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I walk a lot. I've got a sweet ride but most days I take the bus or train and walk through a busy urban landscape like a William Gibson character in search of fresh biz. I'm good at walking. I'm not a maniac who needs to pass everyone in front of them. I am aware of my surroundings. I rarely look at my phone or even wear headphones when I'm walking around in the city. Some people suck really hard at walking, or really complicate things. Here a few examples. "The Drifter"  This person has places to be. They are walking AND on their phone. They are "multi-tasking". They are doing the business talk and the business walk. Unfortunately, they're on a trajectory 15 degrees parallel from the curb and are endlessly edging their way in front of you. You think you've got a clean line to the crosswalk and here comes ol' drifty with their face into the latest Tik-Tok just striding in front of you. gently caress this person. "The Five Wide"  If you don't live in America then chances are the central business district, or "downtown" is a pretty buy and bustling place during the day. They can also be magnets for tourists, the listless, the horny, and people impressed by tall buildings. Some of these people bring friends and naturally want to walk shoulder to shoulder, forming a phalanx, crushing all that dare step in front of their unyielding march. "I'm Walking Here Guy"  This greaseball walks in front of your car, smacks it on the hood and shouts "I'M WALKIN' HERE, I'M WALKIN' HERE". Never mind the fact that he's right. I just really like my car and slapping it on the hood is a good way to buy yourself a one way ticket on the pain train. "The Boomer Gap"  These motherfuckers have been married for 40+ years and are barely keeping up appearances. They are maybe holding hands, maybe not. What they are doing is creating a gap between each other far too wide to be considered affectionate, and far too small for a person to reasonably pass through without looking weird. They're also slow as gently caress. "Complicated Busker Bands"  making GBS threads on crust punks is really easy, but if you need a Google Calendar to organize your ostensibly rag-tag group of ostensible blow-ins, I'm not buying what you're selling. This poo poo is so two thousand and late. You've been calling yourself "Blind Uncle Harry" since you were 23 in 2009. Its 2024 now. You're not blind, you aren't an uncle, and your name is Blake. You're from Lake Orion, Michigan and your mom probably misses you. The uke playing is fine. "The Beastie Boys"  Wherever I go these assholes are there and in my way. Whenever I turn a corner one of them is shouting "CHECK IT!" into my face, smashing my glasses, chugging a beer, and stealing my girlfriend. They dress like maniacs so you'd think I'd see them coming but every day. Every. Single. Day. The loving Beastie Boys are there kicking the latest routines and doodie rhymes right in my face, calling me a jerk and making fun of my business casual attire. Frankly, I'm fed up. Thanks for listening I'm just trying to get some sushi because I forgot to pack lunch today.
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Sep 20, 2024 12:43
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| # ? Oct 16, 2024 00:15 |
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the All Terrain Armoured Transport always deployed irritatingly far away from what they need to attack, with baffling spindly legs that make no drat sense. "ohhh their armour is so thick we can't possibly penetrate it with guns" except that makes no sense, and you normally have to arrange for some rear end in a top hat jedi to climb up it and shove bombs inside. taking these things out on the n64 Rogue Squadron games was fiddly as hell.
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Sep 20, 2024 13:09
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I'd actually not be upset of the mossad finds a way to explode the phones of zombies scrolling on their phones while walking. especially if they're on some kind of social media app that I disapprove of. frumpykvetchbot fucked around with this message at 13:15 on Sep 20, 2024 |
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Sep 20, 2024 13:10
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Cheese and Onion vile flavour. tastes like one would imagine an ogre's leavings. waste of the colour blue, which should be assigned to salt and vinegar crisps. irritants, often found in multi-flavour multipacks to bulk out the numbers.
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Sep 20, 2024 13:12
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Skippers and whistlers. Stop trying to rub your happiness in everyone's faces. Having a good day? Keep it to yourself.
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Sep 20, 2024 13:13
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Care to speculate on who invented walking, op?....
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Sep 20, 2024 13:36
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Don't just slap a car, they invented keys for a reason
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Sep 20, 2024 13:53
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WALK TO THE RIGHT IDIOTS* *except in the UK and Japan, then WALK TO THE LEFT IDIOTS
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Sep 20, 2024 13:55
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All walkers suck. I don’t understand why folks just don’t hover a foot above the pavement.
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Sep 20, 2024 13:55
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Hey pacers. Try going somewhere you loving idiots.
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Sep 20, 2024 13:57
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Ya ever get WalkRage?
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Sep 20, 2024 13:58
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Scott
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Sep 20, 2024 13:58
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"Daywalkers" Always reminding me of my own cursed immortality and the fact that I will never see sunlight again. Always chopping off my head with a katana. Always making bizarre quips about ice skating uphill. Listen motherfucker, have you ever tried to ice skate downhill? No? That's right, it's even worse than going uphill!
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Sep 20, 2024 13:59
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Klyith posted:"Daywalkers"
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Sep 20, 2024 14:00
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Sep 20, 2024 14:06
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Doug "The Nostalgia Critic" Walker. Every day I walk around my neighborhood and there he is, ranting and raving about some pop culture thing. Buddy, I'm just trying to get my steps in for the day. I don't need to hear about why Star Wars and Star Trek are both worse than Battlestar Galactica.
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Sep 20, 2024 14:07
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A Fancy Hat posted:Doug "The Nostalgia Critic" Walker. Stargate's better than them all. *keeps walking
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Sep 20, 2024 14:09
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Smugworth posted:Care to speculate on who invented walking, op?.... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg7WmI-azmk
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Sep 20, 2024 14:24
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excellent track
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Sep 20, 2024 14:35
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"The Photographer" This guy's lining up the perfect shot, and that means your dumb rear end needs to wait politely while he and his lame friend dance to a popular tiktok song from 2021. Well I guess you could cross in front but you'll be a jerk. "The Gazer" He's never been here before, and he wants everyone to know it. Snail speed, eyes wandering, gait slowing and starting and stopping--you can't hate him for it, but you'll have pulled all your hair out if you're forced to tail "The Tailer" This guy is ON your rear end and you KNOW it and HE knows it, yet there's never an attempt to pass. In fact, slow your gait and he will as well. Stop entirely and he may go on--but overtaking again will be way too easy. Assume alternate route at all costs.
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Sep 20, 2024 14:41
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The Mobile Phone talker They are not walking, they are pacing back and forth, clearly entirely unaware of their body and surroundings, their mind transported over the Towers..... They will bump into you and be genuinely sorry because they truly had no idea. It's a cool (and annoying) phenomena.
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Sep 20, 2024 14:45
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Slow walkers in cramped spaces, especially ones where time matters like subway stations or the airport. If you're old or infirm, I get it, but like if you're not, just get out of the way. This is somewhat esoteric, but the invention of small but loud bluetooth speakers has enabled a type of walker that makes convention spaces a nightmare. I vend at conventions for a living, and mostly love it, but there are assholes that will walk into a vending hall full blast, and hover around booths, making it impossible to even hear what your clients are saying. There is a carefully blank expression I call "retail face", and nothing brings it back out more than some loud oval office getting between me and clients.
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Sep 20, 2024 14:47
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Anyone using a Bluetooth speaker to play personal music in public deserves to get blasted in the nads.
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Sep 20, 2024 14:49
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Cordell Walker This one rear end in a top hat Walker. I work for a children's charity and my job is to break the bad news to kids all over the world. These kids live in terrible conditions, often their parents work on the streets and bring home all sorts of horrible diseases, which they pass on to their kids because they can't afford quality medical care (thanks America!). Back in the early 00s, this stupid son of a bitch starts showing up to all of my appointments a few minutes early, jauntily telling the kids they have life alterting conditions without a slight care for their mental wellbeing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQZX0nzvMag I don't know what this guy's problem is, but I hear he has a record of unnecessary use of kicks too. Real scumbag.
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Sep 20, 2024 14:53
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Poohs Packin posted:Anyone using a Bluetooth speaker to play personal music in public deserves to get blasted in the nads.
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Sep 20, 2024 14:53
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though i like the guy on the corner set up with a boombox and mic freestyle rapping while cars pass by
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Sep 20, 2024 14:53
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We have a guy blasting awful UK drill music on a small tinny Bluetooth speaker with a sign that says "five bucks would be nice" and I'm honestly worried for his safety.
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Sep 20, 2024 14:55
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the dinosaur walker embarrassing
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Sep 20, 2024 15:00
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The Texas Ranger.
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Sep 20, 2024 15:00
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:the dinosaur walker It's one of those beastie boys in their tracksuits with their hip hop style capoeira moves!
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Sep 20, 2024 15:10
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:the dinosaur walker lmao
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Sep 20, 2024 15:11
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Poohs Packin posted:We have a guy blasting awful UK drill music on a small tinny Bluetooth speaker with a sign that says "five bucks would be nice" and I'm honestly worried for his safety. i dont think my freestyling guy wants any money, maybe he's just waiting for someone to give him a record deal. im rooting for him
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Sep 20, 2024 15:14
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Old ladies with carts. It's not even market day!
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Sep 20, 2024 15:15
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I'm gonna put orange tennis balls on my walker, as a conversation starter.
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Sep 20, 2024 15:16
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Scousers have this weird habit of stopping mid walk and cutting across the path. Like they didn't anticipate that they needed to turn right at some point and instead of doing a natural gradual move to the right they just stop and will get in everyone's loving way. god damnit I hate living here. How can one city be so different from the rest of the country.
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Sep 20, 2024 15:26
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This fucker https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx1KY6aiHok All distractingly handsome and poo poo
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Sep 20, 2024 15:31
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Hey it's me, a tourist! I'm just gonna stop in the middle of this busy sidewalk and consult my map.
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Sep 20, 2024 15:32
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I have strong opinions on people who content themselves with merely doing a forward aerial half-turn every alternate step with the left leg.
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Sep 20, 2024 15:46
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNeeovY4qNU
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Sep 20, 2024 15:57
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Adolf Hitler hitler was known to walk, often over two hundred steps per day. despite a certain dark charisma and enough leadership capability to successfully enact a fascist coup, i would still have to rank Adolf as one of my least favourite walkers. his boots are dumb too
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Sep 20, 2024 15:59
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