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reason. Always some whippersnapper comes by at teatime or supper and I have to figure out some wise sounding cryptic poo poo to get them leaving. "Child, you will know how to conquer evil only after you have conquered your desires" works on occasion. Sometimes I have to invent some relic buried in the ruins of a millennia old civilization, that usually guarantees they run into some impressive poo poo. If they come back empty handed, well it was the experience they gained that's the real treasure right? I just want to enjoy one dinner alone, is that too much to ask?!
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Nov 3, 2024 11:04
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Everything peaked in 1999, sorry poo poo sucks my child.
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Nov 3, 2024 11:41
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"You what?! The witch is only threatening your village because she wants you to bone her! She could not have been more obvious about it! With the revealing outfits and shimming about you sexily. So just go there and show that witch some magical time" "Gods above, the youth of today"*spits*
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Nov 3, 2024 12:35
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*karate chops a beer, sagely*
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Nov 3, 2024 12:38
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Sigh, fine. You will need Warriors 3, a Sage, a spirit kissed by The Eternal Fire, and a Gnome. Go. GOOO! Go forth and speak to me not again till you have the Gnome at least.
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Nov 3, 2024 12:40
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*behind a derelict gas station, heating by a fire barrel* "You got the booze, son? Well all right."*slurp* "You need to get your friend out of jail, here's what you do: Have you heard of admiralty law?"
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Nov 3, 2024 12:43
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"if you wouldn't stick your finger in it don't stick your genitals in it. welp, time to go, supper's ready"
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Nov 3, 2024 12:44
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To defeat the cyber demon, shoot at it until it dies.
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Nov 3, 2024 13:18
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Personally I hang out at the west most peninsula.
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Nov 3, 2024 13:45
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Fishing is proof of your skill.
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Nov 3, 2024 13:54
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Grasshopper, the left-handed bo-staff was within you this whole time. That is why you did not find it. You must become the instrument that you would wield. The squeegee sharpener is totally real though. Go find it for me and return.
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Nov 3, 2024 15:31
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i generally advise them to gently caress off and find a sword
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Nov 3, 2024 16:01
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I crave Hot Pockets!
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Nov 3, 2024 16:03
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Kid, you should quit. You are not gonna be a big drat hero, no dragons vanquished, no damsels rescued. Just go home.
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Nov 3, 2024 16:16
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if you meet anybody named c*mpantry, stay far away from them
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Nov 3, 2024 16:25
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Well kid color me surprised, I didn't think you had it in you to defeat the Darklord. 'Course I had no idea all that was required was as you put it "one blowie and a good talk about his parents" How about we just tell the bards that 'you faced him down with determination and proved that the kingdom will never submit'? it'll look better in the history books.
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Nov 3, 2024 16:36
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The dragon lives in the...dragon mountain it's-it's up the path in the path in the mountain....dragon lives there. You go get that- that bad guy! I can do more pushups than him. Which of my grandchildren are you?
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Nov 3, 2024 16:38
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I doubt you even know what a monster is. Ever really look in the mirror, kid?!
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Nov 3, 2024 16:39
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Wise old advice giver? you want the next hovel on the right, I'm just a sandlemaker.
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Nov 3, 2024 16:40
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Kid, I'm not gonna lie about your chances. You're the fifth bright-eyed youth of prophecy to come through my door this month before going off to face the Dark Lord. Notice how there's still a Dark Lord and none of those chumps are gettin' songs written about 'em? Maybe go do some fetch quests for a bit, kill some basement rats or some poo poo, I dunno
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Nov 3, 2024 16:41
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Smugworth posted:if you meet anybody named c*mpantry, stay far away from them it's not opposite day Smug
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Nov 3, 2024 16:41
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All I'm saying is, if you're gonna get up to some poo poo, don't use your real name. In fact don't even use any names.
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Nov 3, 2024 16:44
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"...So good luck, and give 'em hell!" *waits a few minutes, picks up phone* "Yeah, Mr. DeathKiller? just sent you another sucker. yeah the usual amount, just send a cheque."
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Nov 3, 2024 16:44
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Going through the sewers sucks. That's the point. It builds character and teamwork. Sure some of you are guaranteed to drown in filth and be eaten by mutant rats, but don't you want to weed out the weak among you? It's a good tradition! Never heard any complaints from the survivors.
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Nov 3, 2024 17:06
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Ahm yeah, thanks for saving me from that ahm *succubus* that was about to swallow my soul. I think it's time for you to do the Test of Fire.
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Nov 3, 2024 17:43
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Your rectum is nature's bag of holding.
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Nov 3, 2024 17:44
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Stop trying to hit me, and hit me!
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Nov 3, 2024 17:46
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There was an ancient culture that worshipped three gods. They had stone statues of them in the center of their village. Every day they would kneel down and bow to each of them in order repeating their names out loud. It was said if done often enough then a person would gain a hidden insight to the nature of their existence. The secret cannot be told, a person seeking it must pursue the ritual themself. The statues are not necessary, but reciting their names out loud is required to gain the insight. The three gods are named Owa, Tina, Siam. By repeating the three names, out loud, over and over only then will the insight be revealed. Use a strong voice so that the chant travels far and wide. Begin now and enlightenment will follow.
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Nov 3, 2024 18:12
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Lets get high and play Tekken. I'm sure your quest will still be there in the morning.
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Nov 3, 2024 21:06
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I’ve got a bottle of room temperature red liquid that will heal you. Not sure how old it is. Not sure what’s in it.
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Nov 3, 2024 21:45
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lipid posted:I’ve got a bottle of room temperature red liquid that will heal you. Not sure how old it is. Not sure what’s in it. red obviously
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Nov 3, 2024 21:47
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lipid posted:I’ve got a bottle of room temperature red liquid that will heal you. Not sure how old it is. Not sure what’s in it. *Already swallowed it
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Nov 3, 2024 21:51
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All you need to get a sidequest is a good firm handshake.
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Nov 3, 2024 21:55
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The power to defeat the Black Dragon is within you young one but to unleash it you will need at least a Gold Level membership to my wellness club and to truly master your opponent I recommend Platinum.
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Nov 3, 2024 22:00
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You must travel into the deepest reaches of the Wyldewood, far beyond the River of Misery, braving the Darkmists and the terrible Black Howlers. Only there may you recover the fabled Tome of Hhus-tzler in order to peruse the secret lore of the wood nymphs... Wait, what do you mean you can just look at wood nymphs on your scrying pool? Fools! Have you no respect for the ancient ways?! These scrying pools are a fad, I tell you!
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Nov 3, 2024 22:01
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Get a turbo controller because I know you little shits are gonna forget to save and you're gonna have to sit through all those dialogue bits repeatedly.
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Nov 3, 2024 22:04
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Did you try to tell the bad guys to leave you alone? well give that a try.
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Nov 4, 2024 08:58
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The old sword-master? Haha, I'm afraid you're mistaken. No, you see, I'm just... a humble gardener. NO WAIT COME BACK I AM ACTUALLY THE SWORD GUy
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Nov 4, 2024 09:31
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Kids come to me all "if you truly have the power to defeat evil why don't you just hand it over, why do we gotta prove our worth first by bringing you ten basilisk hides?" I tell them slaying basilisks was good enough for me in my day but they just don't listen. I tell you, nobody wants to quest any more.
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Nov 4, 2024 09:42
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| # ? Dec 5, 2024 09:20 |
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Focus only on attack, defence is for chumps. You can access your inventory and instantly consume healing items at any time.
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Nov 4, 2024 12:21
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