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I leave a single rose with a note: “your toilet couldn’t keep up with my needs, this is goodbye”
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Nov 7, 2024 07:54
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| # ? Dec 5, 2024 10:48 |
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They do it for me 
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Nov 7, 2024 08:01
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A friend broke up with me because I didn’t hang out with him in person enough. I was his only friend. I am a greedy person with my time though, so he wasn’t all wrong. Me personally I just ghost people.
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Nov 7, 2024 08:03
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I have to fake my death, and then if they find out I have to fake another, newer death, and frame them for it.
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Nov 7, 2024 08:03
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I just stopped getting close to anyone for any reason. I have no idea why I ever did in the first place ive literally never enjoyed it
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Nov 7, 2024 08:05
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- "I break with thee" x3 - throw dog poop on her shoes
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Nov 7, 2024 08:13
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I tried to break up with a woman three separate times but she convinced me to stay each time then she cheated on me a bunch and then blamed me for it so I blocked her on everything and then a year or two later she sent me a giant message on Xbox about our relationship and I had to figure out how to block people on Xbox. My advice is: stick to your guns so you don't have to find out how to block people on Xbox
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Nov 7, 2024 08:29
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Cya later shitlord / shitlady
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Nov 7, 2024 09:02
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A text is sufficient.
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Nov 7, 2024 09:04
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Protip: you have no need for breakups if you never get with people in the first place.
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Nov 7, 2024 09:04
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Sometimes I'll just explain that they're not good enough for me, no matter how hard they work or for how long.
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Nov 7, 2024 09:33
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wait for them to break up with me
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Nov 7, 2024 09:36
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i simply share one of my favorite forum posts with them, and then they never talk to me ever again
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Nov 7, 2024 09:38
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Just block their number and if they coming to your house keep the door locked and hide behind the sofa until they leave
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Nov 7, 2024 09:57
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Hire a stripper and rent a Plymouth Prowler and go to their workplace mid-day to let them know that I've moved on.
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Nov 7, 2024 10:12
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I usually just become really neglectful in general and react bitterly to the slightest things until it gets to a point where everyone on the planet Earth is relieved when we're not longer together.
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Nov 7, 2024 10:34
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Just buy tickets to an all day amateur improv festival.
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Nov 7, 2024 10:34
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Just slip out the back, Jack.
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Nov 7, 2024 10:51
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“I have grown fond of you, so I must confess something. I was born in the year 1538 and, on my 25th birthday, I was bitten by a vampire. I have spent centuries roaming this world, feared by man. But you, my dear, were the first human to show me kindness. My undead heart… it wept. But I cannot bring you into my world, it is far too dangerous. Perhaps… perhaps in another life we could have been together. But as long as the vampire is a feared creature of the night, your life would be in danger. Goodbye!” And then I run away into the night.
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Nov 7, 2024 11:09
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bitterandtwisted posted:Just slip out the back, Jack. I perused this thread to see who's old dad would post this first and congratulations
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Nov 7, 2024 11:19
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Move the file named Japornimation onto the shared desktop.
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Nov 7, 2024 11:26
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usually it involves a mutual discussion of grievances aired on both sides and a resolution that it just isn't working. i dont enjoy it, i dont think anyone could, but it's better than just ghosting a person or something. maybe the worst ive ever handled one was texting her during my lunch break at Arby's.
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Nov 7, 2024 11:27
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it is the late '00s. you have been taken to several uncomfortable "dates" to church, and you rode there with them in their car, very stupidly, so you were not able to easily leave. in order to avoid having to experience this again, you filter your myspace searches by religion and select wiccans only, despite not having any strong feelings about religion at all other than 'don't like that', and you find the atheists unsuitable because the ones you have met made their rejection of any deity or higher power their entire personality. you select a young man with a seemingly soft and pleasant personality. on your first date, he takes you to his coven meeting, where you all perform wiccan arts and crafts with macaroni art and glitter. for some reason you choose to continue dating this young man. eventually he informs you that his patron goddess has visited him in a dream and informed him that he needs to stay in his relationship with you, but he is being called to also be with his ex as well. you're taken aback and the incredulous words that leave your mouth are, "Oh. I didn't know we were LARPing. No." he leaves, devastated. it is still the late '00s. you have moved on to vampire freaks dot com for your dating attempts. you chat up another soft young man from that site because he fills out his fishnet top nicely. you exchange messages online for several weeks before taking the plunge to actually meet. you go to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch. you are dressed modestly corpogoth because you have developed an infatuation with the idea of someday being a funeral director. he is wearing tripp pants with the dangling chains attached, one of those fishnet tops you like, and a vest that barely conceals his forward thinking nipples-out fashion choices. only one of them is pierced. he appears to be in character as his Vampire: the Masquerade character, and despite your gentle hints that you're here to get to know him, not his character, he will not drop character. finally, you break it to him that you are not going to roleplay with him in the Buffalo Wild Wings. he gets up in a huff and one of his pants chains gets caught on the chair. he frees himself of the chair, and of you, and hustles out of the establishment. it is the early '10's. you have made the acquaintance of a slightly older young man who works as a pentester. you go on several pleasant enough dates with him, including allowing him to take you to work with him to show you some of the things he does. it's going well, he's very interesting, you are thoroughly charmed. you meet one evening at an inexpensive italian restaurant. you order fettucine alfredo and you are very excited, both for it and to see him, because you did not eat all day to save your calories for this. just as your meal arrives, he begins regaling you with a tale from a previous job where he was an overnight security guard at an office building. he proceeds to tell you how he'd decided to quit the very next day, so he took a dump in one of the filing cabinets in a less-traveled part of the office building as a little farewell gift. you are immediately turned off, and you have a severe undiagnosed anxiety disorder. you begin eating your fettucine with your hands, to deter him from liking you. it has the opposite of the intended effect and he becomes visibly aroused by your barbaric table manners. you feign a sort of hunger-induced fugue state about a third of the way through your plate and excuse yourself to go to the restroom to wash the alfredo sauce off of your hands and face. there is a window in the restroom. you shimmy out. you are free. hopefully one of these helps, op
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Nov 7, 2024 11:38
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At their place, I defecate mid-coitus.
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Nov 7, 2024 11:46
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comforthawk posted:it is the late '00s. you have been taken to several uncomfortable "dates" to church, and you rode there with them in their car, very stupidly, so you were not able to easily leave. in order to avoid having to experience this again, you filter your myspace searches by religion and select wiccans only, despite not having any strong feelings about religion at all other than 'don't like that', and you find the atheists unsuitable because the ones you have met made their rejection of any deity or higher power their entire personality. you select a young man with a seemingly soft and pleasant personality. on your first date, he takes you to his coven meeting, where you all perform wiccan arts and crafts with macaroni art and glitter. for some reason you choose to continue dating this young man. eventually he informs you that his patron goddess has visited him in a dream and informed him that he needs to stay in his relationship with you, but he is being called to also be with his ex as well. you're taken aback and the incredulous words that leave your mouth are, "Oh. I didn't know we were LARPing. No." he leaves, devastated. ditto
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Nov 7, 2024 11:47
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comforthawk posted:eventually he informs you that his patron goddess has visited him in a dream and informed him that he needs to stay in his relationship with you, but he is being called to also be with his ex as well. you're taken aback and the incredulous words that leave your mouth are, "Oh. I didn't know we were LARPing. No." he leaves, devastated. lmao
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Nov 7, 2024 11:51
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I'm sorry Heather, I'm the ancient and primordial force of DESTRUCTION.
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Nov 7, 2024 12:46
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"Did you poo poo in my pantry??? You poo poo, in my pantry. Get the gently caress out of my house."
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Nov 7, 2024 12:51
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I send them a link to op's posts but I tell my future ex they're mine 
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Nov 7, 2024 12:59
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thot leadership posted:"Did you poo poo in my pantry??? You poo poo, in my pantry. Get the gently caress out of my house." lol
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Nov 7, 2024 13:01
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I just play videogames until they leave my appartment
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Nov 7, 2024 13:10
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Take them to the fanciest restaurant you can then, after the food direct the conversation such as that they bring up commitment. Jump up on the table and loudly enough everyone can hear exclaim "EL OH EL NO!"
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Nov 7, 2024 13:13
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Tell them I love them
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Nov 7, 2024 13:15
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I slowly and deliberately shoot myself in the head, splattering them with gore As the medics strap my corpse to the guerney and wheel me somberly away a £5 Gregg's gift card falls out of my hand, just for my shellshocked and Songbearer-stained paramour
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Nov 7, 2024 14:10
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Don’t skip this one
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Nov 7, 2024 15:07
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i try to be thoughtful with the timing. i wait till she’s already crying about something else, then tell her. that way she’s already sad and feels like poo poo, might as well bundle it together. a little empathy goes a long way.
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Nov 7, 2024 15:19
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Lt. Cock posted:Don’t skip this one I broke up with and blocked OP
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Nov 7, 2024 15:29
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voted her thread 
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Nov 7, 2024 15:31
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Saint Isaias Boner posted:voted her thread 
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Nov 7, 2024 15:33
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| # ? Dec 5, 2024 10:48 |
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Saint Isaias Boner posted:voted her thread Harsh but fair.
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Nov 7, 2024 15:35
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