40K Lore Thread: Anime is blood, therefore Khorne is the god of anime.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Goons Blackmailing Santa > 40K Lore Thread: Anime is blood, therefore Khorne is the god of anime.

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Eclipse12: Feb 20, 2008

"In the imperium, we do not believe in heaven nor hell, not gods or devils, not magic nor superstition!"

:confused:

"I see. So you risk your lives, knowing death is the final end?"

:admech101:

"No! We do not believe in hell! However, you DO have a soul that carries on after you die."

:confused:

"Oh... okay. What happens to it?"

:admech101:

"After death, it travels to another dimension! A really scary one! There your soul suffers for eternity!"

:confused:

"So hell?"

:admech101:

"None of your superstitious nonsense, heretic! This is no hell. It is the warp, a dimension ruled by chaotic gods."

:confused:

"I thought there weren't any gods?"

:admech101:

"There aren't! And there are four of them. No demons either! But there are daemons."

:confused:

"I'm so confused."

:admech101:

"If you knew the Emperor's will, you would be illuminated and no longer lost in ignorance."

:confused:

"This Emperor, is he powerful?"

:admech101:

"Beyond compare! He is the one who led us away from superstition, religious dogma, and silly beliefs in fairy tales."

:confused:

"Wow. Where is he now?"

:admech101:

"He's dead!"

:confused:

"Oh. Bummer."

:admech101:

"Yes, dead and 40,000+ years old. And still large and in charge."

:confused:

"Huh?"

"His brain lives! Kind of!"

:confused:

"But he was alive for tens of thousands of years? How is that possible? With science?"

:admech101:

"No! He is a powerful psychic. His power is beyond compare. He can see the future, control time and space itself, and shoot fireballs and lightning probably."

:confused:

"But I thought you said magic didn't..."

:admech101:

"Speak not of magic! Such barbaric concepts Our emperor was born of a moment when ancient mystical shaman sacrificed themselves, their souls joining together into a Super Soul, and thus the Emperor came into being."

:confused:

"It sure sounds like-"

:admech101:

"It's not magic! It's all very scientific. You just don't understand."

:confused:

"Well, I suppose you guys do have some impressive scientific abilities. So it can't be all... um... not-magic. How does it work?"

:admech101:

"No clue!"

:confused:

"Oh. Ok."

"All thanks to the Machine Spirit and the Omnissiah it works!"

:confused:

"But I thought you said-"

:admech101:

"No gods! Only men. The Emperor is just a man. A powerful one, but a man no less. And he's the Machine God. Maybe. But not a god. But you must worship him. As a god."

:confused:

"Just a man. A man who is thousands of years old and is immortal and psychic and is dead but not dead and also has fireballs?"

:admech101:

"Yes. Now you understand."

:confused:

"..."

"Did I tell you about the time that the Emperor, in medieval Terra, defeated a literal dragon who was eating all the princesses? Took that dragon straight to Mars and locked it away, he did!"

:confused:

"WTF"

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Dec 16, 2025 02:38

cumpantry: Dec 18, 2020; Can't post for 15 hours!

i cant read all this, next time use 40k less words

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:15

Bad Purchase: Jun 17, 2019

lighting the astronomicon was a mistake

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:15

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

I like the orks

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:15

Mulaney Power Move: Dec 30, 2004

this is literally what scientologists believe

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:16

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Painting things red makes them go faster much like putting as much argb as possible in your computer makes it go faster

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:17

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

Eclipse12 posted:

"In the imperium, we do not believe in heaven nor hell, not gods or devils, not magic nor superstition!"

"I see. So you risk your lives, knowing death is the final end?"

"No! We do not believe in hell! However, you DO have a soul that carries on after you die."

"Oh... okay. What happens to it?"

"After death, it travels to another dimension! A really scary one! There your soul suffers for eternity!"

"So hell?"

"None of your superstitious nonsense, heretic! This is no hell. It is the warp, a dimension ruled by chaotic gods."

"I thought there weren't any gods?"

"There aren't! And there are four of them. No demons either! But there are daemons."

"I'm so confused."

"If you knew the Emperor's will, you would be illuminated and no longer lost in ignorance."

"This Emperor, is he powerful?"

"Beyond compare! He is the one who led us away from superstition, religious dogma, and silly beliefs in fairy tales."

"Wow. Where is he now?"

"He's dead!"

"Oh. Bummer."

"Yes, dead and 40,000+ years old. And still large and in charge."

"Huh?"

"His brain lives! Kind of!"

"But he was alive for tens of thousands of years? How is that possible? With science?"

"No! He is a powerful psychic. His power is beyond compare. He can see the future, control time and space itself, and shoot fireballs and lightning probably."

"But I thought you said magic didn't..."

"Speak not of magic! Such barbaric concepts Our emperor was born of a moment when ancient mystical shaman sacrificed themselves, their souls joining together into a Super Soul, and thus the Emperor came into being."

"It sure sounds like-"

"It's not magic! It's all very scientific. You just don't understand."

"Well, I suppose you guys do have some impressive scientific abilities. So it can't be all... um... not-magic. How does it work?"

"No clue!"

"Oh. Ok."

"All thanks to the Machine Spirit and the Omnissiah it works!"

"But I thought you said-"

"No gods! Only men. The Emperor is just a man. A powerful one, but a man no less. And he's the Machine God. Maybe. But not a god. But you must worship him. As a god."

"Just a man. A man who is thousands of years old and is immortal and psychic and is dead but not dead and also has fireballs?"

"Yes. Now you understand."

"..."

"Did I tell you about the time that the Emperor, in medieval Terra, defeated a literal dragon who was eating all the princesses? Took that dragon straight to Mars and locked it away, he did!"

"WTF"

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:17

sure okay: Apr 7, 2006

Data's evil brother is in Warhammer???

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:20

EorayMel: May 29, 2015; by Pragmatica

Warhammer 40k is idiot poo poo for fuckers OP

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:21

hot cocoa on the couch: Dec 8, 2009

cool

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:27

hot cocoa on the couch: Dec 8, 2009

i guess gbs has a 40k thread now. ill check back in in about 500 pages

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:27

Larry Cum Free: Jun 3, 2022; move it or lose it dillweed

yeah it is...

a hoot of WEED

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:27

Eclipse12: Feb 20, 2008

Look, these 100 books about the Horus Heresy ain't gonna read themselves.

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:31

EorayMel: May 29, 2015; by Pragmatica

I feel like there is a much better way to make the point "fascism is bad" that doesn't involve 25 phonebooks of lore and being as edgy as humanly possible

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:32

Saalkin: Jun 29, 2008; The beast we awoke hath been untamed
Eyes of fireth and wings of a flame

Nooner posted:

I like the orks

Hell yeah. Orks are best.

Played them in tabletop when I played ages ago.

Have an ork tattoo for some reason.

Love me Orks

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:32

hot cocoa on the couch: Dec 8, 2009

EorayMel posted:

I feel like there is a much better way to make the point "fascism is bad" that doesn't involve 25 phonebooks of lore

the point is actually that fascism is epically ftw

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:32

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

the emojis are saying the words

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:35

Bad Purchase: Jun 17, 2019

the imperium is a land of contrasts

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:38

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

jokes get real bad when nerds retell them 40,000 times. goons of all people should understand this

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:39

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

I don't know anything about 40k, ok bye guys

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:39

hot cocoa on the couch: Dec 8, 2009

Putty posted:

I don't know anything about 40k, ok bye guys

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:40

kntfkr: Feb 11, 2019; GOOSE FUCKER

Nooner posted:

I like the dorks

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:40

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

this is the orklover thread. dorklover thread is over there �> https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=4055373

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:43

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

hot cocoa on the couch posted:

i guess gbs has a 40k thread now. ill check back in in about 500 pages

I won't

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:43

Eclipse12: Feb 20, 2008

I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please.

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:49

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003; Pimpadelic

Eclipse12 posted:

I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please.

hobby store pencilhands

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:50

titty_baby_: Nov 11, 2015; TEDIOUS, UNFUNNY GIMMICK POSTER

It's called Warhammer 40k because it costs $40,000 to get your first army

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:51

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

Eclipse12 posted:

I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please.

bet you haven�t even tried to strike up a conversation about ethics in gaming journalism

# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:52

Vampire Panties: Apr 18, 2001; nposter; Nap Ghost

EorayMel posted:

I feel like there is a much better way to make the point "fascism is bad" that doesn't involve 25 phonebooks of lore and being as edgy as humanly possible