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That's right folks! The grim specter of holiday festivities (spits) is upon us once again. To do my part to ensure you have as many things as possible to "have to check real quick" instead of interacting with your loved ones in any way during the eyeblink you share upon the earth, I bring you: SASS! Honey that guy is yelling on the sidewalk again. Do we call someone or- I'm glad you asked! It's Something Awful Secret Santa, wherein you are assigned some other goon to send a gift to such that it arrives on or before Dec 24, presumably the bees or bee products that you have determined will be relevant to their interests through at most light e-stalking and more likely their posts in this thread; and some other goon is assigned you in a similar way, excepting that they may also receive a copy of your housekey. (Premium users only.) The site also has an anonymous messaging function where you can directly communicate with your santee without revealing your identity. Once you receive your gifts and open them, you are strongly encouraged to post your results in here and thank your santa effusively for their mercy and forbearance. It really is a great way to enjoy some additional holiday cheer! Last year's thread is here if you'd like to get an idea of the vibe. If we give you something will you go away? What would it take - Ah, yes, of course, how silly of me. You should expect to receive something worth somewhere between 0 and 50 dollars. It really isn't about monetary value though; silly gifts are fine, as are ones crafted with love and care. Your guiding principle is you should think your recipient will like it. I can't afford international shipping. That's okay, at registration you can choose whether to be paired only with someone in your own country. If you can't afford domestic shipping, you may drop-ship something from some vendor. I POSTED BUT YOU HAVE YET TO PROVIDE A SANTEE. I WILL BE COMPLAINING TO THE BETTER B Well ... that's not how this works. How it does work is this: Now: I click "post", angering the old gods and all posters. Now until Dec 1: You register on the site and make sure it says you will be assigned. You are not done when you have clicked 'register'. Dec 1-4: Assignments are finalized and provided. Dec 14: You are strongly encouraged to have sent your gifts by this date to ensure timely delivery. Dec 24-25: Everyone opens their presents!  Dec 31: The cycle of samsara begins again, casting us all deep beyond the veil into a realm of both metaphorical and literal darkness and suffering. Where can I even click register? Right here!  Make sure your username is EXACTLY identical to your SA username, including spaces what if my santee got banned? People get banned for all kinds of things. If it was something egregious that you feel compromises your ability to be a santa, let me know; otherwise, carry on. what if there aren't enough people? If your particular situation is such that I can't assign you, I will contact you in the days leading up to it to see if we can sort something out. Put another way, that's my problem, not yours. The site is erroring  Sorry! PM me and I'll track it down. I'm not getting my verification email! Please check your spam folder. Since this only happens once a year it's impossible to build up meaningful email reputation. Also, you do have to go to the 'verify email' page and press a button to get the email sent, so make sure you did that. Due to the esteem in which I hold all of you, please enjoy this bee wrapping paper: 
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Nov 10, 2024 23:31
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SIGN ME UP HELL YEAH
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Nov 11, 2024 02:20
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Nov 11, 2024 02:38
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Lazyposting from last year: Hi Santa! I'm a rapidly aging married ladygoon with two goons in training, two indoor cats, two outdoor cats that belong to my jerk neighbor who doesn't feed them, and some squirrels, foxes, groundhogs, and raccoons that live in my backyard that don't know they're my pets, but they ARE. I would love anything interesting from your home area, but if you need more help, some things that make me happy are (in no particular order): Beetlejuice, Goonies, Pearl Jam, What We Do in the Shadows, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Disneyana. I send lots of snail mail, so stickers and stationery are always useful. I spend a fair amount of my free time knitting, crocheting, and doing cross stitch. Favorite colors are red, black, and rose gold. Dear Santee: I will do my best to craft you something to delight and/or terrify. lamb fucked around with this message at 16:01 on Nov 11, 2024 |
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Nov 11, 2024 02:52
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The forms are all strange to me. nope, not giving you my SS but if there's another way: sign me up
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Nov 11, 2024 02:55
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PainterofCrap posted:The forms are all strange to me. listen buddy, you don't want to know how the sausage is made, just know that there is big data analysis going on behind the scenes to ensure the best possible result for all users Whatever you put in that field is discarded and not stored. If you don't believe me, you can leave it blank or fill it with junk data. Your username, address/country, and email address are the only things that have to be real or correct.
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Nov 11, 2024 03:01
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Yessssssssss. Santee: PREPARE YOURSELF Santa: Allo there! I'm a witchy gal that loves sci-fi, rpgs, cartoons, viddey games, and board games. Big fallout fan, along with star trek and general cyberpunk/Shadowrun vibes. An utter degenerate for chocolate peanut butter and local delicacies from your lical area. Anything homemade is utterly fantastic too, and would be cherished; making things is hard. Also been collecting marvel trading cards again X3 Shy and Shameless fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Dec 1, 2024 |
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Nov 11, 2024 03:11
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Last year was pretty fun but I might hold out until the last few sign up days just to make sure I'm going to be able to send something. Also no way am I topping my previous video so sorry in advance.
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Nov 11, 2024 04:24
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In like a sedimentary cryptocrystalline form of the mineral quartz Edit: Hi Santa I like local stuff to you, finding tat in 2nd hand stores, books (horror/fantasy/sci-fi mostly but anything really), booze, food, games - the general standard nerd stuff freelop fucked around with this message at 08:16 on Nov 21, 2024 |
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Nov 11, 2024 09:19
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After 10 or so years of doing this I'm gonna have to skip this one. This was the worst loving year that left me both broke and broken. Maybe next year but I hope nothing.
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Nov 11, 2024 11:46
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This year has not been good health-wise or generally, but has made me appreciate the unlikely places I keep coming back to for fun times. Stubbornly looking forward to sending silly things through the mail. Palette Swap If you reach out to me I will send you a fun card or something. Cone of Tragedy fucked around with this message at 19:02 on Nov 29, 2024 |
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Nov 11, 2024 15:20
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Nov 11, 2024 21:13
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Palette swap posted:After 10 or so years of doing this I'm gonna have to skip this one. This was the worst loving year that left me both broke and broken. I think you should still participate. No one is expecting to get a PS5. Maybe creating something, even if seemingly small and of no value, would give you some joy and I'm sure the recipient would like it as well. This whole place is about the weirdness of life. Just as one example, I would find it awesome to get some trinket that came with a cool back story. So as long as you can cover the postage, Merry Sassmas!
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Nov 11, 2024 22:41
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Yay!!!!! Sassmas time! It makes me so happy! Looking forward to send out loads of stupid stuff to whoever is unfortunate enough to be given to me! Dear Santa: I'm a 62 year-old science teacher. I like local stuff, especially local food. I also like science toys and such that I can use in my classroom. If you have any cool minerals in your area, I'd be proud to add them to my collection. To my Santee: I have swarms of things for you. Goons like swarms of things, right? Genesplicer fucked around with this message at 06:18 on Nov 13, 2024 |
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Nov 12, 2024 00:52
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So happy to see this is back but I’m having a poo poo ton of trouble trying to sign up.
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Nov 12, 2024 01:01
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Nov 12, 2024 01:20
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I still have a Goon-Made watercolor of my cats hanging on the wall from years ago!  To my dear Santa, I went through a bit of a posting hiatus, so here is some more up-to-date information about me. I'm still a childless goon living with his wife and 2 cats. My current obsession is playing D&D, and have been Dungeon Mastering for a couple years now. I have too many hobbies, but my main ones are recording music, playing guitar and e-drums, writing, cooking, eating, and I learned how to do some leatherworking over the summer. I'm a fantasy book enjoyer, a video game nerd, an anime liker, and all of that fun stuff. I also like weed. To my Santee, I'm excited to send you stuff and things! It's been too long since I've participated, hope I don't mess up! 
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Nov 12, 2024 01:41
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Woo! Back for year four (I think??) of Sassmas. I'm a standard skinny 39 year old male goon. I like art (making it and looking at it), zines, history, astronomy, birbs, dinosaurs, terrible sci fi and fantasy. I also really like goonmade things (in the first year I got a decorative hand-sewn Vlad the Impaler wall hanging, and it's still on my wall) and seemingly boring stuff from whichever corner of the world you call home. Drugs and booze will be wasted on me, and probably won't get through Aus. customs anyway. Lastly, my kids are always keen to see what comes through the post, so keep it at least somewhat SFW! As a final note, Australia Post can be slow, at least when it comes to stuff from overseas, so apologies in advance for that. Also also, here is some bee wrapping paper I drew last year for the thread  Palette swap posted:After 10 or so years of doing this I'm gonna have to skip this one. This was the worst loving year that left me both broke and broken. That sounds grim. If you PM a postal address I can at least send you a terrible bee card?
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Nov 12, 2024 02:44
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Yes, okay, I will do this again! While I am not precisely in the same situation I was in last year - for one thing, I lost a kidney somewhere, let me know if you see it anywhere - those traits and preferences which applied to SASSmas in 2023 still apply! Therefore, for the record, a reposting: I am a round middle-aged American ladyperson who likes ordinary stuff like videogames and food and also less ordinary things like completely inexplicable manga, gigantic toys, and trashy seventy-year-old pulp thrillers. I have two playful cats and no children, playful or otherwise, so NSFW is fine as long as I can explain it to my partner without choking to death on embarrassment. - I like local foods and treats from other places! I'm not really into booze, but heck, if you wanna send it, I'll probably try it. I have no food-related allergies. - I like pretty much any sort of weird decorative item! The weirder, the better, as far as I'm concerned. I like funny stuff and handmade stuff. I have bookshelves and wall space. - I like oversized t-shirts (2X or so), especially t-shirts that make absolutely no goddamn sense - I like hearing "Your t-shirt... what IS that?" - I have a lot of weird dolls and action figures made by artists from all over the world. I am the kind of person who would probably actually appreciate a box of glass eyeballs or ironically-chosen Barbie shoes. You have been warned. I have a chill and slow-moving tumblr where I post things like pictures of my cats, screenshots of my videogames, and photos of random things I found on the ground. This will probably be more helpful than my post history, but I guess you never know. My Santee will receive some kind of food unless they specifically request otherwise. I like inflicting local foods on people. I also like sending weird crafts, either purchased or made by me. Quality may vary. Quality may not be present. We shall see.
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Nov 12, 2024 05:12
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I have unzipped my fly and provided all of the close, personal and sweaty information which should allow me to send piles of car parts and delectable American sweets to Canadian or OZ addresses. And everywhere in between. If I get a Swiss goon, I OK with T-shirts (3x) as well as odd local foods/snacks; small tschotkes, what have you. I have three cats at the moment. Dicks also fine. e: Soul Dentist posted:... Sodas and sandwiches and candies and pepperoni rolls and goetta/scrapple are all things I look for and I'd love something from your neck of the woods that I've never set eyes on (acquired tastes especially)... I WILL SCRAPPLE ANYONE (that I can fedex frozen scrapple to). Scrapple is a Nearly Perfect Food (especially Habbersett's) when properly prepared, and there is only one way to properly prepare scrapple and that is to slice it and fry it. I am the scrapple ambassador. PainterofCrap fucked around with this message at 02:56 on Nov 14, 2024 |
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Nov 12, 2024 06:08
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Heck, let's do it. I'll just use most of my list from last year. Santa, I'm a Ladygoon that likes video games, particularly dark souls, mario, tetris. I also like DnD, fantasy, and absolutely weird poo poo that makes you think "why". I don't have food allergies for treats and if you want to do a shirt I like baggy 2XL crewneck T's with fun stuff on it. Favorite color is GREY (shocker), I also like cats and cat things are welcome. This is Paul. He enjoys chasing twisty ties and hair ties around the house.  Last year I was given a goatse mug which I think falls safely under "weird poo poo that makes you think 'why'?" I love it. More cursed or weird stuff is welcome.  Santee, I will try my absolute best based on your posting or list.
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Nov 12, 2024 14:38
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Favorite time of the forums year!!! Okay okay, Santa: I like paints and drums and skates and all of the things related to that. Homemade stuff, food, weed, booze, these are all good things. Santee: you're getting an infectious disease but the big surprise is when you find out which one!!!
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Nov 12, 2024 15:37
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Yesssss! I will register and add in this post later tonight. -edit- Thanks again this year, Tiaz! To Santa: OK so if you are internet detectiving me you probably noticed I don't post that much. HOWEVER, I still lurk from time to time, usually in one of the gamez threads (currently mostly Helldivers 2, Sea of Thieves and Hell Let Loose). A little about me: I'm a 43 year old Dutch male goon. Living situation = married and with an 8 year old daughter. Both  always love the secret  packages from around the world and the little one loves to participate in unpacking, so please no  or  . As for me, I'm just a "normal" gamer (PS5) goon and I appreciate any nerdy or geeky stuff, anything local is also great. I'm also a history buff so anything related to that is cool. My wife loves cooking and is fluent in Spanish and Portuguese, she is into latin music and latin food/cooking/culture. That said, I thought to make it even more easy (ok that's debatable) for you this year, dear Santa, and just ask you pack the box with stuff for my daughter. She is pretty much a typical 8 year old. Loves cute plush pets and little cute notebooks and pens. She also likes to watch Netflix (Rainbow High and other shows) or Youtube and is doing great in school so anything educational is also an idea. If you need anything more, use the SASS site to anonymously message me.
Sioux fucked around with this message at 16:08 on Nov 13, 2024 |
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Nov 12, 2024 15:47
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SirPablo posted:I think you should still participate. No one is expecting to get a PS5. Maybe creating something, even if seemingly small and of no value, would give you some joy and I'm sure the recipient would like it as well. This whole place is about the weirdness of life. Just as one example, I would find it awesome to get some trinket that came with a cool back story. So as long as you can cover the postage, Merry Sassmas! I'm the goon that lives in the butt of the world, so sending anything anywhere would be too much. I have enough to survive and that's the important thing Thanks guys but no need to, this bit of venting did some. Sorry for bothering, have fun everyone.
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Nov 12, 2024 16:30
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Hello thread! This will be my first SASS, though I did participate in the Hobbies, Crafts, and Houses Secret Santa a few years back, and had a great time. To my Santa: - I like anything handmade, and I love learning about how the handmade thing was made. - I'm an old married guy with a couple of cats. Things for cats are always welcome, though be warned that whatever it is will almost certainly be eaten by the dumber cat within a matter of minutes. To my Santee: - you're probably going to get something weird and/or possibly useful from my forge. I'll do my best to make it relevant to your interests.
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Nov 12, 2024 19:19
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Yay, time to crawl out of my hole! Me: a pushing 40 goonette with a husband and two cats (will provide pictures upon request). I like to crochet, i like science, space, cats, roller derby (just completed my 15th year), board games/ttrpgs, general Nerd poo poo. I would love stuff unique to your area and/or something handmade if you have the time and are willing. You: I will relentlessly stalk your profile and try to get you something you'll like. I will also include stuff from my hometown and something handmade and hopefully not full of cat hair. Bees are always still an option though!
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Nov 12, 2024 21:13
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I've been to more funerals than celebrations this year, and the world ain't on a hopeful course either. But in the dark times, should the stars also go out? No, the Goons down in Goonville will still be singing. Santa: I'm 37, male, and a bit eccentric, but you knew that. I'm trapped in Southern Indiana, a land where nightmares are born from old dreams. I like knick-knacks from better places, history, weird crafts, and such. My nerd tastes are stuck firmly in the 90's, as you can probably tell from my avatar. I also hike a lot because I get along better with the land than the people around here. Haven't been posting much beyond the current Christmas music thread. I've been participating here for several years now as well. Santee: I'm not a rich man. In fact, I expect to be quite hard done by next year. However, I am an eager scavenger with a network of flea market enthusiasts at my beck and call. I also know some Catholic Monks who make good and literally blessed peanut butter, jams, and even some silver trinkets for some reason. Let me know if you are allergic, Dracula, a werewolf, etc. so I can avoid an unnecessary faux pas.
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Nov 12, 2024 21:32
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Hey, im a 40-ish goonette in the UK and my hobbies include drawing, writing , reading, HEMA (longsword fencing) and sometimes roller skating. I also like narrative video games (for an idea of what im into my faves are 1000xResist, Disco Elysium and Heaven Will Be Mine). For books i like things like A Visit From The Goon Squad and No Longer Human. Suggestions if you’ve got nothing: stuff you made (art/video game, whatever) art supplies art reference books forums paraphernalia anything to do with Minecraft cheap bits of interesting tech random stuff from wherever you live a video game you think I’ll like (switch/pc) a cool book literally anything at all digital or physical If im your secret Santa i will be very anxious about what to get you so i hope you made a good post here ! Thank you & merry xmas! Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 11:49 on Nov 14, 2024 |
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Nov 12, 2024 22:10
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 Thank you for hosting tiaz, this is one of my favorite times of the year! I'm all signed up now.- I'm a - I love food and cooking. I get really into international cuisine and hunting down new spices and ingredients. If you want to send me a recipe card of your favorite dish or something you just invented I will really enjoy making it. I enjoy grocery shopping, meal prepping, and I watch a lot of food related tv/documentaries. Feel free to send local treats, but please no meat, black licorice, or incredibly intense hot sauce. I also enjoy coffee and tea. 2024 UPDATE: I'm 100% vegan now. - I'm really into health, fitness and working out. I've lost - I regularly meditate, journal, and do yoga, and I'm also into lucid dreaming. I like rocks, crystals, smudge, incense, tarot/oracle cards, essential oils, and herbalism/entheogens. My library checkout history would make me look like a witchy anthropology student. - I'm into beauty supplies like hairclips, soaps, lotions, potions, ointments, elixirs, tinctures, liniments, lip gloss, etc. Anything you send will be lovingly appreciated. Santee, I'll probably get you at least one thing local to Minnesota. I'm fairly crafty, so I'll try to make you a little something homemade too. I will lurk through your post history and do my best to get you something you will enjoy. Ulillinguist fucked around with this message at 23:26 on Nov 12, 2024 |
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Nov 12, 2024 22:40
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Thank you tiaz for helping me solve my registration issue, and, as always, for doing this. Dear Santa, I love getting stuff from locations I cannot visit, so please feel free to send me anything unique to your area. I have no food allergies and I am very amenable to all sorts of booze, but what I really like is local weirdness/fun stuff. Homemade things are also highly valued, as I’ve received many lovely goon-made gifts over the years. My only limit is please don’t send anything with artificial/chemical products or scents. I’m very allergic. I mean, if you want to send me a locally made candle containing rose petals, I’ll be fine; but if you send me a candle that smells like roses from Walmart or something, it’s just going to get pitched immediately. I am open to comedy option presents, but I’ve had a really rough year (lost three pets, have a debilitating injury, lots of my coworkers lost family members and pets), so please don’t be mean. Santee: expect the requisite bees and JOY
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Nov 12, 2024 23:27
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I'm in, here's an updated copy paste from [oh my god three years ago already] I'm a 30 something goon with a lovely wife and truly giant dog named Beatrice. I'm retired from the restaurant/bar industry working in a jewelry shop in Bluegrass country Kentucky. My interests are fiction, regional cuisine*, traditional games (pen and paper, board, lawn), and languages. I'd love some local color and handmade is sweet but I'm not talented enough to pay it forward. *My friends went to New Orleans once and asked if I wanted anything as a souvenir. I said "a muffaletta sandwich" and they worryingly said it might be a few days getting back. I said "definitely a muffaletta sandwich" and when they gave it to me I was so so happy. I love road trips and I'll stop to a screeching halt if I see a hot dog stand or burger joint or pea soup restaurant that's been open for a century. Sodas and sandwiches and candies and pepperoni rolls and goetta/scrapple are all things I look for and I'd love something from your neck of the woods that I've never set eyes on (acquired tastes especially)
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Nov 13, 2024 00:46
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It's the most wonderful time of the year!!! I've been collecting so many bee things for SASSmas. You have no idea how many bee things I found. Especially the bees that came to visit my flowers this year.  Soon they will come to visit you.
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Nov 13, 2024 01:02
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empty post Edit: Please message me through the SASS site because I'm traveling for 3 weeks in December. You can send domestic or international depending on the timing. peanut fucked around with this message at 12:33 on Nov 29, 2024 |
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Nov 13, 2024 01:30
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I am in I am from the city of brotherly love, 41 year old married guy so SFW please. No pets and would like to keep that way. I dont have many interests, mainly home automation, cooking, traveling, and gardening. I grow a roof top garden on my row home and it brings me joy when i am bummed about the world. I work in IT consulting but work mainly from home, i love collecting magnets from my adventures. For food restrictions i dont eat pork, and keep spice level no higher than 4 out of 5. Dear Santee, I hope you like philly stuff, but dont worry i will not mail you a cheese steak or a hoagie. RoboBoogie fucked around with this message at 02:02 on Nov 14, 2024 |
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Nov 13, 2024 05:29
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Just weeks ago I finally had my well aged pickle beer from last time I took part in SASS. This is a sign if I ever saw one. Swedish goon here who mostly post in YLLS running thread and occasionally GBS. I like to taste things from afar, but my daughter also still uses the incredible hand made-by-blind-Nepalese blanket she got in 2018 at age 3 mnths. I like running. From short sessions, to commutes to multi day, non-stop ultra marathons. I also enjoy riding my road bikes as a commute. During winter I do some xc-skiing. I like reading but seldom do, enjoy cooking (mostly vegetarian because  ) and baking. I have two kids agreed 8 and 6.You will not get surströmming from me. I promise.
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Nov 13, 2024 22:38
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Tree Bucket posted:Also also, here is some bee wrapping paper I drew last year for the thread Do you have this in high res for printing?
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Nov 13, 2024 22:42
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Potrzebie posted:Do you have this in high res for printing? Sorry, that's the resolution I made it at. It should tile perfectly, at least!
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Nov 13, 2024 23:03
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Tree Bucket posted:Sorry, that's the resolution I made it at. It should tile perfectly, at least! It’s very nice.
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Nov 13, 2024 23:12
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Potrzebie posted:Do you have this in high res for printing? Good news, Tree Bucket. Because it's a simple repeating cartoon with limited colors, it doesn't lose a huge amount of fidelity. Here is a 2500x2500 version. I fought with trying to make it a vector today but here is a very slightly fuzzy big rear end version  I'll try to increase it without loss tomorrow if I have the time.
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Nov 13, 2024 23:23
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Droogie posted:Good news, Tree Bucket. EXCELLENT Claiming this as an official Sassmas miracle
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Nov 14, 2024 00:13
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