on it, until you interrupted. Its' horn is clearly visible in its forehead, glowing slightly in the low light of the early afternoon gloom created by the storm. It eyes you up and down. That horn is wickedly sharp, and while you're not an expert in horse body language, the unicorn doesn't seem happy to see you. Character Sheets & Inventory JessAlias fucked around with this message at 04:20 on Mar 26, 2024 |
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Mar 26, 2024 04:18
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Stay quiet and calm, become the picture of serenity. Carefully offer any sugar if you have some on you. Edit: Changed vote. BraveLittleToaster fucked around with this message at 04:32 on Mar 26, 2024 |
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Mar 26, 2024 04:25
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Get the sugar out. No sudden movements. Hand flat, sugar on palm. Slowly offer it.
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Mar 26, 2024 04:29
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AJ_Impy posted:Get the sugar out. No sudden movements. Hand flat, sugar on palm. Slowly offer it. BraveLittleToaster posted:Stay quiet and calm, become the picture of serenity. Carefully offer any sugar if you have some on you. You rummage in a pocket, and are thankful you haven't gotten so soaked that the organic demerara sugar you packed is ruined. You carefully get some out of your pocket with your hand, and offer your palm to the unicorn, waiting patiently for it to notice and eat it. It takes a step forward. You still hear Alphonse's distant shouting, and hope that he won't spook the creature. LUCK ROLL: 15 +1 PERK BONUS (LUCK) = 16 VS DC 10. SUCCESS! You stand like a statue, and try to eminate peace and serenity. The fae horse snorts once, and nudges your hand with its nose. Its' nose is wet and sticky from the berry juice on its lips. Then it presses its' lips against your palm, licking up the sugar granules, and giving your hand a rather wet smack of its lips at the end. It then begins sniffing you, and its' eyes narrow a bit. You decide that this encounter is probably needing to get cut short so you don't end up with a unicorn horn-shaped hole in your gut, and begin backing away. The unicorn snorts at you again, and lashes its' tail, before trotting over to a corner of the garden and resuming tearing apart another bush, this one containing raspberries. You finish backing away, and run out of Alphonse's garden, back to where the Welsh hedge wizard is waiting. You can hear his distant swearing get louder as you get closer. He has a surprisingly resonant voice for someone so short.  ALPHONSE: Y'tin-witted sack o' horse-arsed bow-backed copper-mouthed snake-eyed long-eared will-less sons of a daemon and a bat-arsed cock-eyed daemon's spawn! You could've gotten yourself KILLED! The hell were you thinkin', just waltzing into my garden like you owned it!?You slide in under the tree, next to the Welshman, and give him a weak smile as he pauses for breath. He's a head shorter than you, but somehow, he feels taller. Maybe it's the murderous glare in his eyes.  JOSEI: I didn't notice it, can you blame me? It's raining cats and dogs.Alphonse inhales, almost seeming to inflate. You suspect he's about to offload another barrage of invective. But instead, he deflates slowly, and shakes his head. ALPHONSE: Christ. Was not expecting you to be showin' up in the rain like this, just droppin' out of the sky. I've been dealing with that damned unicorn for the past four months now. ALPHONSE: drat thing comes when there's a full moon, and stays until there's a new one. Like clockwork. If I try to make it leave, well...He pulls up one sleeve of his robes, revealing an arm covered in scabbed over scars and punctures. ALPHONSE: Devil's worse'n an old badger, that's for sure.You whistle, and nod your head sympathetically. JOSEI: Ouch. Um. Can't you just... wizard him away?Alphonse gives you a look that suggests you might be the world's biggest idiot. You start wondering if you need to collect a nickel every time someone does that. If you did that, you'd have... a lot of nickels. He throws his hands up in frustration as he speaks. ALPHONSE: For the love of Christ on a crutch! I'm a HEDGE wizard. I do poultices, potion brewin', maybe a l'il bit of druid magic now an' then when there's a willow in bloom. ALPHONSE: I've got no bloody business trying to deal with an rear end of a unicorn that shows up on my property every month because of a full moon! ALPHONSE: I've tried bein' nice with it, I've tried trappin' it, nothing works. I don't have enough money to put together a big drat cage of cold iron, and I'm no hunter. ALPHONSE: So I put up some of my little stash a' soulmarks and hoped someone would come along t'fix it. But lo and behold, I get a half-blind moron instead.He takes a deep breath, again, and sighs. ALPHONSE: Sorry, just... a mite pissed. I usually have to wait out here in the loving rain for hours until the horned bastard buggers off to do whatever he does at night, before I can get inside my cottage. Once I'm in there, I'm fine - the problem is getting to my front door without losing a leg in the process.You nod your head sympathetically again as he rambles. He seems like a decent sort under all of the angry bluster he's putting up as a front. Character Sheets & Inventory JessAlias fucked around with this message at 03:04 on Apr 6, 2024 |
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Mar 26, 2024 04:52
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Inform him that we're here to help with the unicorn here, and our companions in ornery horned beast hunting are on their way. Apologize for causing a scene.
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Mar 26, 2024 04:58
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Can it get onto the roof? Does it break into the house? Is there any problem beside the whole 'getting stabbed when you leave your home'?
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Mar 26, 2024 05:12
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So. We're leaning towards the more lethal methodologies here. Would that be a problem for you, sir? Mental Note: Send Sokolov a mixed Case of Leroux 80 Proof Cherry Brandy and Leroux Jezinowka Blackberry Brandy as a token of our appreciation for the meeting.. The cherry is especially delightful for a palate that appreciates warmth and toastiness, while the blackberry is wonderfully sweet and syrupy. Stupidly good with bar soda, rocks, thin straw and a pinch of salt.
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Mar 26, 2024 05:28
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As a green dragon maybe he'd prefer pool cleaner and battery acid?
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Mar 26, 2024 05:38
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JessAlias posted:ALPHONSE: For the love of Christ on a crutch! I'm a HEDGE wizard. I do poultices, potion brewin', maybe a l'il bit of druid magic now an' then when there's a willow in bloom. Wait a sec if you're an expert in potions then you could just whip up a unicorn repellent.
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Mar 26, 2024 07:56
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Inform him that we're here to help with the unicorn here, and our companions in ornery horned beast hunting are on their way. Apologize for causing a scene. Outrail posted:Can it get onto the roof? Does it break into the house? Is there any problem beside the whole 'getting stabbed when you leave your home'? Blasphemaster posted:So. We're leaning towards the more lethal methodologies here. Would that be a problem for you, sir? Noted! Ghost Armor 1337 posted:Wait a sec if you're an expert in potions then you could just whip up a unicorn repellent. JOSEI: ...wait a sec. So you know how to do like, herbal stuff, nature magic, potion brewing... Couldn't you just make some unicorn repellent?You earn yourself another nickel as Alphonse gawps at you for a moment. ALPHONSE: See now that is some top quality idiot advice. You'd best stop before ya pull somethin' in that pea brain of yours. ALPHONSE: If I KNEW how to make unicorn repellent, wouldn't I be already makin' it?! JOSEI: Well EXCUSE ME for being born without the genetic predisposition to automatically knowing everything about anything magical, ever.You run your hand through your damp hair, clearing your throat. JOSEI: You know what, I think we got off on the wrong foot. First off, I'm sorry for causing a scene and bumbling into your garden. It wasn't intentional, I was just following the directions to where your home was. JOSEI: My name is Josei, and I've got some other bounty hunters on their way here. I just decided to parachute in as a short-cut, since it sounded like things were a little dire for you and I wanted to give you some backup ASAP. JOSEI: Just to confirm, we're leaning towards the more lethal methodologies for removing your unicorn problem. Would that be a problem for you, sir? ALPHONSE: If I could kill the bloody thing myself I would've done so already! JOSEI: Alrighty then! Just a few quick questions. JOSEI: Does it climb up on the roof?You add another nickel to your tally as he glares at you, then buries his face in his hand a few moments. Alphonse takes a long, steadying breath. ALPHONSE: Mister Josei, it's a unicorn. A unicorn doesn't have HANDS. No, it doesn't go climbin' on the roof, or doin' cartwheels. It just rolls into my garden and eats all my plants, and stabs me if I get too close. JOSEI: Okay, okay. I get it, I just didn't know if it can... fly, or stuff like that. I've got a cryptid hunting fieldbook and it said something about some unicorns having powers, though it was a little vague. ALPHONSE: Eh? Can I see it? JOSEI: I don't have it on me... left it in my backpack. But we can look at it together when my friends get here. JOSEI: Next question: does it break into the house? ALPHONSE: Nah. Got a big drat iron horsehoe over the entryway and iron nails in the door. JOSEI: ...wait, fae are weak to regular iron? ALPHONSE: No, they just don't like it. Friend a' mine overseas thinks it has to do with magnetism, or something. It's like...He pauses, thinking of a comparison. ALPHONSE: Well, some a' those citronella oil repellents. They don't work 100% with keepin' off mosquitos. But they do enough to at least make them leave ya alone a little bit. ALPHONSE: I'm sure if I pissed off that bastard enough, he'd break down the door. I haven't done that yet, though. JOSEI: OK. Is there any problem beside the whole 'getting stabbed when you leave your home'? ALPHONSE: It's wrecked half of my berry bushes already, but that's nothing you can help with.You scratch your chin, trying to think of any other questions to ask. Frankly... you could always just leave to find somewhere else to get out of the rain rather than huddling with Alphonse under the tree. Maybe one of his neighbors would be kind enough to give shelter. Or you could just wait with him until the unicorn, as he put it, "buggers off." Character Sheets & Inventory
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Mar 26, 2024 13:41
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And, again sorry about all dumb questions, it's part of my methodology, which has a 100% success rate by the way (don't mention the collateral damage). It just wants the berries? Could you plant a bunch more away from the house to avoid this in the future? Did we get our asagi back before we left? I figure we wait for it to leave, set the trap, wait for it to go off, on the roof and stab it to death while it makes pitiful trapped animal noises. 
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Mar 26, 2024 13:57
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Outrail posted:And, again sorry about all dumb questions, it's part of my methodology, which has a 100% success rate by the way (don't mention the collateral damage). It just wants the berries? Could you plant a bunch more away from the house to avoid this in the future? You hold up a placating hand. JOSEI: Listen, I'm sorry about all the dumb questions. It's part of my methodology, which has a 100% success rate by the way. JOSEI: Just to be clear, it only wants the berries? Could you maybe plant the bushes further away to avoid this in the future?You prepare yourself for another glare followed by a diatrabe, but Alphonse actually pauses and furrows his eyebrows. ALPHONSE: Actually... now that you're mentionin' it... that's not a bad idea. When I first moved in the drat thing wasn't a problem. After I put those in, well, that's where all the trouble started. ALPHONSE: Thanks for reminding me a' that. I'll just dig 'em up and move them a good way out once the whole unicorn things taken care of. Can't transplant them now with it camping out every day in the garden.You grin at him with satisfaction, and run your fingers through your damp hair again. You feel the rain intensify even more, drumming on your back as you stand under the tree with Alphonse. Outrail posted:Did we get our asagi back before we left? Yes, we recovered the assegai offscreen. It's enchanted now.
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Mar 26, 2024 16:02
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Keep waiting with him, ask him how long it usually spends at the bushes. Casually mention that Cadogan helped hook you up with some bait for the unicorn.
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Mar 26, 2024 16:29
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Keep waiting with him, ask him how long it usually spends at the bushes. Casually mention that Cadogan helped hook you up with some bait for the unicorn. Out of a weird sense of solidarity, you decide to hang out with Alphonse in the pouring rain. JOSEI: Hey... by the way, I met with Cadogan over in the USA. He helped get me some bait for the unicorn.For the first time since you saw him, Alphonse smiles broadly, his eyes lighting up in delight. ALPHONSE: WHAT? You really met him? Old Cadogan himself? JOSEI: Yup!You nod at him as he grins even wider at you, practically bouncing up and down on his heels at the news. ALPHONSE: Been ages since I met th' old coot. Still runnin' that shop a' his? JOSEI: Yeah! He says hi by the way. ALPHONSE: Blast, you just made my whole day! Thank you, mister Josei - remind me to bake you something for helping a wizard out like this.Alphonse's stomach decides to choose this moment to let out a loud rumble of hunger. The rain begins to slack off, and you can see that the sun is beginning to set. It's still pretty grey and overcast, but not nearly as gloomy as it was. You can see that Alphonse looks a lot more relaxed than he did earlier when he was berating you. ALPHONSE: Ah- look there. The drat beast's buggerin' off now.Sure enough, with the coming of night, the unicorn is slowly plodding out of the garden towards the entrance to Alphonse's property. Its' white coat glistens as it steps slowly through the mud and grass. After a few moments, it disappears into the nearby forest, vanishing from sight. ALPHONSE: There's a fairy portal, somewhere in that forest. That's where it passes through to bedevil me. JOSEI: Fairy portal?The shaggy-haired wizard nods. ALPHONSE: Aye, looks like a circle a' toadstools, but it's located over a leyline nexus. Fae beings can use it to leave and return to the Fae Court. Not supposed to be usable by humans, but sometimes, we manage to tumble through and make it back out again. ALPHONSE: Anyhow, still drippin' out here. Follow me... I can feed you a warm meal, at least. You could even stay the night if you want.The stout hedge wizard leads you into his home. It's surprisingly spacious inside, and the table and chairs are sturdy and well-made. The house itself has a certain rustic charm, and even though the lights are powered by gas, they are bright and illuminate everything perfectly. A gnarled wooden staff that looks like it belonged to Gandalf lies against a wall in the corner of the room. You can feel power thrumming within it, and shiver involuntarily as you glance at it. It feels like you are being watched intently. Alphonse mutters under his breath as he heads into the kitchen, to start a kettle of water boiling on his stovetop. You smell rosemary and sage faintly on the air, and realize that the kitchen's windowsill is covered with potted herbs. As he putters about, presumably making some dinner, you wander about the main dining/living area to poke around. You reach to pick up an old picture frame that shows a presumably young Alphonse with his parents, and the sense of being watched increases. The hairs rise on the back of your neck. You glance at the staff, and slooooowly pull your hand away from the photo frame. You could swear you see the staff shift slightly out of the corner of your eye, and that electrifying sensation passes. Getting blasted by magical forces isn't exactly something you're into. There's a workbench crammed into one corner of the room, underneath a lamp that glows with a warm, golden light. Small glass bottles of ingredients and labeled jars of things line the shelf above it, while neatly labeled boxes line the one below it. There's also a mortar and pestle, along with a quill and inkwell. An open book is laid on the surface of the workbench. The page it's opened to describes a recipe for 'Old-Fashioned Slumber Draught', with an illustration depicting the process for preparing the ingredients in the right proportions. > The hedge wizard seems busy with fixing supper. You could either go bother Alphonse some more, or continue poking around. You also could give your buddies a call on your cell phone, if you wish. Character Sheets & Inventory
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Mar 26, 2024 19:08
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Check up on Kiara with your phone while he's cooking, assure her you are unsplattered upon the ground and currently with Alphonse.
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Mar 26, 2024 19:14
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Check up on Kiara with your phone while he's cooking, assure her you are unsplattered upon the ground and currently with Alphonse. You pull your cell phone out of your pocket, and are thankful you got a premium Samsung cell phone that is water resistant. You dial up Kiara. She picks up almost instantly.  KIARA: Josei! You're not dead! JOSEI: Yep. The parachute worked just fine. Got wet as a dog, though. It's raining hard here. Luckily I'm with Alphonse, he invited me to dinner. KIARA: What, really? JOSEI: Yeah. He even said I could spend the night. KIARA: Awww. That's so sweet. I bet Alphonse is such a kind person for doing that for you.You silently turn and regard Alphonse. He is peeling potatoes, and is swearing at them quietly for being knobbly and almost making him slice his fingers with the peeler. You have to wonder how such a short man can be so full of piss and vinegar. JOSEI: ...uh, yeah. Super kind and sweet guy, that's Alphonse. JOSEI: How'd the rest of the flight go for you all? KIARA: We touched down in Cardiff just fine! We'll be checking into a hotel, then we'll swing down your way with the supplies. KIARA: Didja see the unicorn at all? What was it like? JOSEI: Uh... yeah. I saw it. Very beautiful, but dangerous. Definitely a wild animal. Didn't attack me, though. It ate some sugar from my hand and then left me alone. JOSEI: Alphonse said I was an idiot like fifteen times, though. KIARA: Aw, fudge. I mean, you kind of are sometimes... JOSEI: Kiara you're supposed to be supportive here. KIARA: Oops! Sorry, I mean - oh geeze! How could ANYONE think that of YOU?! You're clearly a genius and incredibly smart and have great fashion sense, not like me, because I suck.You roll your eyes. JOSEI: Thanks. I feel so valued now.You glance at Alphonse. He's dropping the potatoes into some boiling water, probably to make mashed potatoes. You decide to wrap up your call. JOSEI: Anyway... see ya later, Kiara. I'm gonna check if Alphonse needs any help with dinner. KIARA: Alright! Talk to you soon!You hang up on Kiara, and turn towards Alphonse. JOSEI: Hey, do you need any help?The wizard shakes his head as he gives the pot a stir, and adds some salt to the boiling water. ALPHONSE: Oh no no, just focus on warming up and drying out those wet clothes of yours, you don't want to catch cold. You can take 'em off and lay 'em by the stove over there.He points with the knife at a cast-iron pot-bellied stove that looks like it came out of the 1800s. It's giving off a pleasant warmth. ALPHONSE: Use the rack next to it.You pause, and clear your throat. JOSEI: Do you have something I could borrow at least?Alphonse snorts. ALPHONSE: Won't see nothing that I don't have, but alright. He heads into his bedroom, and you hear him rummaging around before he returns with a bundle of clothing. He tosses it to you, and you unfold it quickly before putting it on. You end up with some combination of a beige tunic that's long enough to hit you around mid-thigh, and a brown set of robes. They don't fit you right, but it's better than nothing. You carefully hang up your clothes to dry and turn back to Alphonse. He seems to be breading some cutlets, preparing them for pan-frying. This is going to take a little bit more time, you reckon. > Similar options to before. Chat with Alphonse, poke around, etc. Stepping outside isn't wise, it's still drizzling. Though dinner will be ready for eating soon, which will give an opportunity for asking more questions... or just having a conversation with the grumpy hedge wizard. > If we do want to continue poking around, specify what you want Josei to look at (or potentially mess with). Character Sheets & Inventory JessAlias fucked around with this message at 20:01 on Mar 26, 2024 |
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Mar 26, 2024 19:58
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Check out his workbench, peek at the book maybe. Try not to touch anything.
BraveLittleToaster fucked around with this message at 20:42 on Mar 26, 2024 |
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Mar 26, 2024 20:26
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Visual recce. Don't touch anything.
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Mar 26, 2024 20:38
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AJ_Impy posted:Visual recce. Don't touch anything. BraveLittleToaster posted:Check out his workbench, peek at the book maybe. Try not to touch anything. You decide to learn more about this Alphonse guy. You go back to that picture of him as a child with his parents. The picture looks... old, it's black and white, actually. Maybe from the early 1900s or so. Looking at Alphonse in the picture, you'd never have guessed he'd age into what he is today - a short, squat, middle-aged Welshman who swears like a sailor. Then you pause, realizing that if he was really that old, he shouldn't look middle-aged. He should be at least over a hundred. Must be a wizard thing, you figure. His dad is a tall, burly guy with a thick mustache, and his mom is shorter and rather zaftig. She has an almost mischievous smile, and his dad looks stoic and grumpy. They look very much working class, while they're dressed in their Sunday Best, you can tell that their clothing was mended many times over the years by hand. But it's immaculately clean, and their shoes are polished to a shine. There's a simple placard mounted to the bottom of the frame, with Alphonse's family's name neatly etched onto it: "Cadwalader." You have no hope of pronouncing that correctly and you hope you never have to. You next check out the workbench. The little jars have all kinds of esoteric names that, as many of these wizard things do, put you in mind of Harry Potter. There's a jar labeled "Mandrake Root," another labeled "Eye of Newt," and "Dragon's Blood" is in a large test tube that's corked off. Other items like "Butterfly Wings" or "Dandelion Powder" are simply placed into tiny little glass phials, held closed with wax-seal. On a mantlepiece next to the workbench, there's one large bell jar that has something you've seen before. It's a golden feather, made of living flame. The last time you saw one of those was in Archive X, in the Leland Vault. It's labeled "Phoenix Down." That name rings a bell for some reason that you can't quite place. You regret not swiping the one you found in the vault... it's obviously not as dangerous as the Illuminati think it is, considering that Alphonse has one. You next lean down and study the book, specifically, the recipe for the 'Old-Fashioned Slumber Draught.' The ingredient list is rather straightforward - hops, valerian root, passion flower, and chamomile. There are several other things that look like they belong to a botanical section in a spice shop - bay laurel leaves, anise seeds, nutmeg, cinnamon bark. Is this even magical? You have no idea. You hear a clatter of crockery from the kitchen area, and turn around to see Alphonse setting his humble table. ALPHONSE: Dinner's ready!You head over and sit down, looking over the meal that has been served for you both. There's fresh bread, with a pot of soft butter, and mashed potatoes. You also see that there are the fried cutlets that you saw him preparing earlier, along with some roasted asparagus. Everything smells delicious. Alphonse grunts at you as he sits down opposite of you, and begins buttering a piece of bread for himself. You mimic him, and the two of you begin eating in silence for a few minutes. Alphonse pauses. ALPHONSE: drat fool I am, I forgot to get the beer. Just one moment.He stands up and goes into a large chest cooler that you hadn't noticed before, and comes out with a pair of glass bottles, dripping with condensation. He tosses one to you, and you grab it with one hand as he resumes his seat. It's an unlabeled bottle, obviously brewed by hand rather than produced in a factory. With some difficulty, you uncork it, and take a sip. It's strong and bitter, and you smack your lips with an appreciative noise. ALPHONSE: Now THAT'S the sound of a man appreciating real ale!He gives a laugh, and takes a sip of his own bottle, wiping his mustache with the back of his hand. ALPHONSE: 'M hopin' you didn't find me too much of an rear end out there in the rain, when you first showed up. Generally I try to be a jolly fellow... wouldn't get much business from the villagefolk if I wasn't. JOSEI: Yeah? What d'you do, exactly?Alphonse snorts, and takes another long drink from his bottle. ALPHONSE: What don't I do? For the average farmer, there's bruises an' sprains I can soothe away in a tic, or maybe they've got a rash or an itch they need help with. For the men, I can brew them something to get their ardor up for their wife.He pauses to waggle his eyebrows, and laughs when he sees you blush. ALPHONSE: Sure, we've got all this modern medicine... but I don't take cash for what I do. I barter, like the old days, and that suits many people fine. ALPHONSE: And sometimes... people have uncanny troubles too. Maybe one of the Fair Folk are tryin' to steal their babe to replace 'em for a changeling, or they've got a poltergeist in their house makin' a nuisance of 'emselves... ALPHONSE: Been the local hedge wizard for decades now. JOSEI: I keep hearing you say that. What does it mean? ALPHONSE: Eh? Oh. Well... you've got two kinds a' magic. High magic and low magic. High magic is the... fancy-pants stuff. All grimoires and wizard towers and bubblin' flasks. Y'study for years and years, and attend one of the old mage schools, and then you become a specialist in your field. ALPHONSE: Things like fireballs, lightning bolts... forgin' magic rings, teleportin' people. That's all high magic. ALPHONSE: Me, I do low magic. It isn't flashy, it doesn't summon demons or turn people to stone, or enchant magic armor. But it soothes ills, keeps out bad influences, and sometimes it can heal the sick. JOSEI: ...could I learn low magic?Alphonse gives a hearty chuckle. ALPHONSE: Y'could, if you apprentice yourself for years to a hedge wizard like me, or find a good witch willin' to help ya. You don't learn low magic out of books... I mean, you CAN, but... it's not recommended. It's a craft that's more intimately tied to nature than anything else. You've got to listen to the world around ya.He rubs his beard thoughtfully as he drinks from his bottle of beer again. ALPHONSE: My ma was a witch, she's the one who got me into it. God rest her soul... passed on a long while ago, when I was in my thirties. Taught me everything I know.He lapses into a thoughtful silence at that, and you find yourself watching him as you take another sip of your beer. This would be a good time to ask some more questions... or you could just finish dinner and go to sleep. Character Sheets & Inventory
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Mar 26, 2024 21:37
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Ask him if he has any good stories. Maybe he's dealt with cursed items before? He seems like a fun guy to talk to as well.
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Mar 26, 2024 21:49
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"Keeping out bad influences"... you wouldn't happen to know anything about
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Mar 26, 2024 21:56
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Ask him if he has any good stories. Maybe he's dealt with cursed items before? He seems like a fun guy to talk to as well. McSpanky posted:"Keeping out bad influences"... you wouldn't happen to know anything about You decide to have a friendly conversation with Alphonse. He's a nice guy and you've, surprisingly, enjoyed hanging out with him so far. JOSEI: I was looking at a few of your things... you've been around a decent while. Got any good stories?Alphonse puts down his beer bottle with a sigh. ALPHONSE: What haven't I got stories about... well... let's see here.He drums his fingers on the table. ALPHONSE: Could tell ya the story of the Atlanteans, that was an interestin' one.As always is the case these days, for whatever reason, the mention of the ocean immediately draws your interest. But what's wrong with that? Maybe his story will involve fish. JOSEI: Oh? Go on.Alphonse chuckles as he lifts his bottle and takes a drink. You can see his eyes crinkling at the corners in amusement. ALPHONSE: I'm assumin' you're familiar with the old tale of Atlantis?You give a light laugh. You're illiterate in many things in the Underworld, but like most people, you at least have a pop culture understanding of what Atlantis is... or was. JOSEI: Yeah, that's the place with the civilization of people with super advanced tech, that sank into the ocean ages ago, right? ALPHONSE: Right-o! Just like all the rumors, Atlantis did fall. 'Twas the remnant of an older Imperium that we don't have many records of... a gobsmackin' big ol' empire that straddled thousands of universes. So really, that fall was goin' on for thousands a' years, and Atlantis was just a final footnote. JOSEI: Huh. Wait... so Atlantis ruled over Earth? ALPHONSE: Well, this Imperium did, anyhow. But it's long gone, dead in th' dirt. And hell... some a' us think that the Imperium's just a tale the Atlanteans made up. We don't know if there's any truth to their old myths. But there's enough that suggests it MIGHT be true. JOSEI: Huh. Alright. ALPHONSE: This Imperium fell, then Atlantis continued on, forgin' a mighty trade empire and tusslin' with major Underworld powers. Like gods, those fellas. Their nobility had all these special powers, one a' them could control water, for example. Another could raise th' dead. Others could fly... that sorta thing. JOSEI: So... basically all wizards. Yeah? ALPHONSE: That were operatin' on principles we can scarcely understand, I can say that. Some pieces a' what they had looked like wizardry, others looked like... somethin' else. ALPHONSE: Problem was, they were greedy buggers, an' wanted more power. So they captured a couple a' the gods and tried to siphon off what makes a god tick. An' the rest is history. ALPHONSE: Poseidon was the one who got most pissed, they stole one of his daughters. So he gathered up a crew and they made the island break up an' sink under the waves. Never to be seen again. JOSEI: Well, obviously they were in the wrong. ALPHONSE: Aye, 'cause of aspirin' to be gods, yeah? JOSEI: What? No. They insulted Poseidon, and he's obviously the most important god of all the Olympians.Alphonse pauses in his meal, giving you an odd look. He squints at you as he tilts his head to the side, trying to figure you out. You get the impression that he's reevaluating his opinion of you in light of the current discussion. ALPHONSE: And... why's that, mister?WILLPOWER ROLL: 8 +1 PERK BONUS (LUCK) -4 DEBUFF (CURSED ITEM) = 5 VS DC 12. FAILURE. A part of you feels like you should ask him for help, because something is terribly wrong. You've been getting a weird obsession lately regarding fish lately. But that part is stupid and wrong. You just need to be a fish. Maybe you can convince him how right being a fish is? JOSEI: I mean, he's in charge of all the oceans. And without oceans there wouldn't be life. So he's the most important god. Especially because if it wasn't for him, there wouldn't be fish. JOSEI: And you know... fish are amazing. They don't have to worry about anything, they don't have responsibilities, they just swim around and be fish. JOSEI: Have you ever had a weird, intense desire to be a fish? That's like me every day. I just realized how amazing they are. One of these days, I wanna become a fish.You give him a wide, disarming, and completely normal smile, confident that Alphonse obviously understands what you're talking about. It's clearly evident, by your impeccable logic, that everyone should be a fish. The hedge wizard coughs lightly, and takes a long swig of his beer. WILLPOWER ROLL: 11 +1 PERK BONUS (LUCK) -4 DEBUFF (CURSED ITEM) = 8 VS DC 12. FAILURE. He's obviously amazed by your intelligent, insightful reasoning for becoming a fish. It's not like something is very wrong and you can't tell anyone how wrong it is, and you're screaming inside. You smile even wilder, as you rummage in your pocket, and show him the pearl. JOSEI: It all started after I found this, you know? I just touched it and I realized how beautiful it was. And that's because it came from the sea, which Poseidon rules. JOSEI: I love Poseidon. I'm gonna build a shrine to him after we kill the unicorn. Though I dunno, I was also thinking of jumping off a cliff into the sea, since we're so close by. Maybe then I could become a fish. JOSEI: D'you wanna touch it? I can't give it to you because it's mine, but maybe if you touch it... you can understand the importance of fish. ALPHONSE: I'm... goin' to take a rain check on that. You just keep, uh, a good hold on that pearl there and we'll worry about it later.Your expression droops into a disappointed pout as Alphonse firmly denies his chance to know the true wonder that is the majesty of fishkind. You sigh. Someday, maybe, you'll find someone who could comprehend this new truth you've found. Maybe Kiara? Yes, she definitely seems like she could be a good fish. Alphonse harrumphs, and stands up. ALPHONSE: You mind cleanin' up the dishes? I got to get to somethin' real quick.You nod, and stand up yourself as the wizard heads to the workbench in the corner of the room. JOSEI: Yeah sure thing Alphonse!You cheerfully gather up the dishes, as Alphonse stumps over to his workbench, rummaging around. You hum happily as you pick up Alphonse's beer bottle as well and place everything into the sink to wash them by hand. There's not too many dishes, so it won't take you too long to finish with this chore. You are taken completely by surprise when an invisible force lifts you up off your feet, and pins you against the ceiling. You yelp in shock, and drop the bottle and dishes on the floor - they land with a shatter of glass and a clatter of broken crockery. Your hands are free, and you flail around desperately at your restraints as Alphonse steps over. He's holding his staff now, which glows with a menacing green aura that's starting to spread up the shaft and curl around his arm. ALPHONSE: Right then you feckin' bugger! Leggo of him! JOSEI: W-WHAT THE gently caress, LET GO OF WHO? ALPHONSE: Ain't talkin' to you, Josei!He points a finger at your pocket, and you feel the pearl inside it tremble for a moment before it flies out into the air. It begins to glow with a sickly green-blue aura as it floats before Alphonse's face. You can hear it whispering faintly, urging you to bring it back, to go to the sea, THE SEA, THE SEA, THE SEA!!!! JOSEI: NO! HOW WILL I BECOME A FISH NOW?! YOU loving BASTARD!The hedge wizard ignores you, and screws up his face. ALPHONSE: Nasty l'il thing. drat good thing y'were inland most a' the time, I reckon. Else you'd already have flung yourself into the ocean.Still holding the staff aloft with one hand to keep you pinned against the ceiling, he rummages around in his workbench and finds a large jar filled with a clear, viscous liquid. He unscrews the jar and drops the pearl into it with a plop. Immediately, the pulsating aura dissipates around it as it is slowly surrounded by the slime. With a fierce glare at the pearl, Alphonse replaces the lid on the jar, and then sets it back down on his workbench. He lowers his staff slowly, and you float down to the ground. You lie there, feeling the horror of no longer having the utter certainty in your future of becoming a fish. Now, instead, you have to look forward to stumbling through life, trying to figure things on your own each day and every day, wondering if you made the right decision. Poseidon is probably immeasurably disappointed in you, right? Like a stern, but kind father, shaking his head slowly and wondering what the gently caress you're making of yourself. You could have been a fish, Josei. You could have been a happy little fish. Then you realize that's really loving stupid. You groan, feeling a headache come on as your mind finally untwists itself from the pretzels the cursed pearl tied it into. You see Alphonse's hairy face loom over your head as you lie there on the floor. ALPHONSE: You alright? JOSEI: gently caress. I don't know. The hell did you do to me? ALPHONSE: Cursebroke you, y'daft idiot. The hell were you doin' pickin' up a mermaid's tear? Did she offer to shag ya? JOSEI: What?The hedge wizard grunts. ALPHONSE: Probably just thought it looked like a pretty bauble. Ah, well. Least you're safe now.The cursed Mermaid's Tear has been removed from your inventory. Character Sheets & Inventory JessAlias fucked around with this message at 00:11 on Mar 27, 2024 |
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Mar 27, 2024 00:09
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Sincerely thank him for breaking the moronic pearl curse that you'd picked up, and apologize for the broken dishes and mess.
BraveLittleToaster fucked around with this message at 00:28 on Mar 27, 2024 |
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Mar 27, 2024 00:20
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As the headache begins to rise and the mermaid's curse fades away, a seemingly random thought drifts through the murky haze: Willpower, wisdom... heroes need plenty of luck, too, right?
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Mar 27, 2024 00:55
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McSpanky posted:As the headache begins to rise and the mermaid's curse fades away, a seemingly random thought drifts through the murky haze: BraveLittleToaster posted:Sincerely thank him for breaking the moronic pearl curse that you'd picked up, and apologize for the broken dishes and mess. You sit up, feeling a bit sore, but otherwise better now that the mermaid's pearl isn't whispering its seductive lies into your head. You honestly would have probably thrown yourself off of a cliff or into the ocean if not for Alphonse stopping you in time. JOSEI: ...thanks, Alphonse. You probably saved my life. Or at least kept me from turning into some... horrible fish man, or something.The hedge wizard huffs and holds out a hand to help you up. You take it gratefully, and stand up to look at the shattered remains of the bottle and plates on the floor. You also see the pearl, still lying in its jar of slime. JOSEI: Sorry about breaking your stuff. ALPHONSE: Tch, don't worry yourself about it. As long as you get rid of that bastard unicorn, we'll be even.As your headache rise and the mermaid's curse fades away, a seemingly random thought drifts through the murky haze. Willpower, wisdom... heroes need plenty of luck, too, right? ATHENA: True. Very true. I can say, I wasn't expecting things to turn out this way. ATHENA: You literally failed your way into a victory.You nod absently, a half-smile on your face. Really, these days, that feels like the story of your life. But you set aside that thought for now. You can feel fatigue begin to wash over you, now that the adrenaline is fading from your system. ATHENA: It's late, Josei. Rest your bones, my cunning hero.Alphonse leads you to a couch, where you lie down with your feet up on one end. He brings you a pillow and a blanket, and you gratefully accept them. You fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow *** The next day, Ryder, Rebecca, and Kiara arrive near Alphonse's cottage. You all decide to meet at a nearby pub. Trying to wander right up to the cottage itself is a bit difficult with the whole unicorn situation going on. Your party of four people, including yourself, get a large table together. Alphonse joins the group as well. He promptly gets distracted by Goodboy, who as always, is an expert at making friends. Your dog sits patiently and allows himself to be petted. You review the skeleton of the plan with your team. JOSEI: Alright, so... here's the plan. We've got the Twilight tulips- KIARA: Lunar lilies, actually! JOSEI: Whatever, we have the flowers to use as bait. Right now the plan is for us to slather them in organic sugar and maple syrup, bait a bear trap with it, and set it up in Alphonse's garden. I'll sit on the roof and start throwing my assegai at it until it dies. And... that's it. You guys just need to be on standby in case something crazy happens.Ryder snorts, and raises his hand.  RYDER: Hoping that you brought a bronze bear trap. JOSEI: Huh? RYDER: If that things made of iron or steel, the unicorn won't go near it. Most fae critters can't stand iron. Fae folks that walk on two legs don't care, but the animals...He gives a half-shrug. RYDER: You'll be wasting your time. JOSEI: Well... gently caress.You rub your face irritably. JOSEI: I don't know, could you like.. wrestle it to the ground, or something? Then I could get to stabbing it. You're a big guy and you're magical, right?Ryder gives an exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes at you, then looks at the other people at the table. RYDER: He really doesn't know anything about this kinda stuff, does he?Alphonse grunts in agreement. ALPHONSE: Just figurin' that out? JOSEI: What?Ryder turns back to you. RYDER: Alright, let's go find a mundane horse and see YOU try to wrestle it to the ground.Kiara gives a snort-giggle at that mental image before taking a sip of her soda. You sit up in your seat at that thought and look at the dullahan. JOSEI: Okay. Jesus. Point taken. What if we just set up the deer blind I bought and... I don't know, Rebecca, could you freeze it with your gun? REBECCA: Maybe? But I know more magical-ey things are resistant to my stasis gun. It might not be totally effective.You rub your face a bit. This is getting complicated, all of a sudden. > We've got bait and a way to kill the unicorn. How do we immobilize it so that our plan actually comes together? Or should Josei just hope he can get a lucky hit while it's busy eating the bait? Character Sheets & Inventory
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Mar 27, 2024 01:20
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Any chance Kiara could spook it into the trap with some shades, or would it still read iron as the bigger threat?
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Mar 27, 2024 01:41
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We could still try Rebecca's stasis gun, it might buy just enough time. Wonder if there's any local sources of bronze that one could use. It's unlikely, but who knows?
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Mar 27, 2024 01:41
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Do they smell the iron, or sense it? If it's absolutely covered in syrup would it still sense it? Does anyone have a magic spell that masks mystical auras or something like that? Could we throw/drop the trap on the unicorns head? If the trap is tied to the asagi via a chain we can use it as a very stupid tether and get it tangled up in a tree if it tries to flee and throw rocks at it. Or, while the unicorn is gone just dig up the berry bushes and replant them away from the house. Put someone on watch in case it comes back. This isn't a great option because we still need unicorn meat.
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Mar 27, 2024 01:49
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Sharpened wood. Plenty of trees to work with and we can use the trapspring, it's likely to be phosphor bronze, spring brass or beryllium copper.
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Mar 27, 2024 01:53
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Going to swap to a Q&A style to keep things snappy.BraveLittleToaster posted:We could still try Rebecca's stasis gun, it might buy just enough time. Wonder if there's any local sources of bronze that one could use. It's unlikely, but who knows? ALPHONSE: I know a few fellas who still practice blacksmithin'. But that'd be specialty work, and expensive. ALPHONSE: An' I'll admit, I kind of don't want to wait another bloody month for this unicorn problem to be fixed.McSpanky posted:Any chance Kiara could spook it into the trap with some shades, or would it still read iron as the bigger threat? KIARA: Yeah... you know, I think so? What d'you think, Buff Fairy Man? RYDER: That makes me sound like a gay stripper.Kiara blanches, but before she can apologize, Ryder holds up a hand. RYDER: Just a joke. I've been called worse things. RYDER: In any case... depending on the type of shades, you could spook it enough that it would wander into the bear trap. RYDER:I will note that unicorns are deceptively strong, as are all fae creatures. It could end up breaking the trap unless you felled it quickly. And if injured... it would be enraged.He gives you a serious look. RYDER: You would not be safe on a roof, or in a tree, in that case. Unicorns can jump rather high if they put their mind to it. They also do not need to worry about breaking bones from any mere fall.Ryder pauses, considering. RYDER: Well, unless you dropped it off from the top of a skyscraper, I suppose.Outrail posted:Do they smell the iron, or sense it? RYDER: They sense the iron... it's some ineffable way they navigate across ley lines, to my understanding. RYDER: Fairies, elves, and yes, dullahan all have an enhanced vision that SEES magic aura and the patterns of ley lines in the world, but unicorns... RYDER: They use something else, and find iron unpleasant.quote:If it's absolutely covered in syrup would it still sense it? RYDER: Yes.quote:Does anyone have a magic spell that masks mystical auras or something like that? KIARA: That's... kind of more the sort of thing a traditional mage would do. I'm kind of a specialist. Maybe I could hide necromancy magic, but not just general mystical stuff. Sorry. ALPHONSE: For me... well... possibly I could construct some manner a' wicker man or other natural thing that might take up the blighter's attention? I make many such things that can befuddle the fae senses, if needed.quote:Could we throw/drop the trap on the unicorns head? If the trap is tied to the asagi via a chain we can use it as a very stupid tether and get it tangled up in a tree if it tries to flee and throw rocks at it. RYDER: I'd be willing to try tossing the trap. But I can't touch your assegai, since it is made of cold iron, my friend. REBECCA: Also by this point it starts sounding so jury rigged and ridiculous we might as well build our own darn trap...quote:Or, while the unicorn is gone just dig up the berry bushes and replant them away from the house. Put someone on watch in case it comes back. This isn't a great option because we still need unicorn meat. ALPHONSE: If y'want to spend a night diggin' up bushes with me I wouldn't complain too hard about it. ALPHONSE: But... I'm not rightly CERTAIN it's only the bushes it's after. I was talkin' to some a' the neighbors, and they say they've seen unicorns hangin' round here in the past, even before I moved in...Kiara whispers to you. KIARA: Also the bounty technically says we have to kill the unicorn... if we try to get him to amend it to just making it go away, and then it comes back, he could try to get a refund. It's happened before.AJ_Impy posted:Sharpened wood. Plenty of trees to work with and we can use the trapspring, it's likely to be phosphor bronze, spring brass or beryllium copper. Alphonse brightens a bit. ALPHONSE: 'twould be no trouble t'make a wooden trap. I have experience with woodworking. Though... whatsit... you could make one a' those pit things with spikes, maybe? Would that work? I'll freely admit, I'm no hunter. RYDER: You'd... mmm... you'd need to disguise the pit PERFECTLY. Unicorns get spooked easily, and could notice the uneven ground of a deep enough pit to trap one.
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Mar 27, 2024 02:08
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Ponder the best spot for a theoretical pit trap, and the requirements for perfectly disguising it in the local landscape.
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Mar 27, 2024 02:27
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Do unicorns like gems or magical things? Can we trick it into eating the cursed pearl? Or work the pearl into a large necklace, toss it over the unicorn's head and let it throw itself off a cliff to the ocean? Then we just need to gather up the usable meat. E: we have the magic paralysis amulet, that could buy us a few seconds to put on a peal necklace or stuff the pearl up its butthole or something. Outrail fucked around with this message at 02:44 on Mar 27, 2024 |
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Mar 27, 2024 02:40
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We should probably try not to further interact with the cursed mermaid pearl. That sounds like a bad idea.
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Mar 27, 2024 02:46
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More like CowardlyLittleToaster
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Mar 27, 2024 02:56
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Ponder the best spot for a theoretical pit trap, and the requirements for perfectly disguising it in the local landscape. Really, you're not exactly a seasoned pit trap engineer, so you instead turn and ask Alphonse for advice. ALPHONSE: Depends on if you're trickin' it to tumble in, or you're scarin' it. ALPHONSE: If you're scarin' it, set it up right outside the exit to th' garden. The hedgerows are tall and thick enough it wouldn't want to jump 'em, specially 'cause I've got a wrought iron fence buried in th' hedges. ALPHONSE: If you want to just have it tumble in... I'd just put it in th' center of the garden, I suppose.Outrail posted:Do unicorns like gems or magical things? Can we trick it into eating the cursed pearl? Or work the pearl into a large necklace, toss it over the unicorn's head and let it throw itself off a cliff to the ocean? Then we just need to gather up the usable meat. KIARA: Wait, what magic pearl - ALPHONSE: No. I am NOT takin' that thing out of it's voidsnail slime jar. It's stayin' there for good or at least, until I can toss the blasted thing into the ocean. KIARA: Josei???You decide to move on to your next question, because nothing happened involving a pearl at all! Nothing! Stop asking, Kiara! NOTE: Alphonse will not return the magic pearl to us unless we steal it from him or physically assault him. JessAlias fucked around with this message at 03:16 on Mar 27, 2024 |
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Mar 27, 2024 03:12
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Would it take too long to find and somehow sabotage the fairy portal it uses, just in case it runs off?
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Mar 27, 2024 03:21
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Would it take too long to find and somehow sabotage the fairy portal it uses, just in case it runs off? RYDER: Sneaky mind! I approve. RYDER: If we want to do that, I could simply travel to the forest and sabotage as many as I can find, EXCEPT the closest one to the cottage. Then, once it pops out, I can damage that one. ALPHONSE: Won't that piss off your kin? RYDER: Not really. I could play it off as some kind of practical joke. KIARA: ...why not just destroy all of them? So it can't come in? RYDER: It... doesn't work like that. If something fae is, well, messing with you... just trying to destroy all the inroads to doing that from the Fae Court will just make it more determined. RYDER: I doubt this unicorn is tormenting our friendly hedge wizard just for the berries. It's probably also feeding off his anguish and frustration. ALPHONSE: What, like a bloody demon!? RYDER: Maybe not in the VISCERAL sense of how demons do it, but I suspect it's getting some level of satisfaction. REBECCA: That's... terrible. Why would it like doing that? RYDER: Because it's funny.Rebecca's face falls. RYDER: I know, it's not pleasant. There's a reason I don't live in the Fae Court anymore.
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Mar 27, 2024 03:29
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Ask Ryder what could theoretically mess with an unicorn's senses, disorient it.
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Mar 27, 2024 03:44
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Ask Ryder what could theoretically mess with an unicorn's senses, disorient it. RYDER: Hm... thinking about it... iron filings? Those would probably distress and confuse it intensely. REBECCA: Ooh - I could rig up a basic cannon thing using PVC and compressed air to blast it with iron filings! KIARA: What, like a shotgun? REBECCA: More like a potato cannon? It wouldn't be deadly, but it'd spew them all over the place. It'd be cheap, and I could get all the parts at a home improvement or hardware store.
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Mar 27, 2024 03:49
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Would cleanup be an issue? If not, have you considered just lacing the whole garden with iron filings or similar swarf?
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Mar 27, 2024 03:58
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